Are We On a Great Quest to Munson the World?

It sure doesn't take much to enact splits among the remnants of the Armstrong cult. Forget about dividing over the Sabbath or doing the Work. Those days are long gone. No, today, God is sifting His people for the purist of the pure, the couragist of the courageous, the faithfulist of the faithful.

For all of you who were dead certain this shake up was about way more than masks and singing...well, you were wrong. Sheldon made two things very clear at the very beginning of his 2nd sermon post-LCG: 1) He did not quit, he was fired. 2) He was fired over his stance on masks and singing.


I have seen many men come and go over the years on a quest to fill Herb's shoes, to take up his mighty mantle and crusade forward in full British-Israel armor, coconut special effects and all. There is a definite script they all follow when they themselves have not come to a come-to-know-Jesus moment or at the very least, everything-Armstrong-is-bullshit moment.

[Full Disclosure: I am by no means siding with LCG in this matter. This is like watching two teams you "love less" in the Superbowl.]


First, they cast themselves as the victim of unfair (nay, Satanic) treatment by those in power. I did not quit, I was fired and I was fired simply for standing up for God's Word. Of course, this always means according to the new narcissist on the block's interpretation of God's Word.


Second is the justification doctrine(s) for boldly holding their ground for Christ's sake. While many men and women of faith have fallen on swords for refusing to deny God's name and denouncing Jesus, some do so to avoid the medieval torture of temporary mask-wearing when fellow-shipping or having your tongue cut out (metaphorically) when you really want to sing whenever you want and around anyone that you want.


Sheldon does point out that what many are trying to get through his thick skull is that the masks are to protect others. But Sheldon very easily brushes this aside as tomfoolery because everyone knows being asymptomatic is nothing new, but a reality concerning diseases for thousands of years.


This was immediately followed up with how once we are called and given God's Spirit, we now know the answers to many things and no longer need science (I know no one is going to believe he said that but go listen to it yourself). He goes on to say that the Bible is the greatest gift to mankind, a sure foundation and so simple to understand, you don't need a high I.Q. to understand it. Life is like a box of chocolates.


Third, build upon one's strengths, especially those brought out by the vicious treatment of the oppressors in power. Sheldon spent time in Acts showing the various acts of great faith and courage of the first Christian leaders. He goes on to say that God loves people with great courage and faith. Again, as he dons the superhero persona of Captain No-Doubt, I am left wondering once again if God does not love brethren that are new or weak in the faith? Does God ignore those who struggle with doubts and uncertainties? Are they expendable until at such a point, they prove themselves worthy of God's affections...of His admiration?


Fourth, the Biblical analogy/story that perfectly aligns with the current situation. For this, Sheldon takes us to Daniel's example who purposely, defiantly, and recklessly disobeyed a direct decree from the king himself by not ceasing (temporarily for 30 days) from praying with his window open. See, the bad guys want to tell us that mask-wearing and not singing is just a temporary situation. These same devils would have told Daniel to stop being a putz and do what you are told for 30 days. But no, Daniel kept throwing that window open in sheer defiance and dared anyone to try and bully him.


He actually went on to liken this to the time of the receivership. Herb was just like Daniel, thumbing his nose at the government, daring them to raid his offices and jail the women he ordered to hold their ground via Raymond McNair. Just like Daniel, the mighty Herb refused to "roll over."


Fifth, build the resume. Sheldon reminded everyone that like Paul, Herb always told us to follow him as he followed Christ. So all of you likewise being "Munsoned" by my sermon, follow me as I follow Christ. Don't be men-pleasers (obvious shot at the LCG COE) and go through life fearful. Support true leaders, even going to jail with them. And now the credentials: Sheldon went to AC from 81-85. He tended to Herb's gardens and got to know Herb quite well. In fact, Sheldon went on to say, "...and HWA knew who I was."


Then after HWA was dead, Tkach called Sheldon into his office and demanded information about someone else. Sheldon assured him that he did not know anything and was promptly fired. But, the next day, Tkach apologized for he found out Sheldon really was ignorant, rehired him, and sent him off in a limousine to go buy him a few new suits. (You can't make this stuff up) Sheldon went on to say that he accepted his job back and the new suits and went on to serve Tkach for several years BUT I DID NOT LET HIS GENEROSITY BUY ME! Okay, Sheldon.


Sixth, promise to lead the Philadelphia remnant faithfully into the place of safety. There are yes-men everywhere in the churches. The path is narrower (yes and always growing narrower with each new Herb) and a very precious few are chosen (and this justifies why we will never amount to anything either in numbers or effectiveness when it comes to work).


