The River of Golden Oil flowing back to the Apostle
Another day in the delightfully unhinged universe of Armstrongism—because apparently, not a single 24-hour period can pass without some fresh batch of certified nuttiness being uttered or enacted. You'd think these folks, being the One True Church of God and all, faithfully reenacting pristine 1st-century Christianity while serving as the world's last shining beacons in the darkness, might manage to get through a day without descending into pure farce. Yet here we are, once again.
The letter below, from none other than Samuel Kitchen to Aaron Dean, is a masterclass in whack-a-doodle delirium. It's practically overflowing with it.
In Samuel's fevered vision, there's this glorious river of golden oil flowing straight back to the ever-preserved Herbert W. Armstrong (because of course Samuel has him safely on ice, spiritually speaking). Aaron Dean's sacred duty, naturally, is to round up all those wayward, straying Church of God members and gently nudge them back into the divine stream so they can float home to Daddy Herb and help restore the church to its mythical glory days. Ah, yes—the good old days when everything was perfect and the "strong hand from someplace" was just around the corner. Powerful stuff.
Of course, much like his fellow self-appointed prophet Bob Thiel, Herbert is now conveniently the resurrected Zerubbabel, patiently sitting there (wherever that is) waiting for the Worldwide Church of God to rise phoenix-like from the ashes of decades of irrelevance. Any day now, surely.
But for this grand restoration to actually happen, Aaron Dean simply must repent of his tragic errors, kick the United Church of God to the curb like yesterday's bad theology, and return to the one true faith—the version meticulously safeguarded by Samuel himself. The only minor hiccup? Aaron's spiritual garden hose is apparently kinked, blocking the proper flow of that holy golden oil. How inconvenient.
After wading through several paragraphs of gobbledygook, Samuel helpfully tries to wow us with his impeccable credentials: he's related to Herbert Armstrong through some distant family branch. While Herb's famous crest featured a strong arm rising triumphantly out of a cloud (very on-brand), Samuel's own crest ups the ante with a strong arm clutching a sword emerging from the very same cloud—presumably poised to gleefully slaughter any recalcitrant COG stragglers who refuse to hop aboard his particular bandwagon.
Truly inspiring. One can only imagine the family reunions.
"Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth.
I did not come to bring peace but a sword and a mallet."
A letter I wrote today to Aaron Dean
January 28,2026
Hello Mr Dean,
I hope you are doing well and keeping in good health.
I was reading Zechariah 4 again, about the flow of the golden oil.
When you mention Mr Armstrong, and reconnect people back to the apostle, do you realize you are reconnecting the flow of the golden oil?
Ever since 2010, online I have been pointing people back to Herbert W Armstrong.
He is the apostle of Jesus Christ.
He has a function, of “feeding the flock”.
John 17 shows that Jesus Christ is very faithful in His job of giving to the apostle what the Father has given Him!
In John 6:63, we see the Words Christ gives is “Spirit and life”.
We see the candlestick in Zechariah 4, is “the words of the Lord unto Zerubbabel”.
In verse 14, we see two anointed ones of God.
Zerubbabel and Joshua. They are involved with the flow of the golden oil, or Holy Spirit. They “feed” the candlestick.
Now what candlestick? Which Church?
The Worldwide Church of God is “the Word of the Lord unto Herbert W Armstrong”. He is the end time Zerubbabel.
But “the hands”(more than one) of Zerubbabel shall lay the foundation of THIS HOUSE(the Worldwide Church of God), and “the hands” shall finish it.
By connecting people to the apostle, we are like builders connecting them to the foundation.
I continually use “Worldwide Church of God” so there is no question as to WHICH HOUSE. It includes Herbert W Armstrong, but EXCLUDES all other churches. No other church is like it.
Does that make sense?
When a rebellious people want to argue, the Lord God makes it clear, with no wiggle room for doubt. “Church of God” is too ambiguous, and opens the door for much argument and vain babbling.
The Bible tells us to avoid such.
By being a minister of the UCG, you have entered the argument, and now can only direct people to the apostle of Christ, and not to the Church as a group or structure.
I have the benefit of being able to do that. I have not sat at the table in these church groups. And my focus, is to keep the flow of the golden oil, to the candlestick. When there is a departure I point it out, and reconnect the flow of the golden oil by pointing back to what Jesus Christ did through Herbert W Armstrong!
Because “the Word of the Lord unto Herbert W Armstrong” is the Worldwide Church of God.
You Mr Dean are running with a kinked hose, and I’m trying to help where I can, to un-kink it, so your job is secure and edified.
That’s what I feel Jesus Christ wants me to do.
But you cannot run a hose from the House of God, into another house.
If you look at the Tabernacle in the wilderness, and the location of the candlestick, you find there are no pipes piped out into another tent! It goes into one candlestick, not two.
