Everyone Is Wrong Except Me

 

Here are the words to the above screenshot (on his original site)

The Archives

THE WORLDWIDE CHURCH OF GOD- OWNERS IN PERSPECTIVE

NOTE

The above collections, maintained by various people, contain materials, publications, videos, audio, and other productions belonging to the Worldwide Church of God. We consider them like museums, and as curators who have found interest in what this Church has produced since 1934. The Worldwide Church of God reserves all rights to its property. 

We advise CAUTION while viewing their collections, because the curator's views and beliefs are not exactly the same as the Worldwide Church of God. They are NOT owners of the materials, literature, publications and various productions of the Worldwide Church of God. 

Though we share commonality, with interest and passion for the preservation of the things belonging to the Worldwide Church of God, we do not endorse these other groups although they build their collections of this protected work.

To view their collections, click the pictures. 

In Jesus Christ's name, 

Samuel W Kitchen

Worldwide Church of God

Samuel W. Kitchen has just posted an oh-so-gracious disclaimer about other "other" COG sites that are repositories for WCG/HWA literature, books, films, etc. Of course, since this is the Church of God and Samuel is the new Bob Thiel of the church, everyone else is WRONG except for him. Talk about a broken record! Been there, done that about 700 times now.

On his own website, if you dare to click those little images he links to, you'll be magically whisked away to other Church of God-related archives—sites that have been faithfully preserving Worldwide Church of God literature, films, books, sermons, and broadcasts for decades longer than Samuel and his brother Tim ever dreamed of launching their own knockoff versions. These folks were digitizing and safeguarding HWA's materials while young Sammy was probably still in diapers. Yet, somehow they managed without "stealing" anything—unlike certain self-appointed curators who cribbed content from the very WCG and those established four sites to slap together their own "superior" archive.

In a breathtaking display of narcissistic, self-righteous arrogance, Samuel Kitchen solemnly warns us to view these other collections with caution—because, gasp, their views and beliefs aren't exactly aligned with the one true Worldwide Church of God. You know, the one he conveniently "represents" by slapping the name on his personal project, despite having absolutely zero legal, historical, or divine claim to it. The original WCG trademark and rights? Long since transitioned elsewhere, but details, schmetails—Samuel's got the spiritual high ground, apparently.

There's nothing remotely God-ordained about this plagiarism-fueled operation that Samuel and Timothy Kitchen run where they are lifting materials, rebranding the church name as his own private preserve, and then passing the collection plate to gullible "dumb sheep" who might mistake his YouTube sermons and AI-generated hymns for divine restoration. Tithes and offerings to fund... what, exactly? A pipe dream of buying back the Ambassador Auditorium? Please.

It's a guaranteed fact that Samuel will never raise enough money to purchase that Pasadena gem. He's already out there fraudulently presenting himself as a "representative" of the Worldwide Church of God to Harvest Rock Church and the realtors handling the sale—complete with earnest emails and phone numbers—as if a guy in Keosauqua, Iowa, running a shoestring website qualifies as the legitimate successor. News flash: he doesn't represent the Worldwide Church of God any more than Bob Thiel, Dave Pack, or Gerald Flurry do. At least those other gentlemen had the minimal decency to invent their own goofy church names instead of outright swiping the original and pretending it's theirs by divine fiat. How original. How humble.

In the end, Samuel's and Timothy's little crusade is less "preserving the truth" and more a masterclass in Armstrongist irony: the man who cautions against "counterfeits" while running his own unlicensed replica, who warns of doctrinal deviation while deviating into self-promotion and fantasy real-estate schemes. If this is God's chosen remnant in 2026, heaven help us all—because the only thing being recaptured here is yesterday's drama, repackaged with extra sanctimony and zero self-awareness.

Newest Self-Appointed COG Leader Declares A Sanctified Fast

The one, the only, the celestially self-nominated Samuel W. Kitchen—third-generation heir apparent, mantle-inheritor extraordinaire, and proud composer of such timeless bangers as “Now God Knows” and “Supreme”—has once again descended from his YouTube channel heights to grace us with his infallible decree.

This coming Saturday, mark your calendars and empty your refrigerators, because our Supreme Restorer has proclaimed a Glorious Mandatory Global Fast. The holy purpose? To power-wash your grubby, doubt-filled hearts until they gleam like the Ambassador Auditorium he’s currently crowdfunding to repurchase (because nothing screams “God’s one true church restored” quite like begging strangers online to help buy back real estate from the apostates who actually maintained it).

