Is the Living Church of God Right About a War Against Normal?
A friend recently brought to my attention an article which appeared in the January issue of LCG’s Tomorrow’s World. The War Against Normal by Wallace G. Smith asked “Is there any hope of a normal life in a society in which all ideas of ‘normal’ are under sustained and persistent attack by those seeking to make perversion the new reality?” Apparently, Smith and LCG believe that traditional moral values are under attack by the advocates of “Queer Theory.” Of course, in order for their narrative to work on any level (even to an ACOG audience), a great deal of what it means to be “normal” is ignored.
Smith begins with a vague assertion that it wasn’t that long ago that everybody clearly understood what constituted “normal” notions about marriage, gender roles, and sexuality. You may have already noticed that this nostalgia for a time of uniformity is a common theme for more conservative/traditional Christian communities. For these folks, the reality that society was NEVER uniform (or moral) is alien to them. The notion that minorities were actively shamed and oppressed in times past is either rejected by them, or they simply dismiss it as the way things should have been – the good folks keeping the bad folks under control or at bay! In other words, it was much more pleasant when homosexuals and transgender folks were in the closet where they belonged!
For Smith and his associates, the attempts of these minority communities to find their own voice and assert their rights to equal and fair treatment within society constitutes a direct attack on their values. He wrote that “we are living in the final stages of a long-running war against normality. Social engineers have mounted an aggressive campaign over multiple decades, seeking to eradicate any idea that some things should be seen as normal and some as abnormal.” Moreover, in Smith’s opinion, his side is clearly losing in the “war against normal.”
However, the problems with this narrative will be immediately apparent to anyone with an ounce of objectivity and fairmindedness. What is “normal” or “natural” for the average heterosexual is abnormal and unnatural for the average homosexual person! In other words, whose “normal” is really under attack here? Who is really trying to impose their normal on others? Moreover, if the traditional “normal” heterosexual narrative about sexuality, marriage, and gender is so great, why does that community have so many problems/aberrations extant within their own ranks? Why were women denied full legal rights and citizenship until well into the Twentieth Century? If everything is so hunky dory within the heterosexual community, why are things like abortion, domestic violence, depression, substance abuse, child abuse, and divorce so prevalent? Are there specific occupations or roles that should be exclusively the purview of men or women? If so, where is the agreement regarding that to be found within the heterosexual community? Is gay marriage a greater threat to the institution of marriage than heterosexual divorce and remarriage? Really?
As has already been noted, Mr. Smith sees this “war against normal” as a natural outgrowth of what he refers to as advocacy for “Queer Theory.” He wrote: “Like other critical theories, Queer Theory seeks to ‘deconstruct’ common ways of thinking, to challenge widely held norms, and to recast elements of societal structure into a paradigm of power: some cast as the ‘oppressed’ and others as the ‘oppressor.’” The very act of calling attention to the fact that your community has been oppressed or mistreated is cast by Smith as illegitimate and an attack on the very people who have been perpetuating those circumstances! In other words, how dare you bring attention to the fact that you’ve been oppressed or mistreated! In this way, instead of demanding that society treat a gay relationship in the same way that it treats a heterosexual one, the demand becomes an attack on the heterosexual one! Instead of demanding that society acknowledge that some folks are conflicted about gender and may need help in fully recognizing their gender identity, the demand becomes an attack on the notion of binary genders!
In what is arguably his most egregious use of fallacy, Mr. Smith unashamedly taps into the good old slippery slope argument. He wrote: “Among the final boundaries to remain—defining one of the final lands yet to be conquered by the war against normal—is the age boundary. Many people still consider childhood a time for protection from the incursions of modern sexual ‘liberty,’ yet our self-appointed social and academic superiors deem that this boundary, too, must fall. And disturbing signs indicate that it is, indeed, falling.” In other words, if you give into those queer and transgender folks, the kids are going to be next! Societal acceptance of pedophilia is right around the corner!
