Would Jesus Return To A Certain COG That "Claims" It Is Practicing First Century Christianity?

 

It's been another wild day in COGland with various COGs making all kinds of ludicrous claims. From the deluded faithful in Wadsworth waiting for Jesus to come and visit them to the faithful in Edmond Oklahoma deciding who Melchizedek is. LCG and UCG are basking in the after Feast glow and basically doing nothing, like normal. Thhjis then brings us to a claim from our favorite self-appointed false prophet, the Great Bwana Bob Thiel.

After self-appointing himself as a COG leader when he suffered horrendous butthurt when Rod Meredith turned his back on him, The Great Bwana set off in a vain attempt to create the greatest COG ever. The claims that soon arose from the Bwana's lips were beyond belief, so much so that 99.99% of the COG members turned their backs on Beto Bob before the ink was dry on his papers he filed with the the State of California. 

Despite having no legitimate apostolic ordination or link of succession, the Great Beto claimed he was a world-recognized authority on church history, the Mayans' Bible, prophecy, and other ludicrous claims. No man leading a COG since the days of the apostles has ever been as great as the Bwana Beto. The only thing he hasn't claimed is an immaculate conception, which is probably why he fails to ever discuss his parents.

Today, the Great Bwana is back claiming that his group, the improperly named "continuing" church of "god", is the ONLY COG out there that is practicing 1st-century Christianity. Beto Bob no more knows what 1st-century Christians believed than Jesus recently finding out he was supposed to return to Wadsworth first, then sup with Dave and later walk around the most beautiful COG campus ever constructed in history, as they plan for his third coming.

After listing a bunch of bullet points (can a COG leader ever speak or write with our numbered bullet points) the Great Bwana directs his 150 some Caucasians to one of his creepy videos where he accosts a woman in the park to preach to her his so-called message to her.

Never once in his numerous bullet points does he direct anyone to consider Jesus Christ, what his death and resurrection meant, the New Covenant, grace, justification, or mercy. Instead is just standard COG tripe proving right they are.

There is no way on the green earth that Bwana Bob's church is carrying on the legacy of 1st-century Christians. They would be like Paul and cast him out so fast he would not even know what happened.

LCG Members Exhorted To Not Walk As Fools But Redeem Their Time

 

Thoughts? Is this something that LCG will accomplish? The members might, but the leadership...? The leadership seems to present itself above the brethren in spiritual knowledge and actions.

Plans for the Coming Year: As we return from the Feast, where we have just reviewed the dramatic concluding events of God’s great plan of salvation for mankind and the universe, it is a good time to think about your own plans for the coming year. The Apostle Paul reminded the Ephesian brethren that they had been called out of darkness to walk in the light, and to “walk circumspectly, not as fools… redeeming the time [making the most of your time], because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:8–15). We have been called to reign with Jesus Christ in the coming Kingdom of God (Revelation 5:10; 20:4–6). We need to get ready for that important role (Matthew 24:42–44). The Scriptures also admonish us to “ponder the path of your feet” (Proverbs 4:25–27). As we look ahead to next year, reflect on what you learned at the Feast and what changes you need to make in your life in the coming year. Set some goals to pray and study and draw closer to God, and look for ways to prepare for the incredible opportunity to help change the world as you reign with Jesus Christ.

Have a profitable Sabbath,

Douglas S. Winnail

David C Pack: "additional STUNNING mysteries have come clear!"

 

Preemptive Failure #401

 

David C. Pack, the Pester General of The Restored Church of Another god, has a terrible habit of getting ahead of his own failure. Often hours before it fails so he can save face when it inevitably does. That should tell anyone paying attention that if the guy who said the words cannot commit until the end, perhaps they should not either.

 

He is a distance runner who walks off the field 100 meters from the finish line. And the race was yesterday. Sports analogies are lost on Dave, but to put it another way: He is not a closer. He could not “seal the deal” if he were a Ziploc bag.

 

Are you paying attention, Raymond? I know this is not what you signed up for. Get out while you still can.

 

Like more gold falling from heaven, a Pathetic Update kneecapping Parts 400 and 401 was blessed upon the members of RCG last night.

 

 

Prophecy Update – October 24, 2022

 

Good evening brethren!

 

By every account, the mysteries revealed in parts 400 and 401 have electrified the Church.

 

Everything we learned – including the arrival of the 1335 tomorrow morning – remains certain. However, additional STUNNING mysteries have come clear! We may wait a bit into the month of Cheshvan – at least long enough for a part 402 explaining these things that everyone must hear. Our wait is not long.

 

You will want to hear this message about an hour as soon as it is posted, likely tomorrow evening!

 

Church Administration

 

 

I started to yellow highlight the stupid parts, but the whole thing is a stupid part. Imagine it is all blazing yellow like my truck used to be. (Okay, I may still be bitter about that.)

