I come across many parents who have left religion or currently in the throes of their deconstruction. Many of them feel regret about religion's impact on their children and are struggling to know how to encourage a more sound and healthy spirituality in their kids.
Most of us feel like we are falling short as parents. We all wish we had more time, more money, more (fill in the blank) to give our children. But the greatest gift we can give our kids is love. None of us does it perfectly, of course. But our love is what will shape our sons and daughters more than anything else we do as parents. What follows are several ways you can love your kids by helping them develop healthy independence and self-confidence.
Teach your kids it’s okay if they don’t adopt all your beliefs, values, views and opinions. Express confidence in their ability to work out their own ideas and points of view. Let them know they can question what they hear. Stress the importance of being open-minded and teach them the skill of critical thinking. Let your kids know that their deepest thoughts and feelings are worthy to be expressed, heard and understood.
Create a safe space for your kids to be authentic and real. Don’t judge them based on what they “should” be thinking, feeling, and experiencing; get interested in what they actually are thinking, feeling, and experiencing. Don’t think you know everything. Be willing to see and understand the world through their eyes and experiences. The world is no longer what it was when you were growing up; it’s time to truly understand their world.
Instill in your children timeless virtues such as wisdom, justice, integrity, hard work, compassion, and the inherent and equal worth of every human being. Teach them to respect others, and not to demean those who are different. Encourage them to avoid labels, generalizations and stereotypes, and to press deeper than the surface to touch the humanity in others. Let your kids know that being “good” doesn’t automatically mean being obliging, docile, meek, inhibited, compliant, and restrained but could also mean being passionate, original, heroic, and nonconformist.
Let your kids know that there is no higher aim than to live life well, and that the greatest joys of life are naturally available along the everyday paths of life. Help them understand that happiness is not something you "find" or suddenly appears, but a reality you cultivate through daily choices. Help your kids appreciate the value of simplicity and to understand that more isn't necessarily better. Let them know that fame and fortune are not reliable paths for well-being and happiness. Teach them there is no substitute for dignity, self-respect and living honorably.
Tell your kids every day that you love them unconditionally. Find them doing things that are right and good. Be liberal in your affirmation. Let them know they don’t have to be perfect and it’s okay to make mistakes. Admit your own mistakes. Tell them they are beautiful inside and out and be specific about what you see that is good and beautiful about them. Let them see your own passion for life, love for yourself and others, and your example of goodness, wisdom and virtue.
Jim Palmer
43 comments:
The Worldwide Church of God was paradise. It was a preview of the WONDERFUL WORLD TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!
Very good advice! May God help us all to employ it!
This blog has no love all it does is put down the cogs.
What a WIMP!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHtQ6T3Jo6o
Anon 8:04 PM no they just act like the cogs have no love but they don't have it themselves.
7.46 PM
Woe to the Pharisaic cogs because they do the exact opposite of what's advised in this article.
Btw, pointing out such evils is an act of love.
Anon 7:46:00 PM PST
On the contrary, this blog is a breath of fresh air.
Where many are able to comment on their experiences within the CoG movement or Armstrongism as many call it. Anonymously, without fear of retribution such as marking or disfellowship which are common practice in the cogs.
As for this blog ‘put down the cogs’, well the vast majority of people who post here are ex cog and some have suffered at the hands of this movement quite substantially.
The record of destruction of families and personal lives is a sad indictment.
It is also a great blog to point out the deeply flawed theology which underpins so much of this movement.
The evidence is compelling and overwhelmingly against these deeply divided organisations.
To point out the faults and big flaws within the cogs is simply acknowledgment of the obvious which some may wish to ignore.
Once you become aware that something is false and toxic, 7:46, ethically and morally it is your responsibility to "put it down" so that others might avoid being hurt. If a dog bit you while you were walking up the street to the store, wouldn't you warn your family and all the neighbors?
This blog has no Adoration, love or ethics and just demonstrates that you are better off with Church of God groups than without them.
What about the parents who have no regrets? How about the ones who still cling to Armstrongism even though they no longer believe it? How about the ones who refuse to acknowledge the effects of this abuse and terror on their children???
