When depression leads pastors to suicide
One out of four pastors is depressed
"What kind of personal pain would cause a 42-year-old pastor to abandon his family, his calling and even life itself? Members of a Baptist church in Hickory, North Carolina, are asking that question after their pastor committed suicide in his parked car in September.Those who counsel pastors say Christian culture, especially southern evangelicalism, creates the perfect environment for depression. Pastors suffer in silence, unwilling or unable to seek help or even talk about it. Sometimes they leave the ministry. Occasionally the result is the unthinkable.
Experts say clergy suicide is a rare outcome to a common problem. But Baptists in the Carolinas are soul searching after a spate of suicides and suicide attempts by pastors. In addition to the recent suicide of David Treadway, two pastors in North Carolina attempted suicide and three in South Carolina died by suicide, all in the past four years". THE CHRISTIAN CENTURY
What would cause a Christian Minister, Pastor or Cleric to take their lives? On the basic level, the reasons would be the same as for anyone who makes the conscious (or unconscious) decision to end their lives. Despair seems to be the bottom line and is simply a condition a human being arrives at after they have spent years perhaps in denial over their reality, choices or personal failures or circumstances in life.
Let's get this out of the way. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Easy to say and certainly those who "would never think of such a thing..." can see the truth in that. However, when lost in the fog of despair, it seems like THE solution to a permanent problem. And in answer to the impolite question most would ask me is...yes I have. I find that almost everyone I have asked about this topic say "yes" at one time in life or another. So the thought is common among humans evidently.
I know several COG ministers who have committed suicide over the years of WCG drama, scandal and disappointments. They are not listed on the sites that note such things. More have ended their lives than those whose lives ended by suicide are noted. The men I knew put on a good front. Intelligent guys with hearts for ministry and their congregations. Men, who as young men or even kids found hope in the teachings of the WCG. It took years to realize that the more you looked at the details of the "Big Picture," the more disheartened you could become. These men drank themselves to death. I believe they meant to and of course the fog of drink to delay the pain felt makes getting out of the hole of despair almost impossible.
Over the years as a Pastor, several members committed suicide. One very nice fellow came to see me to talk, drove around the block I lived on, never stopped and drove home to end his life. I did have one man hang himself from his CB tower, rather unsuccessfully. He hung enough to not be able to get out of hanging but did not hang enough to die. When EMS rescued him, he called me to say he wanted me to remarry him and his wife. I guess he had a revelation hanging around on that tower. Probably a common thing but few get to undo what they have done.
I always quoted the Old Testament account of Saul falling on his sword. It simply says "and the battle went hard against him..." That explains it all. That is the definition of despair.
At any rate, I don't intend this to be a study in anything. I would like to express my own thoughts, based on my own experiences on why a minister would commit suicide.
A. First of all, because or she is human first. Those who minister well and sincerely until the despair and disillusionment hit really want to teach and encourage others in the hope that lies within them. That was my goal and no matter how many times I am told "but you were one of them," I know my heart very well. I am not speaking of the nut cases who see themselves in the pages of the Bible, both Old Testament and New. These men are mentally ill and need meds not contributions. But I spare you. The pastoral types I knew were generally and probably healer types all their lives. They tended to put others first and themselves last. They probably had a temperament very close to ENFP (Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceptive) Job descriptions for these types are along the lines of "pastors, social workers, ministers and yes, even massage therapists...I'm not making this up) They have a heart for pastoring no matter the denomination.
The problem can be is that they are idealists and get totally befuddled over the concept of "I wouldn't do that to you, why did you do that to me?" They believe the best until they can't and then when they can't, they go into denial hoping against hope time will heal or change what they see but have a hard time accepting. They are also good followers IF they believe in the leadership. They also tend to be the leaders worst critic when they wake up.
About 20 years ago I ended myself up in a counseling program for depression. One morning my little group of equally depressed types were told to show up at the gym. When there, we could see there was a regular wooden pallet in the middle of the gym floor and we all were simply told to all make a way to get on the pallet and get our feet off the floor for 30 seconds. There were almost too many humans for a bit too little of a pallet. At any rate, feeling like fools, we all did as asked. When finished, we went back to the group session and the leader asked us one question. "Where did you find yourself on the pallet?" It hit me right between the eyes and I got it. Some were smack in the middle assuring their place. You can't fall off the middle. We were all scattered from the center of the pallet to the edges. Guess where I was? Yep...on the very edge, hardly able to stay on, arms around all I could embrace to hold them on with me. I have been doing that all my life. Caretakers when in despair tend to feel life is all or nothing.
B. Ministers take their lives because they have to live a double life. By the way, this is true of every member as well. I have met NOT ONE MINISTER who did not have two ways of being once we got acquainted. There is the way one thinks they are supposed to be and that bangs up against the way one also is. Both are sincere and both exist in everyone actually. When you join a church, you put on the mask and hope to keep the other side at bay. I don't believe we have "an evil side," just the "other side." ....the human side. Every minister I know and knew has topics that he feels strongly about but has to balance that by saying, "but if I teach that, I'll lose my job."
