Crackpot Prophet Doubles Down As The Big Mean Dream Machine

It's another gloriously sunny day in California, because nothing says "end times" like waiting for the weekend rainstorm while our resident Crackpot Prophet doubles down on how utterly magnificent his dreams are and how tragically stupid everyone else is for daring to ignore them.

After all, his nighttime fantasies are clearly just as vital and legitimate as those of biblical Joseph or Loma Armstrong—you know, the kind of divine VIPs whose visions actually mattered. Back when the Holy Family was in the early planning stages of creating this whole world thing, they apparently gathered around the heavenly kitchen table one lazy Sunday morning, strategizing the entire end-times script and assigning all the major players. In a moment of pure serendipity, the Holy Spirit chuckled and said, "Hey, we need some sort of Bob character to pop up in the last days and absolutely amaze and astound the world. We'll hook him up with visions and dreams so people will believe him. Remember, the Laodicean attitude is going to deceive tons of folks, and they'll blow him off—so we've got to make him look way more legitimate than all those other Church of God leaders." The whole God family apparently lost it, laughing hysterically while munching on their heavenly chocolate croissants and sipping that divine brew.

Fast-forward a casual 5980 years, and voilà—here we are with the world's most astonishing dream machine himself: the Infallible Great Bwana Joshua, Habakkuk, Elijah, Elisha, Joseph, Bob Thiel strutting among us in the flesh. Sadly, things aren't unfolding quite as splendidly as the Holy Family had scripted. People just aren't paying proper attention to his dreams, and that's simply not kosher!

Everyone fails to recognize that right in their very midst walks the single most theologically accurate man who has ever twisted the Bible to perfectly match his own worldview. Forget Dave Pack and Herbert Armstrong—the Great Bwana is clearly the man!

And here he is today, once again moaning into his herbs and potions about how today's True Christians stubbornly refuse to acknowledge his greatness. Poor thing. How ever will the world survive without bowing to his nightly reruns?

When believers read about dreams in the Hebrew scriptures, they realize that God has actually used them. 

 

But, some in the various COGs have commented that they do not care to know about dreams in this century. 

 

Do dreams and prophets have any place in the Christian Church today? 

 

Did any dreams precede the start of the old Radio Church of God? What about the Continuing Church of God (which did not officially form as a declared entity until December 28, 2012)?

Our Great Bwana has placed himself as part of the Armstrongist trinity of dreams, Loma, Herbert, and Bwana Bob.

I had a couple of dreams prior to the start of the Continuing Church of God, and also two people I did not know, one who lived in New Zealand and one in Kansas, had dreams prior to that start as well. 

 

Though many discount all dreams, many also forget that Herbert W. Armstrong believed that his wife Loma D. Armstrong had a dream from God...

The Great Bwana continues with this:

Loma and Herbert W. Armstrong were married in 1917. They were specifically told that they would have a work to do. Furthermore, the bright lights in the dream may have had to do with doing a work (cf. Matthew 5:16)–a work that seemed to vanish and return (flash). 

 

Thus, there was a dream from God given to a woman in the 20th century that preceded the start of the old Radio Church of God that Herbert W. Armstrong led. The Radio Church of God represented the start of the Philadelphia era and the Philadelphian work–a work that is not finished (cf. Matthew 24:14-15)–and Herbert W. Armstrong claimed that a dream given to his wife was from God, prior to the start of the Philadelphia era. 

 

The Bible says:

8 So Joseph recognized his brothers, but they did not recognize him. 9 Then Joseph remembered the dreams which he had dreamed about them … (Genesis 42:8-9) 

 

Notice that after events that occurred years later confirmed Joseph’s dreams, then he remembered them. When events confirmed Loma Armstrong’s dream, she and Herbert W. Armstrong remembered them. 

 

Now, consider that since the Philadelphia era was raised up after Loma Armstrong’s dream, a question to ponder is, would God do anything similar to point to the continuation of the end-time COG remnant of the Philadelphians? 

 

Oh, the sheer desperation oozing from Bwana Bob as he clings to the Armstrongs for any scrap of legitimacy—it's almost touching. Apparently, the only way to justify raising up yet another tiny splinter group is to hitch his wagon to the same old family legend. Because nothing screams "divinely appointed" like recycling someone else's decades-old dream.

Yes, folks, according to our infallible prophet, the mysterious second part of Loma Armstrong's famous dream—the one nobody else seems to remember quite the same way—was secretly about him and the Continuing Church of God. Not Herbert, not the original work, not even the entire end-time drama... nope, it was a cryptic prophecy pointing straight to Bwana Bob Thiel in the 21st century. The mental gymnastics required to arrive at that conclusion are truly Olympic-level. Mind-boggling doesn't even begin to cover it.

Truly, the delusion is strong with this one. Keep dreaming, Bwana Bob. The world is clearly just too Laodicean to appreciate your starring role in Loma's extended director's cut.

Consider that in Loma Armstrong’s dream that there were two sets of flashing stars–there were two parts to the dream. Herbert W. Armstrong is now dead and there was a pause between the work God had him to do and the completion of the final phase of the work to finally fulfill Matthew 24:14 (cf. Isaiah 29:14). 

