Dennis Leap "Blanket" and "Come Here" Training Is Required For Children of Church Members

Dennis Leap, the often mocked best boy to Gerald Flurry, is pulling a GTA at the moment concerning proper PCG children rearing.

The world is filled with nasty rebellious kids.  It is important that you PCGers train your kids up to be obedient robots in church.  Force your kids to lay on blankets at home so they can get used to laying on cold floors at church as they pick the gum of the bottom of chairs and eat it.

Teaching a child to sit or play quietly on a blanket during services has been a tradition in God’s Church for decades. This training not only stops noisy interruptions during services, it is also the foundational plank for building self-discipline in children.

Today, some in God’s Church do not blanket train, which makes the teaching of self-discipline more difficult as children mature.

Blanket training is really simple. You should start blanket training as early as when your child can sit up by himself, but definitely by the time he can crawl. (This assumes that you have already been teaching your child not to make noise during services.)

Notice the next part.  If your child does not stay on the blanket you must discipline your child. In other words, according to McFlurryism, beat the crap out of it till it can cry no more.  After two or three of these spanking sessions you child will learn to submit to your authority.

When your child attempts to move off the blanket or make noise—tell them no once. Move the child back onto the blanket, or give them a hand-signal (forefinger against the lips) to be quiet. When your child moves off the blanket or makes noise a second time—you must discipline them. Continue the process until your child accepts the fact that he must remain on the blanket and be quiet. This is self-control in action.

But what if the kids is just as bored with the dumbass sermon as the parent is?

Self-control is not even a part of this scenarios.  Being beat into submission is all that is being discussed here.  Being submissive is the only thing PCG members can do.

You must teach your children "Come Here!" Training.  Without this they will not be submissive to God,  i.e. me and Gerald.

Start teaching your child to come to you when he is walking securely on his own and you know that he understands you. If you have done blanket training—you’ll know that your child understands you.
My wife and I generally waited until our children were about 18 months before we began “come here” training. We set aside an evening to do this. We called them “Come Here Nights.” I’ll be honest—this is a tough one.

Once children are up and running on their own—they do not appreciate being interrupted from what they are doing. To command them to come to you requires them to give up what they want to do and do what you want them to do. Children want to be their own authority. To submit to your authority requires self-discipline.

This is another vital lesson that must be learned at an early age. Your children will find it difficult to submit to God’s authority if they do not learn to submit to yours. Their physical and spiritual safety depends on obedience to direct commands.

 When you beat your child make sure you train it well enough that it doesn't get mad at you.

Your child should be taught not to respond to correction with anger or a bad attitude. Both of these responses are wrong and require additional discipline and teaching. Correction is a fact of life and, for the people of God, a way of life! Children must learn to follow rules, directions and instructions that are not their preference. They must have self-control to accept correction and direction from you and other authority figures that are sure to come into their lives.

Continue to beat your child until it smiles back at you in a good attitude.

When you discipline your child, make sure he responds with a good attitude and right behavior. Make it your goal to not finish a correction session unless your child demonstrates a good attitude and right behavior. This requires love, patience, strong teaching and time—a lot of time—on your part. It will be worth all your effort. As Paul says, there will be great rewards when you meet this goal. Your child will be more happy and on the road to real success. Remember, positive response to correction will help your child forever.

Dennis concludes:

Parents—go for it!

That's right.  It's the Sabbath today, beat your child into submission so they can enjoy the Sabbath day as a foretaste of God's millennium where you will rule with rods of iron.

Dave Pack Warns: I Will Be Getting Serious Next Week!

After promising for weeks on end that he would deliver a startling announcement today about the future of the Churches of God, Dave spent the entire post hyperventilating and bloviating about how fantastic his church is and how important it is to impress the world..

Keep reading every Friday announcement! There will not be many more. I repeat: Next week, they will grow more serious.

Dave Pack: My Income is SOARING But the Upcoming Fall Announcement Will BOGGLE Your Mind!

Take that pansy Rod Meredith!  Take that you drunkard Gerald Flurry!  I AM THE MAN!  Look on me in awe and amazement.  There is no one else like me io the entire earth.  God is on MY side and NOT yours.  My church is the most superfantabulous Church of God to ever grace this earth.  Humanity stands in awe of me.  The world kneels at my feet.  I AM the DUDE!

Finally, brethren, God is showing His blessings as our income continues to SOAR, helping to expand preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God to a world in desperate need of this good news. Surely just the elements of this announcement demonstrate where God is at work to those who have ears to hear and eyes to see. After a strong year of financial growth in 2012, income for God’s Work has continued to increase. With June not yet over, the first half of 2013 is already 28.9% over the first half of 2012. The 2013 second quarter performance is conservatively now forecast to exceed the year’s first quarter by 22%! Announcements that this Church will make beginning in the fall will BOGGLE YOUR MIND!

Dave Pack Drags Dale Schurter Out of the Reeducation Camp to Introduce the Most IMPORTANT Agricultural Program On Earth

Meet Dave and Dale

 God's Two Most Important Men Ever To Walk This Earth

Dave has finally found a use for Dale Schurter.  After languishing for over a year in the reeducation camps of RCG, Dale has been given new life.  Dave likes to claim Dale is the worlds foremost authority on agriculture. No one is more intelligent or knows more than Dale when it comes to agriculture.

Since Dave has the worlds most superfantabulous church, why shouldn't he also have the worlds most superfantabulous agricultural program!

The nations of the world will soon be flocking to Wadsworth to stand in awe of Dave and Dale and a corn patch on the back acreage of the property.  Who wants to bet Davey will build a "Digester" on this property?  Herb had one in Big Sandy so Davey needs one in Wadsworth.

I am also pleased to introduce our coming agriculture program, which will be one of the most important food production programs anywhere on Earth. Many brethren remember the extensive and vibrant Agriculture Education, Research, Production, outreach and extension programs that were a division of Ambassador College and took place on two of its campuses (Big Sandy, Texas and Bricketwood, England). These cutting-edge biblically based programs were started in the WCG under Mr. Dale Schurter. This program has been reinstituted as the Agriculture Education and Research Institute (AERI) of Ambassador Center. It will soon be a model for all nations, demonstrating the crucial basics about quality food production that has been lost by great numbers today. We hope—and expect—to very soon announce the purchase of some nearby farmland.
I asked Mr. Schurter to include a brief description of the program’s mission, motto and objective, which will remain the same as in the past. Here is his summary:

• “To restore true values in agriculture, health and man’s awesome potential, according to the laws and principles in God’s Word. To observe and obey all of God’s commandments and statutes as they relate to these three areas. To demonstrate and teach that His Way works and is always the best way!
• “Restoring and sharing true values in these disciplines as a way of life that promotes and restores life.
• “Our objective is to demonstrate and teach that God’s Way works—for the soil, plants, animals, every individual, family, group or nation.
• “The self-help programs we develop and share are designed to teach those in need ‘how to fish’ in helping meet their needs, as well as giving them a fish or two for ‘seed.’ Experience shows this approach has synergism in providing motivation to be better people individually, and to share what they learn with others.
• “Our procedure is to identify genuine needs, their cause, and establish appropriate tasks and programs designed to correct the causes and meet the needs, thus honoring our Creator through promoting and sharing the way of the kingdom of God by demonstration and education—offering others the way and opportunity to do the same, both physically and spiritually.