The problem is that while members in a congregation demand forgiveness and understanding when they fall short, that grace is not generally extended to the minister who is just like them. The minister tends to be the sacrificial goat and the member expects him/her to be and do what they generally have no intention of being or doing. Its why we don't think it's such a big deal for the Pope to forgive the guy who tried to kill him. HE"S THE POPE! HE HAS TO FORGIVE HIM! THE POPE IS A PROFESSIONAL FORGIVER!
It's the rejection and despair of having to pray others won't find them out that leads to ending one's life at times. I at least have to credit the Apostle Paul in his writings in Romans with admitting to this duality and pain. Paul was a very guilt and shame ridden human being. Conveniently we aren't told by him what the thorn in the flesh was or what it was that he should have done, but couldn't do but I understand it. You only let out the fact that there is a struggle. But the nature of the struggle or the despair it causes is often just something that most don't trust to share about. Admitting one's struggle to some types can also be a form of suicide. You know..."twas not a foe who did deride for that I could endure....."
C. Ministers take their lives literally because when their faith tanks no matter the reason, there doesn't seem to be anything else. It has been their career, job, calling and inspiration for decades. Finding out or suspecting one has wasted a life teaching the wrong thing, or being with the wrong group, or sacrificing for the wrong cause can bring despair. Or as one of my counselors said once when he first met me...."Wow...you got fired by God!" At the time, it wasn't funny.
D. Ministers take their lives because of their sense of personal failure and also letting others down. I always admired those who really seemed not to give a flying leap about what others think of them, and that is probably better mental health, but most pastor types do care. It goes with the turf and their idealism and healer tendencies. Most genuine ministers, regardless of what denomination of which one Jesus and God really like, are healers by nature. These healer/idealist types are NOT the ones who rise to high position in organizations. They are not the type who declare themselves to be Prophets, Priests, Apostles or Witnesses. Many men who rise to these positions do so on the backs of the healers and idealists. Healers and idealists do not become gurus or dictators. When things fall apart, they generally and quietly slip away unnoticed. Some are overtaken by their idealism gone bad. They may lack the balance to accept certain realities in the world of people. I find the solution to this sometimes misplaced idealism to be curable by abiding by the Four Agreements by Ruiz.
The Four Agreements are:1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Well, this is not all there is to this topic, but some of the more personal reasons, in my experience and even in my own struggle with all the losses and change that has exploded my own idealism and caretaking tendencies. It's a big topic. We're all in this together even if we can't quite figure out anymore what "this" is.
The Spa beckons and I have to go rub someone the right way for a change..Gotta go....:)
DenniscDiehl@aol.com
10 comments:
PS The number one deterrant to a WCG associated minister from giving in to this solution is the knowledge that they will get listed on Painful Truth site as yet another victim of the Church. That flashing update thingy would be embarassing.
:)dcd
Serious topic well rendered.
The National Institute of Mental Health does declare that 90% of suicides are a result of depression brought on by a mental disease such as depression on bipolar disorder, alcohol and drug abuse.
Beyond that, Armstrongism is just plain nuts and I think that you touched on the topic of having to navigate the difficult mental landscape of having to support people in a caring way while knowing at some level that the religious context was totally insane: It simply didn't work.
That it didn't work is covered very well in the experiences that people had: They didn't get rich and prosperous by tithing and keeping God's Law, they didn't get healthy by eating organic food and keeping God's Law and they certainly didn't have a sound mind without mental disorders by following a false prophet and keeping God's Law. It was all a fake and a fraud.
There comes a point for most people in this type of situation when they realize that everything they believed and everything they've done is worthless crap. Then what?
While suicide is generally a selfish response, it may be rational on some level: At least the distorted perceptions of abusive fantasy go away -- as far as we know.
If Armstrongists were really honest -- and I'll make the charge here that it quite demonstrable that they are NOT -- they would have to rethink absolutely everything they ever believed: All of it. They thought they proved everything and they did no such thing. Each one of us needs a new vision which excludes the damaging belief system in which there is nothing but useless faith.
As Baywolf said, the DNA just doesn't support British Israelism. After that, what about tithing: Scripture does not support tithing on wages. If you don't tithe on wages -- along with the fact that there is no such thing as second tithe -- just how would anyone be able to pay for the Feast? For that matter, how could anyone have a paid ministry. After that, one has to start asking all sorts of other questions, particularly about those things which never worked. If someone is really is honest and starts to question the basis of Armstrongism, the belief system starts to unravel and there isn't anything left. The prophecies are crap and the WCG no longer exists; AC is gone and so is any sort of hope of building the lost Empire.
The good news is that it is possible to have a rethink vision epiphany: Deciding that you, your family, your friends and colleagues are so much more important than supporting a cult leader who built a Nineteenth Century Empire in the 20th Century based on nothing but the hopes of the rewards of narcissism. The rethink vision needs to include the fact that you really are worth something to yourself and others without being worthless outside of paying for a usesless garbage dump of Armstrongism.
It's time to rethink a new you.