 

Herbert W. Armstrong mentioned the dream from time to time publicly, here are two nearly identical accounts:

I’m usually pretty skeptical about God speaking to anyone today in visions or dreams. God speaks to us thru His Son, Jesus Christ — the WORD of God — and the Bible is the written Word. I didn’t really believe it then, 38 years ago, but subsequent events have verified that God did speak to my wife at that time, shortly after we were married, revealing thru an angel that He was calling us to the mission of WARNING the world of the fast-approaching END OF THIS WORLD, the Coming of Jesus Christ, and the world-ruling Kingdom of God. At the time I was unconverted, not bothering to attend church, interested only in business and making money. I was embarrassed — a little awed — but immediately tried to put it out of my mind. But at age 30 God took away my business, struck me down, took away my idol of money-making and business prestige. (Armstrong HW. Co-worker letter, November 25, 1955) 

 

I’m usually pretty skeptical about God speaking to anyone today in visions or dreams. God speaks to us thru His Son, Jesus Christ — the WORD of God — and the Bible is the written Word. I didn’t really believe it then, 38 years ago, but subsequent events have verified that God did speak to my wife at that time, shortly after we were married, revealing thru an angel in a vision that He was calling us to the mission of WARNING the world of the fast- approaching END OF THIS WORLD, the coming of Jesus Christ, and the world-ruling Kingdom of God. At that time I was unconverted, not bothering to attend church, interested only in business and making money. I was embarrassed — a little awed — but immediately tried to put it out of my mind. But at age 30 God took away my business, struck me down, took away my idol of money-making and business prestige. (Armstrong HW. Co-worker letter, February 21, 1956)

Notice that the dream was to go until the end of the world and the coming of Jesus–since Herbert W. Armstrong has been dead since January 16, 1986–if the dream was from God then, does it not make sense that the second half of the dream would be fulfilled by another? Like in the 21st century? We in the Continuing Church of God are fulfilling that second part of the stars.

Perhaps it should be mentioned, Herbert W. Armstrong had more information about what I am referring to as the first set of stars in the dream. He wrote:

It was a dazzling spectacle … People by the hundreds came running into this broad intersection looking up to see the strange phenomena … A vast multitude of eyes were upon us … I have only come to believe that this dream was a bonafide call from God in the light of subsequent events. (Armstrong HW. The Autobiography of Herbert W. Armstrong, 9th installment. Plain Truth, August 1958, p. 18).

Eyes of a vast multitude suggest that the dream was saying, that the work to be done was to have a witness to many. This happened with the old Radio and Worldwide Church of God under Herbert W. Armstrong’s leadership in the 20th century. The second set of stars in the dream, which he did not mention in the August 1958 Plain Truth, article, but did in his published Autobiography, may pertain to what I have called, for years, The Final Phase of the Work. But even if it had applicability to the ministry of Herbert W. Armstrong only, the dream, which shortly before his death he confirmed he believed was from God (per Aaron Dean, who I discussed this with on October 30, 2015), shows that one did precede the Church of God work he was involved in. 

 

Consider that Herbert W. Armstrong concluded that his wife Loma’s dream was from God. He also believed the first part of it had to do with the start of the Philadelphia era of the Church of God via the Radio Church of God. He did not discuss the fulfillment of the second part of the dream directly, however he taught another work would be done. 

 

Buckle up, brethren—here comes the undeniable PROOF straight from the Great Bwana himself that he is, without question, the legitimate next big thing in the Church of God universe.

Even Herbert W. Armstrong—yes, the very same one—mentioned him! Not by name, of course (because why be specific when you can be mysteriously prophetic?), but as a shadowy “second mighty work” that was supposedly destined to arise. Forget actual quotes, clear context, or anything remotely verifiable. No, no. HWA dropped a vague, throwaway line decades ago, and Bwana Bob has heroically decoded it to mean: “Behold, I am that second mighty work. Bow before my YouTube sermons and my endless stream of dreams.”

It’s the theological equivalent of finding a cryptic fortune cookie message and declaring yourself the Chosen One because it vaguely mentioned “a great leader will rise in the West… with excellent Wi-Fi.” 

The mental contortions required to turn a generic end-time comment into a personal bat-signal are nothing short of breathtaking. Truly, only a mind as uniquely gifted as the Infallible Bwana could crack that code.

So yes, everyone—pack it up. The case is closed. Herbert basically named him in code. We can all stop doubting now and get in line behind the world’s most self-anointed “second mighty work.” History will surely thank us for not laughing too hard.

Herbert W. Armstrong’s part of the work lasted over 50 years, and he seemingly felt that the “short work” would be much shorter than his work. And that is correct.

Here is what was in Herbert W. Armstrong’s last letter:

The greatest work lies ahead … Never before in the history of the Church has it been possible to reap so great a harvest. It has only been made possible through modern technology, beginning with the printing press, radio, television ... Each of you must commit yourself to support God’s Work … God’s work must push ahead as never before. God is opening up new doors in television (Letter, 1/10/86).