Sheldon closed by saying that stories of faith are easy to read but we must live it. Let no man steal your crown. Unfortunately, Sheldon will choose not to live by faith. He will set up a top-down corporation and demand 10-30+% income from anyone he can "Munson" into his low I.Q. ignorance cult. He used the same worn out playbook so many before him have used to create their own fiefdoms. He will join the hall-of-famers like Thiel, Pack and Flurry but never come close to accomplishing anything like Herb. Thank God!

May thee internet continue to be thy holy hand grenade.

by Stoned Stephen Society

One Man and One Woman? Jerry Falwell, Garner Ted, Herbert Armstrong, and Your Ordained COG Leader Here _____________________)

Read: In Bed With Garner Ted

One Man and One Woman?

Jerry Falwell Jr. has joined a distinguished/notorious list of Evangelical Christian leaders whose private sexual morality has not matched their public pronouncements. Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, Herbert W Armstrong, Garner Ted Armstrong, and Jimmy Swaggart promoted the "one man and one woman formula" when it came to homosexuals, but not so much when it applied to themselves. Likewise, we have learned that Jerry Falwell Jr. apparently welcomed a third person into his marriage for eight years (we are told that he liked to stand in the corner and watch his wife and the pool boy get jiggy with it).

I can hear it now: "Their moral failures don't make homosexuality right!" Which I am not at all reluctant to acknowledge is certainly true. However, it does negate the moral authority of these folks to discourse on the sexual morality of others. And, if we compare such behavior to the list of credentials which the Apostle Paul outlined for Church leaders, we are forced to reach the conclusion that they are disqualified from serving as leaders in the Church of Jesus Christ.

"What about David and repentance?" some of my religious friends will demand. It is one of the foundational tenets of Christianity that ANY time we are willing to repent and ask for God's forgiveness in Jesus' name, God is willing to forgive. Nevertheless, when Paul composed his list of qualifications for Church leaders, we have to assume that he was fully aware of how grace, mercy, and forgiveness worked when he recorded them. God forgave David, but we are told that he and his kingdom suffered horrendous public and private consequences for his sins. Paul said that no one can separate us from the love of God, but it is evident that he felt that folks could disqualify themselves from Church leadership!

Lonnie Hendrix

The Vikings: Your Ancient Tribal Ancestors...Does it Matter?

Our one and only self-appointed COG prophet and ONLY true teacher of history and the Bible is back with a wonderfully written craptastic post about the Vikings being our spiritual ancestors, thanks to the British-Israelism myth the COG embraces. 

Thanks to Herbert Armstong plagiarizing John Allen's, Judah's Scepter and Joseph's Birthright when he jumped on the money-making British-Israelism train, the Church of God got stuck with the 12 tribes nonsense as the ideal diversion to not have to talk about Jesus. After all, what is more interesting, fictional speculative history or hearing about Jesus, that effeminate emasculated dude that Protestants talk about. The Armstrong Church of God movement made a clear choice in the matter on which path to follow. From Herman Hoeh to Bob Thiel to Craig White, BI is the doctrine of the day, Jesus be damned, but Woo-hoo 12-Tribes!

Our amazing Doubly-blessed and almost-arrested Bob Thiel is enthralled by a former COG member's (Bert Otten) speculation that some of the Vikings are from the tribe of Benjamin! Who knew! 

Thiel writes:

Retired teacher Bert Otten, who was once part of the old WCG, sent me a paper with his reasons why he feels that many ‘Western Vikings’ are the descendants of the biblical tribe of Benjamin. He told me that I could edit and/or use what he sends in any way.

Here is some of his article:

The tribal area of Benjamin was a buffer area between the House of Israel and the House of Judah. People tended to stay in their cities and homes and thus a number of the Benjamites were taken along into the Assyrian captivity of the Ten Tribes. …

Vikings in the British Isles

During the Viking Age many Vikings settled in the British Isles. Many Britons have some Viking blood. … Vikings from Norway circled the whole and came from the north and settled in Scotland, Ireland (Dublin), Wales and the Isle of Man. Benjamin embraced Joseph in the Bible and in a sense Benjamin embraced Joseph on the map and mixed with Joseph.

Thanks to the Vikings we now know where the words come from when we talk about the berserk COG leaders and the ugly muck they continually thrust upon us in their sick quest for power! Again, Who knew! 

Linguistic Loans

No wonder that the English language has many Old Norse loans: anger, awe, are, berserk, call, cast, egg, fellow, fog, gap, get, gun, happy, husband, ill, kid, kindle, knife, knot, law, leg, loft, low, mire, muck, odd, outlaw, wrong, wing, window, whirl, weak, until, ugly, trust, till, tidings, thwart, thrust, thrift, though, their, teem, take, sway, sick, etc.

There are three Rachel tribes: Ephraim, Manasseh and Benjamin. The Rachel tribes camped west of the Tabernacle, under Ephraim’s leadership. I believe that the western Vikings (from Denmark and Norway) are descendants of Benjamin and ended up in Denmark, Norway, Iceland and the Faeroe Islands. Ephraim and Manasseh ended up in the British Isles, all three far to the west.

