May the Wife Make Herself Ready

One might naively assume that after the great apostasy of the Worldwide Church of God, thirty-some years later, the splinter scene would have fizzled out into blessed silence. But nooo—every day (lately, practically every hour) some fresh nugget of asshattery emerges from the Churches of God. And yet, amid this glorious parade of nonsense, every single one of these groups smugly insists they're the sole practitioners of pure 1st-century Christianity. How utterly COG precious.

As these outfits splinter into hundreds upon hundreds of micro-cults—each screeching louder than the last that they're the most authentic—the weirdness has ascended to dazzling new heights of complete and utter stupidity.

Take Gerald Flurry, for starters. He kicked off his little Philadelphia Church of God empire by, ahem, "borrowing" heavily from Jules Dervaes' Letter to Laodicea. Then he swiftly pivoted to treasure-hunting the Ark of the Covenant under Ireland's Hill of Tara (because why not?), snapped up a mansion in England to cosplay the old Bricket Wood campus, and somehow "discovered" that King David actually danced the Irish jig. Naturally, his gospel morphed into a traveling Celtic dance roadshow starring his own grandchildren. But wait, there's more! He dispatched minions to Oregon to excavate Herbert Armstrong's supposed prayer rock, hauled it back to Oklahoma like sacred luggage, draped it in royal purple velvet for pilgrims to bow before... until, of course, a dream revealed it was the new Stone of Destiny destined to replace the Stone of Scone. Cue the custom throne, more roadshow antics, and the solemn promise that Jesus would return to perch atop this holy lawn ornament to be crowned King of Kings—flanked, naturally, by Gerald on His right and little Stevie on His left—before unleashing divine wrath on the sinful Laodicean world. Classic.

Then there's Dave Pack, who stormed off to Wadsworth, Ohio, after a messy divorce from the Global Church of God (sparked by questioning Raymond McNair and Rod Meredith). Dave heroically "restored all truth" to the Laodiceans, tried (and failed) to build his own college, botched his TV studio broadcasts, and—surprise!—ran into money troubles. Solution? The satanic "Common" doctrine: Sell your house! Sell your business! Cash out your retirement! Hand it all over to Dave. Not long after, he declared Jesus would return to his campus before Dave's third "retirement" to rain holy hellfire on the world and those pesky Laodiceans. Priorities, people.

Around the same era, Ron Weinland launched his prophetic warning tour, gracing TED-like stages with tales of impending doom. Turns out he and his charming wife were deceiving the government on taxes; he landed a biblical 3½ years in prison. He is now joins the ranks with other ordained Church of God felons (the others arrested and in prison for pedophilia). Now he's a footnote on the COG radar, and even Jesus seems uninterested in swinging by for a chat before torching everything.

And don't forget bitter Bob Thiel, who threw a royal hissy fit in 2012 when Rod Meredith wouldn't rewrite doctrine to match Bob's revelations. Rejected in the U.S. and Europe (ministers in UCG and LCG literally laughed him out), he found a receptive audience among church-hopping Sabbatarians in Africa—folks who bounce between Adventists and COG groups chasing whichever one doles out more cash and goodies.

The insanity just rolls on, day after day, week after week, year after interminable year. Nothing surprises us anymore...at least we thought...until some nobody with limited income in Iowa declares he's buying the Ambassador Auditorium in Pasadena to restore it as The House of God, breathlessly awaiting a $45+ million windfall to make it happen. (Never mind the tens of millions more needed to actually run and maintain the place.) Yet here we are, sternly warned that if we don't cough up the cash, we're blocking the "wife" from marrying Christ.

Can Armstrongism possibly get any stupider?

Oh wait... there's always tomorrow.

Dave Pack Takes It Literally: Suffer the Children

 

David C. Pack - Mow Down ICE Protesters

David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God preached from Exodus 23 about the world conditions that will be present at the start of Daniel's 1335, just before the Kingdom of God arrives 15 days later.

Oh yes, because nothing says "loving God of mercy and justice" like turning Exodus 23 into a divine green light for running over protesters and their infants with heavy machinery. Truly inspired Armstrongist exegesis—truly. Though none of us should be surprised.

During "The Greatest Untold Story (Part 624)" given on February 21, 2026, the Pastor General said that God would have protesters and their babies mowed down for their rebellious behavior.

Part 624. Six hundred and twenty-four installments of "The Greatest Untold Story." At this rate, the Kingdom might arrive before he finishes telling us about it. But hey, at least he's consistent: every few days the end is nigh… again. And when it comes, apparently, toddlers holding protest signs are public enemy number one in the divine order. How very Christ-like. "Suffer the little children to come unto me… unless they're blocking traffic, then mow 'em down."

This channel does not PROMOTE David C. Pack's inflammatory language, but exposes it. He claims he is God's apostle, the Seventh Angel, and Elijah the Prophet.

Of course he does. Every self-respecting Armstrongite doomsday preacher needs a full title stack: Apostle, Seventh Angel, Elijah the Prophet, Joshua, Elisha. It's like a spiritual LinkedIn profile on steroids. Humility clearly isn't one of the fruits of the spirit in Wadsworth, Ohio.

This could "possibly" begin next week on Tuesday night. Mark Cebrian exrcg.org

Ah, the classic hedge: "possibly." Because nothing builds credibility like vague timelines and eternal qualifiers. Tuesday night is looking pretty apocalyptic—mark your calendars, folks, but maybe don't cancel your Wednesday plans just yet. After all, we've only had about 623 previous "greatest untold stories" that somehow didn't quite pan out.

If you're taking prophecy advice from a man who thinks God endorses vehicular manslaughter against babies at ICE rallies, you might want to double-check your spiritual GPS. If your spiritual leader is on part 624 of anything and his big revelation is “God said flatten the babies,” you might be in a cult.

Just a wild guess.

Possibly.

Maybe next Tuesday.

Why I Am Authorized Collecting Tithe Money, So Says Another Self-appointed Crackpot

Ever since the Great Apostasy from the one true Mother Church, an endless parade of Armstrongist splinter groups has proudly declared themselves the sole, rightful heirs to your wallet—specifically, to collecting your tithes and offerings. Naturally, every other group was (and remains) hilariously illegitimate when it comes to touching money. Only they get the divine green-light. Of course.