Consider that since Herbert W. Armstrong did not teach that the second part of his wife Loma’s dream was fulfilled and that he also taught a greater work was going to happen after his death. It is greater because it will fulfill Matthew 24:14, etc. That is the work that we in the Continuing Church of God are leading. It appears that the second part of Loma D. Armstrong’s dream was pointing to the Continuing Church of God–the group that best represents the remnant of the Philadelphian portion of the Church of God. As far as radio and new doors in television and other media, check out the CCOG Multimedia page. 

 

As far as the greatest work, consider that the Continuing Church of God has had its English language booklet, The Gospel of the Kingdom of God, translated into over 1500 languages and dialects. This has NEVER been done before in the nearly 2,000 year history of the Church of God.
Furthermore, dreams are a sign that God has used to confirm ‘Philadelphia.’ 

 

No other Church of God group has ever dared to publish a book so gloriously stuffed to the gills with theological heresies. Not a single one. And yet, somehow, here we are, blessed beyond measure with this unparalleled masterpiece of doctrinal creativity.

Truly, it's a miracle of modern prophecy: a tome so densely packed with eyebrow-raising interpretations that it makes the rest of the COG literature look like dry, boring orthodoxy by comparison. Who needs boring old consistency when you can have page after page of bold, boundary-pushing "truth" that somehow only one very special man on the planet has managed to uncover?

We should all be taking notes. This isn't just another book—it's a landmark achievement in the fine art of saying things that make even the most die-hard Armstrongites do a double-take. History will remember it fondly… or at least as the moment everyone else quietly backed away.

Oh, and because one dream interpreter in New Zealand just wasn’t enough cosmic validation, the Great Bwana now ascends to the next level of self-congratulation: he dreams about Rod Meredith.

Yes, you read that right. In what is surely the most humble and understated move of the century, Bob Thiel’s subconscious decides the best use of his prophetic nighttime bandwidth is to stage a personal cameo from the late Dr. Roderick C. Meredith himself. Because nothing screams “I’m the legitimate successor” quite like your own brain casting a dead former boss in your fan-fiction sequel.

One can only imagine the scene: Rod appears in glorious technicolor dream-vision, perhaps giving a solemn nod of approval, or maybe handing over a glowing scepter labeled “Second Mighty Work,” or—let’s be real—probably just standing there looking mildly confused while Bob narrates how this obviously confirms every single thing he’s ever claimed. Divine endorsement level: expert.

The rest of us are left to marvel at the sheer convenience. When your real-world followers won’t give you the respect you so richly deserve, why not have the next best thing—a literal ghost from COG past—drop by in your sleep to tell you you’re special? It’s efficient, it’s cost-free, and best of all, Rod can’t talk back or fact-check you.

Truly inspiring stuff. Keep those dream logs coming, Bwana. At this rate, your next blockbuster revelation might feature Herbert Armstrong himself showing up with a PowerPoint titled “Why Bob Was Right All Along.” We’re on the edge of our seats.

Many years ago I had a dream, which while I did not understand it at first, as it became more and more fulfilled over the years, I remembered it, began to understand it, and believe it was from God.

I was 50 at the time (which essentially makes me an ‘old man’ per Numbers 8:25; cf. John 8:57). In my dream, there seemed to be two parallel lines. Living Church of God (LCG) evangelist Roderick Meredith was on the top line and I was on the line much below. In the dream, I kept calling up to Dr. Meredith, but he never would respond. This lack of response made no sense to me during the dream. Then after what seemed to be a long time, the lines-crossed with his line dropping and my line going up.

One reason that I did not understand it at the time was that I was on relatively close speaking terms with Dr. Meredith then (he repeatedly told me he considered me to be his friend, plus he had appointed me an adviser to LCG on matters of doctrine and prophecy), so that aspect of the dream made no sense at the time. Also, since I had no intentions of leaving Living Church of God then (and certainly no plans to start a separate church), it was not clear what the dream was saying. Another reason I was unsure about the dream then was that I had not had any anointing for the Holy Spirit beyond baptism when I had that dream.

But these matters changed eventually. For one, I was unexpectedly anointed for a ‘double-portion’ of God’s Spirit (cf. 2 Kings 2:9) on December 15, 2011 by an LCG minister named Gaylyn Bonjour.

Furthermore, the following year Dr. Meredith became more distant from me, would not keep various promises to me, and ultimately stopped speaking with me. And after I got a letter from him on 12/28/12, it was clear to me that there was no way that the Philadelphia mantle could be with him or any of his leaders or remain in LCG. I remembered my dream as these subsequent events showed me that the dream was being fulfilled.

In late 2020, I had another dream that was fulfilled. In 2022, CCOG evangelist Evans Ochieng had another dream that was confirmed. 

 

Poor Bwana Bob—nothing quite frosts his delicate little butt like the fact that every other Church of God group continues to treat him and his sacred dream journal with the respect they reserve for random spam emails. How dare they!

The audacity! The sheer, unmitigated gall! Here he is, the self-proclaimed second-mighty-work-in-chief, graciously dropping divine revelations left and right, and these ungrateful Laodiceans just… keep on ignoring him. They won’t acknowledge his dreams, his YouTube empire, his endless stream of “proof texts,” or his starring role in Loma Armstrong’s extended remix. It’s practically persecution. Nay, it’s worse—it’s disrespect.

