Dennis on "Post Theological Stress Disorder"

P(T)TSD

Post Theological Stress Disorder

I would have liked to think I could have blown this all off or chalked it all easily up to just another experience in life, but after way too long, I admit  to the fact that for me, the WCG experience has left me with an ongoing case of P(T)TSD.  And no, I am not being cute or flippant about it.  I will leave posting or not posting this up to the Blogmeister.  He knows me very well and has been a great help through the years aside from inviting me to write on his blog.  It is something I'd like to say but perhaps should not get all that personal about.  We'll see.  I don't want to make this decision at this point and I think I have the freedom to do it with NO2HWA.

There are several reasons why being open and honest about feelings, emotions, perspectives and such can be foolish in most groups.  I have been told that and experienced the truth of it from time to time.  One always runs the risk of the "all you ministers...."  deserve what you get or some kind of scorn when drifting over the boundaries between this is how I feel and this is unique to just me.  I am well aware of how many have suffered in many ways .  The experience is not unique to humans but it is unique to this one. 

A few weeks ago I got a "you have email from Ms SuzyQ" from a dating site.  This dating site thing has not been the greatest experience and I let it go but this one came in just under the wire.   "Hi....I just read your profile.  It was fascinating. Until I got to the part where you 'used' to be a minister.  You must be a jerk."   Lol.  That's the South for you.  So being or not being at this point is a losing proposition no matter which way one goes.  I wrote asking why the hell she would waste her time to send me that message but as yet have not had a response.  

The last ten years have been difficult and I'd have thought it would not take so long to process this .  Divorce, broken relationships with people I love deeply and always will and with those I thought I did but disappeared and apparently were users,  and other "stuff" have taken its toll.  I either have the chemistry from hell, am too sensitive to changes in life or defective.  I chose to go with the first two but leave the door open to other realities.  Depression, which seems to me to be anger turned inward or too expensive to express is there.  Anxiety about how the future can possible work out lurks.  Sometimes I wake up at night, think a thought and it sets off a cascade of thoughts that lead to being up the rest of the night just holding the pillow close because my stomach hurts now. Sometimes I have trouble just breathing or sitting still.  My head runs like a freight train and fixing is not an option for the most part, just acceptance.  

Chewie the Wookie does help  and is about the most loyal creature I have ever encountered. 

It was only this week that I can admit that I have PTSD in the classic and very real sense.  For me, this whole WCG experience, aside from many wonderful experiences along the way, has turned out to be traumatic, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  Dark nights of souls and all that.  

All my life in the ministry I was told after speaking or privately when talking about many things over the years that I "ahead of my time," and that "you say things I'm only thinking."  I used to think that was a compliment but it is a formula for eventual Crucifixion or stake burning evidently.  One prominent WCG Executive type told me way back that he didn't understand why I was in the ministry of WCG and didn't need to be because it didn't fit me, whatever that meant.  I think I now know what he meant.  

One minister told me when I left on my first ministerial assignment from college, "for you, the sky is the limit."   That both perplexed and then annoyed me as it honestly would not have crossed my mind that the sky being the limit was a goal of ministry.  It was an odd comment.  

Here is the typical list of the symptoms of PTSD minus the ones I did not feel I experience or maybe too personal even for me to write about.  

Enormous Feelings of Betrayal

Feeling of Spiritual Rape of the SoulComplex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder 1

Several of a cluster of symptoms can develop, including spontaneous crying, suicidal thoughts, emotional numbing, phobias, social withdrawal, flashbacks, amnesia, anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, self-loathing, fear of going insane.

Identity Confusion/disorientation

Dissociation

Panic and Anxiety Attacks

Obsessive Thoughts

Alcohol abuse

Depression

Problems or Inability in Making Decisions

Fear/General Anxiety Disorder  (GAD)

Grief & Sense of Loss

Grieving loss of innocence, idealism, spirituality, self, pride; sense of purpose, meaning and belonging in life; no support system; friends and family; loss of time, goals and youth

Guilt/Shame

Lack of Trust

Profound Skepticism

Intense Loneliness

Sense of Purposelessness & Disconnection

Missing the peak experiences of the group

Sense of Isolation/Alienation

"No one understands what I am going through."

