Another Warning Is Sent To Aaron Dean. Time Is Short! Get Your Act Together!

 

Samuel Kitchen writes:

My job, as it had been made clearer to me recently by Christ, is to make warn and to remind the people of the Kingdom and the government of God and the need to restore that government.

As it was restored through Mr Armstrong, the Worldwide Church of God is the only place the government of God has been restored to.

Imagine a one-man army restoring some fictional form of government back into the church. When the church was toiling under that government, it was abusive and destructive to its members. Why would anyone want to restore that?

I have been online warning, and pointing people back to the ONE MAN God is using, His apostle Herbert W Armstrong and what was taught through him for 16 years now.

This began on January 21, 2010 online. The 6th of Shevat. The same day Mr Armstrong died on the Hebrew Calendar on January 16,1986.

I’m not an ordained minister. The ministry is the BOWL of the candlestick depicted in Zechariah 4.

I was also studying about the Advisory Council of Elders and how they are actually attached to the spiritual body of Christ, in organization with the unincorporated spiritual organism.

Jesus does NOT have an advisory council of elders. He never has and ever will  

Mr Armstrong as apostle formed A.C.E, by the authority of Jesus Christ and in the name of Jesus Christ.

That so-called "Jesus authorized" council was nothing but a straw man. It was a group of men who were "yes men" who never held the so-called apostle accountable for the abuses occurring in the church or the heretical doctrines the church held. None of those men had the balls to stand up and take a stand. They all knew the moment they did so, they would be sitting on the curb outside on Green Street. 

So it is HOLY since it was established in righteousness, and by Jesus Christ! Mr Armstrong bound on earth what was first bound already in Heaven, and by inspiration of the Holy Spirit, added the appropriate men.

The advisory council of elders was not and is NOT holy. The men chosen for it by HWA were never holy, and the Holy Spirit was never part of the deal when Herbert hand-picked the yes-men he knew would back him in every decision. 

You are the last remaining member, because the Advisory Council of Elders does continue to exist in the spiritual Body of Christ.

The spiritual body of Christ does not need a council of elders. The focus is upon one person only and should not be upon anyone else. There are no middlemen between Christians and Jesus, especially when it is a bunch of COG elders in the equation.

It hasn’t been “loosened”. When Tkach went off the rails, he left Jesus Christ! And he may continued with something that looked like what God had previously established, but it was a demonic doppelgänger!

In the hands of a destroyer, is it any surprise those things ended up as nothing?

But I’m talking about the everlasting Word of God that hasn’t been broken. A.C.E was established in the Lord for the Church! Not the organization.

The advisory council of elders was not established for the church. It does not need it. It was established by men to control members.

The ministry after the death of Mr Armstrong, organized themselves outside of the Worldwide Church of God. They tried to form candlesticks, and operate in what they thought was BETTER than the Worldwide Church of God.

You’ve been attempting to talk about Mr Armstrong to them and their congregations! Tying them back to the government of God, to the one man God has been using.

Some people protest in certain ways, and you end up explaining the mistakes and obstacles Christ’s servant had to overcome and face.

The Body of Christ, is connected together through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and our fellowship with God the Father and Jesus Christ and in truth.

By bringing the people back to the apostle, you are providing the means for the golden oil to flow freely to them. Satan wants to stop that flow.

Herbert W Armstrong is the golden calf of the church. Not one single person needs to be "brought back" to HWA. No one needs to return to the swill of the past. A Christians focus is always upward and forward, not backwards 

You are attempting to do it with a separate candlestick, but I’m here to provide the extra dimension of you needing to be away from the separated and divided portion that was formed by those vacating the Church.

If you have to deny what the apostle instructed to create a new structure as Victor Kubik and Joe Tkach Jr did inside the WCG in 1993, and then they split apart 2 years later forming their power blocs, to form new churches?

Thats not established in righteousness. Thats not based on my own interpretation, if you go to God’s Word, it is made clear by many examples, that sin is sin. Disobedience is sin.