This, of course, whether deliberate or subconscious, taps into the old stereotype that all or most gay folks are also pedophiles. These wicked folks are just trying to groom your children for sexual relations with them! They can’t wait to exploit your children! They are “grooming” your children for their “perverted” uses/behaviors! Never mind, that things like pedophilia and bestiality are almost universally regarded within the gay community as perverse – as violating the fundamental principles of love and consent! And heaven forbid that gay people would like to see the next generation to be more tolerant and accepting of folks who are different from them! Green eyes aren’t “normal” either – does that mean we should label folks with green eyes as “abnormal” and exclude them from our fellowship or mistreat them?
Mr. Smith went on to assert that “The societal chaos created by the normalization of perversity and the perversion of normality does not reflect the mind of Almighty God, the Creator of human life, who established the institution of marriage as the foundation of family.” He pointed out that God “deals with chaos by creating boundaries.” Smith also noted that God had pronounced everything he had created to be “very good.” In Smith’s narrative, however, that apparently doesn’t include homosexuals and transgender folks. Despite a plethora of same sex behaviors in the natural world and an enormous lack of uniformity within the ranks of ALL living things, these occurrences are apparently somehow abnormal and unnatural – NOT good!
At least, Mr. Smith has the good sense to acknowledge that the traditional notions of “normal” are NOT consistent with what is predicted for God’s Kingdom! He wrote: “The Kingdom that Jesus will establish will not look like 1950s America, nor the Judea of Jesus’ day. Nostalgia for a better past is no substitute for the fullness of transformation called for in His Gospel, and the life to which Christians are called transcends what was ever lived in ages throughout history.” Finally, there is something in the article that I can give a hearty “Amen!” Mr. Smith and his associates within LCG may not understand homosexuals and transgender folks, but God does. Moreover, God’s Kingdom will wipe away all oppression, suffering, and confusion (including Mr. Smith’s).
In the meantime, I think that it would be both wise and Christian to NOT be so judgmental (Matthew 7:1, Luke 6:37, John 7:24). Moreover, I would also like to suggest that it is an extremely desirable goal to encourage love and fidelity in both the heterosexual and homosexual communities. We need to ask ourselves: Why would a Christian wish to encourage or sustain promiscuous behavior within any community? Why would a Christian demand that someone go against their own nature or force them to remain alone in this life – without the companionship and support of a special someone? Why would anyone want to promote mental illness and perversity by ignoring and/or suppressing the things which make them human? I submit that these are questions which deserve consideration and answers! What do you think?
Lonnie Hendrix/Miller Jones
Is Smith righteously angry about society's increasing acceptance of obesity as normal? Or is he OK with that particular drift away from centuries of normal?
this article is further proof that one gains a reprobate mind once one leaves the truth.
How ironic! When I left the cult I was sick of being a pariah, and disgusted that I had spent so many years spouting the prefab opinions in the Plain Truth as my own. My primary, immediate goal was to recapture the normalcy I had lost when my parents had joined Armstrongism. I worked hard at becoming normal, and succeeded.
To hear anyone from an ACOG mourn the loss of normalcy, as if they themselves were normal, is oxy-moronic, in fact it defines the word!
God has presently allowed "queers" their hour in the sun, and they have been behaving like savages. They have been shoving their "religion" down elementary school childrens throats, and have been waging an inquisition against those with traditional values. There's no live and let live with these people. They have disgraced and dishonored their kind, past and present.
Oh, its just the usual pedestaled handwringing they resort to when they don't have anything else to write about. Yesterday it was Islam, today it's LGBTQ people. Tomorrow it will be something else.
Southern trees bear strange fruit
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root
Black bodies swinging in the Southern breeze
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees
Pastoral scene of the gallant South
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth
Scent of Magnolias, sweet and fresh
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh
Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck
For the sun to rot, for the tree to drop
Here is a strange and bitter cry
Anonymous Tuesday, March 14, 2023 at 7:05:00 PM PDT,
Jesus Christ is THE TRUTH. He is the road I'm on. He gives me access to the Father and has given me the Holy Spirit to help and comfort me along the way. I have never left - and don't anticipate EVER leaving - that TRUTH. What "truth" are you talking about?
A meme for all: Always be en garde if someone who represents a highly atypical religion starts talking about what is "normal."
I scanned the original article and have a couple of observations.