Overly Critical of Oneself and Others

Problems Having Boundaries

Feelings of Inferiority and Worthlessness

Sleep Disorders

Including nightmares and insomnia

Fear of Intimacy and Commitment

Anger or Rage

Toward the group and leader; towards oneself; suppression of anger in the cult actually contributed to depression and sense of helplessness

Problems with Career or Employment

Family Issues

Spiritual (or philosophical) issues

Impatience with the Recovery Process

Ouch!  All very familiar.  I only find solace in the fact that if millions did not react this way there would not be such a list in the first place.  I mean the reasons Barnes and Noble has isles of self help books and such is because millions are seeking help!    On the other hand, I believe with all my being that had I gone to the Wesleyan  Seminary instead of WCG I would have had a similar crisis of faith as my natural tendencies and questioning nature of all things theological and Bible would have still existed.  I may have had a different story, different players and even different family and kids , but the experience would have played out much the same I believe.  I could be wrong.  The Methodist would have allowed one to hold different views and not endanger the rest of the life's security.   I don't know if I would have had the same personal challenges that I did or come up with new and different ones but I suspect the story would have been similar.


So, why bother writing about this.  I dunno.  I just want to.  It's been one of those weeks I suppose (See above list) and it helps me to share and the beat can go on.  I assume I am not alone in these experiences.  I am not really pleased with myself for the length of time this seems to take.  Maybe I will never get past it or maybe it always will occupy a huge portion of my life experiences.  "Just forget it," doesn't see to work well.  I probably have ADD and touch of LMNOP.  


Member or Minister, I don't think it makes much difference when the world of theology one adopts seems so secure, so safe and so meaningful and then falls apart.  I don't feel safe or secure anymore and while learning is enjoyable for me, meaning still escapes me as I am sure it does for many others.  I tried going to a liberal church but had an anxiety attack and felt I could have given a much better sermon and why he got paid for that. lol.  I've prayed a few time as in days gone by and not much seems to come from that.  I even tried to read the Bible again "for the very first time," and....nope.  Doesn't work for me except some of the more encouraging parts which are also found in many other kinds of books.

 
At any rate, thanks for listening if you get to read this!  I always defined the WCG experience as "one damned thing after the next."  And this was true.  It helps me a bit to chat and perhaps it can help others not feel so weird or slow in the recovery process as well. 
Thanks!

DennisCDiehl@aol.com

E.W.King: It's Now Time To Withdraw Your Chidlren From Babylonian Public Schools and Homeschool Them

Poor E. W. King.  Such a world class prophet and no one pays any attention to him!  The world is going to hell and people are not interested in his message.

*We are living in interesting times. Times of stress and great anxiety. Some things we see happening in school’s today…the violence and drug use. Has any pagan noticed that the violence is with children? This means there is something wrong with the parents. If you own guns in your homes with young children, shouldn’t you have the guns locked up in a safe place? Children are a reflection of their parents. Then you have idiots like Piers Morgan on CNN [Communist News Network] attacking the United States Constitution. Indeed, there is only one true REMNANT left of God’s people. It is time to stand up and speak out! For true Christians it is time to speak forth the true Commandments of God. It is time to return to true doctrine. The pagan religious systems are destroying this great nation. [It started with latter-day Rome]

I have warned for three years now and will warn here again: True Christians please Home School your children! Get them out of Babylonian public schools!

Living in the mountains I have learned to take care of myself. Most people today couldn’t survive if the banks shut down or all electricity was shut off. They would panic. Are young men today taught how to kill their own food? Take care of their own families? No! They have no true survival skills. They would panic if they could no longer use their cell phone. They would panic if their ATM card no longer worked. This is the frightening world that we are living in.

Isolating ones self away from civilizations also causes many men to go crazy.  Case in point.....

According to King present society is all on drugs or addicted to their computers:

*People have relied on electronic devices to the point that they no longer have natural skills of survival. These people who write all these ‘New Age’ books sit in front of their computers drinking coffee [or an ‘energy drink’] and come across like they have ‘all the answers’. They would cry like little babies if their computers were taken away from them or even their cell phones. They need drugs and electronic gadgets to live. They know no other life style. 

