"All I ask is for the people of God to obey God and to bring what is HIS to his storehouse"

 

The Kitchen family has once again proven beyond any shadow of a doubt that they are exactly like every other slithering COG snake slithering through the weeds of Armstrongism. Shocker of the century, right? This entire circus isn't about shepherding the flock, feeding the spiritually hungry, or humbly serving the brethren in any meaningful way or even buying an auditorium. No, no—it's all about money, cold hard cash, the almighty dollar (or check, preferably made out directly to one specific person). 

Samuel Kitchen, that paragon of third-generation "true church" purity, is now dusting off the book of Haggai like it's the hottest new money-making playbook straight from the divine accounting department. Members are apparently supposed to obediently drag every last tithe, offering, spare dime, and probably their kitchen sinks too, straight to "God's storehouse"—which, in a plot twist no one saw coming (except literally everyone who's been paying attention), has miraculously relocated to the rolling cornfields of Iowa. Because nothing screams "divinely appointed headquarters" like a quiet Midwestern town far from the prying eyes of... well, anyone asking inconvenient questions.

All those endless COG splinter groups—each one birthed in a blaze of "God's government" drama and righteous indignation—were never genuinely about caring for the brethren, correcting wrongs, or restoring some pristine "truth once delivered." It was always a glorified vacuum cleaner operation: suck up as much third-tithe money, festival tithe of the tithe money, first tithe, building fund "love offerings," emergency excess second-tithe scraps, and whatever loose change falls out of grandma's purse, all so the self-appointed leaders could keep their lifestyles comfortably insulated from the harsh realities of, you know, actual work or accountability. Private jets? Lavish homes?  College campuses? Auditoriums? "Modest" ministerial perks that would make a televangelist blush.

And let's be crystal clear: Samuel wasn't exactly standing on a mountaintop begging the brethren to send their hard-earned tithes directly to the Almighty in some ethereal spiritual transaction. Oh heavens no—that would be far too... biblical. Instead, he's politely (or not-so-politely) requesting that those checks be cut straight to him, personally, Samuel W. Kitchen, resident prophet-administrator-CEO of the One True Storehouse in Keosauqua or Coralville or wherever the divine GPS is pointing this week. Why? So he can buy another glittering monument to pomposity—because truly, what better way to demonstrate Christ-like humility and "poor in spirit" vibes than by owning the personal shrine to his earthly god (Herbert Armstrong), bankrolled entirely by the gullible faithful who still believe the "work" needs their widow's mite to limp along? 

Nothing says "God's true servant" quite like turning Malachi 3 into a personal building fund.

Truly inspiring stuff. If only the original apostles had thought to incorporate and reroute all donations to their own names—think of the cathedrals we could have had by now.

God says that whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all of your might.  

 

And when God says to do something, why can’t we do it? If God gives us something why not obtain it and hold it? 

 

Do we fear God or not? 

 

This won’t be achieved by power or might BUT BY THE HOLY SPIRIT OF GOD. 

 

But I am fully confident in the Word of God, who says do it! Work! God says! For I am with you!

So let us WORK towards this goal, to give glory to the name of God, and to unite in one cause, and as one people, one church. Why do men love it when the enemies trash what God gives? Now when we can restore it, why hesitate? Why let Satan hinder us?

All I ask is for the people of God to obey God and to bring what is HIS to his storehouse. And when Haggai talks about the seed in the barn, that is like the ark and the 8 people. Noah and his family were commanded to build “an ark” a physical ark, something for the mind and hands to do in service of the Lord our God. Everyone laughed but they didn’t laugh when God moved ahead with His plans.

Let us go to God in prayer and fasting. Let us obey God. Let us not neglect our job as members of the spiritual temple.

WCG Iowa Setting Up Council of Elders To Be Ready For Aaron Dean To Step In Once The Ambassador Auditorium Is Purchased.

By the time Samuel is able to buy the auditorium, 

Germany will have destroyed the United States

The self-proclaimed remnant of the one true church strikes again, this time with a manifesto so drenched in delusion it could water the entire old AC Pasadena campus dicondra lawns. In a recent missive that reads like a mix of Herbert W. Armstrong's old co-worker letters and a particularly feverish Reddit post from r/EndTimesPrepper, Samuel Kitchen has declared his intention to single-handedly resurrect the Advisory Council of Elders, purchase the Ambassador Auditorium (currently listed at a cool $45 million, because why not aim high when God's check is in the mail), and apparently kick off the final end-time drama with a Zoom call and a group fast.

