Hosanna in the highest, Hosanna to your King!
Jerusalem, Jerusalem! Lift up your gates and sing, hallelujah, and pass the offering basket— the one true Church has spoken from on high! While members are drowning in triple-tithe poverty, watching their kids grow up isolated and anxious about the Tribulation, skipping doctors because “faith healing,” and dealing with shunning, burnout, and broken marriages, Gerald Weston and the Council of Elders have boldly tackled the real spiritual crisis of our age:
Clapping for special music.
Yes, brethren. In an online ministers’ meeting, the burning question wasn’t financial abuse, mental health disasters in the flock, or why so many long-time members quietly fade away. No, it was: “Should we clap after the special music number?”
After deep “discussion” and “decades of experience” (because nothing says biblical authority like decades of inconsistency), they have issued a new thus saith Gerald decree: No more applause.
Peak Armstrongism: Majoring in the Minors Since 1934
No biblical command? No problem! Just make an “administrative decision” anyway. Because God apparently left the important stuff—like whether to clap after “How Great Thou Art”—to headquarters to figure out.
Children performing? Sorry, kids. No exceptions. We can’t have a “slippery slope.” Better to train the little ones early that showing basic human appreciation is now verboten. They’ll understand. (They always do when the Church says so.)
Real encouragement? Just go tell the singer personally afterward. A sincere compliment is so much better than “tepid, dutiful applause.” Translation: We’d rather you awkwardly corner people in the lobby than allow a natural, joyful corporate response.
Meanwhile, back in reality:
Families are financially crushed trying to keep up with the endless demands. People die prematurely from avoiding medical care. Members suffer in silence with depression and abuse because “bringing problems to the ministry might harm the Work.” Kids grow up socially stunted, terrified of “the world,” and many bolt as soon as they’re old enough. But sure, the real threat to salvation was those filthy sinners clapping after a piano solo.
This is Armstrongism in its purest form: obsessing over external forms, rules, and appearances while the weightier matters—justice, mercy, actual love, and basic human decency—get trampled. The church sticks its nose into the smallest, most inconsequential details of how you express appreciation, all while ignoring (or actively worsening) the crushing real-life burdens its members carry.
Bravo, Mr. Weston. You’ve once again proven the priority list:
- Control every tiny behavior.
- Maintain “decorum” and uniformity.
- Everything else (poverty, trauma, health, families falling apart) can wait.
After all, nothing says “Philadelphia remnant” like a room full of stoic, non-clapping members staring blankly after special music. That’ll really show the world (and Laodiceans) who God’s true church is.
Keep those hands in your laps, brethren. The end is near, and apparently, the most important preparation is making sure no one enjoys the music too visibly.
Priorities.
May 21st, 2026
Greetings from Charlotte,
We held an online meeting for ministers on Wednesday to pass along information that came out in the recent Council of Elders meetings and to answer questions that come to our ministers from time to time. One question discussed by the COE was that of applauding Special Music. Many of our congregations rarely, if ever, have Special Music, but some have it every week, and most Festival sites have it as well. The Church has not been consistent through the years in its position on applauding Special Music, and we do not find in the Bible a “thus sayeth the Lord” one way or the other. After due discussion, it was decided that, going forward, we should notapplaud for Special Music. This is an administrative decision based on counsel and decades of experience. A question then comes up: “What about performances by children?” Making children an exception becomes a slippery slope. Instead, our children should simply be informed that, going forward, it is our practice not to applaud Special Music. We believe they can understand this when all others who perform Special Music are treated the same way. As always, we encourage members to directly express their personal appreciation to those who contribute in this manner, just as they often do to the men who give sermons and sermonettes. A sincere, personal compliment means much more than tepid, dutiful applause. Thank you, dear brethren, for your understanding and support in this decision.
—Gerald E. Weston
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