Clearly, the only logical explanation is that the entire rest of the COG world is spiritually blind, deceived, and too busy sipping lukewarm Postum to recognize the greatest prophetic gift since Herbert himself. Meanwhile, Bwana sits there, cheeks aflame with righteous indignation, wondering why no one else has the good sense to bow down and say, “Yes, sir, your nighttime brain movies are definitely from God, and we were fools to ever question it.”Truly heartbreaking. Someone fetch the man a fainting couch and a fresh batch of heavenly chocolate croissants—he’s suffering, people. He’s suffering.

Despite what the Bible supports, most Church of God groups do not seemingly accept that there are any prophets today, nor do they seem to accept that God actually sometimes speaks in dreams in the 21st century–some, oddly, seem indignant of the very idea. Part of the reason for this is that those self-proclaimed ‘prophets’ outside of the Continuing Church of God have tended to be proven to be false. 

 

Oh, and then—because why stop at self-referential prophecy when you can outsource it?—the Great Bwana trots out yet another golden nugget: a dream one of his loyal acolytes in New Zealand supposedly had about him. 

Double blessed, triple confirmed, quadruple ignored.

He proceeds to quote this second-hand nighttime fan fiction in exhaustive detail, as if it's the missing chapter of Revelation that finally explains why everyone else in the COG universe is too spiritually dense to recognize his greatness. More whining ensues about how tragically overlooked he is, how the Laodiceans just won't wake up and smell the prophetic coffee, and how dare the rest of the world not immediately fall to their knees over a dream some follower had halfway around the planet.

Truly groundbreaking stuff. Nothing says “legitimate end-time apostle” like leaning on the subconscious ramblings of your own fan club for validation. At this rate, the next big proof will be his cat having a vision about him while napping on the keyboard. Keep 'em coming, Bob—we're all riveted.

He ends with this:

Satan and his allies do not want you to believe that God has actually been using dreams–he wants you to rationalize away the prophecy in Acts 2:17-18–otherwise you might take action he opposes. 

 

Can you believe?

Well, Bob, after surveying the full panoramic sweep of your prophetic portfolio—from heavenly kitchen-table brainstorming sessions with chocolate croissants and the Holy Spirit's chuckle about needing “some kind of Bob character,” to the mind-bending decoding of Loma Armstrong’s dream as your personal origin story, to the outsourced New Zealand acolyte visions, the subconscious Rod Meredith cameo, and the endless frostbitten indignation over every other COG group’s refusal to genuflect—yes, we can believe. We can believe it all right.

We can believe that in a world where the most theologically creative book of heresies ever published by a COG splinter sits proudly on the shelf, where vague Herbert Armstrong comments become coded bat-signals for your “second mighty work” status, and where the late Rod Meredith apparently moonlights in your dreams to hand out approval stamps, the one constant is the tragic, unforgivable oversight of everyone else failing to recognize the Infallible Bwana Joshua-Habakkuk-Elijah-Elisha-Joseph-Thiel as the greatest unappreciated prophetic gift since… ever.

So when you warn that Satan and his minions are desperately trying to get people to “rationalize away” Acts 2:17-18 (you know, the part about dreams and visions in the last days), the irony is thicker than heavenly brew. Because if anyone’s been rationalizing—twisting, stretching, outsourcing, and dream-logging their way into legitimacy—it’s the man whose entire ministry seems built on the premise that if enough people dream about you (or your followers dream about you dreaming about someone else), reality must bend to match.The rest of the COG world? They’re just too Laodicean, too deceived, too busy ignoring the double-blessed evidence to see the obvious: that God Himself scripted your starring role millennia ago, complete with cameos from dead leaders and prophetic fan fiction from Down Under. How else to explain the deafening silence from everyone except your own echo chamber?

Can we believe? Oh, we believe the script you’ve written for yourself is one for the ages—equal parts tragic, triumphant, and hilariously self-referential. Keep warning about Satan’s plot to make people doubt your dreams, Bob. Meanwhile, the world keeps not paying attention, the weekend rainstorms keep coming, and your delicate little butt keeps getting frosted.

History (and probably a few more dreams) will sort it out. Until then… sweet dreams. 

Worldwide Church of God Iowa Warns Those Who Reject HWA Deny Christ And Are Attached To Demons!

The end-time sole martyr for the truth has been rejected by his two brothers and now stands alone in his noble quest to restore the Worldwide Church of God to its glory days of old. In his tireless effort to revive the Zerubbabel work to its former splendor, Samuel Kitchen is constantly reaching out to Aaron Dean, begging him to reject the Laodicean filth he's currently part of and return to the 100% pure Worldwide Church of God Iowa—the only church without sin, destined to redeem the entire world through its magnificent restoration as it prepares for Christ to return to Earth and, uh, kick some ass.

Woe unto all you wayward former sisters and brothers who now reject Herbert W. Armstrong's teachings. Because you've rejected him, you've also denounced Christ Himself and most likely have a demon perched on your shoulder, gleefully guiding you down that oh-so-scary Laodicean path.

