Monday, May 5, 2014

Ron Weinland Releases Earth-shattering Pivotal Sentence!!!!!!!!!

That lovable, narcissistic, delusional, imprisoned felon, Ron Weinland, thinks so highly of his important messages that he released on May 4, 2014 a single sentence of such mind boggling significance that he is calling it of "...pivotal importance..." The single sentence is a teaser for a letter he is writing to his rapidly dwindling flock about Pentecost and the non-return of Jesus Christ this Pentecost. Either Weinland is now smoking crack in prison or his play sessions with Bubba have further clouded his already delusional mind.

This forthcoming message is so spectacular that he is calling it an "inset post" because he is inserting it in a middle of a long series of idiotic rantings on "fellowship" in his cult.  That series is a desperate attempt by Ronnie to stop the ongoing defections of members from his cult because of the reign of terror by Laura and Audra and his mountain of failed prophecies.

Here is the sentence that is of the most "pivotal importance."

“Pentecost of 2014 is not the day that Christ will return to begin his role of King of kings, yet that day will prove to be one of immense pivotal importance and timing in his coming.”

Well, duh!  Every single one of us sitting here today and 99.9999999999999% of the world know this "truth" also.  That does not matter to Ronnie though.  He is doing advance work to cover up last years prediction that he realizes will not happen again this year.

For the last several years he has said Jesus Christ would return on

Pentecost 2008
Pentecost 2012
Pentecost 2013

 Now we can add the following to the list:

Pentecost 2014

Ronnie refuses to take his own words to heart that if anything he has mentioned has failed then he is a false prophet.  Here is his own words:

One of Ronnie Weinland's ex-elder's says this:

"...when the management of all the lies becomes unmanageable then the exposure of the lies will happen. I am of the opinion that ronnie is very close to this now. When human reasoning becomes acutely aware of doubt and inconsistency the questioning of the author will begin. For some, this can take a long period time. This is why Ronnie keeps the disfellowshipment confined to local areas. If it were church wide and the number is high that also will raise suspicion and questions.

This is the work of a clever cultist."


Anonymous said...

The internet has become the bane of Church of God leaders who say stupid things.

Byker Bob said...

Oh. I.m sure there will be people now who firmly believe that Jesus will return on Pentecost, assuming you can even figure out when that is supposed to be, given all of the confusion with the calendar. Why? Because Jesus is recorded as saying that He would return at a time that you think not! Could Weinerdude be playing with it from this angle?


Black Ops Mikey said...

Something is blown alright, and it's not trumpets.

Connie Schmidt said...

Weinland is such a .... WHINER!

DennisCDiehl said...

The bottom line is that no Jesus is coming soon or even later. It is a gross misunderstanding of the Bible and it's origins, construct and authoriship. The sooner one wakes up to this, the easier it will to free yourself from the god-haunted idea that the Bible portrays

old EXPCG hag said...

I wonder who's feet he washed in prison on Passover.

jason moreau said...

Dennis so you are stating that the Bible says Jesus Christ will not return please explain.

Anonymous said...

I remember liking Now & Later candy as a kid. Hey, anyone want some Jesus brand Now & Laters? Go ahead, have some "Jesus Is Returning Now." But that doesn't mean you can't save some for Later too!

Bottom line is that the science of Quantum Jesus Mechanics has mathematically proven that Jesus Is Returning is always in quantum superposition in all future moments, and the Jesus Is Returning Wave Function for each granular moment is continually collapsing as that moment arrives in the present. The past is collapsed and he present is collapsing. But in the future, Jesus both is and is not returning in each and every future moment.

You never know which way the Jesus Is Returning Wave Function will collapse in any given moment. It could go one way, or it could go the other. The probability is 50/50 for each and every new moment that arrives. But until they arrive, Jesus both is and is not returning in each and every future moment. Also, just because a Return Event occurs in one moment, doesn't prevent a second Return Event in the next moment. Jesus could conceivably return an infinite number of times and an infinite number of multiple overlapping Apocalypses could unfold simultaneously.

Also, just because the Wave Function has collapsed in favor of Jesus' Return in a past moment and an Apocalypse has ensued, does not mean that we will necessarily be able to detect that Return Event or its ensuing Apocalypse, depending on the time scale on which it occurs, which is determined by the Eigen values of the Wave Function at the moment of collapse. It may be that Jesus has returned many times in the past, but he did so so quickly that no one was able to detect it with the existing instruments at the time. As of 2007, an array of advanced Jesus Detectors went online which can register the signature of a Return Event, regardless of its time scale.

All glory, laud and honor to science for mathematically explaining how Quantum Jesus Mechanics works! Praise science! Science is Lord!

However, do not praise Ron Weinland, because the Jesus Detector Array data still rule out Return Events in 2008, 2012, and 2013. So, Ron is still a false prophet. Sorry.

Black Ops Mikey said...

Quantum Jesus Mechanics is one of the most hilarious complex (and totally wrong) use of quantum religion yet!

Great satire!

Assistant Deacon said...

No, Jason, the statement that "no Jesus is coming soon or even later" means "except for what all them there COGeniuses keep saying, because, you know, they've got that inside track of theirs."

Now, return to your regular head-in-the-sand programming.

old EXPCG hag said...

oldEXPCG hag said...

I wonder who's feet he washed in prison on Passover.

May 5, 2014 at 6:13 PM

...Joe Blow's??

Black Ops Mikey said...

Ronald Weinland represents all the leaders of the Armstrongist churches of God: He is what they all are except he got caught.

His behavior exemplifies that of Flurry, Meredith, Pack and the whole host of narcissistic sociopath bottom feeding heretical evil oppressive blowhards of the CoHAM.

They should all be ashamed and afraid, but they get away with it and their stupid followers can't get enough of them.

Byker Bob said...

Actually, I don't believe that feet are the most prevalent body part that the convicts are preoccupied with wetting.