 

“…have electrified the Church.”

 

The only folks electrified in RCG are the ones receiving shock therapy. That shivering is not excitement but involuntary convulsions.

 

The few vocal glazed-eye zealots smiling after Services are who Dave is referring to. I know those people at Headquarters by name. The ones who “fake” believing Dave avoid them like the plague. You say just enough to address their lunatic enthusiasm, so they will move on, unaware you did not agree with them. 

 

Those people are so blinded by their own self-denial that they cannot handle an honest conversation about the facts of the prophecy series. If you make a comment that remotely sounds like criticism, they will jump down your throat and tell you how “your heart is not right before God.”

 

The biggest “fakers” in RCG are on the third floor of the Hall of Administration. The “Enabler-in-Chief” is the Top Dog of that club.

 

 

“…including the arrival of the 1335 tomorrow morning – remains certain.”

 

Failure? Or another silent 1335 arrival?

 

In the Packian Fantasy World, the 1335 traditionally appears and disappears with notice. It came. Oops, it left. It’s here now. Oh boy, it left again. My rabbit friend, Harvey, can tell you all about it.

 

If the 1335 appears in Wadsworth and no one heard, saw, or felt it, did it really happen?

 

Dave moonwalked away from the invisible arrival of the 1335 a while ago.

 

Part 391 – September 3, 2022

@ 1:10:56  Now, one of the things that bothered me. We're blessed when we hit the 1335. I would ask myself, and I ask other people, "You feel blessed? We been blessed for two or three weeks now?" Nobody felt blessed.

@ 1:11:18 And the answer is, brethren, let me say it clearly, No! Because blessed is attached to salvation. We’re blessed when Christ comes outta that cloud.

@ 1:11:35 Blessed is when salvation comes. And it looks like it’s attached to 15 days before something. I’m pretty sure it’s Trumpets.

 

David C. Pack failed in the past. He fails in the present. He will fail in the future. A simple passing of time forced this conclusion.

 

“…additional STUNNING mysteries have come clear!”

 

Precisely as was written in the last article, “The final will have additions.”

 

Why does clarity always come to Dave when it is too late to matter? The god he worships has a horrible sense of timing. Within 48 hours, he negated his own comments wrapping up the Series.

 

Part 401 – October 23, 2022

@ 1:01:48 The Mystery of God is over. There’s nothing else to tell you…The final picture is unbreakable. Its working parts are too simple to get wrong.

 

Sometimes I feel like Robert De Niro at the movie theater in Cape Fear. Dave missed his calling as a comedian and a swimmer. I imagine him as a hybrid of Steven Wright and Ricky Gervais. (If you are ever depressed, watch the Ricky Gervais Netflix specials. You will be crying in a good way.)

 

I knew Dave was going to screw this up. You knew Dave was going to screw it up. Maybe even Stepford Prime did, too. And boy, if Ed can figure that one out, there is hope for anyone still there.

 

To be fair, I did not expect him to screw it up so fast! 48 hours, man!

 

“We may wait a bit…”

 

A couple hundred people have been waiting “a bit” since 2013. It will be far more than a bit.

 

As sunset passes on the East Coast and Cheshvan welcomes Wadsworth with open arms, I ponder Cheshvan 30, which falls on the U.S. Thanksgiving this year. Dave already turned his nose up at Kislev during Part 400, but once he puts on his beer goggles, she will look hotter as November continues.

 

I am a non-prophet/non-psychic. Not a real one. Remember that when I nail it again.

 

“…long enough for a part 402 explaining these things that everyone must hear.

Our wait is not long.

You will want to hear this message about an hour as soon as it is posted,

likely tomorrow evening!”

 

To read this carefully is to reveal the deception. They KNEW this morning was going to fail, yet did not say it. They wrote “remains certain” instead of “certainly not.” They wrote “may” instead of “will.”

 

Part 402 was already scheduled Monday night, which means not one hireling at Headquarters rested his head on the pillow last night wondering about the next day. Business as usual for them.

 

The hirelings care not for the sheep!

 

There were desperate people in RCG holding on to hope so tight they had trouble sleeping. Instead of sparing those few with the torment of disappointment as the morning rolled on, enablers opted to dangle a false narrative that they themselves did not believe.

 

Rather than being honest, they opted to avoid brotherly love for the brethren they snatch green envelopes from, leaving them on their own to “figure it out” by lunchtime. Mercy is for the weak, I suppose.

 

Dave will brag in Part 402 that he “knew nothing was gonna happen” at 10:56 am this morning. That would be a nice way to rub their noses in it.

 

The “ministers” of Jesus Christ, indeed. Shame on the lot of you.

 

By their fruits, you shall know them.

 

May God reward you according to your works.