Gerald Flurry, decided he needed his very own mini-me campuses in the U.S. and England. After his 1993 arrest for public drunkenness, he pivoted straight into imagining himself rebuilding Ambassador Auditorium and launching a concert series—because nothing says “God’s end-time work” like classical music for the elite and stage plays of Irish Dance. He even treated himself to a private jet so he wouldn’t have to breathe the same recycled air as the unwashed masses on commercial flights. All of this, naturally, required money. Lots and lots of money. Cue the mandatory tithing, the “demanded” special offerings, and the unspoken threat that God was personally auditing your bank account.

Then we have Dave Pack, who built his own adorable little mini-me campus in Ohio—complete with TV studios that, shockingly, were never used. He even had blueprints drawn up for his personal mini-me auditorium (because one faux-palace just isn’t enough). Dramatic income drops, countless resignations of ministers and employees, and a rapidly deteriorating relationship with the city of Wadsworth eventually killed the dream, but that didn’t stop him from solemnly declaring that every dollar belonging to his members was, by divine right, actually his. 

Common doctrine? Enforced. 

Cash? Flowing. 

Members? Obediently poorer.

Enter the biggest crackpot yet: a man publicly rebuked by the Worldwide Church of God, the Global Church of God, and the Living Church of God. After Rod Meredith’s very public smackdown, our hero—affectionately known as Crackpot Bwana Bob—stormed off to build his own empire. Problem? Almost no one in the entire Church of God movement followed him. Just a tiny handful of loyalists. Still, he too, believes he is supernaturally authorized to collect tithes and offerings. He’s just, you know, the illegitimate one. No fancy headquarters. No auditorium. Just some nightmares and a website.

And then—hold onto your wallets—along came Samuel Kitchen. In a blistering couple of weeks, he single-handedly decided he is the one true remaining member of the Church of God authorized to vacuum up tithes and offerings from the scattered faithful. His big break? Teaming up with an equally unhinged guy from the Philippines who wrote him a very official-looking letter (see below) granting him divine permission to handle money. Not legitimately registered with any government as a charity, mind you—this cash is heading straight into Samuel’s personal checking account for important spiritual purposes like title trips to Pasadena and awkward meetups with Harvest Rock weirdos instead of, say, talking to the real estate agent. Millions upon millions will apparently pour in (any day now), all thanks to one crazy letter from an apostate Filipino “minister.” So go ahead, brethren—send your money ASAP! He’s got a letter! Woo hoo! The end-time work is saved!

-------------

(Unedited) 

 

Hi,

My name is Samuel W Kitchen.

A Mr.Jonathan Dicen, an ordained elder in the Church of God, approached me a few months ago eager to assist this work. He then gave me authorization to receive tithes and offerings, since I was not yet an ordained elder myself.

Below is his letter of authorization. He was not attending any group at the time, but shortly after he was offered a job by another group, and had to sever connection with me.

Now the question is: Who Authorizes?

Answer: God gives the authority.

Question: If a man leaves the work or the Church, does this invalidate anything done prior in the name and authority of Jesus Christ?

Answer: NO! It would not. Otherwise marriages would be made null, ordinations would be null.

So it is Jesus Christ who is HEAD of the Worldwide Church of God. This man as an ordained minister, believed he was led by Christ to authorize me to receive tithes and offerings in the name of Jesus Christ. So it is my belief that I am fully authorized to receive tithes and offerings from God’s people, to expand this work and to provide a place for God’s true ministers.

In Haggai 2:19, we read “Is the seed yet in the barn?” The SEED is the Holy Spirit. The Worldwide Church of God is the SPIRITUAL TEMPLE. 

 

Read also Matthew 13.

In Malachi 3:8-13, we read more about how TITHES AND OFFERINGS are to be brought into the “storehouse”. Both Malachi and Haggai speak of the same thing. “Barn/storehouse” so that there “may be meat in my house”, whose house? God’s House!! The Spiritual Temple, which is the Worldwide Church of God!

So below is Jonathan Dicen’s authorization letter. Although he is no longer with us, I believe he was inspired like Cyrus King of Persia, to authorize me to receive the things belonging to God, to gather into the storehouse of God. Nothing more.

in Christ’s name,

Samuel W Kitchen

 

Letter of authorization

Dear Samuel,

Following our spiritual discussion, we must now address the strategic and financial needs essential for the growth of this emerging work. For the ministry to expand and build credibility among potential U.S. membership, it is critical that we formalize our initial financial commitment and organizational plan.

1. Current Financial Context and Impact

Philippine Ministry History: It is worth recalling that the work in the Philippines, during its early days in the 1960s within the WCG, was initially financed by the Australian brethren. This historical model of international partnership remains relevant today. This WCG model has been applied by RCG, LCG, COGWA and UCG.

Currency Advantage: Due to the current economic situation, where $1 is approximately equal to 60 Philippine Pesos, even modest, regular donations from the U.S. have a powerful impact here, funding significant ministry activities. A modest 1000 USD could start God’s work in the Philippines. When you are committed to this, I will make a final fasting again.

Personal Commitment: While I am currently facing personal financial difficulty due to being out of work, which temporarily limits my support, I am committed to resuming contributions immediately upon securing employment. Furthermore, my two daughters are committed to tithing upon finding work after their college graduation.

2. Stewardship of Tithing and Offerings (T&O) and Shared Ministry

As a duly ordained elder, and with the full confidence of the authority from God, I am formally authorizing you to collect Tithing and Offerings (T&O) in the USA.

We affirm the sacred truth that T&O belongs solely to God and must be used with reverence and integrity. The ultimate accountability for the proper spending of these sacred funds is a matter directly between you and God. I place my complete trust in your faithful stewardship and will not impose an external audit.

However, I formally and gently request that you consider sharing a portion of these resources with the Philippine office monthly operation, mirroring the pattern of support that the Australian work provided in the early WCG days under HWA.

3. The Call for Financial Partnership

Given your current business operations, we prayerfully ask you to consider taking a leading role in funding the initial work in the Philippines.

Please be assured this request is entirely voluntary, and absolutely no pressure is exerted upon you.

We request only that you commit to providing a regular, sustainable sum that you are able to commit to financing the church's core operations here.

4. The Crucial First Step to Expansion

The quicker we can demonstrate a firm organizational commitment and financial base, the sooner we can secure broader support from the entire body of brethren. As the proverb affirms, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Let us take that crucial first step of faith now by formalizing your initial commitment. We anticipate that once our U.S. brethren see that you have established an organizational presence, such as setting up a ministry office in the Philippines, others will be encouraged to follow your lead, especially as you step into the role of a recognized COG elder.

