"...the importance of being a members of continuing church of God and proof that Dr Bob is chosen at this age"

Behold! The majestic Great Bwana Doctor Robert Thiel, the self-anointed end-time leader of the Continuing Church of God in Africa (because, let’s be honest, those pesky Caucasians just weren’t gullible enough to fall for his shtick anymore). The Bwana has graciously published three glowing fan letters from his two most “faithful” African evangelists. And the first thing you’ll notice in about 0.2 seconds is that these so-called evangelists are evangelists for Bwana Bob™ and his glorious personality cult, not for that obscure fellow named Jesus Christ, who—shocker—doesn’t get a single mention. Not one. It’s almost as if the Son of God is just an inconvenient background character in the Bob Thiel Cinematic Universe.

But why stop there? Isn’t it just precious how all four of our most delightfully aberrant Church of God splinter führers—Ron Weinland, Gerald Flurry, David C. Pack, and of course, our own Bwana Doctor Bob—have unanimously decided that the gospel is just too boring? No, no, the real good news is them: their magnificence, their exclusive God-ordained prophet-apostle-elijah-witness-whatever title of the week. Never in the history of Armstrongism have we been blessed with so many desperate, theologically bankrupt little men frantically trying to devour the carcass of Herbert Armstrong’s movement from the inside like starving hyenas in tailored suits.

All four of these titans of ego place their number-one priority on proving how staggeringly right they are and how God personally Zoom-called them to do whatever narcissistic nonsense they’re doing this month. Jesus? Oh, He gets the occasional drive-by mention—one or two of them toss His name around like a stale matzo at Passover so they can still pretend to be Christian for five seconds. But deep, profound teaching on the significance of Christ, the resurrection, and what it actually accomplished? Please. That would require taking the spotlight off themselves for more than thirty seconds, and we can’t have that.

It positively infuriates them that Jesus came to shatter the chains of legalism and the filthy rags of works-righteousness that COG leaders have used to keep their members in bondage for nearly a century. How dare the Messiah ruin their little control-freak empire! The nerve of that Guy.

The Great Bwana Doctor Bob has these comments from his evangelists:

Greetings from Malawi.
It’s of a great pleasure to inform that my meeting with the leaders in Malawi meant a lot to both Malawi and Mozambique. We discussed a lot about leadership, congregants, the importance of being a members of continuing church of God and a proof that Dr Bob is chosen at this age in leading church of God. I also teach a lot why we are in continuing church of God. What the Bible says about who is to lead now and what kind of work is he suppose to do.
We also discussed much about the kingdom of God. Ordained feasts, the true repentance and what massage continuing church of God is delivering.
The brethren were shocked and spoken a lot when they confirmed that biblically, continuing church of God is in front to fulfill Mathew 28:19.

Lastly I asked so many questions why they are in continuing church of God.
They gave many reasons why they are in continuing church of God and why they are sealed in the truth. 

Evans Ochieng

Another letter: 

We kept sabbath in chikwawa where I met many people. The service was wonderful. I tried to encourage people to know the reason why they are in continuing church of God. And why continuing church of God is very important in their lives and I delivered to them the massage that God’s church is carrying to this age. I also explained to them why it’s only important to be sealed in the truth. 

 

Many people are walking blindly not knowing why church of God is there and who is in control. People must know why Moses was chosen, why Joshua was chosen after Moses and why Armstrong was chosen. And who is chosen now.

Why gospel must be preached and to who. Reasons for repentance and reconciliation. The importance of congregants. The conformity of God.

The race in the book of revelation.

And where are we in the prophecy.

Evans Ochieng

And another: 

Greetings,yesterday Evans was at Mogowi church the one am leading, he preached very powerful teachings than ever had before and his teachings was like the world was ending yesterday,brethren enjoyed his teachings and we are much blessed with his coming,none of us will forget his teachings and some brethren told me that they even dream at night his teachings which means the Lord God a sure his people that the teachings was full with the truth,he also told the young ones to prepare the youth camp meeting with will start on 23 December to 28 December 2025, we are praying for it.

Sosten Libungwa 

 

It’s positively heart-wrenching to realize that the brethren shuffling into these splinter shrines are mostly sincere, lovely folks who just want to follow Jesus the best their hearts know how. And there they are, dutifully sitting in pews while their “ministers” bloviate for hours about how Bwana Bob (or Dave, Gerry, or Ron, depending on the group) is the only human on Earth God trusts with the real truth™. These precious sheep are being spiritually muzzled, guilt-tripped, and financially milked by leaders who are evangelists for Bob/Dave/Gerry/Ron and their magnificent prophetic resumes, not for that irrelevant carpenter from Nazareth who apparently doesn’t rate a single sermon anymore. Truly, the compassion these leaders show is so thick you could spread it on matzos and still have enough left over to choke on.

