Living Church of God's current leader, Gerald Weston has an article about children and childrearing that he published in a "personal" to the faithful recently. Weston is one of the last people who should be lecturing parents about children, considering how the youth in Canada despised him when he was over them.
One would also assume that if an article was being written, it would start off with some praise, then have some constructive criticism and suggestions, and then end with praise. But, no, this is the COG, after all, and it's better to just start off on the cranky side and stay that way. Rebellious children and Laodiceans with bad attitudes provide ample fuel for satan to enter children and deceive parents, according to some COG leaders.
We recognize that children are sometimes at odds with their parents, to a great degree because there are considerable differences in their experience. A parent naturally knows more than a child, just as a longtime Church member should have a greater perspective of God’s Way and the Church—where it has been, how our adversary is working against us, and how small trends grow into big ones.
God forbid if kids act like kids and have fun:
“Take care of the small stuff and you don’t have to sweat the big stuff.” Dr. Kermit Nelson, director of the Summer Education Programs in the Worldwide Church of God, understood this. He implemented policies that guided campers away from trouble. He knew that practical jokes easily escalate, so he instructed counselors to nip such behavior in the bud immediately, rather than wait until it got out of hand. He took care of the “small stuff.”
Weston then equates kid's fun with evil:
The Bible is not silent on this subject. Solomon wrote, “Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil” (Ecclesiastes 8:11). He also counseled, “The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts” (Proverbs 17:14). Yes, it is easier to stop a problem when it is small than to stop it when it has grown large.
I have seen this principle at work in child-rearing when parents think they know more than the One who created us. Young parents desire to do the best they can for their children, so they often look for advice outside of the Bible in programs that sound good. These programs often counsel against any kind of physical punishment and instead advise reasoning with even a very young child. Of course, those of us who are older have seen the results of that approach.
We often hear that we should “follow the money,” and this also applies to child-rearing advice. Tapes, books, seminars, and catchy-sounding phrases such as “love and logic” make big money for those promoting them. However, the biblical message from the beginning is that there is a tree of knowledge that involves good and evil. These child-rearing programs have some good—otherwise, they wouldn’t sell—but they are not based on the truths found in Scripture.
So, when programs such as these fly in the face of the word of God, we must ask: Do I really believe the Bible is inspired by God? Do I believe it is well-meaning but out of date? If it is wrong about child-rearing, what else is it wrong about? Can I pick and choose what to accept in its pages? These questions need serious consideration.
What does your rebellious little piece of shit deserve? A switch on his rebellious bottom!
God tells us, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15). A better translation for rod might be switch. While the purpose of this verse is not to say that spanking with a rod or switch is required, it does tell us that spanking in some form or fashion is a legitimate and helpful tool for disciplining young children. And some of my friends have told me that being told to go out to a tree and spend time finding a good switch that would be used to punish them was very instructive!
God tells us, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15). A better translation for rod might be switch. While the purpose of this verse is not to say that spanking with a rod or switch is required, it does tell us that spanking in some form or fashion is a legitimate and helpful tool for disciplining young children. And some of my friends have told me that being told to go out to a tree and spend time finding a good switch that would be used to punish them was very instructive!
God’s word advises us to stop a problem while it is still small. “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Proverbs 13:24). Do you believe that? Can physical discipline be administered in love? Do you believe the Bible when it tells us about the chastening inherent in God’s love? “My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; for whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives” (Hebrews 12:5–6). Discipline should be motivated by love, not anger. Too often, parents will try ideas that sound good, only to find that in the end they do not work—then finally, out of frustration, some parents will go overboard, spanking in anger.
In our modern world, which clearly does not have a good record of child-rearing, any form of physical discipline is frowned upon—and in some places is illegal, though many jurisdictions allow for spanking on the buttocks with the hand (and even many “experts” agree with this practice). Going against lawful authority can result in a child being removed from the home, which is the worst of all possible outcomes unless there is real abuse going on. Even if such discipline is legal, wisdom dictates that disciplinary action should be carried out in private—and no kind of discipline should ever be excessive or given in uncontrolled anger. And actions that cause real or permanent harm, such as hitting with a fist or drawing blood, are never acceptable!
He ends wih this:
I remember a single mother whose four-year-old was totally out of control. My wife and I were visiting them one day when she volunteered, “I know that this is wrong, but I hate my son.” She was frustrated and honest. Reasoning with her child did no good.
While we were there, he was acting up as usual, and I explained to this mother that her son had no incentive to listen to her. She needed to tell him once, then spank him for disobedience if he failed to respond. She followed the advice immediately, but gave him only a gentle “spanking” that did little but anger him. I then explained that the spanking needed to be enough to provide a little pain on his bottom—not harm, but definitely an unwanted experience. So, she again followed the advice. This time, he let out not an angry cry, but a hurt one—and he soon came over to hug her.
