Lil' Joel Meeker is the new Chairman of the Ministerial Board of Directors in Church of God Worldwide Association, a harlot daughter split off of United Church of God.
It was last year, at this very time of the month, that United was rocked by a major upheaval of men who had been plotting for well over 6 months to form a "new and improved" true church. Lil' Joel had been hard at work in the French regions he was over to try and sway them all to join up with the upcoming "new and improved" COG. The French speaking regions basically told him where he could stick the baguette. Tears and temper tantrums did not sway them.
Now Lil' Joel has a new IMPORTANT job with a new title that makes him, at least in his eyes, out to be a force to be reckoned with. It brings him new status that will have regular church members moving aside when his presence enters a room.
Anyway, enough fun at Lil' Joel's expense. Back to his letter:
Dear Fellow Ministers,
We have just finished a productive series of meetings between the Ministerial Board of Directors and the administration of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association. A full agenda required attention to many questions and a variety of discussions, but the work we accomplished together was positive and encouraging. We experienced a definite spirit of respect and humility, along with a united and deep desire to help move the work of God forward. The board has had in hand since Thanksgiving the proposed strategic plan, budget and the office location study, all of which we had carefully studied in preparation for these meetings.
"V" translation: It should be obvious to all of you men present that since we are the ONLY true church in existence now that there can be no cooperation, positive work or Christian encouragement outside the COGWA. We are filled with such love and respect for each other that it has made us into the most humble men on earth as we now run a church that will keep money flowing into our pockets.
As we began on Monday morning, I gave a brief review of the genesis of our present organizational structure. Not all board members or officers had been involved in the long, careful process of developing and proposing this structure to the ministry of the Church for approval. I reviewed many of the sometimes hard lessons we learned from the past 15 years and more of Church history and how they motivated us to improve the structural relationship between the president and his administration and the MBOD and to add additional safeguards—such as the Doctrine Committee and the Morals and Ethics Assessment Committee—against improper behavior by any involved in our leadership.
"V" translation: As all of you men know we started forming this church over eighteen months ago while still in the employ of our mother church - those bottom feeders at United. Not all of you men present were aware of the underhanded manipulating that we did to start this organization that some of you jumped into after all the hard work had been done. Even though I have been one of the hardest working and most important men in the COG over the last 15 years, and as we struggled to maintain our tithe paying flock when we jumped ship from WCG, I want you all to know that I will not repeat the same mistakes of past administrations/churches we belonged to. Even though I was part of two previous COG incarnations, and worked to actively disfellowship anyone who disagreed with me or the church, I want you to know that I am the most ethical man that has ever occupied this position. Even though we might have conspired to form COGWA while still on UCG payroll, we were following a higher authority and did not need to worry about the ethical side of the matter. "god" was speaking to us to form this new organization to preserve the "truth once restored under Mr. Armstrong."
The board has important legal responsibilities, such as selecting our corporate officers, including the president, approving operation managers proposed by the president, and assessing and approving annual plans and budgets. At the same time, the board is not to insert itself into the management of the Church; rather, it is to work in the background, supporting the president with advice when he seeks it, as he provides spiritual leadership under Jesus Christ to our Church organization around the world.
"V" translation: I want you men to keep this secret and in this room. While our public face to the dumb sheeple will be that we are here to support our Dear Leader, the truth is that we are here to manipulate and keep in check our Dear Leader so he never strays from our agenda. He cannot be allowed to be a free thinker and possible let the sheeple know that they are just pawns in our game. So we will work in the background to continue to manipulate and control our Dear Leader so that he fears being fired and losing his income.
I concluded the presentation with observations many of us have made over past months. These included the fact that our future success depends not on documents or corporate structures, but on the extent to which we submit to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. We must respect one another as brothers in Christ and continue to nurture the trust between us, which we now strongly feel but which will require continued attention and effort. As board members, we must be honest with one another and the president, giving open and frank judgments as we discuss issues, always with the goal in mind of seeking what is best for the Church. Finally, I reminded us all that we are first and foremost part of the Church of God. Any legal structures and procedures we develop exist only to support our work as a spiritual body, and they must never be allowed to take precedence over the spiritual principles contained in the Word of God.
