Jesus Humor

One of my favorite blogs is "Jesus Needs New PR" a site the exposes the silly side of Christians and legalistic thought.  One of his side links is "Jesus Pictures"

"It's so cute that your daddy thinks he has himself a little football player, but sadly, you're going to be a dancer, a really good dancer." -Jesus

"Oh, don't let the sparkles scare you. This is just what happens when I'm around white people." -Jesus

"What did you say? Does your mother know you use the word, 'sucks'? And better yet, would she approve? I don't think so. Maybe we should walk over and ask her. You want us to do that? You realize your brothers are judging you, right? I can read it on their hearts. And I'm gonna let it slide for now." -Jesus

"Sometimes I pretend there's a staircase to earth. And I like sliding down its banister. I'm Jesus, okay? I can do that if I want to. You pretend there's a staircase to Heaven! You're just mad because you can't slide up." -Jesus

UCG HQ Threatening South America Ministers Who Follow Leon Walker

The ax is ready to fall on all ministers in South America that have aligned with Leon Walker.  Disunited United continues it's downward spiral!  How good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.......Ha!

November 11, 2010

Via email: the original will be arriving via postal mail

RE: You affiliation with United Church of God, an international association

Greeting from Dennis Luker, from the Home Office in Cincinnati.

It is evident that there is actually more than one organization that is now operating in what before was one Church of God that was united in the Hispanic area under the name the United Church of God, an international association (UCGia).

The original structure, which continues and is the only one recognized by the UCGia, is the one administered under me as the Director of the Hispanic Region (Director). According to the Rules of Association the subsidies of the UCGia continue to help the elders and member of the congregations that have maintained their association with the UCGia and recognize me as the Director.

During the recent month of June, a new organization was formed under the leadership of an elder that before was part of UCGia and was the Regional Director of the Hispanic Regions, Leon Walker. This separation began about the time that Mr. Walker was removed and no longer employed as the Director, this occurred on June 22, 2010. In spite of the removal of Mr. Walker as the Director, and after the Council of Elders of the UCGia (from here on referred to as the COE) authorized the removal of his ministerial credentials, he continues to claim that he is the Director and he has ministers and members following him, and we understand your are one of those elders.

Under the Rule of Association (ROA) of the UCGia, the pastors and elders should be ordained ministers whose credentials are recognized by the UCGia and they should continue in that status if they want to be affiliated with the UCGia (ROA 2-100). However since the ministerial credentials of Mr. Walker have been revoked by the UCGia he cannot continue to serve as an elder (or Regional Director) of any congregation or religious entity/group of the UCGia, in Latin America. It should be pointed out that under established guidelines, an elder that is appealing cannot be exercising or performing his ministerial functions while he is appealing the revocation of his ministerial credentials. This also applies to the ministers/pastors that were part of UCGia, Saul Langarica, Lauro Roybal, from Chile and Mexico respectively (and of the area they previously administered), whose credentials have also been revoked by UCGia. (1)

In no region of the world can two entities (in this case competitors) exist both affirming that they are part of UCGia. There can only be one representative of UCGia in each country or in each designated geographic area (ROA rule 3-110). Only those elders and those congregations in Latin America that accept me as their Director can be considered part of the UCGia.

However, I understand, that you want to continue to be affiliated with Mr. Walker's group (no matter what name this organization is given) and you do not recognize me as Director, although sufficient time has passed to give you the opportunity to reconsider your decision to continue you association with this group.

Under the Ministerial Code of Ethics, all of the elders of UCGia should support the Constitution and the Bylaws of the UCGia, which grant the COE jurisdiction over your ministerial credentials (which includes who can serve as Regional Director—which is a ministerial post) and also which groups or entitles are recognized by UCGia, and can be therefore affiliated.

To refuse to respect these decisions, and continue affiliating with a group that is not recognized as part of the UCGia, you give the COE of the UCGia no other option than to suppose that you do no longer want to be a elder of the UCGia and that you openly defy the decisions of the COE. Since you are listed as an elder of UCGia, when in reality you are not a part of UCGia, this only causes confusion in the church in Latin America and this situation cannot be permitted to continue.

As a result, we advise you that at the next teleconference of the Council of Elders, the agenda will include an item to revoke your UCGia ministerial credentials through the authorization of the COE and also your removal as a member of the General Conference of Elders. You however have the option of resigning as an elder of the UCGia in which case it will not be necessary for the COE to revoke your ministerial credentials.

On the other hand, if there has been an error and you are not affiliated with Mr. Walker's group or assisting it, and you want to continue as a elder in the UCGia, and you accept me as the Director of Hispanic Areas of the UCGia, please do not delay in advising me immediately so that I can inform the COE. You may communicate with me using the following email address: dennis_luke.org.

Yours faithfully

United Church of God, an International Association

Signed: Dennis Luker

President of UCGia and

Director of the Hispanic Region, UCGia

The Naked Gospel Quiz/Obsessive Christianity Disorder

Here's a quiz for you. Many of these questions are staples of Armstrongism thought. How many are true and how many are false?