Let's unpack this masterpiece of wishful ecclesiastical thinking.

First, the Advisory Council of Elders. For those who forgot (or mercifully blocked out) the 1980s WCG org chart, this was Herbert Armstrong's hand-picked group of yes-men evangelists who existed to "advise" the apostle while he did whatever he wanted. It was dissolved, reformed, ignored, and eventually rendered irrelevant as the church splintered into a thousand tiny fiefdoms after HWA's death. Now, Kitchen informs us that only one original member remains: Aaron Dean, the longtime aide to Armstrong who now serves in the United Church of God and has spent decades politely declining to play along with every self-appointed restorer who calls him up.

Kitchen's plan? Chat with Dean about appointing six more "faithful and loyal" men—all guys proven loyal to "Christ’s apostle" (spoiler: that's code for dead Herb, not some vague New Testament figure). These paragons will Zoom weekly (or more!) to steer the good ship Worldwide Church of God back on track. Dean might say no, but Kitchen hopes he won't—because nothing says divine authority like hoping your one living link to the golden age doesn't hang up on you.

But wait, there's more grandeur! As the miraculous purchase fund inches toward $45 million (any day now, surely), Kitchen calls for a massive scavenger hunt: gather every dusty tape, yellowed booklet, scrap of mimeographed sermon notes, and forgotten VHS from the 1970s. Build a shrine-library in the Auditorium, digitize it all, and launch a "monthly refresher program" to... refresh people? Presumably with the exact same doctrines that led to the original church's doctrinal "upset" in the '90s, which everyone else moved on from.

To seal the deal, Kitchen drops a biblical proof-text barrage straight out of the Armstrong playbook: Isaiah 4's "seven women" clinging to one man (obviously the tiny faithful remnant), Zerubbabel as the end-time builder figure (with seven eyes, naturally), the Branch (Jesus, but channeled through a modern type), cornerstones, crowns that won't fade, Philadelphia elect, place of safety, two witnesses on deck—the full eschatological bingo card.

In Kitchen's telling, this isn't just nostalgia; it's prophecy fulfillment. The "day of small things" isn't a humble beginning—it's his current operation, complete with a handful of supporters, Gmail addresses, and dreams of reclaiming a concert hall that hasn't been WCG property since before most millennials were born. God will provide the laborers, the funds, the tapes, and presumably the Zoom Pro subscription.

One can almost picture the scene: six loyal appointees blinking at their screens, Aaron Dean wondering how he got dragged into this, and Kitchen presiding over the council like a budget HWA, declaring victory as the donation jar hits four figures. Meanwhile, the actual Ambassador Auditorium sits on the market, waiting for a real buyer—perhaps a symphony orchestra or a megachurch that can afford the utilities—while the "remnant" sanctifies their fast and refreshes their browser for new PayPal notifications.

Truly, in the multitude of (Zoom) council there is... entertainment. If nothing else, this bold revival plan reminds us why "safety in a multitude" was always more slogan than reality in the old WCG: when the multitude is one guy emailing Aaron Dean, it's less safety net and more prayer chain with extra steps.

Hold fast to that crown, brethren. Preferably the one that doesn't involve a $45 million real estate flip.

Samuel writes (unedited):

I want to revive the Advisory Council of Elders. There is safety is a multitude of council.

The only one left from the original Advisory Council of Elders is Aaron Dean.

I’m going to talk to him, about appointing another six men, all men who have proven themselves faithful and loyal to Christ’s apostle, and who are willing to work with me to get the Worldwide Church of God back on the right track.

Perhaps he wouldn’t want to be involved, I hope he does want to be involved.

I would like weekly meetings, or more, via zoom etc as we move forward. Mr Dean has the experience of knowing who would best serve in this Advisory Council of Elders. As everyone comes away from heading their separate directions, I do believe we all need to sanctify a fast together and everyone in God’s Chuch participate.

