Wednesday, April 17, 2013

James Malm Instructing His Church Members On What They Will Be Allowed To Do At His Feast Site


Head Usher said...

Might as well rename it the Feast of Box. At least I get to smoke though.

So, how do feast reservations work in the new Church of Malm?

"Hi, I'd like to make a reservation. Yes, I'll hold...Hi, do any of your boxes have refrigerators in them? No? Okay. Well, I'd like to make a reservation anyway, for October sometime. No ma'am, I don't have exact dates--...No, I won't know the exact dates until September because I have some calendar issu--...But what if all your boxes are booked by then? Yes ma'am--I see...I'll call back in September and hope for the best. Thanks for your help. Goodbye." (click)

Leonardo said...

Hey, I didn't realize James Malm smoked cigars! But only ones approved by his god, of course, they're called "Holy Smokes!"

Anonymous said...

Now why would I want to go to his feast site if I can't play grab ass?

Joe Moeller said...

Latest rules for Malm's Feast...

* No Smiling

* No Sex

* No Sleeping

* No Breathing

* No Heartbeats

Joe Moeller
Cody, WY

James Malm said...

Atcually, this vdieo is not far off what I was hoipng for, but with a fwe obvious exceptoins.

For all of you laeving snarky commnets, god will NOT be mcoked! The faest is 8 days of 100% 24 huors a day god's tiem. Theer is no time for yuo druing the fesat. You are not allwoed to "seek your onw plaesure" on god's time. So whatever you do, jsut to be safe, make srue you are misreable while you're doing it.

With zeal for ALL the lasw of god,
James Malm

Byker Bob said...

He really ought to invite Dr. Creflo Dollar to be a guest speaker, and to teach on the New Covenant from Galatians, as he is doing this week in his most recent series. What an awesome thing that would be!

Problem is, for Armstrongites, it is all as if Jesus never lived or died. They just keep retreating to "the law" and trying to be good to "qualify" for the kingdom.


Anonymous said...

For anyone to invite the con-artist "Doctor Dollar" to hear his "wonderful words" would be awesome, indeed.

Awesomely stupid.
The hearers might get so awesomely inspired that they'll roll around on the floor, "slain in the spirit", flailing their arms and legs uncontrollably as they babble in tongues... that's the kind of response that "Doctor Dollar" likes.

Anonymous said...