Aaron Dean is also reminded that it has been 16 years since he committed apostasy and joined the United Church of God. But there is good news! 2026 is the year of organizational beginning—if you're a numerologist who finds magical thinking in numbers, which far too many in Armstrongism unfortunately do.

From 2010 to 2026 spans 16 years, divisible by eight.

Eight represents new organizational beginnings.

This means Aaron Dean needs to get his act together, return to the mothership, and find redemption as the modern-day Joshua (sorry, Bob Thiel—you are NOT that guy! Always the bridesmaid and never the bride).

Christ has sent a heavenly telegram, through Samuel, to Aaron:

Telegram for Mr Dean! A letter from Jesus Christ is awaiting for you!

In Christ’s name I have faithfully delivered it to you,

Samuel W Kitchen

The foundation has been laid.

The Worldwide Church of God

-Iowa-

Samuel Writes: 

In 1993, structural changes inside the Worldwide Church of God, caused the cessation of the Zerubbabel work. This was accomplished through the regional pastor structure being established by the office of Joseph Tkach Jr and his assistant Victor Kubik.

1993 was 7 years after Mr Armstrong died.

For 17 years the work of Zerubbabel was halted.

In 2010, you were invited and hired by the UCG.

In 2010, my family resumed the Zerubbabel work, as the Worldwide Church of God.

We included Herbert W Armstrong (as he was the apostle), in the foundation of the Church.

People fought us on this. You even witnessed Steve Meyers telling me Mr Armstrong wasn’t part of the foundation.

These “groups” are all saying he isn’t.

Some faithful, like yourself, find opposition when you mention the apostle in a favorable light.

See the difference between those connected to the vine and those who are not? Those who deny Christ’s name, by rejecting the apostle, end up spiritually withered up and dry and often attached to a demon! They are a branch broke from the vine.

So between 1993-2010, was preparatory for me. My father, mother, have died. My two brothers are no longer involved. I remain and still continue to INCLUDE Herbert W Armstrong as part of the foundation of the Worldwide Church of God.

This is line with scripture, and evidence pointing towards the spiritual Body of Christ!

So the Philadelphia Candlestick, is the Worldwide Church of God. If you don’t believe me, believe Mr Armstrong who said it first. I’m just repeating what he said.

From 2010-2026, is 16 years, divisible by EIGHT.

Eight represents new organizational beginnings.

Joshua, is not Zerubbabel. But the foundation stone is laid before him(Zech.3:9).

When Joshua stands up, as the result of the Zerubbabel work, he will stand with the first witness!

Then together as TWO WITNESSES, we see Revelation 11 come into play. The beginning of the Laodicean era begins when the second witness stands up, after the stone is laid before him. The last era needs the foundation.

That’s what Christ has been doing.

I am not part of these groups, as directed by Christ my head. I am involved with INCLUSION OF HERBERT W ARMSTRONG.

AndI find great opposition who wants to EXCLUDE HIM.

But not you. You have a different spirit, O Caleb. That’s why I was drawn to you.

These “groups” are not the true Church of God, as you have said to me in times past. But being invited to the UCG group you were sort of “drafted”.

Mr Armstrong said GTA started a “group” not a Church of God.

Although GTA got “church status” by registering with the State!

This is an example that all groups have followed. They are just “groups”, and not the true Church of God.

They only have “church status” by registering with Babylon and gaining “daughtership”.

But the groups are filled with those from the Body of Christ.

And by INCLUDING Herbert W Armstrong in the foundation, it does EXCLUDE these “groups”, who say they are Jews but do lie.

Who say they are the church of God but really are just “groups”.

And those who look back to Christ, back to His apostle, reconnect with the VINE! And so the golden oil flows into those of the Philadelphia candlestick!

These groups are sapping the golden oil, like the foolish virgins, and because they are getting further and further away from the Worldwide Church of God.

As they get closer to what was taught through the apostle, they are being filled with the Holy Spirit of God!

As they get further away, they wither and dry up and so they request assistance from those of the Body of Christ who have the oil, because they want to enter the Kingdom “their own way”.

But Matthew 25 shows, in the Laodicean era, the wise and foolish are cut off from the supply of golden oil. It doesn’t depict a continuous flow of golden oil. The wise have a certain amount, and the foolish have none.

This is obviously the remnant of Revelation 12:17.

In Revelation 3, “the church of the Laodiceans” is a GROUP who was called to be members of the Worldwide Church of God(Philadelphia).

They separated from Christ, so Christ warns them to return.

Isaiah 30:15-18 reads: “For thus saith the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: and ye would not.

“But ye said, No; for we will flee upon horses; therefore shall ye flee: and, We will ride upon the swift; therefore shall they that pursue you be swift.

“One thousand shall flee at the rebuke of one; at the rebuke of five shall ye flee: till ye be left as a beacon upon the top of a mountain, and as an ensign on an hill.

“And therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the Lord is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him.”

Daniel 12:12 reads, “Blessed is he that waiteth, and cometh to the thousand three hundred and five and thirty days.”