Also as we grow closer to the purchase price of Ambassador Auditorium, I will need help gather tapes, original books, publications, videos, everything the church produced down to scraps of paper saved! I want a thorough library and archives, so we can install it in the Ambassador Auditorium. I would also want it all produced online, working complementary to the physical collection.

I would also want to set up, upon purchase, a monthly refresher program.

Now this is a huge undertaking. But if we pray about it, and take it to God, asking God for the laborers God will provide.

I want to also point out Isaiah 4.

“And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach.”(verse 1)

These seven, are with Zerubbabel!

“For who hath despised the day of small things? for they shall rejoice, and shall see the plummet in the hand of Zerubbabel with those seven; they are the eyes of the Lord, which run to and fro through the whole earth.”

Isaiah 4:2

“In that day shall the branch of the Lord be beautiful and glorious, and the fruit of the earth shall be excellent and comely for them that are escaped of Israel.”

In Zechariah 3:8-9 we read: “Hear now, O Joshua the high priest, thou, and thy fellows that sit before thee: for they are men wondered at: for, behold, I will bring forth my servant the Branch.

“For behold the stone that I have laid before Joshua; upon one stone shall be seven eyes: behold, I will engrave the graving thereof, saith the Lord of hosts, and I will remove the iniquity of that land in one day.”

Jesus Christ is THE BRANCH.

Isaiah 28:16 “Therefore thus saith the Lord God, Behold, I lay in Zion for a foundation a stone, a tried stone, a precious corner stone, a sure foundation: he that believeth shall not make haste.”

This foundation stone is the cornerstone, which is Jesus Christ!

That cornerstone is brought forth by a Zerubbabel figure, and layed before Joshua.

Speaking of Isaiah 4:2, we also have Isaiah 28:5, which reads: “In that day shall the Lord of hosts be for a crown of glory, and for a diadem of beauty, unto the residue of his people”.

In Revelation 3:11, we read “Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.”

And in 1 Peter 5:4 we read “And when the chief Shepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a crown of glory that fadeth not away.”

This is talking about God’s Philadelphia elect coming together, and the two witnesses being set up, and the elect going into a place of safety.

Samuel Kitchen Writes To Harvest Rock To Set Up Appointment For Opportunity To Buy Auditorium

 

And, it just keeps getting worse. Samuel writes:

I just sent an email to the owners of the Ambassador Auditorium. Below is that email.  

 

Hello,

My name is Samuel W Kitchen.

I am a representative of the Worldwide Church of God and I was wanting to talk to someone about the Ambassador Auditorium being for sale.

My people are very excited at an opportunity to perhaps purchase the auditorium. As you know, the membership of the Worldwide Church of God donated originally to build this wonderful structure.

But during doctrinal upset in the 1990’s, and directional differences, church leaders decided to sell off the auditorium, upsetting a great deal of members.

We are interested in talking with someone about purchasing the auditorium, and restore it to the original purpose and usage.

What can I do to move forward towards purchase? I am in talks with membership to see what funds are available, but I wanted to reach out to you and see if something could be started, or at least moved towards.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Samuel W Kitchen

worldwidechurchofgod.org

supportwcg.org

928.358.7302

worldwidechurchofgod@icloud.com

wcgpillars@gmail.com

 

Here we go, Samuel W. Kitchen, valiant knight of the one true remnant, swooping in like a budget Herbert W. Armstrong reincarnate to reclaim the holy grail of mid-century acoustics. Because nothing says "restoring to original purpose" quite like a tiny splinter group with a website and a dream trying to pony up $45 million for a landmark that was sold off decades ago when the actual Worldwide Church of God still existed and moved on.

"My people are very excited"—ah yes, that vast throng of loyal supporters, presumably consisting of Samuel, his email aliases, and maybe four or five others who have swallowed his malarkey. How thrilling it must be for them to contemplate reversing the great 1990s doctrinal unpleasantness by... buying back the building they lost fair and square, with zero funds they're "in talks" about gathering. Truly visionary stewardship!