I have a vision that if you remain faithful, you will eventually, God willing, will lead the international work in the USA and I will support you with sound biblical advice. This means I will be working under you.

5. Ministry Expense Needs and Urgency

Funds are strictly needed to cover essential ministry operations:

Internet, communication costs like AI which is becoming very relevant now.

Necessary travel and transportation fare for ministerial duties.

Expenses incurred when visiting brethren.

Scriptural Foundation for Tithing and Ministerial Support

To address any potential misunderstandings regarding the support of the ministry, we anchor our practice firmly in the Word of God. The principles established in the Old Testament are directly confirmed and applied to New Testament ministry and this was faithfully applied in WCG under HWA. It is now applied as well as in COGWA, UCG, LCG, RCG and CGI.

A. Old Testament Tithing Principles

The purpose of tithing was to sustain the Levitical Priesthood and provide for the needs of the Israelites community and the House of God:

Numbers 18:21 (Sustaining Ministry): "Behold, I have given the children of Levi all the tithes in Israel as an inheritance in return for the work which they perform, the work of the tabernacle of meeting."

Deuteronomy 14:27-29 (Caring for the Vulnerable): "You shall not forsake the Levite... and the stranger and the fatherless and the widow who are within your gates, may come and eat and be satisfied..."

Malachi 3:10 (Testing God's Provision): "Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, That there may be food in My house, And try Me now in this... If I will not open for you the windows of heaven And pour out for you such blessing..."

B. New Testament Confirmation and Application

The New Testament confirms that those dedicated to spiritual teaching have the right to be financially sustained by those they serve:

1 Corinthians 9:11 (Mutual Exchange): "If we have sown spiritual things for you, is it a great thing if we reap your material things?".

1 Corinthians 9:14 (Commanded Support): "Even so the Lord has commanded that those who preach the gospel should live from the gospel."

Galatians 6:6 (Sharing in Blessings): "Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches."

1 Timothy 5:17-18 (Double Honor for Elders): "Let the elders who rule well be counted worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in the word and doctrine. For the Scripture says, 'You shall not muzzle an ox while it treads out the grain,' and, 'The laborer is worthy of his wages.'"

Clarifying the Ministerial Example

We recognize that some COG ministers after the breakup of WCG have misinterpreted these principles, leading to erroneous practices. However, the Scriptures provide a clear model. Even the Apostle Paul, while capable of earning his living through tent-making, affirmed the right of those who preach the gospel to be supported by the gospel (1 Corinthians 9:14).

Mr. Herbert W. Armstrong himself relied on this command when establishing the Worldwide Church of God, demonstrating that the support of the ministry by tithes is a valid, scriptural model. Review again HWA’s Autobiography Vol. 1. I have read Vol.1 three times. I have two copies of Vol. 1 and two copies of Vol. 2.

3. Seeking God's Timing in Consecration

For the past two years, the challenge of finding secular employment has been persistent, particularly after dedicating twenty-one years to my previous career at DACON and more than 20 years in the ministry. This extended period of unemployment naturally causes me ask, "Why, God, am I unable to find work?" 

 

The struggle brings us back to the core question of my calling in the ministry: Is this difficulty a sign that I could not leave the ministry to do secular work? Perhaps the Lord is guiding me to exercise patience and faith, trusting in His timing and provision, knowing that God works in His own perfect time (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Perhaps, through this period of patient waiting, God is directing my path to yours, intending for us to collaborate on a great and significant work ahead.

It is deeply moving to consider the connections: "All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). Furthermore, I consider the fact that you hail from Iowa, the very state where Mr. Herbert W. Armstrong was born, seems more than mere coincidence; it speaks to a remarkable and special providence.

Let us embrace this sense of divine leading. We will proceed with faith, courageously taking the first step, and seeing where God, in His perfect plan, chooses to guide our efforts.

Example of Immediate Need: We currently have a member's wife in Laguna province requesting baptism. I cannot perform this essential ministerial duty due to the lack of funds to cover the required travel. Your early commitment will directly facilitate these vital acts of service.

6. Organizational Legitimacy

To ensure confidence and facilitate broader support from future U.S. brethren and donors, we strongly advise registering a formal name in the USA (e.g., as a non-profit organization). While you can personally collect T&O now under the authority of an authorized Church of God elder, formal registration will significantly enhance the legal legitimacy and long-term growth potential of the ministry.

7. Clarification on Name Use

We must seek greater clarity regarding the use of the name "Worldwide Church of God." We must ensure this will not create legal morass that could hinder the work. Please seek counsel from a qualified lawyer regarding the legal implications. What are your current thoughts on this critical matter?

Warm regards,

J. Dicen

Note: I advise you to have a hard copy of this "Authorization Letter" and keep it safe in a folder for future use.

Crackpot Prophet Warns Us About False Prophets in the Churches of God

 

Only in Armstrongism do you get the exquisite irony of one false prophet furiously condemning all the other false prophets in the Church of God. For reasons known only to the heavens (and perhaps his mirror), God's Greatest Gift to Humanity and the Churches of God genuinely believes he's a legitimate prophet. His airtight validation? A so-called "double blessing" from Gaylyn Bonjour—because nothing screams divine authority like that—and some half-remembered comment Rod Meredith supposedly once made. When those credentials start looking a bit thin, Crackpot Bob dusts off poor deluded Norm Edwards for yet another desperate cameo appearance to prop up his fragile prophet credentials.

Then, in a dazzling display of self-awareness, he hauls the old Mother Church into his tirade about their official position on false prophets. Anyone who ever spent even five minutes working in Pasadena witnessed an endless parade of self-appointed "prophets" strutting into the Hall of Administration to announce their greatness… only to be swiftly rebuked, escorted to the sidewalk, and permanently disfellowshipped. That's exactly what Herbert Armstrong—and the entire Worldwide Church—would do to Crackpot Bob today. He'd be disfellowshipped so fast his mail-order Indian diploma-mill degree would still be spinning in the air behind him.

Undeterred, he gleefully lists Gerald Flurry, Dave Pack, Ron Weinland, Wade Cox, Alton Billingsley, and the rest of the current COG false-prophet All-Star team… somehow mysteriously forgetting to pencil in his own name. But don't worry—he's not just as big a liar as the others. No, no. He's convinced he's the one and only truly righteous COG prophet, hand-picked by God in these perilous end-times to deliver the urgent message that the world is about to get a divine spanking.

