Exposing the underbelly of Armstrongism in all of its wacky glory! Nothing you read here is made up. What you read here is the up to date face of Herbert W Armstrong's legacy. It's the gritty and dirty behind the scenes look at Armstrongism as you have never seen it before!
With all the new crazy self-appointed Chief Overseers, Apostles, Prophets, Pharisees, legalists, and outright liars leading various Churches of God today, it is important to hold these agents of deception accountable.
Herbert Armstrong's Tangled Web of Corrupt Leaders
"Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy Difficult Mistaken Members Being Taken"
Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy Example Usage
“I can take care of that for you, easy peasy lemon squeezy.”
“Sure, that’s no problem, easy peasy lemon squeezy.”
“Are you ready for this? It’s easy peasy lemon squeezy.”
“That job was easy peasy lemon squeezy.”
“I aced that test; it was easy peasy lemon squeezy.”
Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy Origin
Easy peasy was the first iteration of the phrase. The British film “The long voyage home,” released in the 1940s,used to advise a character to handle a suspicious box with care.The phrase caught on in modern society, and people across the UK and even the US started using the phrase.
However, easy peasy would undergo a significant change
Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy Example Usage
“I can take care of that for you, easy peasy lemon squeezy.”
"The Math is still correct!"
“Sure, that’s no problem, easy peasy lemon squeezy.”
"Everything is FINE!"
“Are you ready for this? It’s easy peasy lemon squeezy.”
"You can't argue with it!"
“That job was easy peasy lemon squeezy.”
"Well, here we are again!"
“I aced that test; it was easy peasy lemon squeezy.”
"I've studied prophecy, I know this like no man who has ever lived!"
Phrases Similar to Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy
Easy as pie.
Easy as cake.
No problem.
Not an issue.
Phrases Opposite to Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy
That’s a lot to ask.
I don’t think I can handle that.
Not a chance.
Ways People May Say Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy Incorrectly
Some people may use the phrase in professional situations where it makes them appear as if they don’t take a serious approach to a request. Using the phrase if your boss asks you to complete a task at your corporate job might (Or in front of your Church congregation assuring them you know when your Christ is returning) not be the best use of the phrase.
Acceptable Ways to Phrase Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy
“Easy peasy lemon squeezy” suits use in conversations with family and friends.You could say it to your boss, (or in 400 sermons about the return of your Christ tonight, Tuesday or very shortly), but it might appear unprofessional.The phrase also suits use in lighthearted situations where someone is asking you for a small favor.
Totally appropriate if one knows not to take Apostle David C Pack too seriously or seriously at all because he actually has studied prophecy like no man has ever lived and come to erroneous conclusions every time and always will until the day he dies.
The only thing "easy peasy" this man who knows prophecy like no other man got right prophetically was, of course....
"I want to make a statement about...me...now, if I became deceived, I will never tell you what I'm going to tell you now...
I am telling you if I go off into strange ideas, misconduct, rebellion, you name it, don't follow me. I want to tell you that now, because if I start doing that I'm gonna try to get you to follow me!
I'm gonna come to you and tell you it doesn't apply, it doesn't mean me, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's OK to follow me because ABCD and XY and Z. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Listen to me now, when I tell you don't follow me if I go off into weird ideas, or if I get off into other things that are total absolutely unscriptural conduct, because if I do I'm gonna paint it with a different face and try to get you to follow me. Do you understand what I'm saying brethren?
Please remember that, because I promise you that if I become deceived, I'll forget it, and I'll want you to forget it...
And I hope you'll remember it well enough to quote it right back to me...But I'll tell you what, I'm not going anywhere."
A former member of the Headquarters congregation of The Restored Church of God wrote this in the Ex-RCG Facebook Group. It is being posted publicly with permission.
The Last Great Day has ended, and once again, the brethren of RCG are now returning to their homes after being told for the 3rd year in a row they would not be returning home from the FOT.
I woke up this morning with a pain in my heart, knowing many are going to feel sad and confused by everything, yet they will be unwilling to leave because there is "nowhere else to go.”
