Brethren — the latest divinely self-appointed superstar has crawled back from his epic mission to the Seven Hills of Rome, where he single-handedly dazzled the Italians with the one true gospel that actually matters: the holy, infallible words of Herbert W. Armstrong. Forget Jesus, forget the apostles — nothing on this entire planet holds a candle to HWA’s sacred ramblings. When they print the next Bible, his literature will be enshrined in gilded glory while Jesus stands there slack-jawed, muttering, “Wow… why didn't I think of that?”
After shamelessly looting almost every piece of literature the long-dead Worldwide Church of God ever produced from other people’s websites, this humble servant has now crowned himself the single most important Church of God restoration in existence. Bob Thiel’s crackpot delusions? Yesterday’s news. Dave Pack’s endless prophetic trainwrecks? Embarrassing. Move over, losers — Samuel is the New Light, the Final Apostle, the glorious savior of the true restoration. Bow down.
And how perfectly timed for America’s 250th birthday! Hundreds of thousands of people are already organizing a major day of prayer and rededication on the National Mall. But according to our hero’s latest prophetic bulletin, this whole national event is actually his baby — masterminded solely by him under the proudly stolen name of the Worldwide Church of God. Because of course it is.
I can picture it now. Off in a lonely corner of the National Mall, Samuel and 1 other person will be singing Dwight Armstrong hymns. What joy!
What we are planing on doing is to sing in an informal Hymn Service…
And bow our heads in prayer for this nation and our people, in rededication to the Eternal God in Heaven!
Whether it is one — or all! We shall gather and represent.
Whether you can join or not — stand up and share this post, in unity and in full support! Make it your profile pic, and let the world know where you stand!
Place newspaper ads.
Alert news stations.
Place a printout of this poster in your local library.
Pin it up at your local coffee shop or hometown grocery store.
Share it to local pages and groups.
The Worldwide Church of God stands in support of rededication of this nation and people, to the True God! And we pray for our leaders and government.
Stand together brethren! Whether in Washington DC, or at home.
Let me know if you are going to be in Washington DC.
20 comments:
Spiritual masturbation, only Sam will feel good about this.
Place newspaper adds……pin this up in your local coffee shop or grocery store….Oh yes, who remembers having to ‘care’ for a PT stand/station back in the day? I remember the monthly ritual of collecting PTs from the regional office or after services and the following week filling up said stands. Got some interesting looks from many a folk out there. And hoping like heck no one would tap me on the shoulder and ask WHY lol. I didn’t volunteer for the job but was lumped with it by someone else, who probably was as nervous as I was with the task. Them were the days ha ha. Now who remembers the Plain Truth?
What….anyone ……….
WCG was sneaky with those PT stands. They counted all magazines sent to the church members to supply as regular readers, regardless if 95% were never picked up and ended up being returned or thrown away. The waste was horrendous, but claiming the PT had 7,000,000 riders was disingenuous.
A more accurate PT would have been The Planed Truth,
I heard a nasty rumor that disgruntled, rebellious, ex-members, instantly recognizable by their long, rebellious sideburns, would grab all the mags from the box and dump them in neighborhood dumpsters which they'd checked to verify did indeed contain messy trash with liquid content so Joe "Gung Ho" AC couldn't salvage them, if watching.
These days, if you are going to the barber's, and didn't call in for an appointment, and consequently have to wait, you are most likely going to encounter a Philadelphia Trumpet in the 'zine rack. Nice opportunity to express yourself if you happen to have brought a pen along! Flurry, if he knew any cool barrio slang, would probably call you a pen-dejo, but what the hell?
Sam needs to do something bizarre or unique to attract participants. I'm thinking a kazoo band doing Uncle Dwight's hymns might do the trick.
Mr. Kitchen actually is breaking a mold by doing this. Most COG's tend to avoid the National Day of Prayer (which is May 7 this year, before the President's event) - or even criticize it.
So he may be reaching out to mainstream believers. But will they reach back?
