Why Psychopaths in the Church of God Can't Love their Children

There have been many great discussions on various COG Facebook pages from people where were abused by parents and ministers as they grew up.  With so many narcissists and psychopaths in leadership positions of various COG's it has lead to some horrendous stories being revealed, particularly by children of psychopath parents in the church, whether members or ministers.

Here's Why Psychopaths Are Unable to Love Their Own Children

The effects are devastating.
by Lindsay Dodgson

 

"Narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths do not have a sense of empathy, they do not and will not develop a sense of empathy, so they can never really love anyone," she told Business Insider.

This doesn't change when they have children. There's no primal instinct to protect and encourage their offspring, because they are not seen as a separate entity. They are merely a tool which is at their disposal.

"DTPs tend to see children as an extension of themselves and a possession," Neo said.

"So rather than saying, 'I'm going to nurture you so you can grow up to be the amazing person you're meant to be,' [they say] 'you're supposed to grow up and do this so that you're my trophy.'"

This is very different from the environment a child in a healthy family would grow up in. Instead of being nurtured and taught the ways of the world, a child of a DTP parent grows up not knowing their own sense of self.

"'I can check your phone, I can do anything I want to do, I can just barge into your room, basically not respecting your sense of property,'" is what Neo said DTP personalities believe.

"There are no emotional boundaries, either. So the children grow up not really sure about what boundaries are."

The child is expected to fill all kinds of functions they shouldn't have to. For example, narcissists tend to be very unhappy people, with low self esteem, so they unload a lot of unnecessary emotional baggage onto their children.

They are used as a listening ear for the parent's problems, and a source of emotional comfort.

This continues over the years, and Neo says some of her clients have said their parents told them: "The only reason I had you was so you could take care of me for the rest of your life."

"You're not allowed to have children, and you're not allowed to get married," she added. "The parent would be meddling in all these different relationships, left right and centre, creating all sorts of drama, so the child stays single."

'The child is expected to be a punching bag'

Throughout their life, the child is also expected to be a punching bag, either physically or emotionally. This becomes harder as the child grows older, because they become stronger and more aware, so the DTP parent will counteract this by hacking away at their self esteem.

"As the parents grows older, and their health starts to decline, their sense of self esteem becomes really shaky," Neo said.

"Then the child grows up, becomes strong, becomes powerful, has more of a sense of self, and it's very difficult for the parent to watch. So there becomes this unhealthy competition, putting the child down, telling the child they're fat, they're useless, they're ugly."

At the same time, whenever the child accomplishes something, the parent has to take credit for it.

For example, they would mention the fact the child is a very good trumpet player, and the only reason is because they scrimped and saved for lessons for years, even if this may not be true.

"Every single thing is always brought back to them," Neo said. "So the child is brought up thinking, 'I have no sense of self, I have no say, and I do not matter.'"

The 'golden child' vs. the scapegoat

The dynamics shift depending on how many children the DTP has.

Sometimes, DTPs will have more than one child, and Neo says it is remarkable how often the same power dynamics play out in these families. In most cases, one child becomes the golden child, who can do no wrong.

"The child can live in fear, because all they want to do is please mummy or daddy so there's no trouble - so they will be loved," Neo said. "So they get this reward and it's almost transactional."

Then the second child is used as a scapegoat, and is blamed for everything. So much so, that the DTP parent will enjoy playing the children off against each other, and create unnecessary competition.

If there is a third child, Neo says they become the "lost boy" or the "lost girl", who is neglected and more or less completely ignored.

"If you watch the families and see the traits of narcissistic parents, this is often what plays out," Neo said.

"Essentially, it's designed to keep the self esteem of the child low, so the child will always stay small and as a possession, and there's a lot of dictatorship over what a child can or cannot do because it's all about the parents' sense of self."

Read the entire article here: Here's Why Psychopaths Are Unable to Love Their Own Children

LCG: Do the Homeless and Hopeless Find Comfort In "Concern and Compassion?"