There is a place to go. In fact, there are many places one could go and worship, even if that place is your own home for a while.
But some will be stubborn and hold on, thinking DP will eventually be inspired to "get it right.” I personally used to think this way, and I've also heard other members voice those words.
The problem is he will never get it right because if he did, the scriptures would be broken. God cannot speak through a man who has so clearly deviated from sound doctrines and changes teachings every week. A man who has become completely self-willed in trying to discover when Christ will return. He is a man so filled with pride that he cannot take a step back and apologize for all of the confusion he's caused in RCG. Instead, he will point the fingers at others or at God, and the cycle of failed predictions will continue in the coming months and intensify once again when the spring holy days arrive.
At what point will people say, "enough is enough?"
I have so many dear friends still in RCG who are the stubborn types that probably will never leave, and it makes my heart hurt to know that they are STILL clinging to the false teachings of a man and not proving for themselves whether DP is a man of God or not. It leads me to believe I've forever lost these friends to a raging false prophet and that they will start becoming even more imbalanced in their thinking as the teachings become more strange. And because of the environment becoming more harsh and unmerciful, especially with their new rules implemented at the FOT this year, some of the members are going to become more hostile and cold towards those who have left RCG due to the failed prophecies. Talk about "love waxing cold.”
It's beyond frustrating, and I feel powerless watching this happen and not being able to do anything to help the people I care about. I can only stand by and wait for God to intervene and put an end to the confusion.
Sorry for the long post. I just felt the need to get that off of my chest because it has been making me feel extremely depressed. I've been doing my best to hold on to the hope that this out-of-control prophetic train will soon be stopped and people will wake up.
Where would the Church of God be without Bwana Beto Bob Thiel in its midst? Never have we seen such an important man self-appointed man leading the Church of God as we see in him. Preordained by God to arise in the last days to be a thorn in the side of the Catholic Church and the Churches of God, the Great Bwana has continued to name his story the focus of his church. No human COG leader in the entire history of Christianity is as awesome as our very own Bob Thiel. He is so great that he had to post a post about himself, not that that is anything new.
One night during his so-called Feast in Brandson, MO he decided to do something so extraordinary we should all be standing in awe. He let a tiny tiny group of his followers write down questions and he answered them! ASTOUNDING! REVOLUTIONARY!
Check out his self-congratulatory post is here:
CCOG Q&A Live! In this sermon, Dr. Thiel, without prior preparation, answers questions just received from the audience at the Feast of Tabernacles in Branson, Missouri. He answers every question asked, except one that he could not read the writing and one which asked about a word he had not heard of. The questions answered included those about tattoos, Jereboam and Donald Trump, various groups of sinners, ‘generational sin,’ the ark of the covenant, relatives possibly going to the place of safety, Satan and descendants of Israel, physical preparations, ‘big foot’ & aliens, differences between the beasts, false prophet, & man of sin, the third resurrection, and more.
David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God took to the stage at the end of Services on Saturday, October 15, in Rogers, Arkansas, to declare a new last “last opportunity for 2022” during The Greatest Unending Story! (Part 399).
The First Kingdom of God accordion compressed from 10 days to 7 days again because 10 days did not fit due to that jerkface Physical Reality settling in. Cheshvan 1 is a super big deal, as previously noted.
Doing mental Twister with the Hebrew calendar, Jerusalem sunset times, and a protractor gets you to a sweet 11:03 AM eastern on Tuesday, October 18. (That is Tishrei 24 to the biblical scholars out there.)
As they travel home on Tuesday, members of The Restored Church of Another god will have a “not the last opportunity for 2022” to consider another failed date. More will come. And they know it.
@ 00:26 I wanted to at the last minute give a short message. All is well.I like to start with that.
Somebody, please ask him what that means. All is well? In what way? What is well? Certainly not Jesus Christ returning on the second day of the Feast. Certainly not Jesus Christ returning on Friday. Certainly not Jesus Christ returning on Saturday. So, precisely what is "well," Dave?