1) This Splinter group stems from Armstrongism. At one time, Armstrongism maintained that Blacks were descended from Canaan - particularly the West African Blacks who were brought to America as slaves. To many of the people sitting in Sabbath services, this meant that the enslavement of Blacks was not really that bad - after all Canaan's descendants were prophesied to be slaves in Genesis and maybe The Confederacy had it right. We know from history and now genetics that this belief is facetious. If the writer wants to crusade against sociological aberration, in this case caused by far-fetched, pseudo-religious doctrine, why not write an article about this issue? To my knowledge the little scattered Armstrongist denominations have never renounced these ideas.
2) Christianity demands that we treat others with dignity even though we may be against what they do and say. God hates sin and loves the sinner. Articles like this can incite people with an un-nuanced understanding of the issues to regrettable and reprehensible acts. Think about the sudden upsurge of anti-Semitism in the division charged atmosphere of recent politics. To move this article out of the purposely inflammatory column into the serious commentary column, it should be clearly and overtly stated in the text that the writer's intent is not to stir up gratuitous animosity towards a collection of human beings who are created in God's image. Otherwise, the naive and unreflective will regard the statement as their marching orders.
I presume Lonnie was gay or bisexual before leaving the COGs.
Nevertheless, Lonnie, you are wrong here. Homosexuality and transgenderism are deviant among a population. The very term deviant in this context is drawn from Gaussian distributions where portions of the population are 1, 2, 3, or more standard deviations from the norm. Homosexuality is at least 2 standard deviations from the norm in that 95% of the population is not homosexual. Transgenderism is around 3 standard deviations from the norm in that 99.7% of the population are not transgender. You can argue the numbers, but homosexuality and transgenderism deviates from the norm. So, they are not normal.
It is clear from the Bible that homosexual behavior and transgenderism is wrong. From being called an abomination to Paul simply saying that "from the very nature of things, it is a shame for a man to have long hair (like a woman's)." It takes ridiculous machinations to try to prove otherwise.
It's not acceptable to set up perfection as the measure determining whether a teaching considered normal is viable. Of course heterosexual people are imperfect, but outside of abortion, the failings you cite are higher among homosexual groups. Suicide is higher, serious disease is higher, drug use is higher, concomitantly life expectancy is lower.
And, it is not a practice that maintains a population. If human life is of value a practice that would eventually bring about the extinction of human life is deviant to maintaining a population. Even evolutionists recognize that.
Many have found meaning in life without having sexual relations. One saved mankind while doing so. I have assuredly heterosexual friends that would like to get married and have never been married that remain celibate and generous and fulfilled as humans. Not the ideal, but many do while maintaining a strong belief in heterosexual marriage and behavior.
I like you Lonnie and appreciate most of your posts, but I cannot agree with you on this. I am directing my arguments only toward your arguments trying to place homosexuality and transgenderism as something that should be treated as the norm. I am not directing them at you.
Herbert W. Armstrong finally, openly disfellowshiped his own son Garner Ted Armstrong from the Worldwide Church of God in the late 1970s over GTA's ongoing bad behavior. GTA then started his own little rebel cult called the CGI. When GTA ended up out of the CGI too over his ongoing bad behavior, GTA started another, even smaller, rebel cult called the ICG. GTA's little rebel cults never amounted to anything but a bunch of noise to waste people's time.
All those who left the Worldwide Church of God to go with Garner Ted Armstrong and his little rebel cults were considered to have left the one true Worldwide Church of God and to be in rebellion against it and against God.
In his June 8, 1979 letter to Brethren and Co-Workers, Herbert W Armstrong wrote, “I dislike more than I can tell you to have to write things like this. But my son prompted and engineered this massive assault on God's Work through the California Attorney General's office, though he managed craftily to keep his name out and let other stooges take the blame.”
March 15th, you quoted HWA. He's not a reliable source for the truth.
I don't believe the often stated claim that all who left the Worldwide Church, did so out of rebellion to God, or because they had spiritually fallen away. Having attended services for a long time, I've observed the phenomenon of members ganging on individuals, just like in a toxic family system. Eventually people become fed up with being taken advantage of and being used as a door matt. So they join a splinter as a solution.
