In Conclusion....................."Give me 30 more minutes."
I'll Pray For You.................."You dead wrong, buddy."
Closing Prayer....................My sneaky Sermonette
Opening Prayer..................My sneaky Sermonette
Briefcase............................I'm a Converted Member and Don't You Forget It
Arm Around Spouse...........I'm Just the Perfect Loving Spouse. Always.
Atonement Smiler...............I'm all that Or I Ate and Didn't Tell Nobody
Big KJV...............................My vision's Fine. I Just want you to know how much I know that I know.
Two-Hand Lectern Grip......I'm the Pastor, don't challenge what I'm saying, You Hear Me?
No Hymnal Singer..............I don't need no hymnal, I've been singing these songs for years,
I'm ALL that.
Usher..................................I really don't technically "Usher" at all. I walk backwards and count.
Anointing............................If You've Got the Flu don't Expect me to come touch you. That's what the cloth's for!
Mother's Room...................Nursin' and Spankin'
Father's Room...................Spankin' Room
YOU Hospitality Room.......Free donuts and orange juice room and that's all I'm here for.
C Team (sports).................You Suck At Sports Team (It's what they're really thinking, don't pretend they weren't.)
A Team (sports).................You're OK at sports, but most likely pretty popular. OR you're a Preacher's Kid.
Ambassador Grad.............Very Important Person who has a lot of expectations to live up to.
Deaconess.........................Kitchen Manager who you don't mess with in the Kitchen.
Potluck enforcer.
Pillar In the Church............Pastor's Spy OR Rich Member OR both.
Song Leader......................Dude who has some rhythm but most likely can't hold a tune in a bucket.
You're Encouraged To......."You Better Be there or do this if you know what's best for you."
Questioning.......................Sign of a Rebellious Spirit
(Scripture Reading)..........."Write this in your notes, and I'm watching to see who does or does not."
Flowers Around Lectern.....Gotta be a Holy Day.
Flowers All Over.................Gotta be the Feast.
Palm Trees.........................It's Definitely the Feast.
Banner Behind Podium......Absolutely the Feast.
Submitted by SHT
23 comments:
A word that was used often in the past that seems to have disappeared in "COG Lingo" is "Worldly". The word was used as a surrogate for sinful, vain, or carnal.
Example:
"Going to Disneyland is a WORLDLY activity" or "Watching wrestling on television is WORLDLY".
….and don't forget to beg God to "please inculcated us with your word that may just....." which actually meant "please let the minister hear that I am supporting whatever he says as he inculcates the congregation."
"Ghastly days": Meaning, " WTF?" "Jesus H. Christ!", "Son of a bitch!", "What the Hell!? "OMG"
H.W. Armstrong had a couple that he liked , that seemed to be carryovers from the 1890s. Here are a few more than have been dropped by the COG "common usage"
BALDERDASH
FILTHY LUCRE
CHURCHIANITY
NIMROD
19 YEAR TIME CYCLE
and many more.
While no agree these are accurate. What do mean by posting them? I assume it's not for telling a joke. Its amusing but bit funny. I assume its not to change readers minds because that is preaching to the choir. And I assume its not to affect the current ministers because they think you are a worldly heathen.
So what do you mean? Is this just catharsis for you? Is it a form of performance art or maybe torture poetry? Or maybe you are still tamautized and are seeking relief?
Are you offended, 6:11? I may ask why are you offended. Does this satire hit a nerve? Personally, I find it very accurate. Have fun, everyone.
Offended? No way. Just figured if you think others should be clear about what they mean then you should to.
So I ask again. What is the meaning behind this post? Should hypocrisy reign? Unless that is what you mean to say, that you are a hypocrite? And you don't intended to clearly state what you mean either?
You left off mentioning troubling split sermons.
Every organization has its buzzwords and catch phrases that signal the uniqueness or special insights that the members have or are to have into "the Truth" All are subject to parody and redefining in the more humorous or sinister meanings as actually applied over time.
And yes, the humor is cathartic for those who let such phrases seriously and to their harm determine their state of mind and took them way too personally when applied to them or their friends. Banned is cathartic for most who come here to process their experiences and see that they were not the only ones having it.
Here is a list of Jehovah's Witness buzzwords and most will sound very familiar. It's Church-speak.
http://www.jwfiles.com/wt_ex_jw_corner/jw_buzz_words.html
Sample:
The Truth
Congregation
The Society
Present Truth
Kingdom Hall
The Organization
Accurate Knowledge
The Meeting
WTBTS
Kingdom Interests
The Service Meeting
The True Organization
Loyalty To Jehovah
Theocratic Ministry School
The Only True Religion
Where Else Is There To Go?