He said this five days ago.
@ 00:55 So, we’ll ask the question, “What If?” Sometimes God works in that particular way.
What if David C. Pack was a true apostle of God?
What if David C. Pack was really Elijah?
What if God was using David C. Pack to teach His truths to the people of RCG?
What if David C. Pack actually spoke on God’s authority?
The answer to these What-Ifs: Jesus Christ would have returned on Elul 24 in 2013.
What if David C. Pack did not claim biblical titles for himself?
What if David C. Pack was a man of his word?
What if David C. Pack got more sleep?
What if David C. Pack had learned from his mistakes?
“The Greatest Story Never Told!” would have ended before Part 8 in 2015. That series would have been scrubbed from the Sermon Library in Member Services and never spoken of again. It would have been the “dark times” of RCG, but by God's mercy, the ship turned around, and The Work was being done again.
What if the brethren of The Restored Church of God held their Pastor General accountable?
What if David C. Pack was surrounded by ministers of courage and faith?
Brethren would stand up during the middle of his message and walk out. He would be encompassed by people with Bibles in hand questioning his latest teaching. The Board of Directors would have voted him out of the corporation. David C. Pack would have been ejected from the ministry, marked, and disfellowshipped.
What if that happened?
He would be on the Venice Beach boardwalk wearing a straw hat, tank top, and shorts holding a handwritten sign shouting, “The end is nigh!”
The David C. Pack of our reality is just as accurate as the guy holding cardboard.
@ 02:06 I’ve had reason to wrestle with and think about, Do we have the exact correct date or length, rather, of the Kingdom?...Ten days or one week? There was a case for both before the Day of the Lord. We could never pin which.”
Remember when we counted 50 days to the “wrong” Holy Day? Then it was 40 days with a retroactive 45 nestled in there. Then it was 30 days. 10 days. 9 days. 8 days. 7 days. 6 days. 3.5-ish days. 3 days. Dave must really care about global warming because he recycles a ton.
@ 06:58 Now, remember nobody has ever understood God’s plan. They never have.
Take that, Herbert W. Armstrong! You prophecy neophyte. You biblical nincompoop with a fifty-year ministry. So says your self-appointed successor.
@ 08:14 Seven days would now precede Cheshvan 1 instead of Tishrei 1 and Trumpets.
@ 09:21 There were eight [days] more remaining. You needed seven of those before the new moon of Cheshvan, so we’d all take a day off, meaning almost certainly, no one in the world will even get home from the Feast if we followed the pattern that Israel kept 3500 times.
This should sound irritatingly familiar.
Part 269 – October 3, 2020
@ 1:25:18 And I’ma tell ya all, you’re not going back to your home. You saw it for the last time.There’ll be some who can’t handle that.”
I was in the room when he uttered this. In an alternate reality after Services, I asked him for his house keys and alarm code since he would not need them anymore. If I could turn back time...
@ 09:51 But there was that ten days of tribulation, and I finally had to accept when I went digging off into history myself that almost certainly that was historic.
Since David C. Pack is his own worst critic, we can put these two in a small box to see which one crawls out.
Part 396 – October 1, 2022
@ 1:43:57 And if it doesn’t happen, there’s not a chance, none, zero, and I’ve got more evidence, there’s not any chance it’s this year.Unless you want to doctor the ten days and take authority to either dismiss it or make it historical or whatever. Or change the Last Great Day. I'm telling you, it’s locked.
Seeing and hearing the words is more impactful than just reading them. The arrogant confidence is most appealing.
Based on that short clip, Dave reversed the nature of zero. He did find more evidence it is this year. He doctored the ten days. He took the authority to make it "historical or whatever." The Last Great Dave is no longer the focal point. It is not locked.
Wow. By his own admission, every single word of that statement is false. And this is the guy God is using to guide His church? Hard Pass on that one.
Part 399 – October 15, 2022
@ 13:52 In the end, ten days of tribulation, I just had to come to grips with it. Ten days of tribulation cannot be the Kingdom of God.