The Naked Gospel Quiz

Below are ten faith-related concepts that don't seem to be regularly discussed in many churches today. But our view on each of these concepts affects our relationship with God, our spiritual growth and our fulfillment in life. So for each of the ten concepts, decide whether you think each is true or false, and you'll be presented with the answers at the end of the quiz.

1. Christians should ask God to forgive and cleanse them when they sin. *	True False
2. Christians struggle with sin because of their old self within. *	True False
3. We should wait on God even before making everyday decisions. *	True False
4. When we sin against God, we're out of fellowship until we repent. *	True False
5. Old Testament law is written on Christians' hearts so we want to obey it. *	True False
6. The Bible tells us that Christians can obtain many rewards in heaven. *	True False
7. Christians will give an account for their sins at the great white throne. *	True False
8. Christians should tithe at least 10 percent of their income to the church. *	True False
9. God gets angry with us when we repeatedly sin against him. *	True False
10. God looks at us as though we're righteous, even though we're really not. *	True False

If 'Submit' does not work, check out the web site:  The Naked Gospel Quiz

Is Your Life Safer in UCG or LCG?

Chiropractor Bob, Armstrongism apologist extraordinaire,  is giddy with excitement over UCG's latest round of upheavals.  In his eyes this is further proof that UCG is a heretical church and that Living Church of God is the one true preserver of faith (pre-1986, of course).

In Bob's eyes, UCG has departed from the truth in their church governmental structure, in their  watering down of COG specific doctrines, in rebellious ministers, and other heretical COG viewpoints.

Bob would love to see the disillusioned UCG folk jump ship and join LCG under God's true end-time leader Spanky.  According to Bob there is no dissent or heresy in LCG. The ministry is one big happy daisy smelling group of men skipping  though the pastures of the Lord.

However, one needs to take into consideration that your chances of dying, being sexually molested, or beaten rise considerable by being part of LCG.

So far, LCG has been the only COG church to have experienced killings during a church service.

A member of LCG went on a killing spree one Sabbath morning killing seven members and wounding  four others, all because of Spanky's aberant teachings.

“Tragedy puts spotlight on small, obscure church: Illinois-based pastor is among those killed in shooting”

The community rallied around the LCG folk with sympathy and Christian crosses in the snow.  Chiropractor Bob went into apoplectic melt down over the crosses.

According to Bob crosses are idolatrous and anyone who uses them are pagan imbeciles filled with heresy:

The early church is warned not to associate with any "Christian" who is involved with idolatry. The New Testament warns that idolaters are considered to be heathen and will be judged as such (please see the article Hope of Salvation).

Prior to that sad incident, various web sites had reported about LCG covering up for a sexual molester in Washington state.  Others talked about a certain high up leader of LCG who had a penchant for young boys from Imperial Schools.  He was well known with the boys at Imperial for wanting to see them naked on camping trips to Camp River Glenn.

Spanky's nickname is not something that was though up for no reason.  He got that name after he bragged in a Feast of Tabernacles sermon years ago that he spanked his wife when she was rebellious.  He was also a strong advocate for child spanking over the decades.  Everyone one of his sermons refers to spanking in one form or another.  "God is coming to SPANK the world!";  "God is spanking the church."; "God is spanking the United States", etc, etc, etc, etc, etc,.

The only safest place to be for any UCG or LCG  member is OUTSIDE the COG.  With Armstrongism's bloated desire to be martyrs for the 'truth once restored', it will not be long till some deviate evangelist in charge of some splinter cult will lead his members to their deaths.

Six-Pack Flurry has been preparing his members to flee to the desert in Jordan. Neville Stevens (Australia) has a minuscule following of exCOGgers that boasted a few years ago online that they were ready to lift up sword to kill anyone who disagreed with Steven's teachings and that they would willingly kill all who opposed them.

Various splinter cult leaders have rained down edicts of death on bloggers and web site owners around the world who mock their silly organizations.  "He Who Cannot Be Named", Dave Pack, Ron Wienland are just a few of the useless idiots who spit out death threats towards critics.

I can't forget Neville Stevens either.  He and his little cult of idiots pronounced a horrible death to me years ago that would occur on Passover night.  I would be struck dead in the most horrific way on Passover night for daring to mock Neville and his moronic teachings.  So far over 10 Armstrongite 'passover's' have come and gone and I am still here.

The Couch Potato Neville

So the questions remains. Are you truly safer being in a COG splinter group or not?  UCG certainly is safer than LCG.  But, UCG also has some truly WEIRD ministers who have the potential to influence other mentally disturbed members to do extraordinary things.   It will not be long till another person snaps in one of the splinter cults and more will die.  Ultimately, life is safer outside COGdom.

Domestic Violence in Armstrongism

In March of 2009 Dakota O'Leary posted the story of her life in Armstrongism on the God Discussion blog.