As usual, his attention span is doing cartwheels—bouncing from topic to topic like a caffeinated pinball—so he never has to slow down and seriously examine the very issue of false prophets he's pretending to care about. The faster he jumps around, the less time his followers have to stop, think, and critically evaluate him. Because if they ever did pause for more than ten seconds, they'd quickly realize he's no more being used by God than Dave Pack is. He's just another self-deluded liar in a long, sad line of them—only with worse writing and an even bigger persecution complex.

21 Century False Prophets
Were false prophets expected in the 21st century? Did Jesus and the Apostle Paul warn about false prophets in the last days? What did the old Worldwide Church of God write about imposters, false prophets, and true prophets? What are the criteria to determine if someone is a true or false prophet? Could there be false prophets in various Church of God groups? Have people such as Gerald Flurry, Ron Weinland, David Pack, Wade Cox, and Alton Billingsley made false predictions/prophecies? What about Protestants like Harold Camping and Messianic Sabbath-keepers like Jonathan Cahn? Because most prophets are false, is it safer to not search to see if there are any true prophets of God today? What did Jesus teach? What does the Bible teach? Should most Christians take Acts 2:17-18 more seriously than they do? How can you know if someone is a false prophet according to the scriptures? Is there a specific false prophet who will be the final Antichrist? Do supernatural signs and wonders prove someone is a true prophet? Does Satan the devil have ministers? Can Jesus return or the millennium start prior to 2033? Dr. Thiel addresses these matters and more in this sermon.

COGWA Focussing Upon Integrity And Humility...Wut?

Buckle up, because Jim Franks of COGWA just dropped some profound spiritual insight from his recent jaunt Down Under. While attending the Australian Open, he apparently witnessed the "humility" of champion Carlos Alcaraz. In his February 2026 member letter, our fearless leader gushed that he found it positively refreshing to see such rare, exotic humility on display "in our society, especially among athletes, politicians, and world leaders."

Yes, you read that right. Politicians. Athletes. And world leaders. Those paragons of self-effacement are now the gold standard for humility. Who knew?

Imagine the sheer shock: secular athletes and slimy politicians out-humbling the very shepherds God supposedly hand-picked to lead His remnant people. Apparently, Carlos Alcaraz and some random G7 suit are now setting a better example for COG members than… well… the COG leadership itself. Because let’s be brutally honest: the men running these splinter groups aren’t exactly famous for their legendary displays of lowliness.

When they so graciously apostatized from the mother church, and then—plot twist!—apostatized again from the United Church of God. Pure, selfless humility in action, clearly. No pride, no power grabs, no “my way or the highway” ultimatums whatsoever. Just wall-to-wall meekness and turning the other cheek. They did not, in fact, turn the other cheek.

If we want to seek peak humility in the Churches of God, then we need to look no further than Bob Thiel, Dave Pack, and Gerald Flurry, said no one ever.

So here we are in 2026, being gently reminded by the top brass that we should all aspire to the Christ-like humility so beautifully modeled by… professional tennis players and career politicians. Because when has Armstrongism itself ever bothered with anything so pedestrian as actual humility? Never once. Not in 1934, not in 1986, not during any of the glorious church splits, and certainly not now.

Truly inspiring. We’ve got a new standard to live up to.

While I’m not much of a tennis fan, I did watch the men’s final. The match featured Carlos Alcaraz of Spain and Novak Djokovic of Serbia. Alcaraz, at just 22 years old, won his first Australian Open, defeating Djokovic, who holds more Grand Slam titles than any other male player in tennis history. 

 

These two men are at the top of their sport, and since Alcaraz is only 22 years old, it appears that—barring injury—he may remain there for many years to come. After the championship match concluded, each man addressed the crowd in the stadium. I was impressed by the humility they displayed, as they directed attention toward others rather than themselves. There was nothing in their remarks about how great they are. 

 

I found it refreshing to see such humility in our society, especially among athletes, politicians and world leaders. As Christians, we understand that humility is a foundational trait Christ taught us to imitate, and Scripture reminds us that without humility, we cannot enter His Kingdom. 

 

When we began the International Leadership Program in 2018, one of the first classes we chose to teach focused on integrity and humility. As we now approach the Passover, we are reminded that Christ described true conversion—and those who will be in His Kingdom—as being humble, like a little child. Notice His words in Matthew 18:4: “Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” We see from this that humility is not simply an important trait to possess; it is essential for all Christians. The Bible makes this point very clear. James 4:6 tells us, “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Likewise, we read in 1 Peter 5:5-6, “Be clothed with humility . . . Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God.”

The Zerubbabel Work of the Kitchen Family is Now Part of the Sacred Timeline of Worldwide Church of God History

Oh wow, guys, brace yourselves— we've all been living a massive lie for decades about the One True Church. The sacred, divinely-inspired timeline? Completely fabricated. Total fraud. Mind blown.

Time to toss those pathetic counterfeit Zerubbabels in the trash where they belong: Bob Thiel with his little African fan club, Gerald Flurry and his creepy stone obsession, Dave Pack and his never-ending story, and—wait for it—the other guy who's also definitely not the real Zerubbabel. Amateur hour, all of them.

We clearly need to fall on our faces in gut-wrenching repentance for our icy, Laodicean hearts and sprint back to the actual place where Christ has finally, mercifully decided to slap His name. Forget the sad also-rans in Oklahoma and Ohio. Iowa, baby. Iowa is the promised land now. Who knew?

Any day now, they're going to unearth that holy rock little Herb clambered up as a toddler in the Hawkeye State. It's probably buried under a cornfield, glowing softly, waiting for the faithful to trip over it. And obviously Christ's literal throne is about to be revealed in downtown Keosauqua, Iowa—population 900, epicenter of the universe.

Meanwhile, praise God, the Kitchen family has been sovereignly commissioned to rescue us all… even though they're currently splintered into three different directions, each one no doubt convinced they're the only ones with the mail room keys.

Truly, the restoration is underway. Stay tuned for updates. Or don't. Your call.

The true history, unknown to us all:

Victor Kubik writes to Tkach Sr. in 1995, resigning from Assistant Director of Church Administration: “What has happened is that the teaching about the latest changes in particular has brought a crisis of conscience to our ministry. It has for me. Many ministers cannot and won’t preach what you espouse. Congregations are divided in how they view the latest teachings.”