Quite a few Vikings settled in the British Isles. Many Danes settled in Normandy, which got its name from the Norsemen. Many of these Normans (with Viking blood) crossed the Channel with William the Conqueror (1066) and settled in the British Isles too. So, in the Viking Age many Vikings went west.

Norse Vikings

About 500 years before Columbus (1492) and the English (1497), the Norse Vikings arrived in America. The Norse Vikings sailed their ships westwards to Iceland, Greenland and Vinland (New Foundland, Canada). The Viking colony in Greenland survived for about 450 to 500 years. The Viking Benjamites were the first in the New World and the first of the Israelites to go west. Later on to be followed by many others of the Lost Tribes.

Benjamin is A RAVENOUS WOLF, in the morning devouring the prey, and at even dividing the spoil.” (Gen 49:27, RSV).

Jewish Encyclopedia

The Jewish Encyclopedia states about this: “[According to the rabbis]: His comparison to the ravening wolf (Cant. R. to viii. 1), “who devours his enemy” (Gen. xlix. 27) is referred to the men of Shiloh who stole their wives (Judges xxi.) or to Ehud or to Saul. By others it is referred to Mordecai and Esther (Gen. R. xcix. and Tan., Wayeḥi, 14; so also in the original text of the Testaments of the Twelve Patriarchs [Benjamin ii]; whereas a Christian interpolation refers it to Paul). …

Vikings – wolves

There is no people that fulfilled this verse as the Vikings did during the three centuries of the Viking Age. In gangs they attacked early in the morning in hit-and-run style, and at evening they divided the spoil. The common sword of the time was the Ulfberht sword. Ulfberht probably was the name of a bladesmith or of a group of bladesmiths. Ulfberht translates into English as Bright Wulf.

Benjamin & Violence (Sword)

There are tribes that are quite peaceful, like Asher, Zebulun and Issachar. Then there are militaristic tribes like Ephraim, Gad and Manasseh. The tribe of Benjamin was often involved in violence. That’s why Jacob prophesied Benjamin to be a devouring wolf.

Lefthanded Ehud single-handedly killed the king of Moab. The men of Gibeah raped a woman a whole night long so that she died. The Benjamites did not want to hand over the culprits, so they started a civil war of 1 tribe aginst 11 (Vikings avant la lettre). Abner, Saul’s army commander killed Asahel with a backwards thrust of his spear. Saul fought 40 years for his kingdom and died on the hills of Gilboa with his sons. Jonathan conquered a Philistine outpost all by himself and Saul/Paul persecuted the church with the sword.

Benjamites are good organizers and kingdom builders. At the time of the judges Israel was a loose confederation of tribes. There was no central governance, no king. God used the Benjamite Saul to build the kingdom, which was later taken over by the House of David. …

Paul was instrumental in building that Church with his missionary journeys and his epistles. Paul wrote 13 of the 26 NT books. Paul was an able organizer and he was of the tribe of Benjamin. …

Vikings – organizers & kingdom builders

Vikings were not just plunderers in hit-and-run actions, but also good organizers. Otherwise they would never have been able to make these long journeys. …

Benjamites (Vikings) are good organizers and kindom builders. The Scandinavian kingdoms today are well organized states.

Then our amazing prophet makes this mind-boggling declaration that seals the above speculation as fact:

Perhaps I should add that my wife and I have been to Iceland once.

WTH????? What does this have to do with anything?  I have stood at the crossing of ley-lines in England where ancient Celts and Druids had sacred places on which Christian churches exist today, but again, who cares? But, I am not a true prophet sent by god in this perilous end times to preach the truth lost for 1,980 years. Sigh....

Our Icelandic visitor ends with this:

While there are various ways to look at those and other prophecies, let me conclude by stating that I do believe that those of Iceland and Norway are essentially descended from biblical Benjamin, though there is ethnic intermingling.

As far as Bert Otten goes, he tends to be more of a Messianic than a Church of God leader, but we do have some points of agreement.

That being said, knowing where various peoples have come from, help us better understand how the Bible teaches that various ones will be affected by end time events that are still to come to pass.

That's a load of bullshit! While knowing about speculative mythology and history may be eternally fascinating, it has absolutely NOTHING of value for any follower of Jesus. This is just more crap to get in the way of people who should be told about Jesus and how to practice grace, love, and mercy as they make the kingdom of God tangible in the world around them, today. Sadly the COG movement places its emphasis in minor irrelevant things instead of focusing upon the bigger things in which they seem to be eternally embarrassed.

If this kind of mythology  interests you, then check it out here: Bert Otten on Western Vikings as descendants of the Tribe of Benjamin