I was physically abused and emotionally terrorized by my parents at every opportunity. Armstrongism enabled them to do these things to me.
May those who refuse to acknowledge this suffer like I have.
There is a dominant philosophical theme that runs throughout Armstrongism. It is the idea that everything can be systematized. This includes success, salvation, marriage, happiness, and child rearing. This leads to the exalting of self-application and the diminishment of grace. And this is what one finds reflected in Armstrongist publications. The Armstrongist equation has a tiny grace term because Armstrongism asserts that you are personally responsible for knowing and using the system. This "religion as a system" approach is fundamental to an Ambassador College education where the Caste System is taught is the premier example of the theme.
I have seen dysfunctional families produce great kids. I have seen American Dream families produce little monsters. Raising children is a dicey proposition. It does not often go well. And when it does it is a gift from God - an act of grace. People like to take credit for good outcomes even though they and their practices had little to do with those outcomes. Presuming to write a sure-fire book on child rearing is really an act of pride, if you get the picture. There are no infallible systems when it comes to human behavior. It doesn't mean you shouldn't try. You just have to be realistic. You pay your dime and take your chance and hope for the grace of God.
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Virtually every parent, religious or not, WCG history or not, has regrets on their parenting and most other choices they have made in life.
Best advice, if I had to do it over again ... do the best you can, and pray a lot, and after they are grown, ask for their forgiveness.
Leave it to a liberal Laodicean to promote mixed marriages! No one cares about the child in these horrible marriages. They are the ones that suffer, but the parents will pay the ultimate price with their salvation hindered for disobeying God.
Anonymous 10:30 (I think you are a troll, but I will bite.)
Racially mixed marriages are not a sin, and I can go the full distance with you on that and provide Biblical exegesis. I would agree that there was a WCG Policy against it. This policy was based on how Herman Hoeh defined races. Yet, Hoeh later renounced the Compendia where much of that information is found. So, it leaves that old WCG policy without foundation and twisting in the wind.
I would also agree that there are sociological problems that confront couples in a mixed marriage and their offspring. A child that is half White and half Black may not be fully accepted by its extended Black family or its extended White family, either one. Maybe the people in their church will become unhinged and wage un-Christian clandestine war against such a marriage. Just because people act stupid over something doesn't make it a sin. But social forces have to be taken into consideration. I would not deny that.
I think it is liberal not to believe the Bible and follow your own sociological conditioning on race. My guess is that you are are person so conditioned and that you are in a Splinter group because you cherish the idea of racial discrimination and are happy that you found a "god" that supports it. In that case, you are the liberal and the conservatives are the ones who toe the line on the New Testament doctrine of Christian love.
You give me your Splinter group doctrine on race and I will show you why it is stupid to say it is based on the Bible.
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10.30 AM
I've noticed that Hollywood is pushing mixed marriages big time. Both Supergirl and the Flash in their TV series were throwing themselves at an African American the last time I watched these shows. Even fleet admiral Charles Vance was shown to be married to a colored woman in the last episode of Star Trek Discovery.
But I'm not aware of any ACOG promoting mixed marriages.
If love identifies as a Christian this blog doesn't make the mark.
Anon 4:34:00 PM PDT
Yet it is the love of Christ in us that compels so many of us to comment here about our experiences, as a warning to others about the dangers of Armstrongism and the CoG movement.
The evidence is overwhelmingly against the cogs and written down and proclaimed as a witness to their appalling abusive behaviour and the harm they have caused.
Sadly this behaviour is continued to this day by those who claim to follow Jesus Christ and minister to the 'flock'.
The testamonies of those hurt and harmed cannot be ignored, and this blog and we who comment here would be doing a huge disservice to our fellow humanity if we kept silent.
Hes fuming about the photo, not the post.
"Mixed" marriage? Every begettal of a child is a mixing of two different sets of DNA, and racial differences in DNA may be far less between some "white" or "black" or "yellow" human beings than between two members of the "same race."
A child born of one white PCG-attending parent and one white GCI-attending parent is likely to be far more messed up, and have far greater social problems, than a child born of two GCI-attending parents in a mixed-race marriage.