But hold onto your tithing envelopes—this celestial spa day isn’t open to just any lukewarm Laodicean. Oh no. Only the ultra-elect, the certified non-counterfeit remnant who will emerge from this 24-hour starvation sacrament sufficiently purified, set apart, and spiritually swole enough to drag the Worldwide Church of God back to its legendary golden era.You know the one: when the sermons were three hours long, the doctrines never changed (except when they did), the hierarchy was unquestionable, the mail-in checks flowed like manna, corruption wore a three-piece suit and smiled benevolently from the stage, and the brethren joyfully played their starring role as walking ATMs in what future church historians would unanimously label the most extravagantly successful prosperity gospel ever rebranded as “God’s government on earth.”

Truly, what an honor to be summoned back to paradise. Dust off that fasting bucket, silence your critical thoughts, and start drafting that love-offering check made payable to the one true Restorer—who, coincidentally, also happens to be the guy telling you he’s the Restorer.

Because if there’s one thing Herbert Armstrong taught us, it’s that God always chooses the humblest vessels… especially the ones who write songs about their holy righteous family and then email the concert venue asking if he can buy it back.

Passover prep has never felt so gloriously authoritarian. Let the hunger games begin.

LCG: How Dare You Have A Critical Opinion! How Dare You!

 

First, it was matzos that those sinful LCG members fell flat on—literally. Now it's daring to question leaders. Can't you LCG brethren, ever do anything right? (Spoiler: Apparently not, according to Charlotte.)

Here we have another uplifting Sabbath message from Dr. Douglas S. Winnail, dripping with that signature blend of gentle correction and implied spiritual peril. Because nothing says "profitable Sabbath" like being reminded—yet again—that your opinions are probably from Satan, and questioning authority is basically the modern equivalent of Korah's rebellion.Christ’s Mind or Our Opinions?

How many times have you said or heard, “Here is how I see it,” or “Here is what I think,” or—gasp—“Here is how I think it should be done?” All too often, these dangerous, divisive comments are directed at people in leadership positions—even in the Church! (The horror!)

Moses was criticized by men who held different opinions (Numbers 16:1–33). Peter differed with Jesus over a matter and even rebuked Christ (Matthew 16:21–23). In both cases, the people expressing those critical opinions did not recognize the real source of their negative and divisive thoughts and actions. (Hint: It wasn't the Holy Spirit giving them discernment—it was obviously pride, rebellion, or worse.)

Before we start sharing our pesky “different” opinions, we need to remember God’s warning: “My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways” (Isaiah 55:8). We also need to remember Solomon’s timeless wisdom: “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back” (Proverbs 29:11). (Translation: Shut up and submit—true wisdom looks a lot like silence.)

As true Christians, we need to develop a godly perspective that reflects the mind of Jesus Christ (Philippians 2:5). Which, conveniently, seems to align perfectly with whatever headquarters has decided this week.

Christ’s Mind or Our Opinions? How many times have you said or heard, “Here is how I see it,” or “Here is what I think,” or “Here is how I think it should be done?” All too often these comments are directed at people in leadership positions—even in the Church. Moses was criticized by men who held different opinions (Numbers 16:1–33). Peter differed with Jesus over a matter and even rebuked Christ (Matthew 16:21–23). In both cases, the people expressing critical opinions did not recognize the real source of their negative and divisive thoughts and actions. Before we start sharing our “different” opinions, we need to remember God’s warning, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways” (Isaiah 55:8). We also need to remember Solomon’s warning, “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back” (Proverbs 29:11). As true Christians, we need to develop a godly perspective that reflects the mind of Jesus Christ (Philippians 2:5). 

Have a profitable Sabbath, 

Douglas S. Winnail

Translation for the rest of us Laodiceans still clinging to our dangerous "opinions": First headquarters polices your unleavened bread recipe (too fluffy? Too tasty? Too innovative? Straight to the sin bin). Now they're policing your very thoughts. Because nothing fosters unity like constantly reminding members that disagreeing—even politely, even privately—is proof you're not really converted.

At this rate, the next update will warn against breathing too independently, lest it reflect "our ways" instead of God's. After all, why risk members thinking for themselves when you can just quote scripture to keep everyone in line?

Keep those mouths shut, and those minds blank, brethren. Charlotte knows best. Always has. Always will. Or at least that's the official opinion we're allowed to have.

LCG's One True 1960 Hoeh Family Matzo Decree

Are Living Church of God members EVER allowed to do anything right? Inquiring Laodiceans demand to know! (and apparently, the answer is still “No.”)