The blessing on Philadelphia is to be spared(Mal.317) from the Time of Jacob’s Trouble, the Great Tribulation, in Revelation 3:10, Revelation 12:14-17. TO BE SAVED as Isaiah 30 shows.

The Lord will wait the Tribulation out, and will be GRACIOUS unto those of the Laodicean era!

Zerubbabel shall cry GRACE GRACE…

And therefore HE Christ, the cornerstone, shall be exalted.

That’s what Christ is doing Mr Dean, through me. My fruits can be examined.

And he is laying the foundation before you, preparing things for your job, so that together the Church may be prepared and made ready with final training.

Even your experience as College Dean, will not be thrown away.

Am I a false witness? Is Christ lying in the Word of God? Or am I telling you the truth? Christ is the faithful witness.

Mr Armstrong told you the church would come out of groups and go into a place of safety. You said that before in sermons.

It’s time, and it’s not something I started and chose. I was drafted.

Oh look, here’s your draft card too.

Telegram for Mr Dean! A letter from Jesus Christ is awaiting for you!

In Christ’s name I have faithfully delivered it to you,

Samuel W Kitchen

The foundation has been laid.

The Worldwide Church of God

-Iowa- 

 

Where do we even start.....

First off, Aaron Dean didn't "commit apostasy and join UCG" in 2010—that's creative fiction. He was around when UCG formed in the mid-90s (he didn't jump in right at the 1995 start because he was helping at the college, but he's been solidly with them for decades, giving sermons, serving on councils, and reminiscing fondly about HWA without ever claiming some secret "pure WCG" throne). The 2010 thing? Probably mixing up the big UCG split that birthed COGwa or something else entirely. Facts are hard when you're on a solo martyr mission, I guess.

As for that "only one left on the Advisory Council from '81–'86" bit floating around in certain Facebook groups and blogs? Sure, some folks (the 5 or 6 Samuel Kitchen enthusiasts) love to spin that Aaron secretly holds the keys to the real WCG like he's the last Jedi. Meanwhile, in actual reality, Aaron's been happily preaching in UCG, calling it home, and not exactly packing his bags to "restore" anything. He's not answering those endless "repent and return" DMs because... he's not interested. Shocking, I know.

And the numerology? 16 years = 2 × 8 = new beginnings? If we're playing Bible math, plenty of groups have claimed prophetic timelines based on sevens, eights, forties, whatever fits the spreadsheet. It hasn't worked out for any of them yet, but hey, 2026 is here and... crickets from the mothership reunion tour. Maybe the telegram got lost in spam.

If being the lone voice crying in the wilderness makes you feel special, go ahead. But declaring everyone else demon-possessed Laodiceans while your "pure" church consists of... you and 5 or 6 other people? That's not restoration; that's a very small Zoom call.

Aaron's probably busy giving another history-of-the-work sermon somewhere in UCG land, completely unaware (or politely ignoring) that he's supposed to drop everything and crown you the new Joshua 2.0. Perhaps take the hint: the "heavenly telegram" might just be wishful thinking.

Carry on with the quest, champ. The rest of us will be over here in the real world, where churches splinter, people disagree, and nobody's got a monopoly on being sin-free.  

BETRAYAL! Broken Promises, Satanic Attacks, Failed Ordination, Balaam's Wages, FIlthy Lucre, Plus A Topless Woman!

One would think that after decades of being marinated in the fragrant stew of Armstrongism and the Churches of God, absolutely nothing could still make us choke on our herbal teas and Postum "coffees". Fifteen years running this blog, plus all those glorious seasons assisting Gavin Rumney with his, and we’re supposedly unshockable. Bulletproof. Seen it all, from splintering splinters to apostles who think “Joshua the High Priest” is their personal cosplay. Yet somehow these people still manage to innovate new levels of ridiculous. Who knew the one true end-time church—restored with perfect government and doctrine straight from the throne of God Himself—could keep serving up fresh chaos like it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet of dysfunction?

But of course it can. Because why wouldn’t it?

Enter stage left: Samuel Kitchen, self-appointed end-time restorer of the once-mighty Worldwide Church of God. In his noble, totally-not-delusional quest to resurrect the corpse of Herbert W.’s empire, Samuel will apparently try anything. Anything at all.

Cue the latest plot twist: a former minister and writer from David C. Pack’s traveling circus (you know, the Restored Church of God, where “restored” apparently means “we’ll change the prophecy timeline again next week while taking all of your money”) reaches out to Samuel. This gentleman, one Jonathan Dicen, expresses a burning desire to join the Great WCG Revival™. And because Dicen claims he was ordained back in the sacred days of the actual Worldwide Church of God, that’s apparently all the vetting Samuel needs. Credentials? Who needs ’em! Discernment? Never heard of her!

Naturally, Dicen graciously bestows upon Samuel the divine apostolic authority to start collecting tithes and offerings. Translation: “Hey kid, here’s a bucket, go shake down the widows for me.” Most of us smelled that scam from orbit, but Samuel? Samuel swallowed it whole and asked for seconds. Though, to his credit, he did hesitate… for about five seconds before accepting the sacred money-collecting mantle. Gotta save up for that glorious day when Aaron Dean finally sees the light, denounces UCG, and comes home to the one true remnant, right?