This was one of those occasions when someone truly listened and put counsel into practice. Within a few weeks, this four-year-old was transformed into a delight to be around. But if parents do not gain control of a four-year-old, what will they do when he is 14 and his logic tells him that drugs are a good idea? It is important to instill respect for parental guidance early, while any problems are still small.
At the other extreme, some in the past have thought that spanking is all that is needed to raise good children. That is a mistake—spanking is only one of the tools needed. Nevertheless, it is an important tool that is too often rejected today. Long before they spank, parents must be spending time with their children. They must teach their children about God as part of everyday family activities. Fathers are warned not to demand so much that their children become discouraged, but to “bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4; see also Deuteronomy 6:6–7; Psalm 78:2–8).
Women need to know their place. Stay in the kitchen and make that sandwich!
Isaiah wrote, “As for My people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O My people! Those who lead you cause you to err, and destroy the way of your paths” (3:12). In my experience, it is often—though not always—the wife who prevents her husband from disciplining their child. When women rule the house, children often become oppressors at home and in society. Fathers must never use harsh discipline, but they must take the lead—for the sake of the family.
What it comes down to is whether we see the Bible as the word of God or not. If we do, we will stop a child’s rebellion while he is small rather than waiting to try to deal with rebellion when it is far more difficult to do so. If we are diligent to “take care of the small stuff,” we will be preparing ourselves and our families for the “big stuff”—the glorious rewards that God has in store for us at the resurrection.
When will COG leaders learn to keep their noses out of members' lives? When will members stop letting leaders control them? When will the church just let kids be kids?
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2 comments:
Come on. We should be GRATEFUL to Weston. More than any other single leader of LCG, thanks to his long role of leading LCG teen camps, he is personally responsible for hundreds of kids deciding to leave LCG when they reached adulthood. Weston doesn't even realize it, but his demonstration and implementation of LCG values inspired hundreds of kids to claim their freedom.
Several years back, there was an article in one of the psychology journals about the permanent damage that narcissistic parents do to their children. Narcissistic parents were defined as those who are so much into their own activities, hobbies, demanding jobs or religions that they do not have the time or capacity to nurture their children or administer to their emotional needs. These are parents who are aloof and unavailable to the children on the level that developing children need in order to be mentally healthy, and in many cases productive and successful.
The article was thought provoking, and caused me to more deeply reanalyze my own childhood, growing up in Armstrongism. I've already shared on many occasions the anger and brutality which developed in my formerly loving parents shortly after their baptisms, and up until the time of this article, that appeared to be the most visible problem throughout my youth. However, the article made me realize that the most brutal and frequent punishments I and my siblings received were for the ways in which our behavior interfered with my parents' practicing of Armstrongism in our house, or the minister and brethren's perception of our parental units' as zealous Armstrongites. This was entirely different from the offenses which typical children committed in a normal family to incur punishments. Growing up, I can't recall hearing the simple reassuring words "I love you!" We surely heard about the Germans enough, the tribulation, and the Lake of Fire. The microsupervision was extremely intense, many simple offenses were analyzed by the parents and were redefined as or escalated to "lying" when they were not, and that was not the intent, and lying was the worst possible offense, the one which brought the most severe punishment.
One would think that with all the information available these days on parenting skills, that things might have become more reasonable for children of Armstrongite parents, but people like Jerry Weston don't want their followers to read or profit from those materials. And we read about practices in Flurry's church such as "blanket training", and about Dave Pack blowing a gasket when any child makes the most minor of noises during his sabbath sermon, and realize that Armstrongism is still not a child-friendly system of beliefs. "Suffer the little children" has the opposite meaning of what Jesus intended when He spoke those words.
Usually, when this topic comes up, someone always says, "Ah, but that's the way it was for all children during that era in the USA!" Well, sorry, but I have to call bullsh*t on that! Not even. Upon baptism, parents went down all manner of rabbit holes, a place that was filled with conspiracy theories, bizarre ideas, deliberate non-mainstream behavioral patterns, and zero tolerance on all the above. For years, based on the behavior of my parents and the majority of others whom we knew in the church, I had a very difficult time believing that there was such an entity as the Holy Spirit, because what I witnessed could not have been inspired by the spirit of God. Conversion did not appear to involve the heart, just the adherence to various church imposed rituals which were held out as defining the ways in which so-called "true Christians" behaved.
This stuff needs to get gone! It's a cultic mindset, does permanent damage, and actually turns parents into criminals! It's always been one of the worst aspects of Armstrongism, it requires repression of some of the innate or instinctual good with which humans are born, but these people just refuse to repent of it or to correct the obvious evils.
BB
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