Week after week—bless their hearts—the boys in Charlotte grace us with yet another lovingly crafted admonishment. Because nothing says “spiritual nourishment” like being reminded that you’ve somehow managed to mess up yet another tiny, insignificant detail of Christian living. God forbid headquarters ever risk uttering a single encouraging word, like “Hey, you’re actually doing pretty well as Christians this week,” or—gasp—“grace is really flowing in your lives right now.” No, no, that would be far too dangerous. We might accidentally start thinking salvation has something to do with Christ’s finished work instead of getting the skirt length just so.

The list of offenses is truly impressive in its microscopic pettiness: bad attitudes (shocking), clothing styles and lengths that are apparently auditioning for the wrong century, the unforgivable sin of questioning a minister (how very Laodicean of you), and of course, the ever-popular crime of… baking unleavened bread incorrectly. Yes, friends, we have now reached peak oversight: policing the precise fluffiness of your Passover matzo.

The latest pearl of pastoral guidance arrives fresh from headquarters, dripping with that special blend of passive-aggressive concern and historical nostalgia:

Unleavened bread is part of the Passover service, but the Bible does not give us a specific recipe to use, stipulating only that it must be unleavened (Exodus 12:8; Matthew 26:26). Historically, the Church has used store-bought plain Matzos or homemade unleavened bread from a simple recipe from Mrs. Isabell Hoeh (wife of Dr. Herman Hoeh) in 1960. This recipe was likely handed down from an even earlier time. Since the breakup of the Worldwide Church of God, we have become a bit loose in what kind of homemade bread is used for the Passover, with some innovations to the historic recipe. Therefore, we have published ingredients and instructions in the Living Church News…

Translation for the spiritually dense among us: “Some of you degenerates have been adding flavor, texture, or—horror of horrors—egg whites. Your bread looked too nice. It rose a suspicious 1/100th of an inch. This cannot stand. We are now reissuing the One True 1960 Hoeh Family Matzo Decree so you stop thinking you’re allowed to be creative during the holiest season of the year. Buy plain Matzos if you can’t be trusted with flour and water. Allergies? We’ll condescend to address those… next week. You’re welcome.”

Because nothing symbolizes putting out sin, sincerity, and truth (1 Cor. 5:6–8) quite like making sure every single unleavened loaf achieves the exact same level of cardboard perfection, Isabell Hoeh intended back when bell-bottoms were still a future abomination.

At this point, one has to wonder: is there anything LCG members can do without headquarters swooping in to explain how they’ve subtly perverted God’s way? Breathe correctly? Smile with the approved level of joy? The bar is apparently set so low that even clearing it earns suspicion.

So keep baking, brethren—and sisters especially, since this seems to be a women’s-issue sin. Just remember: if your unleavened bread looks remotely edible, fluffy, or (heaven forbid) tasty, you’re probably drifting into the terrifying realm of “innovation.” Better to stick with the dusty, joyless original and avoid the wrath of the recipe police.

After all, in Charlotte’s eyes, the most important thing during Passover isn’t remembering Christ’s sacrifice… it’s remembering to follow the correct historical instructions so no one accidentally enjoys their symbolism a little too much. Priorities, people. Priorities.

Greetings from Charlotte,

Unleavened bread is part of the Passover service, but the Bible does not give us a specific recipe to use, stipulating only that it must be unleavened (Exodus 12:8; Matthew 26:26). Historically, the Church has used store-bought plain Matzos or homemade unleavened bread from a simple recipe from Mrs. Isabell Hoeh (wife of Dr. Herman Hoeh) in 1960. This recipe was likely handed down from an even earlier time. Since the breakup of the Worldwide Church of God, we have become a bit loose in what kind of homemade bread is used for the Passover, with some innovations to the historic recipe. Therefore, we have published ingredients and instructions in the Living Church News for unleavened bread to be used at the Passover service. It is the first recipe on page 17 of this year’s March-April issue, and it is labeled “Bread for Passover Service.” You may also purchase plain Matzos. I will address handling allergies for Passover in next week’s update.

Happy St Patricks Day!

Two Irish Blessings

Saving Grace

Grant me a sense of humor, Lord,

The saving grace to see a joke,

To win some happiness from life,

And pass it on to other folk. 

An Irish method for tackling problems:

There comes a time when you must take the bull

By the tail and face the situation squarely.

The Apocrypha

 

CIA Murders, Defamation, Conspiracies, Jerusalem, Petra and More!

Oh, dear Great Bwana Bob Thiel, how the mighty have fallen—or rather, how they've been quietly sidelined to a sad little strip-mall existence in Grover Beach. Poor thing, you used to dominate the COG gossip cycle with your endless "news" updates and self-proclaimed prophetic insights, but lately? Crickets. You've been utterly usurped by the new reigning champion of unhinged Armstrongism: Samuel Kitchen, the self-appointed guardian of the "true" Worldwide Church of God.