@ 14:39 So, the longer we’ve waited, the more patience we needed. So, now you just have to shave off three days.
Oh, is that all? That works the first time, but not the 30th just this year.
The people trapped inside The Restored Church of Another god will be shaving more. Before they get home, “more clarity” will shave off yet more time. Cheshvan 1 will come and go, with more time being shaved off. For the rest of 2022 and into the horizon, David C. Pack will continue shaving off more days.
Consider ordering Barbasol in bulk.
The cycle has been in motion since 2013 with no signs of slowing down. The biblical fraud must continue to keep the Common money flowing. That new tree is not going to plant itself.
@ 14:56 I did not expect to speak again. But lemme tell ya, something did bother me. Something else bothered me. I’m trying to take you into a kind of heart-to-heart here with the battle to get this right.
Everyone expected it, Dave. The antichrist besieging you who is more wicked almost than the devil expected it. What does it tell you when you are the only guy in the room who does not know what you will do?
The “battle to get this right” has already been lost. Nobody has to wait three days to find out. (Yes, a new countdown is on the website.) God’s Spirit moves a true apostle to speak the truth without a battle. I can easily imagine you telling everyone in Part 400 or in a Pathetic Update that you left the stage feeling uncomfortable because there was something WE missed.
You missed the detail that God is not guiding you, and you do not have His authority. Just a tiny point.
@ 16:41 So, I’ve looked at the idea of already rushes to call it out. He rushes in Habakkuk. Then he makes it plain. Really plain.
The teachings of David C. Pack are far from plain. More like the polar opposite. And he still does not understand the passage in Habakkuk correctly. I explained it to him in the past. The Enabler-in-Chief should add that to the summary of my articles that he reports to Dave.
The Bible is written so that prophecy happens as God said it would. It is not the commission of any human being on the face of the earth to MAKE it happen. If God wants David C. Pack to fulfill prophecy, God will orchestrate it by His power, not David C. Pack. The vessel flows according to God's will, and the scriptures shall not be broken.
David C. Pack thinks he must work, strain, and battle to fulfill prophecy. That is what men do. That is what a lunatic who sees himself all throughout the Bible fights to do on his own steam. A lunatic reads a Bible passage and tries to manufacture the fulfillment with enabler hirelings supporting him.
Men of self-importance seize the opportunity to make the Bible legitimize them. Men of no importance seize the opportunity to make themselves legitimize the Bible.
A true prophet of God opens his mouth, and God fills that mouth with words so that not one falls to the ground.
A false prophet speaks his own great swelling words that all fall to the ground and returns to him void.
A true prophet of God opens his mouth, and 100% occurs with 100% accuracy 100% of the time.
A false prophet opens his mouth, and 0% occurs with 0% accuracy 100% of the time.
How do your stats look, Dave?
@ 17:07 I had no intention of speaking this morning. But I could not live with the fact that there’re too many things that didn’t match ten days and too many things regarding seven days that did match. And still do, and we cannot shake.
What he cannot live with is stewing in the juices of his own failure knowing everyone at every Feast site knows he failed again. That includes the zealots people have learned to keep their real thoughts from. Even the zealots know Dave failed again. So, he HAD to push the date again. No surprise there.
It is a sad state that he can live with the fact that he is a false apostle and a false prophet. He can live with the fact that he is biblical fraud. A prophetic charlatan. A Professional Blasphemer with zero credibility. He can live with all that.
But the people of RCG do not have to. The exodus after the Feast will hopefully have enough numbers to send a Panic Alert across the globe. Maybe that will wake up those who continue to slumber and sleep.
The way Dave ended the message is worth noting for all those who cling to church tradition.
@ 20:25 No more song. No closing prayer.I wanted to keep it short, so the French and the Spanish, and the people in other languages could hear this before the Feast is over.
Says the man who skips commanded assemblies. Says the man who sets a date for the return of Jesus Christ only to walk it back or push it off. His rushing is so important that he decided the entire Feast site should forego praying to God and asking for His blessing upon the evening.