And the polite inquiry: "What can I do to move forward towards purchase?" As if the owners—Harvest Rock Church, who paid good money for it back in 2004 and have been using it ever since—have just been sitting around waiting for a random claimant with a Gmail address and a phone number to waltz in and declare divine right of first refusal. Perhaps they should start a GoFundMe titled "Help Samuel Reclaim the Glory: Because Nostalgia Costs $45 Million."

Rest assured, the sarcasm here is aimed squarely at the letter's audacious tone, not at any legitimate historical appreciation for the venue. The Ambassador Auditorium remains a stunning piece of architecture and history, but this pitch reads like a masterclass in wishful thinking wrapped in faux-Worldwide Church of God stationery.

THIS IS A MONUMENTAL POINT IN HISTORY! Will You Help Samuel Kitchen Buy The Ambassador Auditorium?

 

Brethren, dust off those checkbooks and prepare to open wide those wallets of righteousness! The time has finally come to rescue and truly restore the Worldwide Church of God's crowning jewel—that magnificent monument to Herbert W. Armstrong himself: the Ambassador Auditorium, otherwise known (in hushed, reverent tones) as The House of God!

Apparently, the Almighty has grown weary of those wild-eyed Pentecostals flopping around like fish out of water, getting "slain in the Spirit" all over the sacred carpet. No, no—He now demands the return of the building through Samuel (or whoever's available) to re-consecrate this holy edifice, originally blessed by none other than Herbert Armstrong in his role as Christ's personal stand-in on Earth. What an honor!

Let's be honest: the whole place was Herbert's grand vanity project, a glittering stage to make him look far grander in the world's eyes than his actual radio-preacher-turned-cult-leader status warranted. Hundreds of thousands of wide-eyed concertgoers filed through over the decades, while tens of millions in precious tithe dollars vanished into its upkeep—all to prop up the illusion of a legitimate "ministry." Funny thing, though: Jesus Himself was never once name-dropped during those high-society recitals. Attendees would wander in, spot the gold lettering proclaiming dedication "to God," and snicker—then some cheeky soul, like Pat Boone, would sidle up and scratch at it to check if it was solid gold or just fancy plating. Spoiler: it wasn't solid anything for long.

Those very letters? Long gone now, lovingly transplanted to adorn the walls of Gerald Flurry's pint-sized knockoff auditorium in Edmond, Oklahoma—flanked by those exquisite Baccarat candelabras originally commissioned for the Shah of Iran's 2,500-year Persian Empire bash. More tithe-funded treasures sold off for pennies on the dollar to yet another splinter group. Recycling at its most spiritually economical!

And oh, the other activities that unfolded behind those hallowed doors—far beyond mere concerts and services. The roof, the fourth-floor machinery rooms, lighting booths, dressing rooms, prop storage, even the trench encircling the building: prime real estate for all sorts of extracurricular delights involving performers, students, and staff. Those shadowy corners probably saw more action than a Nevada brothel on the road to Vegas. Classy!

Then came the fireworks: raging ministers and the indomitable Stan Rader throwing tantrums onstage during the receivership crisis, as rebellion erupted between those screaming for accountability and the faithful insisting the church answered to no one but God (and, conveniently, Herbert).

The grand finale? Joe Tkach's Christmas Eve sermon that dropped the bomb: tithing wasn't a New Covenant requirement after all. Cue the mass exodus, dried-up tithes, and the sad realization that the gravy train had derailed. The place had to go.

Buyers circled—Church of Scientology, USC School of Music—but none took the plunge until a plucky local Pasadena minister and his Pentecostal posse stepped up with a "bold leap of faith" and snatched it in 2004. Where once COG faithful sang hymns about dashing babies against rocks (blessed be!), the halls now echoed with pogoing, holy laughter, gold dust spewing from mouths, and glossolalia in full alien-tongue stereo. From Armstrong-era prophecy to full-on charismatic circus—what a glorious glow-up!

But wait—there's still hope for the purists! Now, dear brethren, you can help reclaim this sacred ground! Redeem it! Rededicate it to the one true God as the very spot where Jesus will touchdown on His white horse, sword gleaming, ready to smite every last unbeliever in a blaze of apocalyptic glory!

What an unparalleled opportunity to etch your name in eternity! Give like you've never given before—God's work (and this real estate rescue) hangs in the balance! Don't delay; the end times are expensive, and the checkbooks won't write themselves!