“The way the changes have come about has been insensitive and uncaring to our people’s faith. Mr. Tkach, I think it would be good to have a broader concensus of ministers in the decision-making process.” (Chapter 3 GROUND ZERO)

“…these most recent major doctrinal changes have come about with no input in the decision-making process from the ministry on either the administrative or field levels. What ever happened to the Council of Elders?” (Chapter 3 GROUND ZERO)

To Joseph Tkach Sr. Victor Kubik writes:

“We loved our church and its people, so Bev and I wanted to be problem-solvers. We had no intention of launching a personal attack. So, I proposed a solution in the second letter.”(Chapter 3 GROUND ZERO)

“Wouldn’t it be honorable to set up a board that would represent a broad spectrum of our leadership from both the local administrative ministers and representation from the field ministry? I sincerely feel that if the regional pastors and regional directors had been able to be involved in the process of considering these most recent subjects of change in doctrine, that we would have avoided much of the trauma and crisis we now face in the church. These major changes in belief have come about as a result of input and opinion of only a very few people that surround you.” (Chapter 3 GROUND ZERO)

So what do we have here?

We have the appointed Pastor General, being TEMPTED with a change.

The spirit of Satan already got Joe Tkach Sr. to approve of other changes.

This “solution” presented by Victor Kubik, was very similar to what was presented by the spirit of Satan in the 1970’s!

To “diffuse” authority and decision making away from what was already established by God.

From 1986-1993, we can see men in the administration leave the church spiritually. God was testing them for 7 years! He was not going to leave them unpunished. He had withdrawn His blessings.

Their relationship with God and with Christ has ended with them becoming a different church!

1993-2003 was a TEN YEAR PERIOD signifying judgement.

In 1993, the “solution” presented by Victor Kubik, was rooted deep in what the spirit of Satan wanted established in the 1970’s. The goal? To divide the ministry and to cut them off from the apostle. In order to DESTROY the Worldwide Church of God.

It was oppressive to the man God was working through. Satan wanted to diffuse that authority and power, so vultures could pick the body clean.

A divided house cannot stand.

This was all the result of men who had stepped outside of the Church.

They were attempting to make it a Church of people! The solution was to take a step away from what God already raised up and established.

Satan was there tempting Joe Tkach Sr. and he was surrounded by those disloyal to Christ and His apostle.

The Devil didn’t want the WCG standing and well equipped.

But Tkach Sr. rejected the “solution” presented by Kubik.

Here was Tkach Sr. and Victor Kubik assisting his son in Church Administration. They brought to him the idea to approve a “Regional Pastor Structure”, whose purpose ran exactly like the previous attempts of the 1970’s liberals! They had the spirit of Satan working in them.

And being denied, what did Victor Kubik do?

They wanted the Worldwide Church of God, but was told NO! Mr. Armstrong put Tkach Sr. in because he was strong against GTA.

The spirit working in GTA at the time was Satan! And he was also influenced by the liberal ministers around him. Satan wanted power DIFFUSED away from the apostle of Christ. So we saw the STP and doctrinal committee.

Now Christ’s apostle had put his son into a position. So the Devil pounced on GTA, to use him as a personality!

If GTA wasn’t there, the goal of the liberals was to diffuse authority and power away from Herbert W Armstrong, and install and work through a “regional pastor structure”!

Mr. Armstrong took responsibility on putting his son in that position. But he is not responsible for his son’s decisions and choices! GTA answers for what GTA has done!

In the case of his disfellowshipping and defrocking of ministerial authority within God’s Church, and marking, GTA was overcome by the spirit of Satan the Devil. Influenced by those around him.

But Jesus Christ still protected His apostle and the Worldwide Church of God from the coup detat Satan was launching!

So we have to make note of these important points:

1. Satan doesn’t like the government of God. He opposes it.

2. Satan influenced men in the ministry to develop a mid-level administration, a regional pastor structure, to cut the ministry off from Jesus Christ who was working in the one man God chose.

In 1974, a rebellion resulted because of the reinstatement of GTA.

They did not want a man placed over them. They wanted it all.

In 1975-1979, a rebellion resulted with Liberal ministers surrounding a personality, and using him to take over the Church.

Christ in 1977, raised Herbert W Armstrong back to life after total heart failure, and Jesus Christ began cleaning house! Mr. Armstrong stood eyeball to eyeball against the threat! And it was the devil who blinked.

But it was time for him to be taken out of the way.

Once he died in Jaury 1986, did Satan give up? No!

Once again, a single man was placed.

He began to be surrounded by liberal ministers, swayed by the spirit of Satan.

In 1993, Victor Kubik offered a poor solution. It was a solution presented by Satan before.

But why was Tkach Sr. chosen by Christ to be the next Pastor General?

To stand up and say no to the Devil.

And he may have said yes to all the rest of the Devil’s temptations, but it is a matter of record HE DID SAY NO THIS ONE TIME!

So from 1993-2003 was judgement placed on the Worldwide Church of God.

Those who continued to disobey God, became Grace Communion International.

Jesus Christ was no longer their head.

This put the people of God outside of THAT CHURCH, and as prey for the beasts of the field. These smaller groups.

From 2003-2010 we had a period of 7 years. It was a test on God’s people.

God was testing the members of the Worldwide Church of God. Where was your heart? Was you going to compromise the truth? Or was you continuing to grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ?

In 2010, God revived the Zerubbabel work through the Kitchen family.

More and more people wanted to learn what it meant to be a member of the Worldwide Church of God!

In 1995, we saw the spirit of Satan at work.

When Satan’s attempt in 1974, failed, h tried to take the ministry away!

When Satan’s attempt through GTA didn’t work in the late 70’s, GTA left and formed his own group. He was the head of the synagogue of Satan. He then proceeded to do a work of “siphoning off” the members of the Worldwide Church of God!

When Satan’s attempt through Victor Kubik, failed, he contacted the men he helped pick for the Regional Pastors, and together formed the United Church of God.

God didn’t build their “house”. Their house will fall down like Jericho’s walls.

Those of God’s people who fear the Lord and keep His commandments, are called upon to EXIT the synagogue(Church) of Satan. They are falsely claiming to be the Church of God.

It is evident, Christ didn’t pick one of the ministry to lead. While they were in fellowship with these groups, they couldn’t be used.

A picture that is depicted in Zechariah 4, emerges. The ministry is unable to fulfill its job, while in the chains of Satan.

So Jesus Christ now has rebuked the Devil.

And we in the Worldwide Church of God are drawing closer to the end our work.

In Jesus Christ’s name,

Samuel W Kitchen

Crackpot Prophet Doubles Down As The Big Mean Dream Machine

It's another gloriously sunny day in California, because nothing says "end times" like waiting for the weekend rainstorm while our resident Crackpot Prophet doubles down on how utterly magnificent his dreams are and how tragically stupid everyone else is for daring to ignore them.