And in that, there's a lot of room for optimism for the effort ahead and a lot less room for suicide.
"The number one deterrant to a WCG associated minister from giving in to this solution is the knowledge that they will get listed on Painful Truth site as yet another victim of the Church."
Yep, so don't do it!
What a gas!
Good material, and something all humans need to be aware of, as part of the human condition.
I think that many believers tend to think of their pastors as being immune to suicide, because we feel pastors are probably, by nature of their calling, closer to God. However many of the characters in the Bible, who were used by God in very powerful ways, did experience higher highs and lower lows. If nothing else, this should illustrate how badly we humans need one another!
BB
Suicide is something that someone does to oneself. No one else is to blame for their self-murder.
History is full of people, common and famous, who lived in the throes of desperation and hopelessness. Many prevail survive, and/or succeed.
Don't hear much about suicide in the Jewish death camps do we? Hmmm....the authors present HWA/COGs as worse than that?
Whereas, atheist suicides are rampant, of course they really have nothing to live for....just bitter fools spewing out pieces of their broken pasts....unable to forget and move forward....sad, really
You should rather investigate the clear connection between atheism and mental illness....a viable supportable fact.
So Watchman, why are you blabbering on about atheists and yet STILL not condemned the degenerate COG ministers who overlook and ignore child abuse?
Thanks Dennis for your excellent article. We need to quit trying to create angels or demons out of human beings.
My Grandmother a wise old lady has said to me repeatedly, "people are people and you can't make them be anything else".
Pastoral care needs to work both ways
Since leaving the WWCG I've been working on this and seeing where my own sense of compassion has increased and condemnation decreased.
Dennis,
Your article; "Your Dis-illusioned? Why Would We Want to Perpetuate Illusions?" at Banned was very well written and had some interesting takes on your experiences as a WCG minister. As an ex-armstrongite I relate to what you write -somewhat.
I just ended my association last July for good with the fleeced flock of the Armstrongites at the UCG, prior at PCG, then prior to that the pre 1995 WCG. A path well traveled I guess. I am now blogging about my new take on Grace and Faith and Salvation, ect. at my own blog.
Have you ever considered that your dis-illusionment came because you were simply "set-up" to fail?
What I mean is, and forgive me if I am all wrong, but it could have gone something like this; You got an Ambassador College Education, learned fast, good grades, spoke great, compliant, sang good, athletic, looked great in Worsted Wool Suits, could tie a Windsor knot blindfolded, selected for the ministerial training program, got ordained as a preaching elder/pastor, they told you were a certified, credentialed minister of Christ. Go change the world!
But in actuality... Herbert really did you dirty, all of you ministers real dirty... He forgot to tell the first guy He ordained as an elder after he started the Radio Church of God, and also the guy he ordained, who ordained the guy after him, ect., that finally ordained you....that he, Herbert, wasn't really a certified, credentialed, ordained elder any more. Forgot to mention the fact that he had been disfellowshipped from the Church of God, Seventh Day for preaching heresy and lost his credentials.
In fact what is most important is, Herbert recognized the Church of God, Seventh Day, to be a "true" Church of God and he pounded the podium in my ears years 1963 until 1986, that Christ was the head of the church and authority was from the top down, not the bottom up, ect. He wrote, preached, and acted in a manner that demonstrated he had recognized the authority in the COG7D to: A) accept Him as a member of their church, B) select Him by lot to a position he accepted on the board of the church, C) knew the rules of the organization D) He publically accepted and enforced their rules during his tenure. E) Knew the rules came with the same authority to "ordaineth" Him, and pay him, which they did, F) and the same authority to "taketh it back." F) They taketh it back!
But, I guess there is some verse somewhere, maybe in the book of Enoch (?) , that Herbert discovered that says for example;
If you possess a humongous ego and are extremely presumptuous, you may ordaineth yourself as an elder...pardon me if this obscure verse indeed exists but I have missed it.
So your disappointment caused by the lack of evidence in healing for instance did not result from God not being real...just not in your life...no fault of your own...you, like me and all of us in Armstrong's Church... got snookered!
Now if this is not a scenario that fits your experiences it does fit many many men who are scattered all around in splinter groups experiencing what you did and not sure why God is not listening to their prayers when they anoint the sick, not to mention all the baptisms, laying on of hands, and marriages they have performed....Legally? Really?
....does "creeping into households holding gullible women captive", mean anything to you like it does to me?
Nothing personal...Just askin'
Michael Maynard
I would think that any fundamentalist Church ministry and ministers could say the same thing as to their connections to the real for true church and apostles. They all claim it and all the Baptist independents here still can give a link and chain of events and ordinations, organizations and experiences that lead them right back to the true source.
"Whereas, atheist suicides are rampant, of course they really have nothing to live for....just bitter fools spewing out pieces of their broken pasts....unable to forget and move forward....sad, really."
On what are you basing that statement, Watchman? I'm an atheist, and I still have a lot to live for, especially doing my part to show what stupid nonsense all religion is so others can hopefully avoid it or escape from it.
Care to cite some proven statistics?
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