Anon 411. You are a racist. Even by the words you spew, it is nothing but racist. How can God love you, when you don't have love for others?
Anon 7:19:00 PM PST
Nonsense.
The comments by Anon 4:11 are purely stating the obvious and no malice or racist intent could be inferred by their words.
‘How can God love you, when you don’t have love for others?’
If you read the Gospel narrative you would surely understand.
Indeed the reply to these very words of yours are answered by the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and in the writings of the Apostles.
Perhaps you should reconsider your words, for they are misplaced and highly judgemental and the opposite of the Gospel message.
10:30 and 4:11, most people with your racial mindset can't even read or write, let alone own a computer or other electronic device and know how to comment on a blog!!! So, either you are one super rare dude, or a poser-troll, faking ignorance for a cheap laugh or shock value.
I hope you aren't teaching your ignorance to Pebbles and Bam Bam!
What is Love? : "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not become angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it. Love takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices over the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always continues strong."
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ICB
If this blog says rude things then according to the Bible's definition of love is not loving.
No they don't Tonto. You assume too much and also depress everything. Doom and gloom Tonto.
Mixed marriages are being pushed from within some of the various Churches of God. It is a agenda that's pushed by strangely whites married to whites. You couldn't make it up.
The only problem with the agenda is they try and push very young white women with much older mixed race men and try to push already married members into mixed race marriages. They want to be seen as woke and on trend but not with their own families. Playing God in other people's lives is the real agenda. Power and control.
Chill NEO Anon 10:30 could be a insider trying to stir the pot.
I think there are far more than enough examples of fractured, squabbling, ill behaved families that share skin tone to make the so-called "sociological problems" overstated. But, if you prefer me to live up to the stereotype and ask "where de white womens at?", I guess I can oblige you.
God told Israel that they could not intermarry with Gentiles. But Gentiles are of all races. So, race is not the pivotal factor in this prohibition.
You would think that this condition would cause a light bulb to come on and some people would understand that this is more complex than the simple Armstrongist prohibition against racial intermarriage. To complicate matters further, there is now incontrovertible ancient genetic evidence that the Canaanites are of the same race as the Jews. Yet the forbidden marriages of the Old Testament focused almost entirely on the racially indistinguishable Canaanites. (The Moabites were mentioned also but they were Hebrews.)
I corresponded with Herman Hoeh about this before his death. His view was that this attitude toward race was not developed from theology but reflected the values of the larger society at that time - the society in which the WCG had to function. I have taken exception to this. I feel there was a theological basis or an attempted theological basis because WCG views and policies as reflected in the publications seem to have been exegeted from the Bible.
But Hoeh may have been saying the following indirectly and discreetly: It wasn't really theology. It was a pretextual orchestration of scriptures that made the Bible speak the values of the larger American society at that time. That is the only way his assertion that the WCG race policies were not theological but social could have validity. Think about it.
Hoeh even sent me newspaper clippings about racial incidents to clarify to me what American society believed about race back in those days. Apparently, so I would understand the WCG's political dilemma - maybe?
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Anon 10:33,
Now apply that same definition to the ministry and their view of those who disagree with some teachings both associated with the cogs and never having been associated. And then go to the ministry and provide your honest assessment.
Let us know their level of patience, rudeness, pride, etc.
Well, the cat's been out of that bag for some time now. People have discovered that interracial dating and interracial sex are fun, and there have been at least 30 years of general attitude shift regarding this. There really isn't as much of a stigma attached to it as there was back even as recently as the 1980s. Everybody's been in everybody's dating pool for decades except amongst the recalcitrant hard right groups. It's been discussed and encouraged, and anyone who has a working wife who shares conversations from work has heard many stories, because the ladies do share some (ahem!) rather intimate details in the lunchroom. There are married white women who cruise the black or urban dance clubs on girls' night out, and believe it or not, there are men like 11:16 PM PDT mentioned above who take vicarious joy in this and encourage it, even in the ACOGs.