The Two witnesses are two candlesticks, but in reality it is the same Candlestick!
By the testimony and labors of the first witness, the Philadelphia candlestick, which is the Worldwide Church of God, goes into place of safety.
When Joshua is cleaned up(Zech.3) and Michael stands up(Dan.12:1) and says “The Lord rebukes thee Satan”(Jude 1:9), He is restored to THIS HOUSE(The Worldwide Church of God) or the “remnant” in Laodicean era.
Zechariah 3:5-9
“…And the angel(the first witness) of the Lord stood by.
“And the angel of the Lord protested unto Joshua, saying,
“Thus saith the Lord of hosts; If thou wilt walk in my ways, and if thou wilt keep my charge, then thou shalt ALSO judge my house, and shalt ALSO keep my courts, and I will give thee places to walk among these that stand by.
“Hear now, O Joshua the high priest, thou, and thy fellows that sit before thee: for they are men wondered at: for, behold, I will bring forth my servant the Branch.
“For behold the stone that I have laid before Joshua; upon one stone(Isaiah 28:16, Zech.4:6)shall be seven eyes: behold, I will engrave the graving thereof, saith the Lord of hosts, and I will remove the iniquity of that land in one day.”
Only one Church, not two.
Just one part in a place of safety, and one part unprotected.
The second witness is unto Laodicea. He is only able to point them to the ONE MAN GOD IS USING. This is what you have been doing in the UCG, is it not?
The first witness is unto Philadelphia! He points out the SPIRITUAL TEMPLE, that was raised up through “the word of the Lord unto Herbert W Armstrong” that goes into a place of safety!
It is through the first witness, or Zerubbabel, the stone is laid before Joshua. Zerubbabel is about the business of laying the foundation. Through the labors of Joshua, the Temple is finished. This brings about the conclusion of the Laodicean era. Jesus Christ returns.
NOW NOTICE!
Zechariah 6:9-15
“And the word of the Lord came unto me, saying,
“Take of them of the captivity, even of Heldai, of Tobijah, and of Jedaiah, which are come from Babylon, and come thou the same day, and go into the house of Josiah the son of Zephaniah;
“Then take silver and gold, and make crowns, and set them upon the head of Joshua the son of Josedech, the high priest;
“And speak unto him, saying, Thus speaketh the Lord of hosts, saying, Behold the man whose name is The Branch; and he shall grow up out of his place, and he shall build the temple of the Lord:
“Even he shall build the temple of the Lord; and he shall bear the glory, and shall sit and rule upon his throne; and he shall be a priest upon his throne: and the counsel of peace shall be between them both.
“And the crowns shall be to Helem, and to Tobijah, and to Jedaiah, and to Hen the son of Zephaniah, for a memorial in the temple of the Lord.
“And they that are far off shall come and build in the temple of the Lord, and ye shall know that the Lord of hosts hath sent me unto you. And this shall come to pass, if ye will diligently obey the voice of the Lord your God.”
The Word of the Lord unto….the first witness!
The house of Josiah-Hen(Kit-Chen), the son of Zephaniah. There the Temple of the Lord shall be built, and you shall know the Lord of Hosts has sent me.
I didn’t write the Bible. It’s not my idea.
But because Christ had given me this job, I am committed to see it through.
Josiah means “supporter of Yah”, the God being(the Word and Logos) who became Jesus Christ.
Hen means “Grace”.
Zerubbabel shouts TWO TIMES “Grace” unto the capstone, and two hands of Zerubbabel lay the foundation. The final one laying Herbert W Armstrong as the apostle as part of the foundation.
Kit means “supporter of Christ” the God being(the Word and Logos) who was the YAH of the Old Testament.
Chen means “Grace”.
Now Herbert W Armstrong came from a family branch of my family. The surname Armstrong was given to him.
His crest is a bare arm of strength coming out of a cloud.
My crest is an armored arm of strength coming out of a cloud holding a sword dipped in blood.
(The Bedford flag is my family crest)
The Word of the Lord can’t be broken. I am not a time traveler. God is the orchestrator of these things. And by the Word of God you now know I am sent by God unto you.
In Christ’s service,
Samuel W Kitchen
25 comments:
Sometimes when I read Samuel's stuff, I notice how similar the tone is to what you'd see from a jilted boyfriend who remains obsessed and can't accept that the relationship is over. I wouldn't expect Samuel to recognize this, especially with the homoerotic overtones that his obsessive crush on Aaron Dean sometimes seems to take, as with his latest talk of candlestick and golden oil.
No, Samuel, God didn't send you to crush on Aaron Dean. I hope you get the help you need before you hurt yourself, hurt someone else, or just plain crack up.