And then, in a shocking twist literally no one on planet Earth saw coming (except everyone), Dicen offered to ordain Samuel as a minister. Wow. Ordination via random ex-Packite on the internet. Truly, the biblical pattern was restored.

Fast-forward a few days. Satan, clearly bored and in need of entertainment, cranks the drama dial to eleven. Dicen announces he’s jumping ship to another group that’s willing to pay him better. Samuel is shocked—shocked!—to discover that loyalty in Armstrongism is negotiable when cash is involved. Betrayal! Treachery! How could this happen in God’s one true church?

As if that weren’t enough, the Devil personally launches a full-scale assault on poor Samuel’s health, landing him in the hospital multiple times in just a few days. Because obviously, when a shady ordination deal falls apart, the only logical explanation is that Satan himself is rattled by Samuel’s mighty work of restoration.

Truly, brethren, we’ve never seen anything like this before. Except literally every other week for the last forty years. 

Keep the faith, folks. Or whatever’s left of it after this latest episode.

Samuel writes:

ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

Dear brethren,

When Jonathan Dicen, a minister in the Philippines, approached me, we talked about shared values, and how God says that “two cannot walk together unless they be in agreement”(Amos 3:3).

We had agreed we would walk together moving forward in Christ.

He told me he felt God was reviving the work of the Worldwide Church of God and he wanted to be a part of it, and revive the work there in the Philippines.

He also saw the need for tithes and offerings to be collected in accordance to God’s tithing law. I was not an ordained minister, so have not been able to receive nor handle any tithes and offerings, and Mr Dicen wanted to remedy that. So he “authorized” me to receive tithes and offerings. I published this authorization at his request.

Mr Dicen seems to me to be a very friendly man. I have chatted with him, and talked on the phone with him two times.

This last phone call, he relayed to me how he had been recontacted by another group, hired, and would be included in another group and he would no longer be joining with us and the Worldwide Church of God.

This broke his word to me. We had promised to walk together through thick and thin, through good times and bad times.

He was offered a “better payroll”, so he has decided to step away.  

 

In the Churches of God it’s never been about Jesus, prophecy, or owning church buildings—nope! It’s always been about the real god they truly worship: Money. Cash. Filthy lucre. Cold, hard tithe checks and offerings. 

Because nothing screams “Philadelphian love” quite like obsessively milking widows and poorer members while the ministry upgrades to a newer Lexus. Truly, the love of money isn’t the root of all evil in Armstrongism—it’s the entire tree, the orchard, and the gift shop at the entrance. 

Herbert himself taught us that the Work™ needed your money yesterday, and his spiritual heirs have been faithfully carrying on that sacred tradition ever since. Praise be to the Almighty Dollar—may its value never fluctuate before second and third tithe is due!

I removed my post on our website(worldwidechurchofgod.org) concerning Mr Dicen and tithes and offerings.

I am not surprised at how things came about, but I did step out in faith trusting and asking God to reveal to me who this man was, how trustworthy he is, and whether he is walking with God or not.

I announced his involvement, the authorization and expansion of the work into the Philippines, at his request. He wanted me to send him monthly money to help the work in the Philippines, and he also talked about ordination, as he said it would resolve many problems I have with detractors.

I am not interested in becoming a minister. God is in charge of that. I full support the true ministers, but please brethren beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing, who come along looking like ministers of righteousness.

This appears to been about money and payroll m, and Mr.Dicen accepted the better offer from another group, breaking his word with me, before God and Jesus Christ, and since it was made public it was set before the entire church(at least those who paid attention).

People warned Samuel that Dicen was not on the up and up, including his own brother Timothy. 

I held him accountable, but I also should not have announced his inclusion without finding more knowledge about him. But I did take to prayer when I originally posted, telling God that I can only take people for what they say, I cannot force them or coerce them to do what is right. But since Mr Dicen gave me his word, I held him accountable before everyone.

Now it is sad for me to say, he is no longer walking with us, and has broken his promise.

I trusted in Jesus Christ our head to make things known. He is in complete control of His Church. I trust people too much, but I also want to give people a chance to do the right thing. And so I may appear to be an easy mark, someone to be easily taken advantage of, but my focus is to look to Jesus Christ and be ready to respond zealously and fearlessly.

People can hurt me. I am used to it. I am just saddened to lose trust with someone I was so eager to build truth with, especially when someone comes to you claiming to be a fellow member and brother in Jesus Christ.

But prayers have been answered!!!!!  

 

Oh noes! 

Jonathan Dicen has officially been MARKED, disfellowshipped, and publicly severed from the one true Worldwide Church of God (restored edition, Samuel Kitchen proprietor)! 

Quick, someone sound the shofar and update the master spreadsheet—another dangerous heretic has been dramatically excommunicated from a church that consists of like nine people and a Facebook group! Truly a devastating blow to the Work™. 

How will the end-time restoration ever survive now that a random ex-Packite who lasted all of two weeks has been cast into the outer darkness? Brethren, avert your eyes! Do not even think about speaking to this man!

The Philadelphia remnant remains pure. 

