It Is Official! No Prehistoric Humans/Pre-Adamic Humans, So Says Crackpot Bob The Prophet

Oh, where would the Church of God and indeed the entire world be without our beloved COG crackpot prophets and self-appointed teachers bravely weighing in with their “inspired” opinions on literally every conceivable subject in the universe? Each and every one of them boldly claiming divine AUTHORITY, as if God Himself personally whispered the hot take directly into their ear.
And now, behold: God’s most highly educated Prophet to ever grace the Church of God movement has graciously opened his mouth to enlighten us on prehistoric man, dinosaurs, and Adam and Eve. Quick, everyone, drop to your knees and bask in the radiant glow of his magnificent wisdom! Truly, we are not worthy.

Crackpot Bob writes:

Were Dinosaurs Prior to Adam & Eve?
When did dinosaurs live? The ‘National Catholic Register’ had an article by Stacy Trasancos titled ‘What Do You Say When Kids Ask About Dinosaurs?’ She brought up some dangers with the ‘young earth creationists’ and stated that dinosaurs were prior to Adam and Eve. Yet, she basically said that the first few verses of Genesis 1 should not be trusted. Yet, that is not the case. Does the Bible support any type of time gap between Genesis 1:1 and 1:2? Is there a gap symbol shown in the Masoretic text? Did the KJV and NKJV translator err in translating a disjunctive as a conjunctive? Must the earth only be about 6,000 years old? Is billions of years possible? Getting to dinosaurs themselves, do the fossil records support them being prior to a time of replenishment? Could dinosaurs have been destroyed by a ‘dark ice age’ or does the Great Flood of Noah’s time make the most sense? Did the old Worldwide Church of God bring up several facts that ‘young earth fundamentalists’ misunderstand and discount? Is the Bible scientifically reliable? Dr. Thiel addresses these issues and more. 

 

Nothing punctures a COG prophet’s delicately inflated ego quite like a Catholic—or heaven forbid, a woman—daring to know more than he does. The horror! The scandal! How dare mere mortals out-read the Oracle of Armstrongism!

But fear not, for Crackpot Bob has descended from the mountaintop with yet another steaming pile of revelation: there were NO prehistoric humans, folks. Nope! Those were just some extra-large apes casually strolling around with mammoths and giant sloths, probably high-fiving each other while wearing fig leaves for the aesthetic. Real Homo sapiens? Pfft, those didn’t clock in until the divine timecard was punched exactly 6,000 years ago—on the dot, no overtime. Truly, the science is settled; bow before Bob’s Ussher-approved calendar!

Scientists admit that all humans have the same mother, though they often consider that mother was older than Eve of the Book of Genesis. 

 

Now, as used by critical historians, “prehistoric time” is said to refer to earliest antiquity nowhere documented in written records. But the Bible records, “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth” (Genesis 1:1). Here is a documented account reaching back to the beginning of the physical universe. “Prehistoric time,” in that sense, is therefore irreconcilable with Scripture. It should come as no surprise, therefore, to learn that biblical passages reveal occurrences prior to the time of man. 

 

If however, we define prehistoric as the time before humans began to write, then we can speak of prehistoric creatures and events. 

 

There were no prehistoric humans prior to Adam. Including others of the ‘genus Homo.’Adam and Eve were therefore the first true humans. 

 

While there are fossil records of apes and other creatures that predate Adam, these creatures were not the same as modern humans as far as God is concerned. 

 

Someone really ought to drag Crackpot Bob out to White Sands, New Mexico, and gently park his anointed face right in front of those pesky 23,000-year-old human footprints literally strutting alongside mammoth and dire wolf tracks. But nah, that would be far too inconvenient for his airtight theology.

Clearly those weren’t humans; just some unusually bipedal, tool-using, fire-making, footprint-leaving “big apes” who somehow managed to domesticate the neighborhood megafauna for casual strolls. You know, the same way modern chimps are famous for taming elephants and going on leisurely walks with them. Totally normal primate behavior. Nothing to see here, folks; move along before your brain starts asking dangerous questions that require actual evidence!

White Sands New Mexico:

Age: The oldest human footprints are approximately 23,000 years old, with a range of 23,400 to 22,600 years ago based on radiocarbon dating of pollen. 

 

Dating methods: Initial dating was done using radiocarbon analysis of seeds. Later research used optically stimulated luminescence and radiocarbon dating of conifer pollen from the same layers to corroborate the age. 

 

Significance: The age suggests humans were present in North America much earlier than previously believed, before the glaciers fully closed off migration routes. 

 

Associated evidence: The footprints are found alongside fossilized tracks of other ice age animals, such as mammoths and dire wolves. 

 

Oh, silly us! According to the infallible Crackpot Bob, anyone who points at those White Sands footprints and dares call them "human" is just a drooling, Bible-hating moron who deliberately turned off their brain the moment Genesis was printed.

Because nothing says "I love Scripture" quite like closing your eyes, plugging your ears, and screaming "LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR 23,000 YEARS OF FOOTPRINTS" whenever actual evidence threatens to wander into the room. Truly, Bob’s courageous stand against reality is an inspiration to stubborn people everywhere.

But many scientists have tried to teach otherwise. The Bible reveals that they should know the truth, but do not:

18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, 19 because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them. 20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, 21 because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Professing to be wise, they became fools, 23 and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man — and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things.

24 Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, 25 who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. (Romans 1:18-25) 

 

Oh, those poor, bumbling scientists with their fancy “degrees” and “evidence” and “peer review”; don’t they realize that the only accredited source of literally ALL knowledge in the universe is a COG prophet who couldn’t pass a middle-school geology quiz? How dare they keep digging up facts when Crackpot Bob already explained everything from the safety of his folding-chair throne!

But give the man credit where it’s due: in a stunning display of open-mindedness, Crackpot Bob has graciously conceded that dinosaurs were, in fact, real. (Yes, the same guy who insists the planet is 6,000 years old is totally fine with 70-million-year-old thunder lizards. Consistency is for losers anyway.) We should all applaud this bold, totally-not-contradictory compromise that keeps both the fossil record and his ego perfectly intact. Bravo, Bob. Truly a scholar for the ages.

Humans have the spirit of man in them, whereas animals, including the other primates, do not. The reality that there is a spirit in humans is taught in both the Old and New Testaments:

8 But there is a spirit in man,

And the breath of the Almighty gives him understanding. (Job 32:8)

11 For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? (1 Corinthians 2:11) 

 

God gave animals instinct, but not the type of understanding that He gave humans. Many scientists will not admit that there is a spirit in man that God gave. 

 

Pre-Adamic primates, were, at best, like advanced chimpanzees. There were no true humans before Adam. 

 

But what about dinosaurs? Yes, they look to have been before Adam.