Dennis On: "This Will Be Like Nothing I Have Ever Quite Taught This Way Before...."

"This Will Be Like Nothing I Have Ever Quite Taught This Way Before...."

The Bewildered Apostle asks:

" Why do no other leaders understand ANY of the awesome and incredibly detailed prophecy that I am about to present—the what, when, where and how this reunification will occur?"

Because you're making it up?

Because they have a strong feeling it is just cleverly hidden proof-texting  

that always comes back and points to Dave Pack?

Because you are not a likeable person in real life?

Because they have read the experiences of others 

and their shelf life with you seems limited?

Because the few who left one COG to align themselves with your COG 

seem to disappear into the void after they confess you?

Because you are arrogant in your presentation and demeanor?

Because you use the word "awesome" to often?

Because you have said three of them will die all on the same day 

and that will prove you to be awesome?

Because working with and for you may increase 

their Rolaids budget too much?

Because working with and for you may get between them

 and their meager savings?

Because saying "yes sir, whatever you say sir," 

makes them feel like shit not actually agreeing with you?

Because when their wives say, 

"You gonna let that guy tell you everything to do, think and believe?" 

and it will make them feel emasculated and weak?

Because they think you just make it up as you go?

...oh sorry, already said that. 

Because like your incredibly detailed sermon on 

"And Yes Brethren, I am an Apostle" 

will make their asses sore listening 4 hours to the incredible details 

and not actually see how those incredible details are connected in reality?

Because you love the kind of member and minister that says, 

"whatever you say" and they don't?

Because you are one of the most arrogant human beings ever

 not actually called to be "the leader" they have ever read or met? 

Because you have left a trail of tears and drama behind every place 

you have ever been or landed? 

Because it really is all about the numbers?

Because they know they would have to 

check their own brains at your door?

Because they have already learned that fair speeches 

with conviction and pizzaz do not truth make?

More Apostolic Opinage:

"So obviously, for God’s people to be together, ALL organizations but ONE must “go away,” meaning everyone must leave them to enter that ONE organization—the ONE Church that Christ built. Continue thinking at the most basic level. EVERY splinter leader would support this, but of course only if HE led that one organization."

Because when you say, "think at the most basic level," as you do, 

they know you mean, 

"Come on simpletons not as wise as me, this is not rocket science."?

Because they are pretty sure you are the one who will 

come out on top as the leader and that is a no-show?

Because when you say "every splinter leader would support this

...if HE lead that one organization,"

 really means, 

"They won't come to ME as the leader of Christ's one true church."?

Because, as far as they and I remember, 

you never could work for anyone very long in your life 

before it all blew up and it seems you aren't happy, 

or ever have been unless you run everything 

and get the credit for the awesomeness of it all?

The Awesome Apostle thrills with:

"Next Friday I will start bringing the scriptural details of the prophecy revealing that all of God’s people will soon be back together. In time this will include exactly HOW and WHEN this will occur. The first elements of this “explaining” process will take three or four Friday announcements."

Perhaps they fear "the scriptural details of THE PROPHECY, 

will be a mish-mash of long winded explanations, analogies, 

types and bullshit badly woven together into a out of date garment?

Perhaps they understand you have mastered the art of making non-prophecy 

mean what it never meant and prophecy 'so called' 

apply to you when of course it does not?

Perhaps they are concerned yet another "HOW" and "WHEN"  

is just more not really that way or now yet ?

Because some even realize you are not actually a trained theologian 

but rather a spiffy Bible Reader who doesn't even know the context of

 "Line upon line, line upon line, here a little , there a little," 

which is NOT a formula for how to study the Bible?

(Hint: God is mocking with baby talk what the priests 

say and do in their drunken state.) 

Because they don't want to be brought back together 

under your leadership in the first place?

Because some think you will drag this out to August when ...well you know?

The Apostle predicts our reactions:

"The announcements of coming weeks and months will shock you beyond imagination!"

But what if they are already burned out on the overarching,

 awesome, incredible and amazing past stuff 

you proclaimed and can't get it up for more?

What if they can imagine more than you can imagine they can imagine?

What if they wonder if you know all the announcements already 

why not get to the point and save them some gas money?

What if after all this all most can come up with is 

"Man, this is a bunch of bull shit it I ever heard it."?

What if they decide they have been too hard on their pastors and leaders

 after meeting you and go back to them apologizing 

for being too judgmental and unhelpful but grateful to God 

they don't lead like you do or adopt so many titles as you need?

What if United and Living actually united and came alive?

What if being "shocked" is getting old and in hind sight, 

not all that shocking actually?

The Apostle Rejoices Over:

" Repentant ministers and many faithful splinter employees will carry on,

 serving solely in God’s Church."

What if ministers won't sign your terms of repentance forms?

What if faithful splinployees won't sign 

your terms of repentance forms?

What if repentant ministers figure out no one who ever repented into RCG 

ever got to speak or teach again publicly as far as we can tell.  

Did Dale Schurter die?

What if you can't find enough repentant splinployees to mow the grass, 

ride in the electric carts you like so much 

or polish your statue?

What if a repentant minister or fake board member 

finally wakes up someday soon and says, 

"Hell no you don't need a corporate Jet!"?

What if some repentant splinployee or treasurer 

advises Whitman Chocolates instead of Steuben???

And Finally Brethren:

"Make no mistake. The last three paragraphs are TRUE! 

Read them again, this time more carefully."

So you think we're too stupid to get it the first time?

(You'll have to give these next awesome sermons 

over a few times so we get it.)

What if we really don't want to make a mistake either 

so coming back to you makes no sense?

What if the way you spin the Old Testament in the coming weeks 

and proof text an idea you already accept 

as true turns out to not really be true?

What if we share tapes of your sermons with other theologians 

and get some input from them?

I guess we covered the arrogant part already...

I kinda like these observations, still valid today about questionable Apostles, in this case the Apostle Paul but don't take these as compliments.

Bishop John S. Spong (Episcopal Bishop of Newark)

"Paul's words are not the Words of God. They are the words of Paul- a vast difference." 

Carl Jung (Psychologist)

"Paul hardly ever allows the real Jesus of Nazareth to get a word in."

Albert Schweitzer

(Insert Apostle Dave for "he" and "Paul")

"Where possible he (Paul) avoids quoting the teaching of Jesus, in fact even mentioning it. If we had to rely on Paul, we should not know that Jesus taught in parables, had delivered the sermon on the mount, and had taught His disciples the 'Our Father.' Even where they are specially relevant, Paul passes over the words of the Lord."

David Hume

"When men are most sure and arrogant they are commonly most mistaken, giving views to passion without proper deliberation which alone can secure them from the grossest absurdities"

Because we're just gonna bet you have not bounced any 
of your prophetic ideas 

off real men (or anyone) who could really stand up and say, 

"that's the biggest load of BS I have ever heard.  

That's not what those scriptures are meant to mean. 

Have you considered a counselor"?

 

denniscdiehl@AOL.com