That has always become the question with Apostle/Elijah to come/Joshua the High Priest/Messenger of the Covenant/ and over all Jesus incarnate to come, David C Pack and his Restored Church of God.
https://www.readingremy.com/blog/ten-reasons-why-people-fail-to-leave-a-toxic-church
Ten Reasons Why People Fail to Leave A Toxic Church:
1. You don’t want to be accused of being rebellious.
Spiritually abusive leaders make you feel like disagreeing with them is equal to questioning God. And we all know that bad things happen to people who question God, right? At least that’s what they want you to think. You don’t want to be labeled a rebel, or having a “rebellious spirit.”
2. You are full of self-doubt.
Abusive leaders make you feel like YOU are the problem. They say things like,
“The reason you disagree with me is because you aren’t as spiritually mature as I am. You need to trust my leadership and submit to my authority like the Bible tells you to do.”
They flip the discussion upside down and before you know it, you are asking for their forgiveness when it should be the other way around.
3. You fear losing your circle of friends.
Sometimes we tolerate an unhealthy community simply because that’s where our friends and family are. The peer pressure to stay can be overwhelming.
When given the choice of speaking the truth and losing your community, or staying quiet but keeping your community, the community often wins out.
4. You don’t want to lose your equity investment.
What I mean is that you’ve invested so much time and energy into your church through the years that you don’t want to lose that investment. It feels like wasted time.
So you stay a little longer, hoping it will eventually work.
5. You like to be liked and needed.
A legalistic system can be very rewarding. You might feed off of the praise you get for performing well. Or maybe you simply can’t handle the thought of people not liking you if you leave the community. Your low self-worth and need to please keep you trapped.
6. You fear being wrong and losing your salvation.
You might think that your group is spiritually off track and even abusive, but what if you're wrong? You fear that YOU might be the problem like they say you are. You’re not sure it’s worth the risk. This self-doubt causes you to do nothing about your concerns.
7. You fear exposure, humiliation, and physical harm.
You know that, if you leave, members of the congregation will trash your name and reputation. Sometimes even worse. You’ve seen it happen to others who left, and you don’t want it to happen to you.
8. You fear not making it on your own.
Even though you know your spiritual leaders are wrong, you fear falling away from God without their strong input into your life. You’re not sure you can make it on your own.
9. You lack boundaries.
Maybe you were raised to believe that people had the right to impose their thoughts, beliefs, and will upon you. You don’t feel like it’s your right to question others or resist their power. You're used to being violated in this way. You feel powerless, and so you let the abuse continue.
And the final reason you might not confront abusive leaders or leave an abusive church is because…
10. You believe God met you in that church.
There was a moment or moments when you KNOW that God showed up in a sermon, the music, a prayer, or a counseling session. This is strong proof to you that God is in your church and/or leadership. So how can you leave? The leaders will even remind you of this.
I don’t doubt that you may have had a God moment in an abusive church, but don’t take that as a justification to stay. Rather, see it as God’s grace and goodness showing up in the middle of abuse. He wanted to show you that he loves you and he’s with you. But that doesn’t mean that you should stay. It doesn’t excuse the abuse.
Please Do Something
If you see yourself in any of these ten reasons, just realize that you are not alone. These are common reasons why people stay in toxic churches and abusive relationships. My hope in pointing out these reasons is that you’ll find the courage to fight against your natural tendency to stay and be quiet.
I want to encourage you to DO something.
FYI… I created two videos that cover this topic. I posted them below.
If you’d like to learn more about how to recover from a spiritually abusive church be sure to check out my book Broken Trust. A recent reader said this about the book,
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has experienced any type of spiritual abuse or church hurt. The book is excellent from beginning to end …Broken Trust deals with all of the issues along with solutions on how to go through the healing process. You can read almost 200 reviews on Amazon.com
You can read over 200 reviews of Broken Trust on Amazon.com, available on Kindle, paperback and audiobook.
24 comments:
11. You or a family member are on the payroll of the abusive church, and you have no better financial prospects anywhere else, so you keep your spiritual doubts and reservations private rather than face your family's financial ruin.
The first and great commandment is: "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." A type of this is in the animal kingdom whereby in many species, a baby animal being separated from its parents means certain death. If a person is close to God, they will be able to break free from the ten mental traps written about.