How noble. How Christ-like. How utterly nauseating.

Crackpot Prophet: If You Are A Baptist You Need To Repent And Join The Improperly Named "continuing" Church of "god"

 

The Trail of Blood - Baptist History

Isn’t it utterly breathtaking? Here we are, trembling in awe before the most glorious prophet ever dreamed into existence—literally dreamed, because that’s how God apparently rolls these days—flung down from the heavens in the latter days just to enlighten us poor, stupid humanity and show us the One True Path™. Bow your heads, peasants; we are not worthy!

Behold, the most theologically and historically impeccable prophet ever to be squeezed out of the Catholic Church and into the Church of God, marinated in the Armstrongist Church of God movement, and finally birthed in a fit of rebellion because Rod Meredith ignored him, is here on this sunny California afternoon amid the scent of patchouli and orange blossoms, gracing us once more with his profound knowledge.

This time, armed with rock-solid theology he absorbed at the feet of Herbert W. Armstrong (and later polished in that legendary double-wide trailer in India), our hero has decided to pick a fight with… the Baptists. Yes, those Baptists—those notorious heretics who dare to have a more coherent, documented church history stretching back centuries (complete with actual records of Seventh Day Baptists in Rhode Island) than the fairy-dust trail of “true church” myths the Crackpot Prophet and his COG buddies keep flinging at the wall to justify their existence. But sure, tell us again how the Baptists are the ones who got it wrong.

Naturally, our illustrious Crackpot Bob thunders that the Baptists must immediately repent, devour his photocopied pamphlets and Amazon published "books", acknowledge they’re nothing but degenerate Protestants, and rush to join the one true church—currently headquartered in a charming little brick bolthole in scenic Grover Beach, California (population: basically Bob and several thousand bottles of over priced holoistic remedies).

Truly, the end times are upon us. How ever did we survive without this beacon of prophetic clarity?

The Bob-sey twins are here to set the Baptists straight:

The Truth About Baptist History 

 

Some in the denominational faith of the Baptist religion claim continuity and obedience to Christ from even before the foundation of the church at Pentecost. But is their claim valid? If their claim is that they practice baptism then, yes, their claim is valid. But what about obedience and doctrine? Does the Baptist faith believe what Jesus believed? Does the Baptist faith do what Jesus did? But does the claim to continuity merely require baptism while adhering to doctrines never practiced or taught by Jesus Christ or the apostles or the church founded on Pentecost? Hardly. What is the real history of the Baptist faith as chronicled by some leading scholars and practitioners of that faith? What are the beliefs they really practice? Were some who they claim to be their spiritual ancestors have actually been Church of God? Could the Baptist faith be classified as simply another belief system related to the Protestant movement? Is there a faithful group with apostolic succession? Watch this video and listen as Dr. Thiel shines the light of Biblical knowledge and understanding on the faith and practices of the early church. The time is at hand. 

 

And so, dear Baptists, there is obviously only one solution to save your doomed souls: immediately repent of your centuries-long foolishness, binge-read every last page of Crackpot Bob’s Xeroxed masterpieces, and humbly defect to the One True Faith™.

Do this quickly, and you might—just might—earn the coveted early-morning phone call inviting you to flee to the Place of Safety™ (Petra, Pella, or whichever God-forsaken Jordanian dust-bowl Bwana Bob is vibing with this week). There, for three-and-a-half glorious years, you’ll enjoy nonstop bliss while being lectured daily by the prophet himself on why you were so very, very wrong about literally everything.

Truly, what more could any sinner ask for? Sign-up forms are in the foyer of the little brick building in Grover Beach and operators are standing by - 1.800.423.4444.

The late Herbert W. Armstrong pointed out:

The … CHURCH OF GOD … is in direct continuous succession from the apostolic Church founded by Christ A.D. 31 (Armstrong HW. Why The Church? Good News, August 14, 1978) 

 

The true Church continued, a tiny “little flock,” almost unnoticed by the world … (Armstrong HW. The Church They Couldn’t Destroy. Good News, December 1981) 

So, if you are Baptist (or any other non-Church of God faith), I urge you to be like the Bereans of old (Acts 17:10-11) and search the scriptures (as well as facts about church history) to see if these things are so. 

 

Dave Pack: HWA Did NOT Understand Anything! Only I Understand All Truth

 

23 Things Herbert W. Armstrong Got Wrong

Pastor General David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God (RCG) 

paid homage to his "father in the gospel" by explaining 23 prophetic understandings that he got wrong.