Btw, when members complain to their minister about mistreatment, the typical comeback is to protect the abuser, since they fear losing a tithe payer. So this business model comes first, and members spiritual health takes a back seat. I believe God hates this approach.
Anonymous Wednesday, March 15, 2023 at 7:38:00 AM PDT,
First, thank you for politely disagreeing with my conclusions and providing a rationale for your objections. However, I must respectfully point out that your argument underscores the danger in identifying statistical standard deviations or minority populations as abnormal. Yes, you are certainly correct to point out that the majority of the human population identifies as heterosexual, and that transgender folks represent an even smaller sliver of the whole. A majority of humanity is also right-handed and has brown eyes. Logically, it does NOT follow that left-handed or blue-eyed folks are abnormal.
As you know, in times past, a number of things were considered normal which are now considered abominable (slavery, genocide, patriarchy, misogyny, etc.). Hence, what is acceptable or "normal" to the majority is NOT necessarily good, praiseworthy, or defensible as the standard by which everyone else is measured. In other words, conformity is NOT synonymous with righteousness or normality.
As for Scripture, I'm sure that you are aware of the fact that a number of Christian scholars have pointed out that the traditional understanding of the "clobber passages" (those passages which appear to prohibit homosexuality and transgenderism) have been severely abused and twisted by Traditionalists. However, even if we admit that Scripture identifies homosexuality and transgenderism as sinful, students of the Bible must admit that sin is sin. In other words, heterosexual sins are not somehow superior to homosexual or transgender ones! In Christian theology, ALL are sinners - and ALL have the opportunity to be reconciled to God by accepting Christ's sacrifice for those sins.
As for homosexuality's role in sustaining the human species, it is almost universally acknowledged that overpopulation is a threat to any species. We know that when a species exceeds the ability of an ecosystem to sustain it that disaster is usually the consequence (for both the species and its ecosystem). Hence, it is not unreasonable to suggest that homosexuality and transgenderism might make a positive contribution to the prevention of overpopulation. Moreover, as you know, there are a number of homosexual and transgender folks who are providing homes and nurture for many children who would otherwise be orphaned and/or homeless (not to mention the invaluable contribution of gay aunts and uncles to the care and nurture of the children of their heterosexual siblings). I submit that these represent very tangible contributions to the perpetuation of the human species.
What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin (Deut 14:1; Lev 20:13) that grace may abound? God forbid.........
Should we also kill them, as two passages suggest?
Anonymous Wednesday, March 15, 2023 at 2:21:00 PM PDT,
I have NEVER advocated turning grace into a license to sin. I believe that Scripture anticipates that all sinners who receive Christ will live a new life with the help of the Holy Spirit - that their lives will reflect what Jesus has done for them, and that they will have "buried" the old man with their Savior. Of course, this does NOT mean that those folks (Christians) won't continue to sin on occasion. Indeed, I believe that Scripture also suggests that any Christian who claims to be without sin is a LIAR, and that the truth doesn't reside in that individual.
The comments about homosexual and transgender people not having children is a hilarious representation of the COG-odd why Armstrongites interpret the world around them and the shallow depth of their understanding of human behavior.
Regardless of one's opinion on whether homosexuality and transgenderism is sin; hopefully, we can all agree that people, from the beginning of humanity, have spanned a wide range of experiences regarding sexuality and gender.
The vast majority of people have conformed to the narrow roles that society dictated, throughout the centuries, despite who their true selves were/are.
From the beginning, homosexuals and those whose internal identity did not match their external anatomy - along with all others on various points along the sexuality and gender spectrums - have engaged in heterosexual sex and produced biological children.
Society left no choice for most people - so people conformed - but conforming did not transform them into heterosexual, cis-gender people.
People who have lived a heterosexual lifestyle and produced children span the wide range of fulfillment and enjoyment (from big mistake/hurt everyone - to - success in sharing life and love). People fall somewhere in that spectrum from time to time in their life, in specific aspects of their life, or in the totality of their lives, regardless of whether they be heterosexual, homosexual, transgender, cis-gender, and all points in-between.