Samuel writes (unedited):

Help support the Work of God

I am excited to announce I will now be accepting tithes and offerings, and other donations, to raise funds for a special building fund.

Ambassador Auditorium is for sale. 

now this building was built by the generous donations of the membership of the Worldwide Church of God. I would like to bring it back to us.

It was consecrated to God for HOLY USE, and to have those with the Holy Spirit assembling there.

In Haggai 2:19, we read “Is the seed yet in the barn?” And in Malachi 3:8-12, we who have the Holy Spirit of God are COMMANDED to bring tithes and offerings into the storehouse, so that the SPIRITUAL TEMPLE MAY HAVE SPIRITUAL MEAT!

This is not about a physical building. Groups everywhere is building physical complex properties, and you may be okay with it. But this building was consecrated and dedicated to God. We was robbed of it when those who didn’t agree with this Church left and sold it off because they didn’t value it.

We do. And so I am standing up and announcing this plan to purchase it, and I need all of you God’s Holy People to help me with God’s Tithes and Offerings! All the scriptures point to our success!

in Psalms 145:18-21 we read “The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them. The Lord preserveth all them that love him: but all the wicked will he destroy. My mouth shall speak the praise of the Lord: and let all flesh bless his holy name for ever and ever.”

No one else sees value in this auditorium. They might see it as a white elephant. But for those who love God, and love His restored truth, and seek to glorify HIS NAME, we value this consecrated building.

What I propose, is we purchase it, and use it. There is room for a library of Church materials, and room to be used for services and for Festival services.

Mr Armstrong was inspired by the Holy Spirit to design and build such a building. And since it still stands, and only those who were wicked and left Jesus Christ sold it, shall we not jump on this opportunity to bring praise and glory unto God and to declare THE WORLDWIDE CHURCH OF GOD spiritually has not been destroyed?!

This would only glorify the name of God. While others say we are desolate, read what God says in Isaiah 62. I AM ENCOURAGED BY THIS BRETHREN! I need your help. Bring your tithes and offerings and send them to me. If you have any questions please email me at “wcgpillars@gmail.com”, or write me at PO box 126 Fairfield Iowa 52556.

THIS IS A MONUMENTAL POINT IN HISTORY! Will you stand up with me and help me purchase this property, so we may move forward in the true Work of God? May God show you and inspire you brethren. We need to be excited and on fire for God! Let us not be Laodicea, lukewarm, indifferent! Believe God!

in Jesus Christ’s name,

Samuel W Kitchen

 

Samuel clearly has zero clue what he's signing up for with this grand delusion of snatching up the Ambassador Auditorium. How exactly does he plan to slap a fresh coat of paint on this aging diva when the early (read: endless) maintenance bills start rolling in like a biblical plague? We're talking a landmark that's been pampered for decades—now imagine the surprise invoices for HVAC overhauls, roof repairs, seismic retrofits, and keeping that famous reflecting pool from turning into a mosquito breeding ground.

And the association fees to Ambassador Gardens/Maranatha High School? Those won't be a polite suggestion—they'll be a monthly gut-punch. The place is nestled right in the middle of condo heaven and school grounds; good luck dodging those HOA-style charges for shared infrastructure, landscaping, security, and whatever else the neighbors demand to keep their property values from tanking.

Sure, the Pasadena Symphony rents the hall for their concerts, but let's be real: those fees are a drop in the bucket compared to the black hole of operating costs. We're talking astronomical insurance premiums (because California loves lawsuits almost as much as earthquakes), sky-high property taxes and city fees that Pasadena gleefully piles on for historic properties, and don't even get me started on payroll. California labor laws? Minimum wage hikes, overtime rules, benefits mandates—hiring even a skeleton crew of ushers, techs, and cleaners will cost more than a small country's GDP.

Oh, and if he dreams of hosting something ambitious like a Feast of Tabernacles blowout? He'll be begging Maranatha to rent out their parking structure and student center just to accommodate the crowds—because the onsite spots are laughably limited. Meanwhile, the upscale condo residents next door will be sharpening their pitchforks at the thought of eight straight days of wide-eyed "nutjobs" (his future flock, presumably) pressing their noses against windows, waxing nostalgic about the glory days of Herbert Armstrong, and generally disrupting the neighborhood vibe.

