Thursday, November 3, 2011

$1,000 A Month Get's You Into This COG Inner Sanctum





Would you really want to join this splinter cult?  Is any COG worth this kind of haranguing and spittle flying?  Nothing surprises me any more as these spiritual deviates continue to come out of the woodwork.  You need to be able  to give 1,000 dollars a month to belong. That is after you have a SKYPE conversation with the ministurd so he can determine if you are qualified and a genuine Armstrongite.


Once more, THE LIVING JESUS CHRIST HAS MOVED TO PUT HIS CHURCH BACK ON HIS TRACK! And I know there will be a great blessing arising from this!

Very soon now, I am going to begin work on a new website around our new
domain name, leaving the old website up for the time being during the transition at the old location and url.

I will probably be using Wordpress for this ENTIRELY NEW WEBSITE, and, one of the advantages of using Wordpress is that we can easily create a public
area of the website and a private, member's only area, which is password
protected to each member's password.

Simply put, what this means is that we will now be able to have an "outer
area" of our new website to PREACH THE GOSPEL TO THE WORLD, giving the public the resources they need to repent of their sins and come to God's
way of life.

However, ONLY UPON MEETING CERTAIN CRITERIA WILL THEY BE INVITED TO JOIN THE SPECIAL MEMBER'S ONLY AREA, where we will be archiving Sabbath and Holy Day services and Bible studies, as well as more mature literature for those who have made the commitment of their lives to God and this Work.

So, from that point on, most Bible studies, sermons, meaty articles and
booklets, etc., will be accessible to our MEMBERS ONLY, as IT SHOULD BE,
while leaving the preaching of the Gospel in the public part of the website.

FINALLY, THE LIVING JESUS CHRIST IS MOVING SWIFTLY NOW TO PUT HIS CHURCH TOTALLY BACK ON HIS TRACK, RE-INSTITUTING MANY WISE DECISIONS MR. ARMSTRONG MADE IN THE PAST!

For those of you who are presently giving tithes and offerings to this Work, you will be automatically issued with your website member's password to access the member's area, which will include services and Bible studies.

If you ARE NOT A CONTRIBUTOR TO THIS WORK, THAT PROVES THAT YOU LACK COMMITMENT TO THIS WORK, AND REFUSE TO HELP US TO GROW AND PROSPER.

Frankly, this is NOT a Godly attitude, and shows that you lack the vision
to see where God is working, and are not willing to contribute to the
preaching of the Gospel and the maintenance of the church and Work, and
therefore you SHOULD NOT HAVE ACCESS TO THE MEATIER MATERIALS THAT ARE RESERVED FOR THOSE WHO ARE MEMBERS AND THEREFORE COMMITTED TO THIS WORK OF GOD!

So, UNLESS you are a regular contributor to this Work, YOU WILL NO LONG3R HAVE ACCESS TO BIBLE STUDIES, SERMONS, AND SERVICES OF A MEATIER NATURE, but you will still have access to the more general Gospel message until you reach the point where you would like to commit yourself to this Work.

However, MONEY WILL NOT BUY YOUR WAY IN EITHER, as, over the years, there were many co-workers who sent in offerings but still did not yet attend church for one reason or another.

What this means is that for ALL NEW PEOPLE, ONCE THIS POLICY IS PUT INTO PLACE, I WILL NEED TO HAVE AT LEAST ONE PERSONAL COUNSELING SESSION WITH YOU VIA PHONE OR SKYPE BEFORE YOU ARE INVITED TO ATTEND OUR VIRTUAL CHURCH, just as in the old days the local minister had to visit your home at least once before giving you details so that you could attend church.

Frankly, this policy has worked well for the church over the years, but, as it began to break down because CERTAIN MEN THOUGHT THEY HAD A BETTER
IDEA ON HOW TO CONDUCT THE WORK THAN MR. ARMSTRONG DID, the church began its long slide into a Laodicean attitude and condition.

WE ARE DETERMINED TO BRING BACK THE ZEAL OF THE EARLY CHURCH, and, as such, we need to be fellowshipping with OTHER CONVERTED PEOPLE ON A REGULAR BASIS, WITHOUT HAVING WORLDLY PEOPLE MIXED IN TO MAKE A DISTRACTION.