Although some generalizations can be made about those who have suffered while confined within a societal role that did not come easy to them - it's fair to say that many suffered greatly and some passed that suffering to the families that were impacted by the deception society made them engage in.
LCG is actually pining for their preferred "normal" in which people were forced to live the lie of conforming to who they are not and pretending that there is one "normal" that fits all.
LCG prefers this illusion of their ideal normal, regardless of who and how people suffer.
And that preference matches the lies of COG theology, from instance on being your own savior, to the myths of the Germans are coming.
At a unique point in history, across much of the globe, in which society has become the most open to allowing people to be who they truly are, LCG wants to stuff everyone back into the same unrealistic, untruthful, dark, narrow box.
Well, we all know what human nature will do when crammed together in a small, dark box - and LCG is not going to be happy with that either!
Thank you for your compassionate and insightful comments - they were very much appreciated. I have two beautiful daughters and six fantastic grandchildren - all of whom have been a great blessing to me. I continue to have a loving relationship with their mother/grandmother and couldn't imagine my life without her or them. Not that it's anybody's business, but I am celibate and have a wonderful life! Nevertheless, I am still a gay man, and I don't see that ever changing in this life! And, of course, I am a Christian!
Being a homosexual by disposition is not a sin. Engaging in homosexual acts is where the sin is to be found. Easy for me to say - I don't have a dog in this hunt. Homosexuality is more complicated that we understand. There is evidence that the disposition to homosexuality happens before birth. There is homosexuality in the animal kingdom. Almost all right-wing anti-gay churchmen believe that homosexuality is an acquired condition that can be simply repented of. That is an error of ignorance.
I believe that homosexual Christians who refrain from homosexual acts bear a burden that the rest of us cannot measure in our minds. They join the list of faithful saints in Hebrews 11, "of whom the world is not worthy." No shallow judgmentalism can separate them from the love of God.
My viewpoint ...
I think what is normal and natural is that way in which God originally created things to be.
God created male and female to be one flesh. He created the marriage union. Marriage was to be for life. The family unit was created to function in love and mutual submission to one another. This is NORMAL! Anyway else (divorce, transgenderism, homosexuality, family abuse) MISSES the MARK of normalcy and is therefore sin.
Because of sin and perversion, nothing is truly normal in this world, but that doesn't mean we can't know how things SHOULD BE! Yes, everyone deserves fair treatment, but that doesn't mean we change the definition of normal to accomplish that.
I don't have a problem with what anybody does to get companionship from that special someone, but let's call it what it is, it is not the love of God as He defines it! The LGBTQ new mantra that "love is love is love" is NOT the love Jesus Christ practiced and preached, but is of this world!
Anyone who believes the narrative of Scripture has to admit that we are not only in a "war on normal" but its been going on since the Garden of Eden! We all have predispositions that we may never overcome in this life. But we can certainly change our minds (repentance) in how we view them in the light of God's revealed word. The problem? Men love darkness more than light, John 3:19!
Other members of the animal kingdom are homosexual. There are gay dogs, gay monkeys, etc. It seems to be something with which beings are born. Because such animals cannot speak, and express their feelings and angst, there is no way to ascertain the presence of gender dysphoria, but I tend to think that it is unique to humans, and something which has just recently come to the forefront as behavioral science has expanded.
I also believe that there are as many reasons for being homosexual as there are homosexuals. There is also homosexual behavior amongst people who are not gay, but who are in a gender-specific environment such as prison. There are those who experiment, and there is same sex rape, and there is same sex seduction. There are also any number of sexual fetishes which stick to a person for life. Sexuality is very complex in ways that the Bible does not address.
Culties as a group are much more annoying and disgusting than the gays. But, then again, all humans have unappealing qualities for which one must make allowances if all of us are to live peacefully together on the planet. I tend to think that God gave us our differences in order for us to build character.
Every one is born with weaknesses. If it's not one thing, it's something else.
Regarding my own mental weaknesses. I have spent much time researching them in order to help me understand and counter them. As a consequence, every day I do a variety of mental exercises to keep these weakness in check. Do I complain to God about these weaknesses? No, because it's by wrestling with these weaknesses that I'm building character. Unlike Miller Jones, I have not surrendered to my weaknesses, claiming that my weaknesses aren't weaknesses at all. Neither have I tried to convince others that my weakness aren't really weaknesses, but just me being my true self.
