Now our boy Samuel has apparently upgraded himself to Modern-Day Joshua Vr 3.0—you know, the guy through whom God is obviously continuing His Very Important Work. Poor Bob Thiel must be absolutely seething right now. After all, he’s spent years insisting that he and he alone is the One True Joshua of our time. But hey, this is the Church of God we're talking about—there's always room for multiple self-appointed Joshuas. And let's be real: there will always be enough gullible souls to mail in their checks for whichever version is currently shouting the loudest.
Joshua Samuel is now solemnly informing the brethren that if you don't cough up your resources, you're straight-up robbing God (shocker). Not only that, but you're now personally eligible for the deluxe curses-and-blessings combo package. And just to make sure the fear is properly dialed up before Passover: if you don't give, you're taking the Passover unworthily, which apparently triggers a separate, extra-spicy curse layered right on top of the first one. Double jeopardy, Church of God style.
With Passover barreling toward us like a freight train full of guilt, we're clearly supposed to picture Joshua Samuel leading the chosen few into the Promised Land—like Joshua of old right after Moses had his own little wilderness tantrum that somehow ticked God off (classic COG sequel plot). He's here to guide the faithful remnant to the sacred House of God, where they will bask in everlasting bliss… until, naturally, the Germans roll up, gaze upon its magnificence, decide it's too pretty to bomb, and promptly convert it into their new U.S. invasion headquarters. (And before you think I'm making that last part up—nah, that was a straight-faced, decades-long Pasadena campus urban legend in certain COG circles. Never change, brethren.)
So this Passover season is going to be a real test, dear brethren. A double test, actually, if you happen to be one of the stingy ones who didn't send in your “tithe to avoid extra curses” payment. Fail to give, and congratulations—you’ve just RSVP’d to the End-Time Plagues VIP section, where one-third of humanity gets to enjoy the festivities firsthand.
The choice is crystal clear:
Are you going to obey God…
Or are you going to spit in His face?
Tick tock. Your offering envelopes had better still be open.
-----------------------------
Joshua Samuel writes (unedited):
This is saying, in order to receive God’s protection here is your test.Now is laid upon you blessings or cursings.If you receive cursings, you have not sent God’s tithes and offerings in.God’s blessing is with obeying Him!Not disobeying Him!I am announcing to you God’s will.It’s up to you whether you will surrender to Jesus Christ or not!And also if you go and take the Passover “unworthily” not properly discerning the Lord’s Body, you have another curse upon your head. This is about where God is working and through whom.The Passover and Unleavened bread season for the children of Israel, after the forty years in the wilderness, was about establishing Joshua as the new leader. Through whom God continued to work though as with Moses.This season will test you. Will you reap blessings or curses?This too reflects the children of Israel when Moses came back to Egypt after 40 years, and they had to decide to Obey God or suffer the curses of God aka the plagues. Those who obeyed God made it through and was spared and delivered from the hand of Pharaoh, which pictures Satan the Devil the devourer. Just like Rahab in Jericho.What will you do brethren? Will you obey God or spit at Him? You’re choice! You have been warned!In Jesus Christ’s name,Samuel W Kitchen
19 comments:
I Witchdoctor Willie, I perform big magic for you sammy me knows mulowzoa I give him control of dr bob i also gives you powers overs da monies. comes to zomba mulowzoa takes you to me
Delulu as the kids say
This is a copycat strategy from David Pack-a-lies who learned it from... wait for it Sammy's lord and savior HWA.
If Jesus is coming back and the temple is in Jerusalem, then what does a building in Pasadena have to do with any of it?
This smells of the same psychology as the Roman Catholic crusaders trying to conquer Jerusalem. But in this case the prize is the auditorium.
I knew Sam(uel) & Tim(othy) very well from tbe PCG Summer Camp Compound called PYC (IYKYK) in OK. Within the same assigned military-style dorms with Sam, I have some hilarious stories about the Kitchens ... Never could have imagined this site's past 5+ articles are about them. Literally delusional & insane - need more non-existent English vocabulry to express....
