Imagine if you will, that it's Sabbath morning and you finally have all the kids dressed and snacks packed as you head out for your one-hour drive to church services in the Odd Fellows Lodge in the neighboring city. Being that it is post-Passover time you are looking forward to hearing a sermon about how the works of Jesus on the cross and his resurrection have made you a new person covered by grace and mercy.
Then you finally arrive at church and open up your briefcase balanced on your lap and pull out your Moffatt Bible and notebook as you expect to take copious notes for your edification late in the week when your spiritual reserves have been depleted.
This week you are doubly blessed on this Sabbath day as the glorious leader of your church is the guest speaker! Woo hoo! The long drive will be worth it!
You notice a canvas graphic hanging on the wall behind the podium with creases in it as if it had just been unfolded and taped to the wall. It is another indication of amazing things to be heard over the next hour and a half.
After three rousings hymns and a five-minute opening prayer asking for Father in heaven to bless the preacher so that his words may edify us so we can inculcate the prophet's words, you settle in as a local elder gives a 20-minute sermonette on why it is important that real men do not swear black socks with their dark suits. You look down and see your black socks and subconsciously reach down and pull your pants leg down as much as you can to cover them. Red-faced you slide your feet as far back under the metal folding chair as you can looking forward to the end of the sermonette.
Then, mercifully he stops and it's time to sing another rousing hymn and then sit back down for announcements about local fundraisers and fruit sales that desperately are being done to raise money to send to Africa. Then it's time for the wife of the local minister to sing special music in her high-pitched off-tune voice that grates on your nerves till you want to scream, yet you dutifully smile when she is done.
Then the moment you have been waiting for has arrived and the church leader is about to speak! He jumps from his seat and bounds on stage with his big thick Bible and a few of his newly released books he has written. His arms begin to raise and his hands start flapping as he stutters and clears his throat numerous times.
Then he starts speaking about fornication, masturbation, pornography, fantasy sex, sexting, and same-sex relations. Your else roll back in your head and your butt suddenly starts getting numb. You look at your watch and you still have one hour and twenty-five minutes yet to go and immediately know that Jesus won't be mentioned much, if at all.
You write at the top of your note page "The Seventh Commandment" and start taking notes. The sub-headings are starting to fill up several pages.
The Seventh Commandment teaches that people are not to commit adultery. Why?
What is adultery?
What about fornication, masturbation, pornography, fantasy sex, sexting, and same-sex relations?
Are there societal costs for violating the 7th Commandment?
What about crime and disease?
What did Jesus say about marriage, adultery, and divorce?
Is there such a thing as spiritual adultery?
Were Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed for their abominations and going after ‘strange flesh’?
Was Sodom also for pride?
Do those destroyed in Sodom and Gomorrah have any possible hope?
Does the Bible condemn cross-dressing?
Does the Bible teach the condoning of homosexual and lesbian relationships?
Could marriage be a God-plan relationship teaching us about Christ and His church?
Was adultery called a sin before God wrote the Ten Commandments down on Mt. Sinai?
Should all that breath be concerned about avoiding sexual immorality?
Were problems with sexual immorality prophesied for the last days?
Is marriage supposed to be about love and not lust? What about faithfulness?
Finally, the speaker is close to the end of his sermon and you make a note in your notebook and show it to your wife...Why hasn't he spoken about Jesus and what was accomplished?
The sermon finally ends and there's a final hymn about dashing the skulls of people against the rocks and a gratuitous final prayer is said. By this point, you jump out of your seat to try and get circulation back into your sore butt. You turn around and put your Moffatt Bible back in the briefcase and snap it shut, then gather the kid's toys and blanket up from the floor and put it back in the bag. You and your wife both look wearily at each other and silently agree to shake a few hands and take off for your drive back home.
As you settle into the car and you pull onto the highway the snack bag comes out filled with dried beef sandwiches on organic whole wheat bread, organic grapes, bananas, and a few fig bars. As you drive you silently wonder how much of that sex talk your kids had absorbed.
You finally arrive home as the sun is starting to set. You soon dial the local pizza joint and order a pizza, turn on the television, and settle in to decompress.
Thus ends a typical Sabbath in the improperly named "continuing" Church of God.