And while men have had good intentions, WE have the right to the tree of life, and we should not take unto ourselves to decide what is right and wrong. But submit to God wholly and choose life.

If you are a real follower of Jesus, you no longer need to worry about doing it the right way or the wrong way. That has been settled, once and for all. The slate has been wipted clean.

Be zealous. Get excited. Get passionate. Lukewarm doesn’t suit you Mr Dean. And you can only do so much with lukewarm people.

Revelation 11 says to exclude those who are in the outer court. We can’t bring them to Christ! The tribulation will be used by Christ to wake them up!

But you are like a branch plucked from the fire. Sticks have been bundled up in groups to be burned. You have been pulled by the hand of God, and INCLUDED through my labor, when all others were happy you were just a minister of UCG.

I’m gonna share this online. People need to be excited for what Christ is doing.

There is not one single thing that is evident here that Jesus is doing.  It is just delusions of one man who may be sincere, but is sincerely wrong.

Remember what Mr Armstrong taught and adhere to it. Don’t let others in lukewarmness overrun you and lead you to where you are unable to perform your ministerial duties inside the Worldwide Church of God. You can’t ride the fence any more.

At the close of these FORTY YEARS, will we be found believing the true report, or assembling with those that stay in the wilderness?

What was established by God? What was bound on earth as it was bound in heaven?

Those who are wicked , who’ve been hiding their real face, might come out of the woodwork in the next few weeks. As per Revelation 22, says, about a time when God says ENOUGH! If you are filthy and wicked, you’re locked in! If you are Holy and righteous, then you are locked in.

As January 16 rapidly approaches, watch for all kinds of craziness to erupt in the various COG groups. It will be 40 years since HWA died, and the numerologists will be having a field day. 

I wonder if it is the blessing of 1335 days. Those who received the promise and blessings of God went into the promise land at the end of FORTY YEARS.

Could the two witnesses in Jerusalem receive POWER on Pentecost? If you look at all the parables of Christ, it talks about the end times and the two witnesses two. When Christ said I will give power and authority to my servants, WHEN DID THAT OCCUR? Who would be there? Those who were of ONE ACCORD, with the apostles.

One thing we can rest assured of, if there are two witnesses needed, they certainly will NOT be from Armstrongism! 

Will we be there?

In Christ’s name,

Samuel W Kitchen

Dave Pack: I Am God's Private Detective-His Private Investigator

One thing that's glaringly obvious in the glittering paradise of COGland is that the assorted "gods" the pompous Church of God overlords have custom-ordered for themselves are hands-down the most laughably incompetent deities ever slapped together by mortal daydreams. I mean, honestly—why do these divine superstars always turn out to be such spineless, bumbling, utterly powerless disasters?

Let's start with Herbert's god, shall we? The one "miraculously rediscovered" in the thrilling aisles of an Oregon public library after a whopping 1,900-year nap. Picture this: an allegedly all-powerful creator of the universe so catastrophically useless that he couldn't even manage to safeguard his own sacred word from getting misplaced like a forgotten grocery list. And when HWA finally heroically rescued him from obscurity, he was so mortified by the sheer mediocrity of the fellow that he dared not utter his real name—instead settling for the oh-so-epic "a strong hand from someplace." Truly the stuff of legendary reverence.

Then we have Gerald Flurry's god, that exquisite Frankenstein monster stitched together from HWA's wildest hallucinations and Flurry's own deluxe delusions. This pathetic specimen is such a monumental underachiever that it couldn't get by on the Bible alone—oh no, it desperately required two shiny supplemental books (Mystery of the Ages and Malachi's Message) just to patch up the glaring holes. And brace yourself: this supposedly omnipotent ruler of everything is apparently too feeble to head straight to Jerusalem for the grand New Jerusalem reveal. Instead, it must first touch down in glamorous Edmond, Oklahoma, for a tacky coronation ceremony on a creaky garage-sale throne, clutching a filthy lump of rock excavated from... Oregon. Forget the breathtaking splendor of Westminster Abbey and the authentic Stone of Scone—this cosmic loser has to make do with a glaring spotlight on the Armstrong Auditorium stage as Gerald's grandchildren dance an Irish jig. How utterly divine.