 

Herbert W. Armstrong, Pastor General of the Worldwide Church of God (WCG), 

was forbidden by God to understand bible prophecy correctly, despite being an apostle 

and the Messenger to the Sixth Era who led a church of over 100,000 members for fifty years. 

There are only 23 examples because the Pastor General humbly admitted he was reciting HWA's errors without a prepared list. He confessed that there are many more. In contrast, only Pastor General David C. Pack understands bible prophecy accurately because the Book of Revelation and Daniel have been unsealed to him. 

Please disregard the painful truth that he has been wrong 

about the return of Jesus Christ 135 times since August 2013. 

All credit to former member Marc Cebrian for this clip and description

Gerald Flurry: It Was A Crap Shoot When God Sent Jesus To Earth, Because If He Sinned Then God Was Going To Be Lonely

 

Oh, bless their little cotton socks, another day in COGland, where the bar for batshit craziness gets raised higher than Gerald Flurry’s bar tab. At this point, you’d think we’d all be numb to the nonstop clown show put on by these self-anointed apostles, but nope, every sunrise brings a fresh opportunity for one of them to strap on the red nose and oversized shoes.

You see, God the Father apparently works the night shift, frantically beaming “new revelation” straight into the pickled brains of His favorite franchise owners. Bob “Dreamy McProphet” Thiel gets herbal-tea-fueled nightmares, Dave Pack’s imaginary Jesus has been stuck in Wadsworth traffic for three straight years because even the Second Coming can’t find parking, and then there’s His Royal Tipsiness, King Gerald Flurry, who’s built a whole compound in Edmond, Oklahoma, because obviously that’s where the New Jerusalem is landing (sorry, Independence, Missouri, better luck next apocalypse).

But today Gerald Six-Pack Flurry, spiritual heir to a throne polishers everywhere, has outdone himself. Fresh from the bottom of whatever bottle inspired this gem, he has solemnly declared that Jesus Christ could have sinned while on earth. That’s right, folks: the same Jesus who was supposedly God in the flesh apparently had a very real shot at blowing the whole salvation plan by, I dunno, coveting His neighbor’s donkey or flipping off a Pharisee one too many times.

And if that had happened? Poor God the Father would’ve been left all alone up there in the starry void of the “northern heavens” (the part of space that’s mysteriously missing stars ever since Lucifer redecorated during the Great Heavenly Bar Fight of eternity past). Just one lonely Dude, sitting on an empty throne, swigging celestial whiskey, muttering, “I should’ve gone with Plan B… or literally any other son.”

Truly, the theological brilliance pouring out of Edmond these days is staggering. Herbert W. Armstrong is surely looking up from wherever he is, nodding proudly and saying, “That’s my boy, completely hammered and making it up as he goes, just like I taught him.”

Thank heavens Armstrongism isn’t the only crazy cult on the block, or we might actually have to take this nonsense seriously.

A God from the northern heavens came to Earth and became flesh and blood, risking the loss of eternal life. FAILURE WOULD HAVE LEFT THE FATHER AS THE ONLY REMAINING GOD FOREVER.

Spend more time and ponder what failure would have meant to our Father—the rest of eternity spent as the only God in the universe! Then you can better comprehend the kind of love He has for His creation

Can we fathom this loving sacrifice by God? This universe-shaking truth challenges our imagination. We are the recipients of this unparalleled act of love.

An “eternal life,” which was God, the Word, came and died for us. This ought to excite mankind beyond anything we can imagine. It was the beginning of what will probably become billions of sons in God’s Family.

BECAUSE WE TEACH THIS GOD-ORDAINED MESSAGE, WE ARE ALMOST GLUTTED WITH NEW REVELATION! THIS SHOULD SHOW US WHAT THIS MESSAGE MEANS TO THE FATHER AND THE SON. Revelation comes because we honor our Father and Husband.

Flurry coninues with this:

The goal of our work is to bring all humanity into fellowship with the Father and Son! Please read that again.

The Ephesus Church members quit doing God’s work because they lost their first love. The Laodiceans today stopped doing this work because they became blind to this vision. Anybody who fails to see why we do this work is blind!

We are the very elect of the firstfruits. Soon the whole world will be filled with second-fruits from the fall harvest. All mankind will have one mind, one faith, one love and one hope. Each person will be a witness for God!

Than this:

Herbert W. Armstrong College is here to get this message to the world. This message is for the whole of mankind. It produces the opposite of the negative fruits you see in Satan’s world.

The Laodicean Church members broke down in this area. Satan destroyed their desire and strength to be witnesses. Then they no longer wanted to declare the Father’s message.

We are declaring John’s message as quickly as we can. The job of our ministers is to help get our people 100 percent behind God’s work—so we can complete this work as speedily as possible. We are in THE LAST HOUR! We must work while we can, BEFORE this world is plunged into the Great Tribulation.