Living Church of God wants you to know that it is doing all it can to assist the homeless and those who have no hope.  Just exactly what is it doing?  Are members volunteering in local homeless shelters?  Are they making hot meals for the homeless?  Does LCG open its doors to its meeting halls in the winter to shelter the homeless and feed them? What about those without hope in their own town of Charlotte?  Is the church contributing to international organizations that assist war refugees?

What do you think they are doing?

Here is what they are doing. As they are ensconced in their warm homes after a hearty meal, they are to think about those who are homeless, displaced and without hope.  That apparently is a great comfort to those in need and alleviates LCG members from actually having to associate with a dirty urine-stained homeless person or to really provide comfort to a person who no longer has any hope in life.

When has Rod McNair ever washed a homeless person's feet or fed one of them a hot meal?  When has Gerald Weston stooped down to care for a homeless veteran laying on the sidewalk?  When have the students at the most incredible "university" in the world volunteered at a homeless shelter or worked a suicide prevention hot line?  When has the elite ministry of the church ever gotten their hands dirty or their suits soiled?

Wiping away a tear as you watch some tragedy on the news as you "feel" concern is nothing like putting your feet to the pavement and doing beneficial deeds.

Oh wait, I forgot!  God's going to fix it all in the end, so why waste resources on the homeless when it can be better used to publish the Tomorrow's World magazine.  Most LCG ministers will totally miss the irony in that.  God forbid if they might actually have to get off their pampered butts to bring a foretaste of that Kingdom to the world today.

Homeless and Hopeless: How many people long for a place to call home? How many people globally do have a place they call home? According to a new United Nations study, “One person [is] forced to flee their home every three seconds by war and violence” (The Guardian, June 19, 2017). This translates into over 65 million displaced persons in 2016! The study notes that the majority of these displaced people are refugees and half of them are children! If you have a peaceful place to call home, do you realize how blessed you are?  Are you able to feel concern and compassion for the tens of millions who are on the move, living in unsafe and unsanitary conditions? Stable homes and families are two criteria that are used to identify the ever-elusive human state of peace. Peace is something that everyone seeks and few are able to truly attain. Government agencies and politicians strive for peace, but often little is achieved. The prophet Jeremiah warned that the time would come when the leaders of the world would claim “‘Peace, peace!’ when there is no peace” (Jeremiah 6:14; 8:11, 15). However, Jesus Christ is going to return to this earth and usher in a true time of peace in the Kingdom of God (Isaiah 9:6-7). The God of the Bible states about this exciting future, “My people will dwell in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings [homes], and in quiet resting places” (Isaiah 32:18). 

The Great Joy When Leaving The Church

From Exit and Support.

A person describes the joy they have when leaving the abusive Philadelphia Church of God.   This is the same joy that thousands have shared on different FB pages as they talk how their lives have been since leaving the church.

June 29, 2017
I don't even know where to begin. It's so difficult to summarize my experience and sort out how I'm feeling about everything that this so called "church" has put me, my family, and countless others through. The abuses that we undergo are covered up kept hush-hush and resolved through gossip started by who knows. I started becoming very skeptical when my own family began to be ripped apart by the ministry, who were not to be questioned ever! Every problem was pushed back on us not having it all together, or not praying and studying. No biblical proof was offered, just the opinion of a man who thought he spoke with God's authority--although certainly not with God's LOVE. It's so clear to me now why no one was ever allowed to compare stories or talk about counseling sessions. They did not want us comparing notes on our interactions with the ministry.  

But my last service was when our local minister aired all my family's dirty laundry in front of the congregation, blaming everything on my father's inability to lead. Taking no responsibility for his own interference and meddling. FURIOUS. I left knowing I'd never be back. I told no one and refused to talk to anyone after. A clean cut was the best resolve for me. I was so sick of being dragged into everyone's drama when I had no part in it. And I was certainly tired of feeling beaten down--not good enough and chastised every week at services. Also, if I missed a week, I felt like a child being scolded. I wish I'd left sooner. No, I wish I never would have attended at all.  

Since I've been out, I've been happier than I thought possible. I'm happy to let God judge me. At least it will be true justice. If anyone is considering leaving, do it now. I waited years and regret it deeply. I will mourn family left in and pray they leave. --Raised in WCG; joined PCG as adult