This is like most of the groups out there. It's emphasis is on $$$ and physical things. How much physical stuff did Jesus have? He didn't even have a place to lay His head.
These guys would showcase one of Herbert W. Armstrong's bowel movements if someone could prove provenance, just to prove they had the mantle, or conch, or whatever you want to call it.
If Samuel were serious about wanting to honor the Auditorium, he would go to the current owners and ask to be hired as the building's official window washer. That would be the "way of give" in action. But Samuel has learned the way of get. He wants to get other people's money so he won't have to work so hard. And who can fault him? He learned that from his mentor, HWA.
With comments like these Samuel is revealing that his delusions are influenced by evil. He is taking the Lord's name in vain.
I remember those guys too from back in the PCG days. I don’t think the people on this blog understand how insane it is to give this kid shine. Those dudes were hilarious, but we were laughing at them, not with them. And it wasn’t to be mean, but because they were complete idiots. I don’t have the words to describe them, but if you watch any one of Sam’s videos it should be pretty clear lol. Samuel has absolutely no following, and never will. Hell, the kid barely speaks clear English. While I do find these posts amusing knowing that he will have zero impact, if it wasn’t Banned virtually no one would have ever heard of him.
I brought this plan up with a group of COG members Wednesday. One woman said: "It sounds like he's worshipping a building."
Indeed.
RL 809
On a previous post called "Despising the Cross", I was called out for suggesting some people have actually used the cross as an instrument of worship. The woman you speak of is correct. Whether it's a cross or a building, people will make an idol out of anything.
Agree with your comment about taking the Lord's name in vain.
re if you don't cough up your resources, you're straight-up robbing God (shocker). Not only that, but you're now personally eligible for the deluxe curses-and-blessings combo package.
This is false, and becomes a heresy which is simply a teaching that, by reasonable consensus, is outside the boundaries of what is essential truth.
BP8,
I agree that the cross can be made an idol, as can the old 10 Commandments wall plaque. I still see these plaques in many homes of those in the splinter churches. These plaques are now over 40 years old (or close).
Sam wrote: "If you receive cursings, you have not sent God’s tithes and offerings in."
Sent them in to what or where? He did not say. And, as the Bible only teaches tithing on agricultural produce in ancient Israel, what does Sam expect to receive? No one is cursed for not tithing on money, nor for not sending money to Sam.
At this point I can only think that Sam Kitchen is just desperate for money as he has no real job.
Sam wrote: "If you receive cursings, you have not sent God’s tithes and offerings in."
Sam seems to be having a lot of cursings lately. By his own logic, this must mean he isn't sending God's tithes and offerings to the right person or organization.
In retrospect, I still harbor some incredible animosity towards mysef! When I think of the needless pain and effort that went into restraining my malodorous flatulence while sitting in the Ambassador Auditorium listening to heretical classic Armstrongism sermons and sermonettes, I just get a sense of profound regret. I missed an opportunity to freely express my true feelings about the failed prophecies, the abuse, and the many ways in which "they" co-opted our lives! Alas! Holding it back represents an unblown opportunity, that perhaps we will never have again!
Will You Obey God And Give Money To Buy The Auditorium Or Will You Spit In His Face?
People who have already experienced some of the other thieves in COG-land might want to spit in Sam's face over his attempted theft.
Anonymous on Thursday, February 26, 2026 at 2:25:51 AM PST said ... “I knew Sam(uel) & Tim(othy) very well from tbe PCG Summer Camp Compound called PYC (IYKYK) in OK.”
It always seems to be a very, very bad sign whenever anyone who was in Gerald Flurry's perverted PCG cult tries to start their own little cult. Warped, warped, warped.
Still, nothing rivals the story of David ben Ariel! I believe he was associated with PCG at one time as well!
Post a Comment