But wait, the real MVP of divine incompetence has to be Dave Pack's god—a hopeless, flip-flopping clown who can't even commit to a return date in Wadsworth, Ohio. Week after endless week, year after embarrassing year, this alleged almighty fails spectacularly to float down in thunderous glory, strut across Dave's "sacred" manicured lawns, or mount Dave's prized pale horse. Poor, bewildered Dave, forever scratching his head over the eternal no-shows, has gallantly promoted himself to God's personal detective to crack the case. Yet all that "genius" sleuthing has accomplished zilch, leaving Dave perpetually clueless and looking like the ultimate fool as one "absolutely set in stone" deadline after another fizzles into oblivion. Just imagine the tragedy—all those blockbuster sales this god has tragically missed at the Giant Eagle right across the street! Heartbreaking, really.

Crackpot Prophet Finds Another Way To Weasel Out Of Being Held Accountable

When one reads the biblical accounts of the Hebrew prophets, they were men of unshakeable integrity who boldly proclaimed God's messages without a hint of hesitation. Kings and princes trembled before them, many were dramatically humbled and silenced, and some even sparked nationwide repentance. None of them ever apologized. They were absolutely convinced God was on their side.

Yet here we are in the thrilling new year of 2026, and God's self-proclaimed greatest prophet in these perilous end times has once again discovered a brilliantly convenient escape hatch to avoid ever being held accountable for a single word he utters.

Behold Crackpot Bob Thiel—the one-man splinter-group assembly line—who modestly assures the world that he's basically Elijah 2.0, Amos with a blog, and Jeremiah with superior Wi-Fi. Truly, the Bible foretold that in the last days God would raise up a prophet who would... let me check my notes... receive a "double portion" blessing during a casual prayer before meeting his spiritual daddy, then spend the next decade explaining why that obviously makes him divinely appointed.

It all began so innocently back in December 2011, when Crackpot Bob headed to Living Church of God (LCG) headquarters in Charlotte for yet another valiant attempt to set his spiritual daddy, Rod Meredith, straight on the church's supposedly wrong teachings. Before the big showdown, Bob tried to corner ministers Jeff Fall and Gary Ehman, but they wisely gave him the slip. Undeterred, our hero settled for kindly elder Gaylyn Bonjour, who agreed to pray over him.

And then—in what Bob insists was a totally unplanned, Holy Spirit-orchestrated moment—Bonjour, being his emotional French-ancestry self, prayed for Bob to receive a "double portion" of God's Spirit. You know, just like Elisha asked Elijah in 2 Kings 2. Completely accidental! Bonjour later clarified he'd never done that for anyone else and certainly wasn't anointing a prophet. But Bob? He heard the prophetic mantle drop louder than a thunderclap. Who cares that Bonjour explicitly said he meant no such thing—God clearly works through inadvertent slip-ups, right?

Fast-forward a bit: after years of LCG leaders like Roderick Meredith tossing out offhand encouragements like "God may consider you a prophet" (the kind you say to be nice, not to launch a new denomination), Bob decided the moment was ripe. LCG wasn't fixing literature errors quickly enough, wasn't proclaiming the "final phase of the work" exactly his way, and—horror of horrors—dared to criticize him publicly. Obviously, this was persecution rivaling the ancient prophets! So in late 2012, Bob dramatically exited LCG and founded the Continuing Church of God (CCOG), insisting he was not self-appointed (perish the thought!) but gently nudged by dreams, an accidental double blessing, and some vague compliments from ex-colleagues.