Because humanity's too busy drinking their lattes or energy drinks they are failing to see King's extraordinary prophetic warnings and he is NOT happy!

A rude awakening is coming to this nation according to the Bible. People who have not been paying attention are in for a great shock! We are approaching the “Great Tribulation”. The Bible warns about what is just around the corner…but nobody is listening!

I warned in my last year predictions for 2013 : “Air wars will happen with military jets & drones involving more than three countries. These wars [air wars] will continue to become a norm. Militaries will try and rule the skies. America will announce a new ‘space program’. We will see navel battles. The ocean has yet to be conquered! All of this will bring new standards and world boundaries along with new naval technology. Big countries will fight for border definitions. World War 3 will be discussed!”

If you have been visiting this BLOG [COGSR] and have been reading EVERY ARTICLE you KNOW what we have been proclaiming is TRUE! You are without excuse! Why not study with us? LOOK, we here at COGSR take very seriously our Great Commission.

Those left in the true Conservative “parties” will be attacked by the liberals to the point that they [the “Controllers” -liberals] will try and take away our right to “free speech”. 

*Be aware, there are people out there that want to kill children [abortion], destroy marriage [with ‘homosexual marriage’], take people’s right to protect their families away from them [take your guns], and want BIG GOVERNEMENT to control what size soda you wish to buy. These are scary people! Adolf Hitler did this and now, some in the American government are trying to do this. True Christians…please do not give up your freedoms! Stand up and fight for what is right!

May God show His mercy upon you.

Yes, you stupid morons, for failing to listen to my warnings may God be merciful as he punishes you.

It's 2013 and UCG Still Cannot Figure Out the Purpose of the Church

While still on Worldwide Church of God payroll various ministers started meeting on the Pasadena campus to begin the formation of a breakaway COG.  Many of these men during the day were actively part of the WCG changes and disfellowshipped all kinds of people for not going along with the changes.  After destroying lives during the day they then would gather in various 360, 380 and 390 apartments to plot their new church. Most knew their jobs were at risk because of plummeting income (tithing was no longer commanded.)  In order to keep their lifestyle intact they needed another avenue of support.  What better way to ensure that than to boldly proclaim you were stepping out on faith in order to preserve the truth.  Gullible members would flock to them with their wallets open.

Once they had apostatized they set about establishing United Church of God.  Articles of incorporation were established, bylaws written and vision statements made.

UCG saw its self as a corporate church as

3.1 PURPOSE FOR THE CHURCH
God’s purpose for His Church is to prepare those willing to live His way of righteousness and self-control to function as His instruments in the administration of salvation to humanity, and to demonstrate His wisdom to His spiritual creation.

Apparently Melvin Rhodes was not happy with this statement and sought to change it.  He could only garner two present council members to support a change causing it to be shelved.

The Council then shifted to the proposed amendment about the purpose statement for the Church (Article 3.1). Several Council members expressed the need for amending its wording. To advance the amendment to the annual conference ballot requires the support of at least four Council members, but it received only two. This amendment will now be sent to the GCE where it will need at least 25 percent support to be placed on the annual conference ballot.

Now, in 2013, Melvin Rhodes has been banished in disgrace and the measure is up for consideration to change again. 

Proposal for Council Response to a Proposed Amendment
In reference to a recently submitted, proposed amendment to Article 3.1 of the Constitution, some on the Council thought that a statement of concern was needed. On behalf of the Roles and Rules Committee Roc Corbett presented for Council’s consideration a proposed “statement of concern” as worded below.

Statement of Concern
Article 3.1 as currently worded does deserve some amending, and the Council agrees with the authors in this regard. We would like to thank the authors for bringing this to the attention of the Council and of the GCE. However, the wording in the proposed amendment is not a solution to the problem in the view of the Council. The proposal mixes concepts that are from the mission of the church rather than concisely defining the purpose for the church, therefore drifting from the intent of the Article as implied in the title.

The Council feels that the “Purpose of the Church” is such an important subject that it should be very well defined, and that the proposed amendment does not add clarity to this understanding.

You would think that with UCG being just a few years away from it's 20 anniversary of apostasy that they would have figured out the reason for their existence by now.