Also, we need to begin receiving AT LEAST $1000 per month to make this
Work expand and prosper, and if we don't get to this very small amount
really soon, we may have to make drastic cuts in the websites and other
services within a short period of time.

Now I eagerly await the hell fire and brimstone that this ministurd will call down upon me. Death and destruction await me in the next week or so.  If we have a huge earthquake in Southern CA next week you will know I was the cause of it..........................

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

It is difficult to write satire this good. What arrogance!

GP

Anonymous said...

What group or what minister is this who thinks people should send him a $1000/month?

Douglas Becker said...

Send your money to Costa Rica?

No indication that it's legit.

Total scam.

Lake of Fire Church of God said...

NO2HWA wrote, "If we have a huge earthquake in Southern CA next week you will know I was the cause of it..........................


MY COMMENT - Major fault lines in California might also be the cause of huge earthquakes at any time.

Richard

Anonymous said...

Do the math, $1000/month is a tithe of $10,000/month in gross income or $120,000 per year. How many of his followers make that much income? Maybe "4".

Moneybags said...

$10,000 a month income in Costa Rica? I doubt it very much too!

Anonymous said...

The website offers a "new" book- Secret Mysteries of the Ages, Copyright 2005, by M. John Allen.

It's FREE! FREE! FREE!

The website states, "We believe in God's concept of GIVE, rather than GET."!!!

It's déjà vu, all over again.

Norm

DennisCDiehl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DennisCDiehl said...

I think I will try to join and find the truth of all life. It's a small price to pay for knowledge of the one true thing brought to us by the one true person.

Somehow I'll have to je..., I mean talk him down to about $4.95/month but I think I"ll at least be able to get into the "novice" level and climb to the top from there.

Then I will erase his screen name, block him from the site, cut the contribution requirements by 50% and live happily ever after...maybe...well prolly not.

My current job teaching massage therapy is drying up so I think I see where I am supposed to go and what I am supposed to do.

:)

Anonymous said...

Dennis,

While you're at it, don't forget to rustle their cattle!

As a COGAWA leader once said, "Why buy the milk when you can steal the cow?"

(Or, as samurai UCG Master Kubik said to a COGAWA member, "Grasshopper, try to snatch the oxen from my hand.... WAIT?!?! Where did my oxen go? We had an electrified fence around those friggin' cows!")

Norm

Anonymous said...

Douglas, you wrote: "...No indication that it's legit.

Total scam..."

And if it were legit, and not a total scam, one would wonder...well, I would wonder if the individual presiding to be in charge of such a group were really familiar with the following words of Christ:

"...Ye cannot serve God AND MAMMON." Matthew 6:24

Repetition may still be an excellent form of emphasis!

"...Ye cannot serve God AND MAMMON." Luke 16:13

John

Anonymous said...

"$1,000 A Month Will Get You Into The Inner Circle"


The Inner Circle of the COGs is so over-rated. The problem with the so-called COGs is that the Inner Circle is usually just a bunch of greedy, lying thieves, frauds, and outright perverts. And this is talking about the largest splinter groups, not just the smaller, unknown scammers.

Alternatives: The Outer Circles.

Cost: Zero dollars a month.

Homer said...

I don't think the writer of this scam really meant he expects to receive $1000 a month from each person foolish enough to send any money. When I read the last paragraph---

"we need to begin receiving AT LEAST $1000 per month to make this work expand and prosper, and if we don't get to this very small amount
really soon...."

I think it means a total of $1000 per month ("very small amount") from all that send any money. But in Costa Rica that might be a fair income. I won't be sending anything.

But I could use an extra $1000 each month. If anyone has any extra cash without a purpose I can give it a good home.

Byker Bob said...

S.O.S. The public doesn't need these resources, as they will co-opt repentence and a personal relationship with God.

Run!,, (Don't walk!)

BB

Anonymous said...

Yep, this particular "sanctum" is in reality a thinly masked "rectum"

Vaughn said...

Who said this and when did they say it? Or are we supposed to just have faith that you quoted correctly?

Douglas Becker said...

Or you could read the story about Robert Schuller.

Except for the name on the door, it's pretty hard to tell one from another, for me, anyway.