After all, his nighttime fantasies are clearly just as vital and legitimate as those of biblical Joseph or Loma Armstrong—you know, the kind of divine VIPs whose visions actually mattered. Back when the Holy Family was in the early planning stages of creating this whole world thing, they apparently gathered around the heavenly kitchen table one lazy Sunday morning, strategizing the entire end-times script and assigning all the major players. In a moment of pure serendipity, the Holy Spirit chuckled and said, "Hey, we need some sort of Bob character to pop up in the last days and absolutely amaze and astound the world. We'll hook him up with visions and dreams so people will believe him. Remember, the Laodicean attitude is going to deceive tons of folks, and they'll blow him off—so we've got to make him look way more legitimate than all those other Church of God leaders." The whole God family apparently lost it, laughing hysterically while munching on their heavenly chocolate croissants and sipping that divine brew.

Fast-forward a casual 5980 years, and voilà—here we are with the world's most astonishing dream machine himself: the Infallible Great Bwana Joshua, Habakkuk, Elijah, Elisha, Joseph, Bob Thiel strutting among us in the flesh. Sadly, things aren't unfolding quite as splendidly as the Holy Family had scripted. People just aren't paying proper attention to his dreams, and that's simply not kosher!

Everyone fails to recognize that right in their very midst walks the single most theologically accurate man who has ever twisted the Bible to perfectly match his own worldview. Forget Dave Pack and Herbert Armstrong—the Great Bwana is clearly the man!

And here he is today, once again moaning into his herbs and potions about how today's True Christians stubbornly refuse to acknowledge his greatness. Poor thing. How ever will the world survive without bowing to his nightly reruns?

When believers read about dreams in the Hebrew scriptures, they realize that God has actually used them. 

 

But, some in the various COGs have commented that they do not care to know about dreams in this century. 

 

Do dreams and prophets have any place in the Christian Church today? 

 

Did any dreams precede the start of the old Radio Church of God? What about the Continuing Church of God (which did not officially form as a declared entity until December 28, 2012)?

Our Great Bwana has placed himself as part of the Armstrongist trinity of dreams, Loma, Herbert, and Bwana Bob.

I had a couple of dreams prior to the start of the Continuing Church of God, and also two people I did not know, one who lived in New Zealand and one in Kansas, had dreams prior to that start as well. 

 

Though many discount all dreams, many also forget that Herbert W. Armstrong believed that his wife Loma D. Armstrong had a dream from God...

The Great Bwana continues with this:

Loma and Herbert W. Armstrong were married in 1917. They were specifically told that they would have a work to do. Furthermore, the bright lights in the dream may have had to do with doing a work (cf. Matthew 5:16)–a work that seemed to vanish and return (flash). 

 

Thus, there was a dream from God given to a woman in the 20th century that preceded the start of the old Radio Church of God that Herbert W. Armstrong led. The Radio Church of God represented the start of the Philadelphia era and the Philadelphian work–a work that is not finished (cf. Matthew 24:14-15)–and Herbert W. Armstrong claimed that a dream given to his wife was from God, prior to the start of the Philadelphia era. 

 

The Bible says:

8 So Joseph recognized his brothers, but they did not recognize him. 9 Then Joseph remembered the dreams which he had dreamed about them … (Genesis 42:8-9) 

 

Notice that after events that occurred years later confirmed Joseph’s dreams, then he remembered them. When events confirmed Loma Armstrong’s dream, she and Herbert W. Armstrong remembered them. 

 

Now, consider that since the Philadelphia era was raised up after Loma Armstrong’s dream, a question to ponder is, would God do anything similar to point to the continuation of the end-time COG remnant of the Philadelphians? 

 

Oh, the sheer desperation oozing from Bwana Bob as he clings to the Armstrongs for any scrap of legitimacy—it's almost touching. Apparently, the only way to justify raising up yet another tiny splinter group is to hitch his wagon to the same old family legend. Because nothing screams "divinely appointed" like recycling someone else's decades-old dream.

Yes, folks, according to our infallible prophet, the mysterious second part of Loma Armstrong's famous dream—the one nobody else seems to remember quite the same way—was secretly about him and the Continuing Church of God. Not Herbert, not the original work, not even the entire end-time drama... nope, it was a cryptic prophecy pointing straight to Bwana Bob Thiel in the 21st century. The mental gymnastics required to arrive at that conclusion are truly Olympic-level. Mind-boggling doesn't even begin to cover it.

Truly, the delusion is strong with this one. Keep dreaming, Bwana Bob. The world is clearly just too Laodicean to appreciate your starring role in Loma's extended director's cut.

Consider that in Loma Armstrong’s dream that there were two sets of flashing stars–there were two parts to the dream. Herbert W. Armstrong is now dead and there was a pause between the work God had him to do and the completion of the final phase of the work to finally fulfill Matthew 24:14 (cf. Isaiah 29:14). 

 

Herbert W. Armstrong mentioned the dream from time to time publicly, here are two nearly identical accounts:

I’m usually pretty skeptical about God speaking to anyone today in visions or dreams. God speaks to us thru His Son, Jesus Christ — the WORD of God — and the Bible is the written Word. I didn’t really believe it then, 38 years ago, but subsequent events have verified that God did speak to my wife at that time, shortly after we were married, revealing thru an angel that He was calling us to the mission of WARNING the world of the fast-approaching END OF THIS WORLD, the Coming of Jesus Christ, and the world-ruling Kingdom of God. At the time I was unconverted, not bothering to attend church, interested only in business and making money. I was embarrassed — a little awed — but immediately tried to put it out of my mind. But at age 30 God took away my business, struck me down, took away my idol of money-making and business prestige. (Armstrong HW. Co-worker letter, November 25, 1955) 

 

I’m usually pretty skeptical about God speaking to anyone today in visions or dreams. God speaks to us thru His Son, Jesus Christ — the WORD of God — and the Bible is the written Word. I didn’t really believe it then, 38 years ago, but subsequent events have verified that God did speak to my wife at that time, shortly after we were married, revealing thru an angel in a vision that He was calling us to the mission of WARNING the world of the fast- approaching END OF THIS WORLD, the coming of Jesus Christ, and the world-ruling Kingdom of God. At that time I was unconverted, not bothering to attend church, interested only in business and making money. I was embarrassed — a little awed — but immediately tried to put it out of my mind. But at age 30 God took away my business, struck me down, took away my idol of money-making and business prestige. (Armstrong HW. Co-worker letter, February 21, 1956)

Notice that the dream was to go until the end of the world and the coming of Jesus–since Herbert W. Armstrong has been dead since January 16, 1986–if the dream was from God then, does it not make sense that the second half of the dream would be fulfilled by another? Like in the 21st century? We in the Continuing Church of God are fulfilling that second part of the stars.