People being devoured by wolves like Dave Pack is what happens when people do not embrace the first commandment by doing their daily prayer and Bible study. There's no substitute or alternative to this.
"If the members in Dave Pack's cult just analyzed and inculcated the 10 Reasons you posted, they would be leaving his destructive organization en masse."
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I personally have lost my ability to empathize with the remaining members of Dave's cult, now estimated to only be about 1200 worldwide. There is no actual reason for Dave to feel as important on the world scene as he does, but being hold up in his Wadsworth compound, I imagine, distorts his sense of reality which is fueled by his religious delusions.
By now, the remaining members have had much more than enough evidence that Dave Pack not only doesn't know what he's talking about Biblically or theologically, but a serious threat to their wellbeing in every way. For them to put up with Dave's failure after failure, week after boring week and arrogant grip on them is their problem now.
Dave reminds me of the husband who told his wife that he was the King of the house and she was nothing. To which she replied, "Then you are the King of Nothing." That's Dave's position in his own fake church.
Personally I don't even see David Pack as a Christian minister of any type. I have for years suggested someone take the time and effort to send him a New Testament. So far, I neither see nor hear any evidence from Dave that he is aware of such a document.
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Why it’s Hard to Confront a Pastor
https://www.readingremy.com/blog/2015/02/26/toxic-pastor-confront-toxic-church
Converge Magazine had an excellent article looking at the ministry of pastor Mark Driscoll and why he needed to be confronted. They noted that it's hard to confront toxic pastors because they are blind to what ails them:
The greatest difficulty in ministering to abusers is this: they don’t believe there is anything really wrong with them. Their skills at self-deception, combined with their distortions of thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes, fortifies them against recognizing their soul sickness.
Thank you for this. I've been struggling with leaving UCG for some time. There are many reasons why. My closest relationships have been within that community. So, basically, it's cowardice that has kept me in the fold. I do appreciate this website. It's one place where I can freely speak.
Speaking from experience, you are afraid of losing all your friends who turn their back on you because the minister said to. You are afraid of losing your salvation because the minister said you will. You are afraid of turning back to the world because the minister said you will. There are so many reasons, but what it really comes down to is that you must stick your nose into the word of God, and realize that is all a fallacy. When you have done that, grow a pair and leave
I've said it before, but...
If your friends actually turn hostile on you because the minister said to, they werent your friends in the first place. They were acquaintances of convenience.
Got a friend who, for his own reasons, decided he prefers the transient life. I dont agree with that notion and I worry about him because it can be hard.to contact or locate him at times, but guess what. He's still a friend and occasionally we get together and eat a big ass meal and laugh a lot, his choice of venue. Another one is a young lady who got divorced and became a sex worker for some reason. I dont dig it, but I wont walk out on her either. If the personal connection actually exists, you dont do that shit. Otherwise.you're just lying to yourself.
Personally, knowing about the shunning of those who are disfellowshipped, I never considered the members of the WCG to be friends. I knew that their friendship and love was entirely conditional. When I left during the disappointment of 1975, i determined to avoid members, and former members, the latter chiefly because whenever we got together, we ended up only talking about the church. Personally, I wanted to forget it and move on.
Amazingly, I discovered how many members took exception with the shunning. I suppose that if any ministers were around, they might have behaved differently, but there actually were peiple who wanted to remain my friends. Some of those friendships had not been conditional, so I acted accordingly. Others, I would never had let in in the first place, soooo.......
I heard a UCG Regional Pastor indicate at this point, most people are in the COGs they're in based on relationships, not due to doctrine.
Yet bringing up doctrinal questions might force a change in which COG you attend. In other words, you might be told to leave.
I recently rang a member in one of the splinters to find out happened to some former acquaintances. He kept talking to me in non-stop despising tones for not attending services. This is a good example of why there's a thingy called due process and how these groups have mis-programmed their members minds.
All these points can be summed up with one! *A lack of wisdom!*
Is this a parody? These ten reasons given are ludicrous. God being alive is not found in them. The absence of God in that list is profound. Has the drama of the WCG 70s, 80s & 90s taken people away from God but put them squarely in the talk of church dramas and scandal whilst being physically present but spiritually taken adrift.