And Jesus Christ INTERVEENED on our behalf as our Good Shepherd. And I now have to publicly sever full connection with Mr Jonathan Dicen.

His actions has caused doubt and confusion for those weak in the faith, and now I have to explain why he is no longer going to be with us.

He still wants me to come to the Philippines, to be ordained into the ministry. I respectfully decline. No. This was not of Jesus Christ! I am not seeking after an office in the ministry. And if Jesus Christ wants me ordained the job will get done by a man authorized by Jesus Christ. When one is so easily swayed by a paycheck, then hirelings hire hirelings. I’m not for sale.

While I appreciate the friendliness, I don’t appreciate the name of God being besmirched because one could not toe the line and not be swayed by balaam’s wages. How much is a red bowl of soup?

So please mark well, his separation. He does not desire it, but I will step forward and now announce it. He is no longer associated with us.

Que the Satanic attack: 

When he first came to me, I went to fast and pray about it. I came down sick and have been in and out of hospitals for the last 3-4 weeks!

It turns out problems that already existed was working against me, but the doctors couldn’t figure out why I was sick and near death’s door! Satan can spiritually CHARGE things where that is the only logical explanation for being that sick. It was keeping me from studying, from listening to sermons, from prayer on my knees as I was battling a fever all the time.

When I ended up in the hospital this last Friday, I couldn’t get church services listed on the website because I was away from my computer in a hospital bed, but I had time to sit up and pray and Bible study and I had a very rewarding Sabbath day! Now I am feeling much better, and now Satan seems to be withdrawing and fleeing. 

 

Note, Satan seems to be fleeing (praise be! miracles do happen!), but don’t pop the Manashevitz quit yet.

Cue the topless woman temptation, because obviously the Devil’s master plan to derail God’s one true end-time restoration involves... strategic nudity. Truly cutting-edge spiritual warfare. How will our brave Elijah-in-training ever resist the ancient and unbeatable snare of... checks notes... women's boobs? Quick, someone fetch the emergency anointing oil and a modestly sized bath towel! The fate of the entire Work™ hangs on whether Samuel can keep his eyes on the Kingdom instead of whatever Beelzebub just sent to his door.

Stay strong, soldier. You’ve survived hospital visits, betrayal by a money-hungry opportunist, and now this ultimate test. We always knew the final hurdle before the Wonderful World Tomorrow would be bare boobs. 

Classic Satan. 

So original.

My neighbor next door, banged on my front door this morning and when I opened she was topless, which I didn’t appreciate, and she began to tell me how loud the voices from my apartment was!

I was alone and I heard no such voices! I explained that maybe it was the tv.

She was stoned and high as a kite, but it seemed to be the cherry on top. Satan and his demons were attacking. I went back inside and began praying asking God to remove the demons, because they were stirring up my neighbors for the reason of possible expulsion from my apartment! That is the only reason i can see why such a thing was occurring to her. Now maybe she heard loud voices coming up from the apartment beneath hers thinking it was me, but she was inspired nevertheless to accuse me falsely of it. That is how demons work.

And now Christ has intervened and protected us from association with the wrong people. I’m sorry for getting hopes high. I had my hopes raised, because i have wanted the work to expand and expand with God’s good blessings. He will and HE IS, but in His own way and timing.

This experience has taught me something about some tactics Satan uses. I was already aware of them, but I wanted to believe this was not the case.

I trusted God and God came through in the end. Many people may cling to us along the way, we cannot judge them for wanting to be with us, but as soon as their fruits are born, we must stand with Jesus Christ.

So no I won’t be going to the Philippines. I won’t be ordained by Mr Dicen. I am rejecting the authority he said he “gave t me” concerning receiving tithes and offerings, but that was deceitful given in order for him to receive money through me. Please do NOT send me nor Me Dicen any tithes and offerings. If any arrive at my address, I will quickly return to sender.

Thank you for your prayers. It seemed too good to be true, but it shall not deter me from looking and trusting in Jesus Christ. Mr Dicen will be held accountable by Christ. Please pray for him, but please beware of him according to Bible command.

In Jesus Christ’s name

Samuel Kitchen 

 

And there you have it, folks—the latest thrilling installment in the never-ending soap opera that is Armstrongism in 2025.

A deluded, yet I think sincere “restorer” gets love-bombed by a mercenary ex-Pack minister, handed a tithe bucket, offered a mail-order ordination, then dramatically betrayed the moment a better paycheck appeared on the horizon. 

Cue the emergency disfellowshipping, the emergency hospital visits, and—of course—the emergency topless woman deployed personally by Satan to try and finish off the one true church.

Yet somehow, through it all, the Philadelphia remnant remains as pure, persecuted, and penniless as ever.

So fear not, dear readers. The end-time Work™ marches on—smaller, louder, and more absurd than ever. Satan may send his topless agents, his false ministers, and his mysterious illnesses, but he’ll never defeat the unassailable truth that God’s real church is wherever the last three diehards are still arguing about 1975 prophecy updates and who gets to keep the tithe envelope this week.

Until the next betrayal, the next “miraculous healing,” and the next emergency Facebook manifesto… keep the faith, protect your wallet, and for the love of all that is holy, stay clothed.