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Unity Through Splintering: Dead Ted’s Timeless Hypocrisy Classic

If you happen to stumble upon the Garner Ted Armstrong Evangelistic Association website, you’ll quickly get the distinct impression that dear old dead Ted is still alive and bellowing from the grave as boldly as ever. The site acts as a digital mausoleum, faithfully preserving most of his sermons, books, and booklets like sacred relics from a bygone era of one-man-show Armstrongism.

One piece in particular stands out like a rotting corpse: The Church and the New World Order. In it, dead Ted trots out the tired, standard Armstrongist argument that is still being pompously leveled at “worldly churches” today — even though this screed was written long before the Great Apostasy and the glorious, never-ending splintering of Armstrongist groups into a clown car of competing mini-splinters.

Today’s various COG factions, from Bwana Bob Thiel to Gerald Flurry and the rest of the self-appointed pack, absolutely adore crowing about how deceived and hopelessly divided the worldly churches are. All while engaging in world-class gaslighting by pretending that today’s Churches of God aren’t splintered into a ridiculous, backbiting mess — with each tiny group fiercely clinging to its own unique, freshly reinterpreted, and conveniently self-serving flavor of Armstrongism.

The hypocrisy is not just astounding — it’s breathtakingly shameless, predictable, and downright comical in its blindness.

Everyone knows about religious differences. From our earliest recollections of our own church experiences, or from our civics and history books in school, we learned that Jews and Christians are different; that the Jewish race, generally speaking, reject Christ as the Messiah, while nominal Christians believe Jesus Christ is the Messiah, the Savior of the world. 

 

We know there are Buddhists, Shintoists, Taoists, Confucianists, Hindus, and adherents of Islam. We know about most of the major denominations; Roman Catholicism, the Anglican Church, the Dutch Reformed Church, the Lutherans, Methodists, Baptists, Episcopalians, Nazarenes, Church of Christ, First Christian Church, Pentecostal churches, and dozens more. It requires a sizeable book or a large section in an almanac just to list them all. 

 

It is plain, from simply informing oneself about how many different churches there are, that they are not all together. They hold different beliefs and customs. Does any one of them believe they are wrong? When thousands of people find their way to their neighborhood church building each week, are they entering a building and participating in a worship service they believe is wrong? No, of course not. 

 

But can all of them be right? 

 

Obviously not, for they are deeply divided, and ne’er the twain shall meet. There is deep-seated division between the Anglican Church and the Roman Catholic Church. Division which caused the shedding of much blood; division which tore nations apart. Very large history books detail how and why the Church of England rejected the primacy of the popes in Rome, and how the Anglican church was formed. There is a vast amount of literature available about the Protestant Reformation; how many millions of members in dozens of denominations refused to submit to the popes in Rome. 

 

Clearly, if any one of these churches is 100 percent right, then all the others are wrong. There simply cannot be different churches, teaching different doctrines, with different customs and practices, who are part of an undivided church.

Oh, the delicious irony. dead Ted (and every one of his spiritual descendants) loved pointing fingers at the divided “world” churches while running what has since become the most fragmented, ego-driven religious dumpster fire in modern Christianity. Each little COG pope in his tiny kingdom insists he alone has restored “the truth once delivered,” yet they can’t even agree on calendars, titles, prophetic timelines, or how to fleece the sheep without getting caught.

The hypocrisy is astounding. These groups mock the Protestants for their divisions while splintering faster than a dropped box of Legos at every perceived slight, doctrinal nuance, or power struggle. Thiel, Flurry, Pack, Brisby, Kitchen, and the rest preach unity in theory while practicing ruthless division in practice — all while demanding absolute loyalty from their dwindling followers.

It would almost be tragic if it weren’t so absurdly funny. They condemn the “deceived” churches for not agreeing on everything, yet their own movement has produced more “one true churches” than you can shake a disintegrating Ambassador College diploma at. The same old arguments that sounded so clever in the 1970s now just expose the rotting foundation of the entire Armstrongist enterprise: a man-made system built on authoritarian control, failed prophecies, and breathtaking self-deception.

If you still can’t see the hypocrisy staring you in the face, perhaps it’s time to stop listening to dead men (and their living imitators) and start reading the New Testament for yourself. The real Jesus offers freedom, not another endless parade of self-appointed “watchmen” fighting over scraps of Herbert’s empire.

The “Demons Did It” News Network Claims Demons Are Present In New Spielberg Movie "Disclosure Day" And How Some Even Wear Short Skirts

Crackpot Bob has a new article up about Steven Spielberg's new movie, Disclosure Day. As usual, he sees demons EVERYWHERE. 
Of course, he does.
Everything unexplained, sensational, or even fictional gets shoehorned into a demonic conspiracy. UAP disclosures? Demons. A Spielberg sci-fi movie? Demons (with shape-shifting animal aliens as a bonus nod to the Garden of Eden serpent). Fatima? Definitely demons in a short skirt. Weeping statues? More demonic proof. It’s the theological version of “if it’s not in my specific prophecy checklist, Satan did it.”
Crackpot Bob’s pattern is relentless: unidentified = demonic. Personal feelings (Spielberg’s childhood wonder) = demonic influence. Government bureaucracy creating a UAP advisory council = part of the setup for the Antichrist. This isn’t careful discernment; it’s confirmation bias on steroids, filtered through the distinctive lens of Armstrongism.The Demon Obsession and Why Demons Seem Like the Real “God” HereIn Crackpot Bob's writings (and this piece is no exception), demons aren’t just fallen angels with limited power. They’re hyper-competent cosmic deceivers who:

• Shape-shift into animals or short-skirted ladies.
• Inspire Hollywood blockbusters.
• Fool popes, governments, scientists, and the masses.
• Orchestrate “lying wonders” on a global scale in preparation for the end times.