Kingdom Ministry School
Jehovah's Organization
Good news of the Kingdom
Watchtower Study
Jehovah's Chosen Organization
The Prize
And for those who leave: Buzz Words About JWs Who Are Not In Good Standing
Weak In The Truth
Stumble
Disfellowshipped
Spiritually Weak
Independent Thinking
Disassociated
Spiritually Not Qualified
Inactive
Public Reproved
Spiritual Fornication
Not Heeding The Counsel Of The Elders
Privately Reproved
They Went To The World
Unrepentant
DF'd
Left Jehovah
Unsubmissive To The Organization
DA'd
Turned To Satan
Turned Worldly
Committee Meetings
Apostate
Bad Association
Immoral Conduct
Not Putting Spiritual Interests First
Returned To Their Own Vomit
Materialistic
They Miss Meetings
Spiritually Sick
Uncooperative
Drifting Away
Marked
Under the Influence of Satan
And for those who leave:
Anon 12:23,
Not sure why you have an issue with this. There is certainly accuracy there. The title made me think it might be a more substantive posting, but it's fine.
Anyway,
The terms that matter the most to me that were used improperly were:
The Truth-- HWA teachings certainly not the truth
Plain Truth-- most conclusions were so convoluted that it took pages to get the crux
"mystery of"-- when used in the Bible the next lines usually explain the "mystery"
The Law-- was their law with their judgments, omissions, and interpretations
"the church"-- the Organization, not the ekklesia (e.g. congregation, the people)
"the gospel"-- the full beliefs of WCG not that Christ died and offers salvation
converted-- those that keep the WCG version of the Law
wedding clothes-- suit and tie
unequally yoked-- didn't agree exactly the same about HWA teachings
rebellion-- believing you are under Christ and not the HWA hierarchy
first fruits-- those in WCG, not other Christians or even those of pastures unknown to WCG
discern-- don't listen to anyone outside that teaches differently than HWA
Dennis
I've watched many Joyce Meyer TV programs over the years. She has mentioned many of your above buzzwords. These Churchianity denominations all steal ideas from each other, especially abusive cult ploys. It's like the mafia with their separate crime families.
"Obey God" = follow our doctrinal approach as we have redefined the Bible for you.
BB
BB
Minister don't ask members to follow doctrines or anything else. Rather they dictate beliefs and behaviors. In the secular world, this is called being someone's bitch.
What are you saying? This is supposed to be a funny and satirical post. If someone has to explain a joke it’s less funny. This is satire and parody.
Maybe you need a subscription to the Plain Joke magazine where you can find the most vanilla content. And not just because everyone is old and white
It can't be satire if its literal.
Its really simple. If a total douche minister was asked point blank "what do you mean?" They would give you an answer. I know I've asked a lot of them.
I ask this website "what do you mean?" And I get back a mix of vitriol and condescension.
At least the lame minister shows the tiniest bit of respect with an actual response even if their explanation isn't worth the paper its written on.
But not this group.
Well this website is for people who have questions about Armstrongism or who have left. Most posts are critiques of beliefs, practices, and traditions espoused by the WCG and it’s offshoots.
What are you looking for here on this site? And what don’t you understand about the post? I would ask SHT directly if you have trouble grasping his meaning.
If you’re looking for a reason to leave many can be found here. If you’re looking to critique others for their opinion/posts you can do so, but mainly this a resource for those who have left or are considering leaving imo
Anyone who could possibly question all of the very obvious material in SHT's post is either being obtuse, or pretending not to know the obvious. The Bible tells us that there is a season for all things. This is the season to mock 6:11. Have a go at 'im, boys! Yuk Yuk Yuk.
BB
So is no one capable of rational adult discussion here? Its either insults accusations or taunting?
We consider the source, and whether or not it is worthy, 11:07. Nazi Boy used to get mad at us for not seriously considering that Hitler might have been right, and a great leader.
BB
Nope. Just you in all the world. Singular. A fountain of knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. You’ll just have to discuss it amongst yourself.
BB who is the source that is as bad as hitler?
Anon 11:07,
NOt sure whether you were the original "what does it mean?" poster, but 11:25 gave a very fine answer. Most responses have not been insulting, but the original approach deserves criticism. The original question was a little weird; what is "it" in "what does it mean?" It can be taken many ways. And then accusations of hypocrisy are made because people apparently didn't care to address a vague question. None of us are owed a response just because we pose a question.
That was another vague question, 2:36. In my humble opinion, the answer is Sultan Abdul Hamid II, the author of the Armenian Holocaust, whom Hitler copied.
BB
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