The Church of God’s Glorious Petra Escape Plan: Because Nothing Says “Place of Safety” Like Squatting in Jordan’s Tourist Trap

For decades, the various Churches of God have lovingly drilled into their members the thrilling end-time adventure known as “The Place of Safety.” According to this cherished teaching, when the Great Tribulation kicks off, the faithful few will be rounded up by what’s left of the U.S. government (now apparently run by invading Germans, because why not add Nazis to the mix?) and herded into concentration camps. From there, they’ll be miraculously transported — not by boring old buses or trains, but by being flown on eagles’ wings straight to Petra in Jordan.

Yes, you read that right. Divine eagles. Or, as some of the more practically minded ministers used to quietly whisper, commercial airplanes…but those planes would have metal fatigue, and the Germans would put us on these planes with the hope they would crash before we made it to Petra. Because nothing builds faith like hoping your rescue flight does not plummet into the ocean or desert.

The best part? Apparently, no one in the Church of God ever bothered to run this plan by the Jordanians.

Picture it: thousands of slightly unhinged American cultists led by Bob Thiel, Gerald Flurry, and Dave Pack, suddenly materializing in the middle of Jordan, confidently announcing, “Excuse us, we’re God’s special remnant. We’ll be taking over Petra now — you know, your ancient city and massively profitable tourist attraction. Thanks so much! Don’t mind us while we wait out the Tribulation in your backyard. Oh, and you are supposed to feed us, take care of our sanitation needs, and provide us with beds, blankets, clothing, shoes, and anything else we are used to as God's chosen people.”

One can only imagine the Jordanian tourism minister’s face when informed that a bunch of prophecy-obsessed Midwesterners planned to commandeer one of the country’s biggest money-makers for three and a half years, all while claiming divine right of occupancy.

But hey, why spoil a good doctrine with minor details like international law, foreign sovereignty, or basic common sense?

In the end, that’s the quiet truth behind the Petra fantasy. The Church of God never really thought about anyone other than itself. The rest of the world — including the actual owners of Petra — were just background props in their very own private end-times movie. Jordanians? Germans? Crashing planes? Details, details. As long as the “true church” gets its exclusive VIP bunker in the rocks, everything else is someone else’s problem.

Truly, nothing says “God’s loving protection” quite like assuming the entire planet will happily rearrange itself so a tiny American splinter group can play biblical cosplay in a Jordanian national treasure.