An open letter to those who have experienced abuse at the hands of religion

She goes into great detail on how her so called 'christian' father beat her mother continually.  Despite repeated complaints to the COG ministry, they did nothing.  The ministry blamed her mother for not being submissive!  What degenerate filth these ministers were/still are!  This is just one case in thousands who have lived and currently live their lives in terror with abusive spouses.

Armstrongism created an atmosphere of self righteousness that fostered this abuse.  When one of it's demanding doctrines is that women are to SUBMIT to their husbands in all things what more could we expect?

This kind of abuse still goes on in LCG, PCG, UCG, and many of the other splinter cults.  I have seen some of the men who abused their wives and know what happened.  They now are part of various splinter cults and certainly have NOT changed their ways.  One man who is part of Spanky's cult in Charlotte NC, was so mentally abusive to his wife that she cowered in his presence.  She called him Sir.  She dressed in long dresses, no make up, her hair was always in a state of disarray.  Nothing ever pleased this vile little man. He had to have been the most unhappy person I had ever met! Of course in his eyes he was Armstrongism's most perfect follower.

Here is a small excerpt from her letter.  You can access the entire letter above in the link.

My mother was severely beaten for the entire time we belonged to Worldwide.   My father claimed he was beating her in order to "get her under submission" to him because the church taught that men were head of the households under Jesus Christ.     My dad would try to explain to me while he was beating her that he was "saving" her soul for God by "beating Satan out of her."       He was always careful to not touch her face.   He left bruises where they could be covered up.   And lest you think my dad was somehow justified for beating her, he would also call her a whore.   He called her a bitch.   He called her every filthy name under the sun while he beat her.   He held her and me hostage while on a religious retreat in South Dakota. He held us hostage in our hotel room for 12 hours, with no food or water, threatening us with further violence if we tried to leave.   To this day Mom and I have no idea why he held us hostage.   When my dad beat my mom, he used his hands, he used object, and he even beat her with the Bible, beat her with a book that is supposed to be holy. he beat her so hard he broke the binding on one of his Bibles.   He abused her psychologically, when he wasn't beating her, and the mental headgames that went on was like walking through a minefield.     You never knew what would set my dad off.   Ever.   Yet my dad's public face was quite another matter. In public, he was kind, and courteous, and helped out many church members. In public, he complimented my mother, and was really, just a completely different person from the madman we knew at home.   No one would ever have believed in our church that my dad was a wife beater.   No one did for a long time.

My mother tried to get help. She appealed to the pastor.   The pastor made more trips to our house than he made to the grocery store. And the result was not ever in my mother's favor.   The pastor told my dad that my dad was in the right.   He told my dad in front of my mother that my dad, as head of the household under Jesus Christ had the right, even the duty to "do whatever it took" to get my mother to submit.     Over and over for 15 years my mother heard that tired litany, not just from one pastor, but from three and four pastors.     Our pastor even made a public example of my mother in church telling the congregation that she had a problem submitting, and then, after services, locked my mother in a room with himself and the associate pastor there as a witness, and screamed at my mother for an hour.   My dad never got screamed at.   He got invited to the pastor's house and they watched football games together.   They were best buddies.   While my dad was off palling around with the pastor, my mother was figuring out just how to submit.   And she tried.   She stopped talking about anything controversial.   She stopped offering opinions.   She stopped drawing, because drawing annoyed my dad, because pursing anything she was personally interested in took time away from him.   She stopped being a person and became what she would nervously jokingly term "a puppet."   She cooked, cleaned, worked two jobs, and handed over her paychecks to my dad, never getting any of the money for herself.   If she refused to hand over her paychecks, Dad would beat her, and did beat her, with the breadboard.     He spent the money on tools, and toys for himself and gave large offerings at church, while we went without food (which is why she tried not to hand over all the money to my dad).   When my dad was around she did exactly what he told her to do and said exactly what she thought he wanted to hear.   The difficulty was in my house, saying "pass the salt" could start World War 3.     The violence escalated to the point where there came a day that my dad nearly killed her.   He picked her up and threw her under the kitchen table and he threw her so hard she slid across the kitchen and hit her head on the kitchen sink cupboard doors hard enough to render her unconscious.       I lived in fear for years, and suffer from anxiety today, which I take medication for.     I lived in my room, with books, because I couldn't bear to see that evil played out, and because I felt so powerless to stop it.   We'd go to church and be all happy and normal and the abuse was effectively–hidden.   But not really.   Worldwide broke up in 1996, and people I used to go to church with came forward and confessed they knew "something bad" was going on, but didn't know what to do about it. I also heard stories of horrors going on that nothing was ever done about–spousal rape being near the top of the list.     Again, nothing was done, because in most Christian churches "rape" doesn't exist if you're married.

Here are a few books from Amazon that deal with domestic violence in the Church.  Despite the fact that the various splinter cults of Armstrongism deny there is abuse in their churches, it IS going on.  They are liars, plain and simple.

Breaking the Silence

Domestic Violence and the Church

Epidemic of the Silent Church

Woman Submit