Saturday, January 6, 2018

Will the COG True Two Witnesses Be Able To Do this?



Ron Weinland believes and teaches that he and his dingy wife Laura are and will be the two witnesses of Revelation.

Can you imagine these two morons doing this:
Ron claims he and his wife are the TWs (Two Witnesses) of Rev 11.
1) They breath fire
2) They kill their enemies
3) They turn rivers to blood
4) They shut the heavens
5) They can cast plagues at their discretion, as often as they want.
Not only do they believe this, but Weinland is now starting to teach that there will be a second set of two witless witnesses.

Let me guess, Jeremy and Audra.  Oh wait, Bob Theil and James Malm! Now there's a pair...

From: False Prophet Ron Weinland

10 comments:

Byker Bob said...

1) Yes, I understand their breath is pretty bad.

2) They verbally and figuratively kill their enemies, disfellowshipping, marking them, and consigning them to the Lake of Fire.

3) The rivers of blood are figurative. Everything that flows from their mouths is ceremonially unclean, as in a woman's time outside the camp.

4) They block, thwart, and obfuscate the good things that are supposed to come to Christians from heaven.

5) They ARE the plague, and they cast themselves widely and often.

So, yes, they are witnesses. Just not the kind a Christian has been taught to expect.

BB

Anonymous said...

The "two witnesses" look rather old, better hope Yahshua Jesus returns soon before they take a dirt nap.

RSK said...

Still waiting on Malms fire he promised to call down on Banned by HWA.

Michael said...

Sorry, totally off-topic to this post, but...

Sometimes randomly check in on the old Packerooney.
First video on his "WCG Background?" tab, about the Antichrist (again).
At about the 1:00 minute mark, a gem of a quote that is just comedy gold:

Joshua-Elijah-Pack actually said this:

"On top of this, so-called Bible authorities speak with competing, disagreeing voices, and add to the confusion. The ignorance of these voices -- all of them -- is painful to hear. They have NO idea."

No kidding, Mr. so-called Bible authority, with a voice that transcends all bounds of ignorance and is so, so painful to hear, except of course for the comedic element that you so unintentionally provide.

Anonymous said...

Michael at 8:14 AM, I had David Pack as a minister in Global church and I remember most sermons that he gave was a complete cluster-f**k.

Connie Schmidt said...

Two sets of Two Witnesses?? STOP THE MADNESS!

It literally hurts to hear about such nonsense. Seriously, 5 year olds who play "make believe" fantasy games with their friends are actually more coherent.

Anonymous said...

Ron might have copied the two sets of the Two Witnesses from Malms two sets of 144,000. I read James article on this, and to me, it makes sense. One set is the all Israel group and the second set is the merit based group that sets their feet on mount Zion with Christ.



Anonymous said...

7.51 AM
God reads Banned. I know cause gave He gave me his condolence after a article pointed out a Herb lie that did me much harm.

God is not going to rain down fire on a (imperfect) blog that exposes (unrepented) evils by ministers.

Anonymous said...

No, no, no. Ron was a DEFENDANT, not a Witness.

Anonymous said...

I'm practicing with a flame thrower so that I can breathe fire and kill my enemies. Hopefully this will qualify me as one of the two witnesses.
Oops, the neighbor is complaining about me scorching their cat.