I know many people that have a strong disposition to be exploitative. Everyone of these people has given in to this vice, and feel that they are entitled to rob others. How is this any different to Miller Jones reasoning??
I try to make it a point to not assume I know why someone takes the stances they do. Sometimes it is more obvious, but not at other times. For instance, rather than being cog-odd as you say, I am anti-cog as I recognize the harm they have done and that their Armstong-based teachings are unsupported Biblically.
In fact, by doing the very non-cog thing of taking a rational approach to an issue, I hopefully protect myself from the cherry picking of scriptures and the twisting of them by repeatedly applying obscure secondary meanings to a greek or hebrew word or by applying questionable historic context. This is done by the COGs and any that want to twist scripture to fit their desired interpretation such as is done regarding this issue.
Anyway, the point you focused on was just a tertiary point. I stand by it despite the fact that many conformed as you point out, but I'm confident that it had a dampening effect to the population which is counter to the normal biological drive to reproduce. More to say, but generally conforming or bending/yielding to healthy norms is good for a society and generally better for the individual because sometimes a particular norm simply works.
Fully aware that it is a complex issue and compassion is the Christian response even amidst disagreement.
I see through a glass dimly, and I cannot well speak on the "whys" of the Lord when he chose to protect His temporarily chosen people from the corruption of other societies/cultures or how Israel society was set up (though there are plenty of examples of the stated laws not having the teeth some might think). The Laws and instructions set forth at that time were established by God though; that is the measure.
The Lord has throughout the Bible established us as males and females and how we are to relate. The New Covenant also raised that relationship up and even paralleled it with Christ and the Church. I have consciously worked on certain wrong proclivities I have (Yes, John, time will tell how much of a role I actually have in that). Sometimes I wonder how much of ourselves we must give up to let Christ live through us. Complete seems to be the answer, but that is tough as most like much about themselves. Yet, when I think of who I would be without some of the stupid hang-ups and proclivities, I see a better, happier, and more fulfilled/effective person. (Rom. 12:2) Renewing our minds daily will result in transformation and, yes, break our conforming to the falseness of the world/darkness into conforming to the Light.
Another issue not addressed so far is the close relationship between sex and morality.
Lawless people aren't pushing the queer agenda for no reason. In American politics there's the famous saying of "if a man can't be faithful to his wife, how can he be faithful to the constitution." The bible endorses this many times by labelling departing from Gods laws, adultery. If a person thinks it unthinkable to cheat on their mate, they will also think it unthinkable to let go of Gods way. They will sin out of weakness on occasion, but they will still hold onto God's laws.
The queer agenda is directed at destroying people ability to be faithful to God's way. It's an attack on the ability to be moral.
The LGBTQ debate has been hijacked by right wing political shysters to create hysteria for votes and donations. Of course the right wing media those at LCG consume and emulate is pumping out this manic narrative. The whole hysteria reminds me of the satanic panic that swept “the church” (or at least parts of it) and conservatives in the 80’s.
What do the posters think about drag queens reading to children? These are not isolated incidents, but rather has become a thing.
Who here thinks that is a good thing? Do you think it is hateful to oppose it?
I'm sorry to offend anyone, but drag queens are what we used to call "fairies"! If I were gay, I'd be pissed at them for making the gay community appear to be ridiculous.
Another thing I would hope the legitimate gay community would oppose is some of the activities surrounding some of these so called "gay pride" parades. I've never been to one but the local TV stations make sure we see all the highlights! Human nature at it's worst!
It's ridiculous to accept drag queen story time. Kids are impressionable and it is better for them to be exposed to traditional stable values as minors. While this is a conclusory remark, it is made with a knowledge of the pro drag queen story time arguments.
The following comment was posted to my private email:
"Fox gives its viewers what the viewers want to see and hear, not what the viewers need to see and hear. The tail wags the dog. Is something analogous going on here perhaps?"
From some of the comments here, it appears that LCG is feeding them what they want to hear!
Well, there's an old saying: You are what you eat!