It wasn't long before the Great Bwana started presenting himself as the modern reincarnation of Amos, Joshua, Abraham, and pretty much every other Hebrew prophet who ever lived. While the Old Testament prophets reluctantly accepted undeniable calls backed by miracles, signs, and flawless records, Bob's grand elevation rests on a misinterpreted "double blessing" prayer, some self-decoded dreams, and a mountain of self-justification. Humble? Hardly. Biblical? Critics argue it's closer to the presumptuous false prophets warned about in Deuteronomy—the ones who lead people astray.

Relentlessly mocked for the ever-growing pile of mantles he's draped over himself, Crackpot Bob has yet to demonstrate even a fraction of the boldness or accuracy of the prophets he claims to embody. Unable to make a single bold, accurate prediction, he constantly scrambles for new weasel words to dodge accountability.

Forever dragging poor Herbert Armstrong into his theological mess, Crackpot Bob piously quotes HWA, but rewrites it according to his standards:

Don’t simply believe me – Believe what the Bible really Teaches – Believe the Truth – Prove all things – Believe God! 

And I will take it one step further. Irrespective of how any may view the role that God has for me, unless I am directly quoting the Bible, or preface a statement to something of the effect of “thus saith the Lord,” I am NOT necessarily stating anything that is not subject to later correction. We who are truly part of the Church of God only accept as inspired the 39 books of the Old Testament and the 27 books of the New Testament and no other document. Therefore, although other current and historical documents/articles/books/booklet/posts by various Church of God leaders throughout history often have value, as they generally also tend to contain personal opinion, we do not consider that any of them are on the same level as sacred scripture, and hence believe that they can contain error.

Oh, isn't that rich? Here we have a man who has published a myriad of books and booklets that all circle back to pointing at himself as the end-time authority, while smugly lecturing other COG leaders for treating Mystery of the Ages and similar works as gospel truth. Our Great Bwana would never do that... would he?

And did you catch the masterful escape clause he slipped in at the very beginning? Unless he explicitly says "thus saith the Lord" before one of his prophecies, he cannot—repeat, cannot—be held accountable when they crash and burn.

He refuses to be held accountable for anything. Ever. How utterly prophetic.

And so, as we stumble into yet another glorious year of end-time enlightenment—2026, no less—the saga of Crackpot Bob Thiel reaches its predictable, magnificent climax. The man who bravely cloaked himself in the mantles of Elijah, Amos, Jeremiah, Joshua, and basically every prophet who ever thundered from a mountaintop has finally perfected the ancient art of prophetic invincibility: absolute, airtight, bulletproof unaccountability.

No more pesky failed predictions to explain away. No more embarrassing dates that come and go without so much as a divine firework. No need to apologize like those weak Old Testament prophets who actually had to deliver verifiable messages from an actual God. Why bother with miracles, signs, or accuracy when you can simply declare—piously, of course—that nothing you say is binding unless you pinky-swear it with a “thus saith the Lord”?

Truly, brethren, behold your end-time apostle: the one who receives accidental double portions, deciphers his own dreams, publishes libraries of books pointing to his own greatness, and then humbly reminds everyone that only the Bible is inspired—conveniently forgetting that his entire claim to authority rests on a decade of personal interpretation, self-coronation, and theological gymnastics that would make a contortionist blush.

In the end, the Great Bwana stands triumphant—not over nations repenting in sackcloth and ashes, not over kings trembling at his words, but over the one thing no biblical prophet ever mastered: the flawless, eternal escape clause. He has boldly gone where no true prophet dared: into the blissful paradise of never, ever being wrong.

What a legacy. What a witness. What an utterly prophetic way to prove that in the last days, mockery itself shall be fulfilled.

 

Crackpot Bob Releases His Annual Prophecies For 2026 And Its As Stupid As You Can Imagine

 

I seriously doubt the Holy Trinity ever imagined the sheer comedic goldmine they'd unleash when they greenlit "Crackpot Bob" as the end-times entertainer extraordinaire—tasked with bombarding us with his "prophecies," finger-wagging admonitions, and full-blown delusional rants during these allegedly perilous days. Face it: the Big Three upstairs probably just wanted some guaranteed laughs to spice up the 2000s, because who else could deliver this level of reliable, cringeworthy hilarity?

