Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Help For Church of God Members Who Are Vampires

Can Armstrongism get any crazier?  Many days I think they have exhausted the craziness, and then along comes another numbnut.  Here is a  guy (Tim Carpenter) who is offering help for vampires in the church and in the world around us.  Of course like any good Armstrongite he prescribes daily supplements, vitamins and garlic capsules.  A good dose of sunlight won't hurt either.  However, the ultimate source of healing is the blood of Jesus.......

Leviticus 17:10-11:
10 And whatsoever man there be of the house of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn among you, that eateth any manner of blood; I will even set my face against that soul that eateth blood, and will cut him off from among his people.
11 For the life of the flesh is in the blood: and I have given it to you upon the altar to make an atonement for your souls: for it is the blood that maketh an atonement for the soul.
To learn the different kinds of real vampires please visit the Vampires Studies website (Link does not work). They are NOT affiliated with us and not necessarily meant as a help to vampires but rather as a research and study page for people to know what real vampires are. I recommend reading it with caution only after prayer and only if you think you may be a vampire. Then return here for help to recover from this satanic affliction.

For help in recovery from vampirism, read our "How to overcome anything" article.

Also, feel free to use our Pray Request page.

Also, Be sure to take daily supplements of Vitamin D at least 1000-4000 mg per day. Also take Garlic capsules or even better eat real garlic in your pasta dishes. This boosts your immune system to fight any virus that might be related to that kind/type of vampire. Sun exposure is important. Be of Gods Light, not of darkness, avoid all appearance of evil, be transformed by the renewing of your mind in Christ Jesus. Jesus is the answer for all kinds and all types of vampires. By Christ Blood YOU can be HEALED!!!

rainbow smiley


Anonymous said...

Where in the hell do you find this stuff?????????

I am glad you do, because it shows the entire world how mentally ill Armstrongites are.

They now get to be held accountable for the crap that they say.

Donna said...

Maybe a good massage from Dr. Thiel would help too! It has sure made Baron Guttenberg happy!

Anonymous said...

"If all else fails, carry a wooden stake at all times and be prepared to fall on it. You may substitute a silver bullet if the wooden stake gives you slivers."


Lake of Fire Church of God said...

How ironic considering WCG literally sucked the financial blood out of many of its long time members - all so little Joey Tkach could someday be a multi multi millionaire.


Black Ops Mikey said...

WWDCS: What would Dixon Cartright Say?

Things are just fine.

Nothing to see here.

Move along.

(Yet another thing we will never see in The Journal.)

The Spirit of God is a Spirit of Love and of a sound mind.

I think we picked a poor example.

Byker Bob said...

This is embarrassing! How is it that these folks can't see that?

I'm sure it's not the typical understanding of your average ACOG splinter member, but there is just a huge plethora of similar weirdness oozing from that camp!

Guess you have to consider their training, and chalk this up as being a natural extension.


Anonymous said...

Since when were vampires real? Since when was it a medically classified disease caused by viruses?

Sunburn too easily? Can't see your reflection in a mirror? Don't seem to be aging normally? Can't wear silver against your skin? Dental issues with your canine teeth? Ask your doctor if VAMPEX could be right for you.

Oh, but Armstrongites don't believe in pharmaceuticals. Just send for that annointed cloth, quick before you're disfellowshipped for eating blood!

Black Ops Mikey said...

Shouldn't that Rainbow Coalition gay graphic be labelled:

I Saw the Blight Ministries.

Anonymous said...

Click here to see the button Tim Carpenter wears on his suit's lapel.