'V" translation: As all of you men well know, the future success of this money making empire does not rest on constitutions, numerous documents, the make-believe power structure, or the opinions of the sheeple. Our success lies squarely in our hands, guided, of course by that non-existent third person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit. We must respect each other as ordained leaders in this organization. As board members we must take care of ourselves first, the Dear Leader second and our salaries third. The sheeple will continue to be dumb and will do whatever we say. We must continue to let the sheeple know that we follow the TRUE god who was so weak and impotent that he lost his gospel message over 1,900 years ago. It has now been found in Dallas and we will proclaim it to all the world, once we get the money.
Compensation Task Force and MEAC. On Wednesday morning the board discussed the establishment of a Compensation Task Force, composed of businesspeople not employed by the Church, that would be charged with studying and recommending appropriate compensation ranges for our employees. To avoid any conflict of interest, it is common practice in nonprofit organizations to request from nonemployees the research and advice on which to base such policies. After the discussion, the board approved the establishment of the task force and named five people and two employee advisors to it. We have asked that their report and recommendations be presented to the board by the spring holy days.
On this I have to hand it to COGWA. Bringing in outsiders to decide on how much leaders and ministers will get paid is something that Worldwide never did. Church members were never allowed to be part of any decision in Pasadena. Can you imagine Church members approving the $150,000.00 salaries that many HQ brass were bringing in in WCG? I doubt it! It will be interesting to see how this plays out and if COGWA has the decency to publish those figures for the entire church to see. Will Lil' Joel allow his salary to be published? Since he is a man of high ethical stature I am sure he will be the first to put in print what COGWA is paying him, how much paid time off he gets, the value of his health care, his housing allowance and other ministerial perks. Oh wait, he is on the ethics committee and we already know how ethical COGWA brass are.
Mr. Franks then chaired a discussion of candidates for the Morals and Ethics Assessment Committee (the MEAC). This committee is established to insure that unethical or immoral conduct by any elder will be addressed appropriately and without partiality. It is also empowered to hear appeals in cases of removal from the ministry or removal from the MEAC or Doctrine Committee. It also hears appeals on interpretations of the Bylaws or the Constitution in the event that the board’s interpretation of either of these documents is contested by the president or by an individual board member. It is important to have men of excellent reputation and sound judgment on this body. We were encouraged to see that there were more than enough candidates among our ministry who fit the criteria.
Upon recommendation by the president and after discussion, the board appointed Mike Blackwell, Larry Neff, Mike Hanisko, Les McCullough and Paul Suckling to the MEAC.
Overview discussion. The final item on the agenda was a discussion of the current spiritual condition of our Church brethren around the world and a discussion of lessons learned from our recent past. Though the board discussed these things at its last meeting in August, we now have three new members who were not present at that time. So it was a chance for them to share their perspectives and for us to update our understanding of the present state of the Church following the Feast of Tabernacles.
"V" translation: Damn it! I guess we have to talk about the sheeple. Now that we have taken care of ourselves I guess we have to do something for the sheeple to keep them compliant. Despite the fact we have yanked them from several COG's over the years I guess we need to do SOMETHING for them.
We take this very seriously. It is our strong desire to see that our brethren around the world receive the best spiritual care and support that we can collectively provide. The Bible often speaks of God’s love and concern for each and every one of His people. We want to do our best with His help to make sure that our efforts, as a Church, reflect that love and attention toward all our brethren.
"V" translation: Let's make sure we say "love" a lot. Lets also publish a bunch of booklets and articles to keep them happy. The more booklets they see in print the more they will think we are doing a work. But don't get to "lovey' with them. Preach strong sermons occasionally to let them know that they are not measuring up to God's high standards and that God is displeased with them and is delaying Jesus' coming. Do little things like interfering in their marriages, job situations and child rearing. And above all, do those tithe checks!