Here we are in 2026, marking the 40th anniversary of Herbert W. Armstrong's death (January 16, to be precise—happy milestone, folks!), and Crackpot Bob is still convinced he's the anointed heir apparent, bravely carrying the torch. The gut-busting punchline? Herbert himself would've yeeted Bob out the door quicker than a heretic at a heresy trial the second he sniffed affiliation with that glorious trainwreck of a splinter group founded by Raymond McNair and Rod Meredith after their dramatic apostasy from the "Mother Church." Talk about inheritance denial!

In his infinite (self-proclaimed) wisdom, Crackpot Bob remains utterly persuaded he's the most brilliant mind the Church of God has ever birthed—a crown he humbly bestowed upon himself, naturally. So he figured the fractured COG masses would instantly spot his radiant genius and desert their groups in droves to enlist in his epic legion of true believers. Reality check: Crickets. Instead, he's become the eternal piñata for ministers in United Church of God and Living Church of God, plus an endless parade of blogs, websites, Facebook groups, Substacks, TikToks, Reddit threads, and social media roasts that treat him like the gift that keeps on giving.

The poor guy's brain simply short-circuits at the idea that anyone could question his "divine dreams"—or that a few loyal fans supposedly dreamed about him too. That's his foolproof credential, apparently, to wow every COG member into submission. Spoiler alert: It backfired spectacularly, with pretty much everyone piling on the mockery. And let's not overlook his ridiculous fetish for hijacking Old Covenant prophet titles—he's the COG's own Sybil, churning out phony personas left and right to bamboozle the naive, stacking up self-appointed mantles like they're going out of style.

Year after year, Crackpot Bob triumphantly declares his "legitimacy" is cementing itself harder than ever, while the rest of us rubberneck this spectacular slow-motion car crash of pure, unfiltered nonsense. But does that slow him down? Nope! He's ringing in the New Year with his latest blockbuster: a list of "26 prophecies" (or "things to watch," whatever he's calling it this cycle) for 2026. And claiming the coveted #1 spot? Drumroll... people will mock him. Wow, bold prediction there, Nostradamus—finally nailing something 100% guaranteed, like death, taxes, and endless eye-rolls from the peanut gallery. If only he'd prophesy something risky, like "water is wet," we'd really be impressed!

Here are 26 things to watch in 2026 during this time, and prior to the start of the Great Tribulation. Notice how intentionally vague he is. Crackpot Bob never wants to be that one prophet who actually takes a stand with some prophecies. Instead, it's as vague and as utterly useless as a chocolate teapot is.

1. Scoffing in the Last Days

2. Immorality Prophecies Being Fulfilled 

3. Media, Internet, and Other Censorship 

4. Weather Sorrows and Troubles

5. Earthquakes and Volcanoes

6. The White Horse of the Apocalypse

7. Strife and the Red Horse of War

8. Trade Issues

9. European Trade Moves

10. The Deal of Daniel 9:27

11. Knowledge Increasing

12. Debt

13. US Dollar Dominance will Decrease

14. Central Bank Digital Currencies (CBDCs) and 666

15. Gold

16. Unrest, Terror, and the Dividing of the USA 17. Europe Will Work to Reorganize

18. Europe Will Have a Great Army and Many Ships

19. Steps Towards the Formation of the King of the South

20. The Time of the Gentiles will Lead to Armageddon

21. Jews Readying to Sacrifice

22. Inventors of evil things

23. Unintended Consequences of the Trump-Vance Administration

24. Totalitarian Steps

25. Preparation for the Short Work

26. Fulfillment of Matthew 24:14 and 28:19-20

In short: Same old doom porn laundry list, guaranteed to have something vaguely "come true" by cherry-picking, while the big ticket items (European army, major wars, etc.) get kicked down the road yet again. Truly groundbreaking stuff from the COG's most prolific dreamer. Can't wait for the 2027 edition where #1 remains eternally safe.