11.29 pm. The WWCG taught that their church is spiritual Israel with the Anglo-Saxons being physical Israel. They also taught that physical Israel follows spiritual Israel. What this means is that many ACOG members being stuck and enslaved by the likes of Dave Wolfman Pack and similar is a type of the future enslavement of the Anglo-Saxons by the coming.Beast power.
Anonymous
Is this a parody? These ten reasons given are ludicrous. God being alive is not found in them. The absence of God in that list is profound....
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This is exactly the mindset that keeps someone in an abusive religious environment. How often did one hear, "if ____________ is wrong or needs correcting, God will do it", which of course was not true ever. In the case of RCG, "If Mr Pack is wrong then God will show him..." Wrong again. This is how abuse continues as the abused stay stuck, or perhaps "gyrating" in their seats
This is exactly what happened to me. Questioning the minister about something he stated in a sermon angered him enough that he went into a tirade. His response had nothing to do with my question. I think he was just venting. He didn't actually tell me to leave, but it seems clear that's what he wants to happen.
Not what I meant at all. Who would want to discuss anything with you when all you ever do is either swear, insult or use vulgar sexual innuendo.
It's not even Dennis C Dhiel is it.
# “You know that, if you leave, members of the congregation will trash your name and reputation”..
How about the minister himself doing that?
When I left my minister made a call to some family & friends in the church, telling them he had emails from me with all sorts of mean, really low, things. Even reading these “e-mails” out loud to them. Most of them bought it, only one didn’t (that’s how I found out about it).
Needless to say I never wrote any emails to him/the church.
That minister did not only destroy my reputation. He made sure people (the people I loved!) never wanted to talk to me again..
WTF, 11:13?
Is 11:13 upset over the word "gyrating"??? Not a single thing he said has anything to do with the article or the comments here. Reading comprehension skills are not too deep with this one.
Then he was behaving like a tare and if he doesn't repent will face the consequences of his actions on Jesus Christ's judgment.
Gyrating. You may be right. I don't know how it got by the censors, but on Happy Days, the Fonz used to occasionally quip, "Sit on it and rotate!" to Ralph Malph.
Maybe 11:13 is from Milwaukee?
I had the exact same thing happen. This minister was putting out special sermons building a case for himself, even tho he was the one throwing gasoline on the fire. I caught him spreading rumors and lies when he would go on overseas trips to meet with a handful of brethren. People would contact me and ask me what was going on. When a man does this, he is clearly being led by Satan. There is no Biblical doubt about that. Your long time friends will acquiesce to these tyrants because they see what is happening, but have been conditioned to believe that their salvation is at stake if they do not fall in line. This is why they stay. They also know that if they do stand-up, the same will happen to them. It really comes down to reading your Bible outside of what you have been conditioned to except, and instead believe what the scripture tells each and every one of us to do in such cases. If more were to do this, these tyrants would fail in their evil deeds.
12. You've Picked a new "god" - Dave!
After years of Bible study and proving things to yourself, you now reprogram your mind to accept Dave over the Bible, like one RCG member replied to one questioning him:
"I know the verse says this but Dave Pack says it means..."
I'm thinking of a comedy script for RCG sabbath services. A little old lady has aquired a "Pooter" from Jack Vale enterprises and punctuates Dave's proclamations with sounds from it. Not to be outdone, a teenager obtains "The Sharter" from Sons of Arkham Pranks, and joins right in on the hilarity. Eventually one of the Deacons orders a gross of them, and passes them out to the brethren as they enter the hall. Soon, services are impossible to conduct, so Dave abolishes them, and claims God will raise up stones to finish the work. But stones have no conscience and can't pay tithes, so the RCG ceases to exist!
Long time ago I got engaged in the RCG to (what I regarded at the time) a lovely man. Soon after I fell out of grace with a ministers wife at the FOT, shortly before we were supposed to get married.
Next thing our minister told my fiancé to break up with me (which he did to my horror stating "I have no choice!" The minister wants me to end our relationship!")
His entire family and friends turned their backs on me. Soon after that I left the Pack cult, because everyone treated me like a pariah.
The reason that ministers wife didn't like me was simple: I asked her why she was allowed to put makeup on and the women in the church couldn't. She wasn't amused by my question
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