Miller: thanks for sharing your testimony; I’m sure it’s helpful to younger Christians who are in need of knowing someone has walked in their shoes before them and has found the most beautiful things in life!
Your story is also beneficial to other Christians who need to be reminded that all types of people walk among us and some carry, like heroes, burdens that are unfamiliar to us.
Although none of us are really the same normal that the COGs want to make believe exists, we all need to be reminded that there but for the grace of God go I – as well as – there by the grace of God go I.
It’s funny that someone mentioned a gay pride parade – because I had been thinking about how fun a COG Pride Parade would be!
Imagine each splinter having their own float – what joy!
Like Pasadena’s Rose Parade, requires all floats to be covered in flowers, leaves, or seeds, I imagine the COG floats to be plastered in pages from the Plain Truth; pages that preached the COG failed prophecies – those same prophecies that the normal COGs still believe are on their way to fulfillment.
Between the floats, there would be different groups of marchers, like the yellow pencil brigade.
Of course, there would be one large band of marchers dressed as invading hoards of blood-thirsty Germans – they would be chasing another group of marchers wearing Basil Wolverton inspired masks, baring every type of horrid, tortured expression.
The LCG float would have Doug Winnail, in his pride and joy swine skin cowboy boots, dancing with Mario Hernandez – to demonstrate that normal men dye their hair while shaming men they feel are not manly enough and condemning woman for using make-up.
Winnail and Hernandez would be dancing lazy circles around Wally G. Smith who’d be parked on a sofa while eating donuts, to demonstrate the new COG normal of gluttony no longer being a sin.
Wally’s lard-fried donuts symbolize that COGs demand adherence to dietary laws while turning a blind eye to the fact that all processed food, including the COGs favorite alcoholic beverages, are produced with some element of “uncleanness”, not to mention what evil our veggies are grown with and our livestock are fed.
There would have to be one float for each of the Tribes of Israel – the people would be dressed in the traditional costumes from their modern European country equivalent – dancing their traditional European dances, but with black sacks on their heads – to depict the normalcy of denying the findings of genetic science.
I need help envisioning the UCG float; all I can think of is it having a large portrait of HWA in the center, with a group of stuffy, old, white guys – some type of confused council – throughout the parade they would alternate throwing a sheet over the HWA portrait and then uncovering the portrait.
The UCG council can’t make a decision on how they feel about HWA and can’t figure out who they are – the spinning wheels eventually fall off the float, it breaks down going nowhere, so they bring out Jelly to crack a few jokes and sing some songs – as their best hope to entertain the crowd.
The PCG float could have King Gerry, tied in place (to prevent falling) atop his thrown built over HWA’s prayer rock, while children dance an Irish jig around their king.
I think the back of the float should have a shrine to Mystery of the Ages and Malachi’s Message displayed as sacred relics, with marching PCG members following close behind to adore and bow to the holy books.
There would have to be a dazzling float of smiling, former Young Ambassadors – they’d be just like the COGs demand them to be – normal – with no one daring to out the gays among them.
If the COGs are not careful, there may be some no-fun groups, most definitely motivated by Satan, who will try to horn in on their parade, to protest the COGs.
Those groups could possibly be survivors of sexual abuse perpetrated by “normal” COG ministers and deacons, or shabbily dressed, malnourished marchers with rotten teeth protesting having given all their money to the COGs in order to avoid the tribulation, just to find that their retirement years have become the hell they feared.
Bringing up the rear of the parade, the Prophet Bob’s float would feature him babbling endlessly in front of a crooked bookcase, with hideous curtains – followed by no one.
What attractions would you like to see at the COG Pride Parade?
The accusation that the tail wags the dog on Banned is ridiculous. The diversity of opinions on this topic is never to be found on any ACOG. Neither do the ACOGs give their members what they need to see and hear. This can never be the case since they are run primarily as a business, and as a business one doesn't offend one's tithe paying clients. So contrary to Christ's "feed My sheep," they give their members spiritual milk, and play the game of the unjust steward by being partial to abusive members. Justice is thrown under the bus in order to maintain numbers.
The accusation is probably projection, or the result of seeing themselves through rose colored glasses.
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