Perhaps it should be mentioned, Herbert W. Armstrong had more information about what I am referring to as the first set of stars in the dream. He wrote:

It was a dazzling spectacle … People by the hundreds came running into this broad intersection looking up to see the strange phenomena … A vast multitude of eyes were upon us … I have only come to believe that this dream was a bonafide call from God in the light of subsequent events. (Armstrong HW. The Autobiography of Herbert W. Armstrong, 9th installment. Plain Truth, August 1958, p. 18).

Eyes of a vast multitude suggest that the dream was saying, that the work to be done was to have a witness to many. This happened with the old Radio and Worldwide Church of God under Herbert W. Armstrong’s leadership in the 20th century. The second set of stars in the dream, which he did not mention in the August 1958 Plain Truth, article, but did in his published Autobiography, may pertain to what I have called, for years, The Final Phase of the Work. But even if it had applicability to the ministry of Herbert W. Armstrong only, the dream, which shortly before his death he confirmed he believed was from God (per Aaron Dean, who I discussed this with on October 30, 2015), shows that one did precede the Church of God work he was involved in. 

 

Consider that Herbert W. Armstrong concluded that his wife Loma’s dream was from God. He also believed the first part of it had to do with the start of the Philadelphia era of the Church of God via the Radio Church of God. He did not discuss the fulfillment of the second part of the dream directly, however he taught another work would be done. 

 

Buckle up, brethren—here comes the undeniable PROOF straight from the Great Bwana himself that he is, without question, the legitimate next big thing in the Church of God universe.

Even Herbert W. Armstrong—yes, the very same one—mentioned him! Not by name, of course (because why be specific when you can be mysteriously prophetic?), but as a shadowy “second mighty work” that was supposedly destined to arise. Forget actual quotes, clear context, or anything remotely verifiable. No, no. HWA dropped a vague, throwaway line decades ago, and Bwana Bob has heroically decoded it to mean: “Behold, I am that second mighty work. Bow before my YouTube sermons and my endless stream of dreams.”

It’s the theological equivalent of finding a cryptic fortune cookie message and declaring yourself the Chosen One because it vaguely mentioned “a great leader will rise in the West… with excellent Wi-Fi.” 

The mental contortions required to turn a generic end-time comment into a personal bat-signal are nothing short of breathtaking. Truly, only a mind as uniquely gifted as the Infallible Bwana could crack that code.

So yes, everyone—pack it up. The case is closed. Herbert basically named him in code. We can all stop doubting now and get in line behind the world’s most self-anointed “second mighty work.” History will surely thank us for not laughing too hard.

Herbert W. Armstrong’s part of the work lasted over 50 years, and he seemingly felt that the “short work” would be much shorter than his work. And that is correct.

Here is what was in Herbert W. Armstrong’s last letter:

The greatest work lies ahead … Never before in the history of the Church has it been possible to reap so great a harvest. It has only been made possible through modern technology, beginning with the printing press, radio, television ... Each of you must commit yourself to support God’s Work … God’s work must push ahead as never before. God is opening up new doors in television (Letter, 1/10/86).

Consider that since Herbert W. Armstrong did not teach that the second part of his wife Loma’s dream was fulfilled and that he also taught a greater work was going to happen after his death. It is greater because it will fulfill Matthew 24:14, etc. That is the work that we in the Continuing Church of God are leading. It appears that the second part of Loma D. Armstrong’s dream was pointing to the Continuing Church of God–the group that best represents the remnant of the Philadelphian portion of the Church of God. As far as radio and new doors in television and other media, check out the CCOG Multimedia page. 

 

As far as the greatest work, consider that the Continuing Church of God has had its English language booklet, The Gospel of the Kingdom of God, translated into over 1500 languages and dialects. This has NEVER been done before in the nearly 2,000 year history of the Church of God.
Furthermore, dreams are a sign that God has used to confirm ‘Philadelphia.’ 

 

No other Church of God group has ever dared to publish a book so gloriously stuffed to the gills with theological heresies. Not a single one. And yet, somehow, here we are, blessed beyond measure with this unparalleled masterpiece of doctrinal creativity.

Truly, it's a miracle of modern prophecy: a tome so densely packed with eyebrow-raising interpretations that it makes the rest of the COG literature look like dry, boring orthodoxy by comparison. Who needs boring old consistency when you can have page after page of bold, boundary-pushing "truth" that somehow only one very special man on the planet has managed to uncover?

We should all be taking notes. This isn't just another book—it's a landmark achievement in the fine art of saying things that make even the most die-hard Armstrongites do a double-take. History will remember it fondly… or at least as the moment everyone else quietly backed away.

Oh, and because one dream interpreter in New Zealand just wasn’t enough cosmic validation, the Great Bwana now ascends to the next level of self-congratulation: he dreams about Rod Meredith.

Yes, you read that right. In what is surely the most humble and understated move of the century, Bob Thiel’s subconscious decides the best use of his prophetic nighttime bandwidth is to stage a personal cameo from the late Dr. Roderick C. Meredith himself. Because nothing screams “I’m the legitimate successor” quite like your own brain casting a dead former boss in your fan-fiction sequel.

One can only imagine the scene: Rod appears in glorious technicolor dream-vision, perhaps giving a solemn nod of approval, or maybe handing over a glowing scepter labeled “Second Mighty Work,” or—let’s be real—probably just standing there looking mildly confused while Bob narrates how this obviously confirms every single thing he’s ever claimed. Divine endorsement level: expert.

The rest of us are left to marvel at the sheer convenience. When your real-world followers won’t give you the respect you so richly deserve, why not have the next best thing—a literal ghost from COG past—drop by in your sleep to tell you you’re special? It’s efficient, it’s cost-free, and best of all, Rod can’t talk back or fact-check you.

Truly inspiring stuff. Keep those dream logs coming, Bwana. At this rate, your next blockbuster revelation might feature Herbert Armstrong himself showing up with a PowerPoint titled “Why Bob Was Right All Along.” We’re on the edge of our seats.

