Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Satan Attacks PCG During Singles Bible Study

Leave it to the Philadelphia Church of God cult to find Satan lurking around every corner just waiting to stop the awesome speakers in PCG from speaking!

God's greatest gift to the entire universe, Joel Hilliker, was conducting a Bible Study the other day for the singles in the "church."  During his amazing and mind boggling speaking on "human nature"  the power went out.  Who cases those power outages? Satan!

Two power outages occurred during the message. “I thought the blackouts that occurred during the message were extremely interesting,” music department staff member Christopher Eames said. “It was a very revealing subject that Satan would be angry about. Even though the power went out a couple of times, it was restored quickly, and the message still went out strong and clear.”

Some of his key points were:

Mr. Hilliker addressed man’s basic and urgent need for God’s Holy Spirit. Without it, human beings experience a void that they too often fill with vanity.

Mr. Hilliker urged singles to attack their human nature more ferociously, and to root out their natural way of thinking.

In his Bible study, Mr. Hilliker enumerated these negative traits of human nature:
  It is preoccupied with appearance
  It is convinced of its own awesomeness
  It is negative and critical of other people
  It is easily offended
  It resists going out of its way to serve others
  It is interested only in what it can get from others
  It causes self-pity
  It can make a strong start peter out


Black Ops Mikey said...

Nah. It was God that caused the power outage to show the people that He does not like the PCG. Or does the PCG believe Satan is more powerful than God?

As for those negative traits of human nature, the PCG has all of those and add to that the DUI of Flurry and you have the complete picture.

Retired Prof said...

That's a god list. Hold it up against HWA, and it makes him out to be the very poster boy for negative traits of human nature.

Black Ops Mikey said...

There are 10 states in the United States with the city named Philadelphia:

1. Pennsylvania
2. New Jersey
3. Illinois
4. Indiana
5. Tennessee
6. Missouri
7. Mississippi
8. Arkansas
9. Alabama
10. New York

None of them is Oklahoma.

So why is PCG headquarters there?

Please note that there is a Hell, California and a Hell, Michigan. There is no indication that either town has city gates. Perhaps, the PCG should become the HCG with caveats that it is not a hormone. Of course, there may well be a Church of God in Hell. If not, we can be pretty sure a Church of God meets nearby.

Beware of Lodi, California, though: Lodi is idol spelled backwards.

Philadelphia Church of God. What a misnamed church. Pick another city, champs... er... chumps.

Anonymous said...

• It is preoccupied with appearance unlike God's most perfect single, Mr. Gerald Flurry, whose puffy, well-coiffed hair and crisp, expensive apparel just come naturally and are one way God's Man serves the church
• It is convinced of its own awesomeness unlike God's most perfect single, Mr. Gerald Flurry, whose awesomeness is just self-evident to those God is calling
• It is negative and critical of other people unlike God's most perfect single, Mr. Gerald Flurry, whose attacks on "Laodiceans" are neither negative, nor critical, but rather are expressions of his immense love for them
• It is easily offended unlike God's most perfect single, Mr. Gerald Flurry, who never throws people out of the church for offending him
• It resists going out of its way to serve others unlike God's most perfect single, Mr. Gerald Flurry, who would happily set up chairs and run the audio system and direct parking, except that God is busy using him for other things
• It is interested only in what it can get from others unlike God's most perfect single, Mr. Gerald Flurry, who makes sure that the widows and orphans are taken care of, and wouldn't think of constructing some huge boondoggle of a building and begging for more money for it until all of God's people's needs were met
• It causes self-pity unlike God's most perfect single, Mr. Gerald Flurry, who does NOT have a Napoleon complex and NEVER felt inferior because of his low status during Mr. Herbert Armstrong's lifetime, unlike the big evangelists who have failed to submit to him
• It can make a strong start peter out unlike God's most perfect single, Mr. Gerald Flurry, whose peter got off to a strong start but is out now that Mrs. Flurry has passed away

Borax the Jackalop said...

" It can make a strong start peter out"
Just like sex!!!!

Anonymous said...

I think the last point was supposed to be "It can make a strong peter start out."

Byker Bob said...

These people would really freak out if they were involved in my vocation. I repair equipment that doesn't work. Superimposing their world view over my daily activities, Satan is on an unholy tear, and multiple times each day! I can't imagine what the lame brains would make of inexplicable glitches, caused by dry air, static, and Code ID10T operators.

Some folks really get superstitious about their religion. Where is it written that everything that ever happens in life must be escallated to the spiritual level? Does nothing physical happen in ACOG members' lives? Is everything symbolic and validating of their crappy belief system?


Connie Schmidt said...

RE: to Black Ops Mikey:

Instead of Pasadena, the WCG would have been better located if it was at INTERCOURSE , PENNSYLVANIA!

Black Ops Mikey said...

Time and chance happen to all.

But in this case it was simply incompetence.

DennisCDiehl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DennisCDiehl said...

If there was a Devil, and there isn't but that's a long story and takes a critical thinker, few of which are ministers, He/IT could crush this ant between his fingers and not notice the smudge. To think any Devil needs to turn off the lights to thrwart a human is beyond ridiculous and classic god hauntedness.

Corky said...

Yes, Dennis, the "devil" is in the mirror. Though a man may have many adversaries (satans) and many accusers (demons) and many tempters (devils) a man's biggest "adversary" is himself.

Anonymous said...

Does anything physical happen in ACOG members' lives?


Heck, among the god haunted, you wouldn't believe how often normal occurrences are twisted to become "miracles" and such!

Byker Bob said...

Well, Satan was at it again today! He attacked the knife in a guillotine cutter so I had to install a freshly sharpened one so the customer could cut business cards.

And, he made the regulator go out on another customer's air compressor that powers the automatic humidification system for his digital printing operation!

He also dirtied up some photosensors on a bookletmaking system, but there wasn't enough time left in the day to get to that customer, so looks like I'll be getting up early tomorrow morning to fight rush hour traffic!


Black Ops Mikey said...

So, Byker Bob, are you saying Satan is entropy?

Byker Bob said...

As in, "God is not the author of confusion?"

I don't know, Douglas. All I know is that when machines don't work, I make money. Frankly, stuff wears out and gets broken through abuse. I suppose it's just a normal cycle like hurricanes, floods, and recessions. It's just amusing to make fun of the Flurryites by pretending nataS caused it.


RSK said...

WCG did the same thing at least once that I can recall. "High winds interfered with the transmission of the World Tomorrow's 'Is There A Real Devil?' in some areas" followed by the pastor saying "Clearly Satan does not want the world to know about him". Which was silly because, well, if that was the case, Satan did a pretty bad job of it.