This isn't just a bad idea—it's a trainwreck of unimaginable proportions, a financial Titanic steaming full speed toward an iceberg made of red ink, lawsuits, and angry neighbors. Samuel might think he's buying a holy relic, but what he's really purchasing is a money pit disguised as a concert hall. 

Why...can't you get reconciled to one another?

Wise words from a comment in a previous post:

Listen, ye fools in the church, if God reconciled you to Himself by the blood of His Son, why then can't you get reconciled to one another? What? Is your will (It has to go my way), authority (I am a minister and no one tells me what to do) and money (I know how to manage it better than you) more important?

Stupid ministers, who don't know that if you want to contend with one another you have to please the General first (Christ; 2 Tim 2:4), play by the rules (the law; 2 Tim 2:5), and participate in the fruit production (the fruits; 2 Tim 2:6) if you want to get your rewards. 

Crackpot Prophet Warns Us About False Prophets in the Churches of God

 

Only in Armstrongism do you get the exquisite irony of one false prophet furiously condemning all the other false prophets in the Church of God. For reasons known only to the heavens (and perhaps his mirror), God's Greatest Gift to Humanity and the Churches of God genuinely believes he's a legitimate prophet. His airtight validation? A so-called "double blessing" from Gaylyn Bonjour—because nothing screams divine authority like that—and some half-remembered comment Rod Meredith supposedly once made. When those credentials start looking a bit thin, Crackpot Bob dusts off poor deluded Norm Edwards for yet another desperate cameo appearance to prop up his fragile prophet credentials.

Then, in a dazzling display of self-awareness, he hauls the old Mother Church into his tirade about their official position on false prophets. Anyone who ever spent even five minutes working in Pasadena witnessed an endless parade of self-appointed "prophets" strutting into the Hall of Administration to announce their greatness… only to be swiftly rebuked, escorted to the sidewalk, and permanently disfellowshipped. That's exactly what Herbert Armstrong—and the entire Worldwide Church—would do to Crackpot Bob today. He'd be disfellowshipped so fast his mail-order Indian diploma-mill degree would still be spinning in the air behind him.

Undeterred, he gleefully lists Gerald Flurry, Dave Pack, Ron Weinland, Wade Cox, Alton Billingsley, and the rest of the current COG false-prophet All-Star team… somehow mysteriously forgetting to pencil in his own name. But don't worry—he's not just as big a liar as the others. No, no. He's convinced he's the one and only truly righteous COG prophet, hand-picked by God in these perilous end-times to deliver the urgent message that the world is about to get a divine spanking.

As usual, his attention span is doing cartwheels—bouncing from topic to topic like a caffeinated pinball—so he never has to slow down and seriously examine the very issue of false prophets he's pretending to care about. The faster he jumps around, the less time his followers have to stop, think, and critically evaluate him. Because if they ever did pause for more than ten seconds, they'd quickly realize he's no more being used by God than Dave Pack is. He's just another self-deluded liar in a long, sad line of them—only with worse writing and an even bigger persecution complex.

21 Century False Prophets
Were false prophets expected in the 21st century? Did Jesus and the Apostle Paul warn about false prophets in the last days? What did the old Worldwide Church of God write about imposters, false prophets, and true prophets? What are the criteria to determine if someone is a true or false prophet? Could there be false prophets in various Church of God groups? Have people such as Gerald Flurry, Ron Weinland, David Pack, Wade Cox, and Alton Billingsley made false predictions/prophecies? What about Protestants like Harold Camping and Messianic Sabbath-keepers like Jonathan Cahn? Because most prophets are false, is it safer to not search to see if there are any true prophets of God today? What did Jesus teach? What does the Bible teach? Should most Christians take Acts 2:17-18 more seriously than they do? How can you know if someone is a false prophet according to the scriptures? Is there a specific false prophet who will be the final Antichrist? Do supernatural signs and wonders prove someone is a true prophet? Does Satan the devil have ministers? Can Jesus return or the millennium start prior to 2033? Dr. Thiel addresses these matters and more in this sermon.