We must see that this message is everything to a dying world! It must be declared now—in this “last hour.” It is a message from the Logos, who was with the Father.

God sent an Elijah to restore all things. It was an astounding message not heard around the world for almost two millennia!

And from the early college days to the end, Mr. Armstrong had outstanding, God-inspired spokesman clubs. There were research and writing classes. The students were not there just to learn the message. They were also taught how to deliver it, both in this age and in the Millennium.

In Herbert W. Armstrong College, our students are taught how to write and speak like kings and priests. We have a message that must be communicated to all humanity!

Receiving God’s message is just half of the responsibility. The second part is communicating it. And what a communication job! This message must be delivered to every person ever born!

What good is the message if it is not declared and taught? What a failure if we don’t deliver our Father’s message! What a calamity. Now is the time to be a witness for God.

The world is full of violence and ready to explode into nuclear warfare. And America’s strongest messages to the world is the filthiest, Satan-inspired trash ever seen and heard!

At the same time, we ignore the Creator God who prophesies throughout His Word that He punishes for such despicable sins. Even the most violent terrorists can see and are offended by our unparalleled immorality. Surely we must believe that God would also be offended. But our people don’t care. We have descended into a kind of spiritual madness. Only the worst kind of punishment can ever awaken us. The Great Tribulation is going to be the worst suffering ever. The punishment fits the crime. Never was there a greater need to awaken!

More proof that these morons have no concept of what Jesus accomplished. 

The magnitude of the opportunity offered by our unparalleled technology makes our nations’ failure to take advantage of it incomparably disastrous. The whole world suffers mightily because of that failure. Never has there been a greater need for God’s message of hope.

We must give this world the only message that really matters. We will show them how to use the media.

Years ago, when the Soviet Union was strong, the Japanese were asked who they feared most. They answered that they feared Russia most militarily, but they feared America most culturally. (If only we could see ourselves as others see us.) And they had good cause for that fear. Today the Japanese are saturated with America’s vile culture. Our culture is destroying us and other nations morally and spiritually. We prate about how good we are and sing “God Bless America”—but God is cursing America, Britain and the Jews in the Middle East. He will continue to do so until we see our black sins and repent.

The Philadelphia Church of God has bought and paid for 170 acres and all of our buildings. What is it all for? We are getting ready to help Christ rule this world and the universe!

God has blessed us mightily. Now He wants to fire our imaginations to see what a marvelous, mind-staggering future this world has. We have the greatest, most complete message God has ever given to declare!

It is like these COG leaders deliberately mock Bob Thiel as the irrelevant fool that he is and his worthless message. 

Like John, we must never lose this awesome vision of love! Then we must be a witness for God. This is what the world so desperately needs.

Nothing screams “Philadelphia Church of God = Era of Brotherly Love” quite like the warm, fuzzy kind of love that rips families apart faster than a Black Friday sale at Walmart.

It’s the special, patented Gerald Flurry brand of love™ that heroically severs parents from children, grandparents from grandchildren, and spouses from each other, because apparently the quickest path to godliness is making sure nobody ever speaks to their blood relatives again. Who needs holiday dinners when you’re excommunicated for sending a birthday card to your disfellowshipped daughter, right?

And let’s not forget the cherry on top: that same suffocating, guilt-drenched “love” has been so inspirational, so life-affirming, that it’s driven more than a few precious PCG sheep to the ultimate escape hatch: suicide. Because when you can never, ever measure up to the ever-shifting, booze-fueled standards of King Six-Pack and his revolving door of “new revelation,” what’s the point of sticking around for another sermon about how you’re a worthless Laodicean worm?

Truly, the Philadelphia Church of God is a shining beacon of agape love, the kind that leaves shattered families, empty chairs at Thanksgiving, and fresh graves in its wake. 

So yes, by all means, keep spreading that signature Edmond-style love, one “mark and avoid” letter, one disfellowshipment, one funeral at a time. Truly heartwarming stuff.

And when the final trumpet finally blares (assuming Dave Pack’s imaginary Jesus ever figures out the correct Wadsworth exit ramp), God the Father can kick back in those lonely northern heavens, crack open a cold one, and enjoy the silence. Because thanks to the PCG’s stellar track record of turning potential “mini-gods and godlets” into estranged wrecks and suicide statistics, that celestial family reunion is going to be standing-room-only for exactly one Dude.

Just Him, an empty throne room, and an echo whispering, “Should’ve gone with the Mormons; at least they let you keep your kids.”

Well played, Gerald. Well played. The only thing you’ve successfully birthed into the Kingdom is a support group for traumatized ex-members and a waiting list at the Edmond liquor store. Cheers to that legacy.