As this relates to Armstrong prophecy, while purity of racial lineages was always very questionable, even in the 1600s, the flood gates really opened on mixing the Gumbo beginning several decades ago. Therefore, the viable time and date stamp of Armstrongism is being plotted against the melting pot. Their "Israel" is rapidly becoming Samaritanized as taboos become less stigmatizing. As time and this process progress, British Israel-based prophecy loses its viability and fades to the ridiculous.
There is one troubling scenario on the horizon, and that is the proliferation of "hard right" ideology, and the possibility of hard right leaders seizing power. We know that some of these groups are white nationalist, and have up and until now been separatists. But they seem to have come out of the woodwork and into the mainstream with the advent of the Trump presidency. If they somehow grab power in the USA, they could set up camps and implement ethnic cleansing. The world would then turn on us, much as we see happening with Russia, and the sanctions would very much resemble the beast narrative of Revelation. Add this to climate change, and Covid-style epidemics, and suddenly, I'm very happy to be a senior citizen!
9:05 comments read like a amoral swinger.
Dont write your own fanfiction, 10:13.
9:05,
Those are ridiculous fears.
Hoeh's "excuse" falls flat, considering the fact that these men promoted the idea that they represented the "World Tomorrow" and how God would have things done. That would have made them responsible to rise above the values of the surrounding society to reflect a more Godly perspective, rather than to "reflect the values" and or popular political positions of whatever society they were in, when those things conflicted with the Biblical view they were supposed to represent.
In truth, HWA, Hoeh, and others embraced and internalized the racial attitudes and values of the society they grew up in and then twisted certain scriptures and Biblical ideas to reflect and promote those values. HWA's view of the pre-flood era was that the "sin" of interracial marriage is what led to the breakdown of that society which culminated the the flood. His view of God's choosing and blessing of Abraham, and his descendants was because Abraham represented the "pure white race" and the superior genetic pool he believed went with that. He ignored any scriptural evidence that might have served to refute or modify his views on these topics. To be fair, WCG wasn't the only religious denomination to use scripture to justify and promote the ideas of racial segregation and other societal views on race of the day. There were plenty of other Protestant denominations, particularly in the south, that held and promoted similar views among their membership.
Concerned Sister
"If this blog says rude things then according to the Bible's definition of love is not loving.
Tuesday, April 5, 2022 at 10:33:00 PM PDT"
Then you read in the New Testament how Jesus addressed the Pharisees as den of vipers, liars, 'of your father the devil,' murderers; basically, Jesus being rude to them and not kind.
Kind is not a mode you go in to fight evil, like the PCG, RCG, etc. You put on the whole armor of God and smite the crap out of them.
...a leader, with a vehement countenance....shall stand up - Dan 8:23. Fulfilled?
Concerned Sister
I agree. One of the greatest misappropriations of scripture was the Southern States using the statement about Canaan being a servant of servants in the book of Genesis to justify ante-bellum slavery. It is easy to understand why Armstrongism would be popular among some Southerners - it is an extension of their historical values. And I predict that there will be some from the Southern states that still clinging desperately to the whole Canaan scenario even though North American Blacks are decidedly not descended from Canaan any more than North American Whites are descended from Israel.
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Amoral swinger? No. I'm just not an ostrich. I watch people, and trends. There is much going on which people who live in their own little bubble never see. Gotta get out and talk with people more, and you will begin to understand.
I'm also amazed at old-school concepts of women. Did you know that there are now scads of women who came up through the military, and can kick most guys' asses? It must make for very surprising relationships when some of these young, single women are "called" into an ACOG, and marry abusive men!
When we returned from the Feast in Georgia one year, somebody had started a rumor at school that we'd gone down there for a KKK meeting and that my Dad was grand dragon.
Hardly RSK.
Deluded with your own fantasies. Wishing evil upon women my you must be an very old male.
Who wished any evil?
I know a young lady who served in the Army and recently got in an argument with her (now ex) husband, who tried to escalate it to a physical fight. She put an end to that confrontation very quickly, and I do not refer to the divorce papers when I say that. He really picked the wrong person to square off with. Haven't heard if the cast is off yet.
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