So somebody here is going to go hide in the bushes to see if anybody shows up right? Holy crap.
https://youtu.be/urFDCCZHmWY?si=Vcd_ImUPUGOnsFvn
The Current Situation In The Laodicea Era Of The Church (2026)
Herbert W. Armstrong, the founder of the Sabbath-keeping Radio/Worldwide Church of God (WCG) in 1933, died on January 16, 1986. The WCG, which was considered to be the Philadelphia era of the true church, had about 150,000 people attending its Feast of Tabernacles shortly after HWA's death.
The Great Apostasy of January 1995 under Joseph W. Tkach, Sr. saw the WCG split up and decline to a tiny fraction of its former size and be renamed by Joseph Tkach, Jr. as Grace Communion International (GCI), a Sunday-keeping church.
Here are some of the main problems that exist in the current Laodicea era of the church. Consider these FACTS:
1. First, there are numerous splinter groups because the former WCG people, including and especially the ministers, cannot get along with each other. There is much doctrinal and personal disagreement and confusion.
2. Currently, not even one of the splinter groups (not LCG, UCG, or even COGWA) is even one-tenth of the size of the WCG at its peak.
3. Currently, not even one of the splinter groups seems to be able to grow at all, with the supposed exception of some slightly noticeable so-called “growth” in Africa when the American splinter groups get outwitted and misused by the sneaky locals over there.
4. The splinter groups that initially tried to pass themselves off as being more serious about the truth than anyone else (Gerald Flurry's PCG and David Pack's RCG) have long ago turned out to be the most satanic splinter groups of them all.
5. None of the itty-bitty little people who thought that they were personally called by God and given the gift of gab has been able to amount to anything at all other than some more stupid noise. The 200+ people who each thought that they were one of the two witnesses in Revelation apparently have not yet come into their power, or any power at all actually.
6. The two tiny little rebel cults started by Garner Ted Armstrong to support his playboy lifestyle after he was openly put out of the WCG by his own loving father HWA in 1978 were based on GTA's never-ending sin and rebellion. After suckering in some other rebels from the WCG, GTA's supposedly great babbling voice was unable to grow either of his little rebel cults.
7. Currently, the splinter groups are full of too many wicked people doing evil, from top to bottom.
You sound bitter, 2:00! Did you get burned by these occurrences? Did life as you knew and loved it cease to exist? What are you doing for a church these days? It sounds as if you are living in an unfillable void.
Are you feeling ok 2:00? How's life?
200
It all goes to prove we probably should have paid closer attention to the words of the Lord, "you shall know them by their fruits "!
Also, if Sam is providing free beer and pizza I may try to make it.
Now I am really curious as to who this 1 other person who shows up is going to be.
Really? Crazy Sam Kitchen mainstream? Omg some of you people are truly retarded. Armstrongism has wrecked your ability to think clearly.
2:00, you are clearly a self righteous Armstrong lunatic. You might need to just start your own church group, you’re clearly more pure than all the crazy splinters.
Isn't it strange? These days, the kids have discovered how to get a flash mob going, how to create a viral website, and how to become "influencers". However, people who believe and want to teach a gospel which entails becoming an ascetic, "knowing" the apocalypse is near, and submitting one's life and finances to an additional ham-fisted layer of human authority, can't get any traction. And this, in a time when people are rejecting time-honored knowledge and practices, embracing crazy conspiracy theories, and nodding and winking as bad things are inflicted upon others than themselves. You'd think that these times were just made for a revival of the Armstrong scam, but to paraphrase the words of Lou Reed (R.I.P.) in that old boomer anthem "Rock n Roll", "it ain't happenin' at all! Despite the mental amputation, you can't dance to the Armstrong station!" (cue Steve Hunter and Dick Wagner's guitars!)
“Place newspaper ads! Alert new stations! Pin this up in your local coffee shop of grocery store!”
Other than all the valuable free advertising that the Banned by HWA blog gives him, Samuel Kitchen probably will not get anything. Nothing. Zero. Doughnut.
Anonymous at 9:24 PM, 10:43 PM, and 7:38 AM,
What seems to be your problem? What is it about someone telling the PLAIN TRUTH that upsets you so much?
I am 10:43 but I am not 9:24 or 7:38.
CGI was not based on Garner ted's never ending sin. Words have concequences.
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