I do not know either gentleman, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Aaron Dean has a higher IQ than Sam Kitchen. Better collection of life's experiences, too! So, why would Aaron listen to a rant about golden oil flowing back to Herbert W. Poopstrong?
Talking about Aaron Dean’s kinked hose?
Has someone been watching Heated Rivalry on HBO?
Why isn't Samuel Kitchen Praising Bob Thiel as the Anointed one?- he "Bob" claims he restored all things even Herbie didn't do. The Dreams , the Woman, the š§¹ Witchdoctors - oh my........
Samuel Kitchen needs to grow up and stop living in his Disney Church World.
Samuel Kitchen wants an organization made in his image that can satisfy his emotional needs. This is common in the ACOGs, which is why members frequently try to use their ministers as a club against those who resist their many perks. Samuel needs to change himself rather than change his environment to accommodate his needs.
Sam wrote: "You Mr Dean are running with a kinked hose," -- I wonder if Aaron Dean should seek medical help for that?
Somehow, I would respect Sam a little bit more if he chose a more relevant cause, like abolishing ICE. Instead, he wastes his efforts on something nobody cares about.
Time has not been kind to Armstrongism. Anybody whom the members thought would really be out there doing something has passed on. Others have logged their time, languishing through their youth and are now past prime. Although It is quite laughable, there are still folks out there who never got the joke.
I think that PAULA DEAN, is a better match for KITCHEN!
To the nasty UCG pastors wife who thinks she's above the law and can bulky whomever she wants. I will be logging an official complaint about you.
How does this alleged pastor's wife bulky people? By over-feeding them?
The wives of the UCG pastors who are posting on this board are doing all in their power to discredit the church. Proverbs 25:24 perfectly describes them!
So that's Aaron's problem all these years? A kinked hose?
Poor Samuel has indeed been bulkied!
Does anyone know why there is so much suspicion that there are wives of ucg pastors posting on here?
What a buch of crap
You are very brave to read and analyze such nonsense.
Why would pastors wives do that? If you're gonna go to hell, it'd be much more fun and multiculturally enlightening to go on a night out with the girls, doing the dance bar scene.
Would that make them "kinked HOEZ"?
Well, all through my teenage years, I expected to be a member of the 27 club (was 27 in '75). But, once ol' Hog Jowls pulled what we now call a "Dave Pack" (false prophecy), I certainly didn't expect the COGlodytes to still be worshipping him 50 years later! Somehow, people never allow fake crap to just die a quiet death. We put our garbage out for collection each week. Who would expect the garbage men to deliver it back to us?
mythical glory days. Ah, yes—the good old days when everything was perfect and the "strong hand from someplace" was just around the corner
the so called glory days were full of vanity, lies and corrupt high living by the alleged chosen ones which is why it was all a tumbling down
Round of applause RSK. Although I would think it’s Kinked Hoes.
11.43, so you're old school. The members should be seem and not heard, and blindly believe what ever they're told.
Well, I mean, if hes still hanging out with UCG (admittedly a better option than some, but still pretty horrid), he's obviously got something wrong with him.
Samuel Kitchen (SK) theorizes that: "...Herbert W Armstrong”. He is the end time Zerubbabel.
But “the hands”(more than one) of Zerubbabel shall lay the foundation of THIS HOUSE(the Worldwide Church of God), and “the hands” shall finish it..."
But Herbert W Armstrong (HWA) is "sleeping," so his hands aren't going to finish anything...unless Samuel can find him and wake him up.
Besides that, once upon a time, AC students were taught that Zerubbabel was like a shadow of Jesus Christ. Didn't that make sense?
And, if that were the truth, then might Joshua be like a shadow of Peter? Does that make sense?
And Jesus Christ's hands are still busy building God's Church, still not completed, while HWA continues "sleeping." Does that make sense?
SK also states: "...“Church of God” is too ambiguous, and opens the door for much argument and vain babbling.
The Bible tells us to avoid such..."
And, that appears to be true, but we all know what happened to "Worldwide Church of God," so SK's Worldwide Church of God has to also be very ambiguous. Does that make sense?
SK mentioned: "...You Mr Dean are running with a kinked hose..."
At Mr Dean's age, might he prefer to consider compression socks? Does that make sense?
SK also stated: "...But because Christ had given me this job, I am committed to see it through...."
Christ is not confused, unless you are being led by "another Jesus," another Christ, because wouldn't Jesus Christ know that Zerubbabel was actually a "shadow/pattern" of Himself as Jesus Christ, and not HWA?
Time will tell...
John
It's fortunate that of all the original students of Herbert W. Armstrong, the inimitable Dr. Herman Hoeh stood alone, resisting the urge to become involved in establishing an ACOG. Just imagine! Had he chosen to take his place on the wrong side of history, there would also be "kinked Hoehs" discussed here on the pages of Banned!
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