Monday, September 30, 2013

James Malm Humiliates COG's By Having Best Feast Site EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

James Malm held one of the COG's greatest Feast's ever!  Medford, Oregon will NEVER be the same again.  The citizens of Medford have had a mighty witness at the awesome power of God in doing dramatic things for his CHOSEN remnant.

Forget the UCG, LCG, and even COGWA's Legionnaires disease ridden Feast site, they cannot stand in comparison to Malm's site.  They cower in envy.  They have all been humiliated beyond their imaginations.

Malm announced today that he had 16 people in attendance!  Shocking, I know!

Several persons wanting to attend the Feast in Medford bowed out at the last moment due to the distance and expense.  This resulted in a cozy close knit assembly of sixteen persons, observing a deeply spiritual Feast together.

Even GCI's Feast site in Monrovia garners 4-5 times that amount.

Malm promises even greater things next year, even a a tastefully decorated building!

This Feast was a pioneer shake down, first time event for us;  and much has been learned that will be used to upgrade the meeting site/s at our next Feast.

We are already planning for a more central location, a much larger attendance, simple yet tasteful site d├ęcor  and streaming web casts next year.

Yes, God is performing a mighty work once again.  Nations will be reached and the little flock will become rulers of the universe.  Rebellious sinners will be whipped into obedience, Saturday restaurant eaters severely punished and mixed fabric wearers stripped naked.  Truly, great things are ahead for the Church of God.


Corky said...

Wow! What a crowd! I bet that really helped the economy of Medford out of the red.

Joe Moeller said...

16 times more people than I expected for Malm! LOL!

Joe Moeller
Cody, WY

Head Usher said...

I have a feeling that those last minute bow-outs didn't really cancel because of "distance and expense." That's just the excuse they gave. I'd bet as the time drew near, they realized they weren't going to be able to hack a Malm fot.

I wonder how many people got their ass handed to them in a whithering assault by Malm at some point during the 8-9 days over some picky point of made-up doctrine. Do you think they'll be back next year?

Even after upgrading to a better barn and redecorating it, how much you wanna bet next year's fot will be even "cozier" and "closer-knit" than this years? Especially since you can stay home and "say" you streamed it over the web...

Lurker said...

Woo-hoo! The mixed fabrics law is BACK, baby!! I knew polyester was a sin!

J. Patrick said...

Could we go to the various sites next year and hold up Olympic style score cards?
Come on, I really wanna do that.

Byker Bob said...

Totally annoying voices in radio, TV, and the movies have become all the rage. Malm seems to be riding that trend, doesn't he? Perhaps he attributes the quality of his mini-feast to the quality of his speaking voice. Frankly, there are probably more Living-room Churches of God that boast larger memberships.


Anonymous said...

Sixteen people? Let's examine this, folks-

If you add the people who couldn't attend, there might be a few more acolytes of Mr. Malm's smooth movement.

So, maybe 20 people? 25?

If half of 20 people are sending him 10 percent of their income, that equals one full income for Mr. Malm!
Of course, this is just guessing, and many of those sixteen people may be on a limited income like Social Security.

And heck, even Charles Manson had over 100 followers in his prime, and Jim Jones had WAY more than that, as evidenced by the fact that 909 followers in his Jonestown died of cyanide poisoning.

But hey, sixteen people ain't too shabby, especially if they're paying tithes.
And people in Armstrongist splinters should not mock his small number. After all, there was a time when Herbert Armstrong only had sixteen followers!

It's funny how those adhering to Armstrongist splinter groups are dishonest. Out of one side of their mouths they claim that numbers don't matter. Yet, out of the other side of their mouths they love to tell about (as if it's a sign from God) when they think their church is growing in numbers.

Many, like Pack, put that in terms of future tense(it's gonna happen).

Heck, I've even seen comments by UCG members stating the UCG is poised for substantial growth (even though the excellent reality is that the UCG recently had a HUGE split, with the UCG having about half it's ministers leave along with about one third of it's members).

Anonymous said...

Perhaps there was twerking at James Malm's FOT talent show!
That should increase revenue, as well as loosening things up a bit.

Anonymous said...

Malm loves to publish his internet hits statistics, and claim that all those people are "being reached" with his "warning message." When in fact those people are like the people watching a train wreck and can't look away. I guess. Now we have the only number anybody else has ever been interested in:


That's the number of people willing to travel with him to Malmtown and drink the kool-aid. There's another few souls who are willing to go down to the dock and see the Titanic off, but aren't willing to buy a ticket. And thousands more (internet hits) who buy newspapers who are willing to read the headline (but not necessarily the article).

M. Keenan said...

I cant for the life of me understand why anyone would follow someone like this.
It proves that PT Barnum was correct, a sucker is born every minute.