The other day a strong earthquake shook a region of the Philippines. Naturally, Bwana Bob, our most highy favored Crackpot Prophet couldn't let a little thing like human suffering pass without making it all about him and his one-man-band Continuing Church of God. He piously inquired of his handful of Filipino followers whether any of his precious members had suffered or been injured. The answer? No.
Relieved that his tithing base remained intact, Crackpot Bob then unleashed this pearl of pastoral wisdom (quote left intact, because it really is too stupid to improve upon):
He writes:
While that is good news, the death’s from this quake are a sober reminder that life is fleeting. Consider also the words of Jesus:
1 There were present at that season some who told Him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. 2 And Jesus answered and said to them, “Do you suppose that these Galileans were worse sinners than all other Galileans, because they suffered such things? 3 I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish. 4 Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them, do you think that they were worse sinners than all other men who dwelt in Jerusalem? 5 I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish.” (Luke 13:1-5)
Your situation can change. You can perish. Do not put off full repentance as YOU may not have as much time to become a true Philadelphian Christian as you might think.
Oh, brilliant, Bwana Bob. Jesus warns about the universal need for repentance in a broken world, and you turn it into a sleazy timeshare pitch for your irrelevant Armstrongist splinter. According to Saint Bwana, random earthquakes aren't just tragic reminders of mortality — they're divine billboards screaming "Hurry up and join Thiel's Philadelphian Elite or you're toast!"
This is peak theological idiocy, even by Crackpot Prophet standards. Jesus said "repent." Full stop. He didn't say "repent and become a true Philadelphian under that guy in California who keeps failing at prophecy, obsessing over calendars, and pretending British Israelism isn't debunked nonsense." Crackpot Bob has taken a clear, grace-centered warning about sudden death and twisted it into fear-mongering recruitment for his ego-driven mini-cult.
Life is fleeting, Bwana Bob — especially your credibility after decades of prophetic faceplants. But hey, keep using dead bodies as marketing material. Nothing says "loving shepherd" like leveraging earthquakes to scare people into sending you money so they can be counted among your "true Philadelphians." Classic Bobism: tone-deaf, self-promoting, and theologically bankrupt.
No comments:
Post a Comment