This makes them functionally the most active and powerful force in his narrative. God is mostly offstage, waiting for the dramatic Tribulation reveal, while Satan and crew run the show with near-impunity—fooling almost everyone via UFOs, apparitions, movies, and statues. It borders on practical dualism: Satan as the effective “god of this age” (a verse Thiel loves) who is so good at his job that only the tiny “Philadelphia remnant” (i.e., his flavor of Armstrongism) sees through it.
Biblically, this is overstated. Satan is real, a liar, and the accuser. He has influence (Ephesians 2:2). But he is a created being, defeated at the cross, disarmed (Colossians 2:15), and under God’s sovereign permission. He is not co-equal with God, nor does he get to run unchecked deception without limits. Thiel’s version inflates demonic power to make the end-times narrative more urgent and his group more special.
Then, for some insane reason, he jumps to Fatima. His obsession with anti-Catholicism has no boundaries as his ADD kicks in.The Fatima “Short Skirt = Demon” Argument Is Peak Cherry-PickingCrackpot Bob leans hard on early 1917 priest reports where the children allegedly described the Lady’s skirt as falling only to the knees — scandalous by 1917 Portuguese standards. He calls this the “real secret of Fatima” (revealed in documents decades later) and proof it was demonic, not Mary.
This is weak sauce. Eyewitness accounts from traumatized kids (ages 7–10) under intense questioning can vary. Later, more detailed recollections from Lucia standardized on more modest descriptions. The Catholic Church investigated for years, looked at the fruits (message content, reported miracle of the sun witnessed by tens of thousands, conversions), and approved it. Thiel ignores all that context to score a modesty gotcha. It’s like saying an apparition must be fake because the seers’ initial drawings weren’t photorealistic.
Even if one rejects Fatima as a genuine Marian apparition, as many Protestants do, leaping to “therefore demons pretending to be space ladies” is still a massive assumption. Unexplained supernatural claims require testing by fruit and doctrine—not the fashion police from a century later who live in Arroyo Grande.Why New Covenant Christians Should Not Fear Any of ThisHere’s the core difference. Armstrongism leans heavily Old Covenant — law-keeping, holy days, tithing as binding, remnant theology, heavy emphasis on external signs and “proving” everything. The New Covenant (Jeremiah 31, Ezekiel 36, Hebrews 8–10) is fundamentally different: God writes His law on hearts, pours out His Spirit, and gives believers direct relationship and authority through Christ.
New Covenant believers have zero reason to live in fear of demons, UAPs, shape-shifting aliens, weeping statues, or Spielberg movies:

• You have authority. Jesus said believers would cast out demons in His name (Mark 16:17). He gave disciples power over “all the power of the enemy” (Luke 10:19). James 4:7 is simple: “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Not “analyze every headline for demonic fingerprints and panic.”
• Greater is He who is in you (1 John 4:4). The indwelling Holy Spirit is not intimidated by interdimensional tricksters, plasma orbs, or Hollywood fiction.
• Test the spirits properly (1 John 4:1-3). The test is straightforward: Does it confess Jesus Christ has come in the flesh? Does it align with the gospel? Not “Does it wear a sufficiently long skirt?” or “Is it flying in a way that violates current aerodynamics?”
• Fear is not from God. “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7). Obsessing over every UAP release or movie as Satanic preparation breeds anxiety, not sound-minded faith.
• Walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). Christians aren’t supposed to need constant “proof” via signs and wonders — or constant warnings about them. The strong delusion of 2 Thessalonians 2 comes on those who “did not receive the love of the truth.” Grounded believers in Christ are not the target demographic for that.

UAPs/UFOs? Most have mundane explanations (balloons, drones, birds, lens flares, classified aircraft, sensor glitches). Some remain genuinely unexplained — which means “we don’t know yet,” not “therefore demons from the spirit realm.” Extraordinary claims (interstellar visitors or shape-shifting demons) require extraordinary evidence. Science is still the best tool for the physical sky. The Bible doesn’t require us to interpret every unidentified light as spiritual warfare.
The Spielberg movie Disclosure Day is fiction. It’s entertainment exploring themes of disclosure and wonder — the same themes that made E.T. and Close Encounters popular. Linking a director’s childhood feelings to demonic deception is the kind of overreach that makes serious people tune out.Bottom LineCrackpot Bob's article isn’t careful biblical analysis. It’s a recycled conspiracy template: world events + his prophecy grid = demons everywhere, only my group sees it. It sells fear and special knowledge while downplaying the finished work of Christ and the empowering presence of the Holy Spirit.
New Covenant Christianity offers something far better: freedom from paranoia, authority over darkness through Jesus, and the ability to engage the world with curiosity, discernment, and peace rather than constant demon-hunting. Unexplained lights in the sky don’t threaten your faith. Neither do movies. Neither do old apparitions with debatable fashion choices.
Test everything. Stay grounded in Scripture and the Spirit. And maybe ease up on the “everything is demons” setting — it makes the actual spiritual battle harder to see clearly.
Go watch the movie this weekend and have fun. This isn't a lake of fire issue that will keep you out of Petra. No demons will be sitting next to you in the theatre ready to steal your soul. You survived E.T. the Extraterrestrial and Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and you will survive this movie.