Many years ago I had a dream, which while I did not understand it at first, as it became more and more fulfilled over the years, I remembered it, began to understand it, and believe it was from God.

I was 50 at the time (which essentially makes me an ‘old man’ per Numbers 8:25; cf. John 8:57). In my dream, there seemed to be two parallel lines. Living Church of God (LCG) evangelist Roderick Meredith was on the top line and I was on the line much below. In the dream, I kept calling up to Dr. Meredith, but he never would respond. This lack of response made no sense to me during the dream. Then after what seemed to be a long time, the lines-crossed with his line dropping and my line going up.

One reason that I did not understand it at the time was that I was on relatively close speaking terms with Dr. Meredith then (he repeatedly told me he considered me to be his friend, plus he had appointed me an adviser to LCG on matters of doctrine and prophecy), so that aspect of the dream made no sense at the time. Also, since I had no intentions of leaving Living Church of God then (and certainly no plans to start a separate church), it was not clear what the dream was saying. Another reason I was unsure about the dream then was that I had not had any anointing for the Holy Spirit beyond baptism when I had that dream.

But these matters changed eventually. For one, I was unexpectedly anointed for a ‘double-portion’ of God’s Spirit (cf. 2 Kings 2:9) on December 15, 2011 by an LCG minister named Gaylyn Bonjour.

Furthermore, the following year Dr. Meredith became more distant from me, would not keep various promises to me, and ultimately stopped speaking with me. And after I got a letter from him on 12/28/12, it was clear to me that there was no way that the Philadelphia mantle could be with him or any of his leaders or remain in LCG. I remembered my dream as these subsequent events showed me that the dream was being fulfilled.

In late 2020, I had another dream that was fulfilled. In 2022, CCOG evangelist Evans Ochieng had another dream that was confirmed. 

 

Poor Bwana Bob—nothing quite frosts his delicate little butt like the fact that every other Church of God group continues to treat him and his sacred dream journal with the respect they reserve for random spam emails. How dare they!

The audacity! The sheer, unmitigated gall! Here he is, the self-proclaimed second-mighty-work-in-chief, graciously dropping divine revelations left and right, and these ungrateful Laodiceans just… keep on ignoring him. They won’t acknowledge his dreams, his YouTube empire, his endless stream of “proof texts,” or his starring role in Loma Armstrong’s extended remix. It’s practically persecution. Nay, it’s worse—it’s disrespect.

Clearly, the only logical explanation is that the entire rest of the COG world is spiritually blind, deceived, and too busy sipping lukewarm Postum to recognize the greatest prophetic gift since Herbert himself. Meanwhile, Bwana sits there, cheeks aflame with righteous indignation, wondering why no one else has the good sense to bow down and say, “Yes, sir, your nighttime brain movies are definitely from God, and we were fools to ever question it.”Truly heartbreaking. Someone fetch the man a fainting couch and a fresh batch of heavenly chocolate croissants—he’s suffering, people. He’s suffering.

Despite what the Bible supports, most Church of God groups do not seemingly accept that there are any prophets today, nor do they seem to accept that God actually sometimes speaks in dreams in the 21st century–some, oddly, seem indignant of the very idea. Part of the reason for this is that those self-proclaimed ‘prophets’ outside of the Continuing Church of God have tended to be proven to be false. 

 

Oh, and then—because why stop at self-referential prophecy when you can outsource it?—the Great Bwana trots out yet another golden nugget: a dream one of his loyal acolytes in New Zealand supposedly had about him. 

Double blessed, triple confirmed, quadruple ignored.

He proceeds to quote this second-hand nighttime fan fiction in exhaustive detail, as if it's the missing chapter of Revelation that finally explains why everyone else in the COG universe is too spiritually dense to recognize his greatness. More whining ensues about how tragically overlooked he is, how the Laodiceans just won't wake up and smell the prophetic coffee, and how dare the rest of the world not immediately fall to their knees over a dream some follower had halfway around the planet.

Truly groundbreaking stuff. Nothing says “legitimate end-time apostle” like leaning on the subconscious ramblings of your own fan club for validation. At this rate, the next big proof will be his cat having a vision about him while napping on the keyboard. Keep 'em coming, Bob—we're all riveted.

He ends with this:

Satan and his allies do not want you to believe that God has actually been using dreams–he wants you to rationalize away the prophecy in Acts 2:17-18–otherwise you might take action he opposes. 

 

Can you believe?

Well, Bob, after surveying the full panoramic sweep of your prophetic portfolio—from heavenly kitchen-table brainstorming sessions with chocolate croissants and the Holy Spirit's chuckle about needing “some kind of Bob character,” to the mind-bending decoding of Loma Armstrong’s dream as your personal origin story, to the outsourced New Zealand acolyte visions, the subconscious Rod Meredith cameo, and the endless frostbitten indignation over every other COG group’s refusal to genuflect—yes, we can believe. We can believe it all right.

We can believe that in a world where the most theologically creative book of heresies ever published by a COG splinter sits proudly on the shelf, where vague Herbert Armstrong comments become coded bat-signals for your “second mighty work” status, and where the late Rod Meredith apparently moonlights in your dreams to hand out approval stamps, the one constant is the tragic, unforgivable oversight of everyone else failing to recognize the Infallible Bwana Joshua-Habakkuk-Elijah-Elisha-Joseph-Thiel as the greatest unappreciated prophetic gift since… ever.

So when you warn that Satan and his minions are desperately trying to get people to “rationalize away” Acts 2:17-18 (you know, the part about dreams and visions in the last days), the irony is thicker than heavenly brew. Because if anyone’s been rationalizing—twisting, stretching, outsourcing, and dream-logging their way into legitimacy—it’s the man whose entire ministry seems built on the premise that if enough people dream about you (or your followers dream about you dreaming about someone else), reality must bend to match.The rest of the COG world? They’re just too Laodicean, too deceived, too busy ignoring the double-blessed evidence to see the obvious: that God Himself scripted your starring role millennia ago, complete with cameos from dead leaders and prophetic fan fiction from Down Under. How else to explain the deafening silence from everyone except your own echo chamber?

Can we believe? Oh, we believe the script you’ve written for yourself is one for the ages—equal parts tragic, triumphant, and hilariously self-referential. Keep warning about Satan’s plot to make people doubt your dreams, Bob. Meanwhile, the world keeps not paying attention, the weekend rainstorms keep coming, and your delicate little butt keeps getting frosted.

History (and probably a few more dreams) will sort it out. Until then… sweet dreams.