Yes, while you're stuck rattling around in your itty-bitty dingy storefront, dreaming of African followers and radio spots, Samuel has boldly stepped up to claim the crown for sheer batshit craziness in today's fractured Armstrong world. UCG and COGWA love to pat themselves on the back as the "normal" ones—the sane, buttoned-up alternatives to the wilder outfits like Dave Pack's apocalyptic cash-grab or Gerald Flurry's mini-Pasadena cult compound. But let's be real: they're all cut from the same threadbare Herbert W. Armstrong cloth. Same doctrines, same authoritarian vibes, same endless splintering. Samuel's little reincarnated "mess" is just the latest flavor of the same old delusion, proving yet again that Armstrongism doesn't mellow with age—it just gets whackier, more paranoid, and more entertainingly detached from reality.

And oh boy, when you dive into Samuel's latest manifesto, the red flags start waving like they're at a parade. This guy isn't just quirky; something is profoundly not right here. He presents as this friendly, likable fellow—smiling in videos, posting songs, visiting "brethren" around the globe—but peel back that thin veneer, and there's a darker current swirling underneath: wild claims of CIA-orchestrated family murders to suppress his unincorporated "spiritual organism," complete with warnings from shadowy operatives, trademark battles in Tennessee, and a divine mandate to flee to Petra (oops, Jerusalem—wait, Petra again—wait, Philadelphia PA—wait, back to Jerusalem for a month-long vacay in 2025).

Apparently, his grandmother, mother, and father were all "murdered" in some grand conspiracy to kill off the real WCG before someone could snatch the name. But fear not—the Church persists because Matthew 16:18! And now, more "brethren" are standing up worldwide, proving this unincorporated ghost is alive and well. The solution? Naturally, rally the troops to buy back the Ambassador Auditorium (and maybe some adjacent buildings) to "restore" the Church, the ministry, and give God's name glory. Because nothing says "spiritual organism" like crowdfunding a multimillion-dollar concert hall from a group that currently operates it.

Look, if you're reading this and thinking, "Hey, maybe I should send Samuel some money to reclaim that shiny Pasadena relic," please have your head examined immediately. This is peak Armstrongism: mix equal parts narcissism, zero self-awareness, manipulative guilt-tripping ("You're lying, defaming, slandering the Church of the Living God! Repent!"), and a complete disregard for how trademarks, reality, or basic human empathy actually work. Calling the old WCG a "corporate entity" is apparently bearing false witness now, even though it literally was one before the big doctrinal meltdown.

So here's the sarcastic toast to the new front-runner: Congratulations, Samuel Kitchen—you've out-crazied the field. While Bwana Bob fades into obscurity with his end-time weather reports, you've elevated the game to full-on conspiracy-theorist opera. Keep those feast-site selfies coming from Petra/Jerusalem/wherever the spirit leads next. The rest of us will just sit back with popcorn, watching the "one true Church" restore itself one delusional fundraising plea at a time.

And to everyone else in COG-land: Maybe—just maybe—step back and ask if this endless parade of "true" churches, murdered-family backstories, and real-estate fantasies is really what God had in mind. Or if it's just more proof that when narcissism, lack of empathy, and manipulative personalities take the helm, you get exactly what we're seeing: shining examples of mental illness masquerading as divine restoration.

Copied, unedited.

There is a current problem with disgracing the Worldwide Church of God among these cog groups. 

 

Many times a minister will say “The Worldwide Church of God is dead”, or “it was destroyed”. 

 

They MISS-Classify “the Worldwide Church of God” as a corporate entity. It isnt. And some research into what Herbert W Armstrong taught can prove that. It is actually a spiritual organism! 

 

But the misinformation said about this Church, is a regular defamation, of the character of the Unincorporated Association called the Worldwide Church of God. 

 

When my family stood up as the Worldwide Church of God, we showed and provide sufficient evidence that an association was alive, and we were unincorporated. 

 

Then other brethren saw us, and they too stood up, showing future evidence of this unincorporated spiritual organism. 

 

My personal family, was struck by an attack, that killed the older members. My grandmother was murdered. My mother and the father was murdered. 

 

Now, all evidence says the CIA did it. 

 

One of their operatives prior to all of this happening, came up to my dad and warned him of what was coming down the pipeline. As far as I know, there is no need to question his warning, because it  

came to be. Three members of my family were murdered. 

 

I personally believe it was done with the intention of destroying the unincorporated association of the Worldwide Church of God. Because as we were beig hit, a man was filing in Tennessee a new trademark on the name! However his new trademark is not valid. The original usage is still alive. So it cannot conquer it while the original usage is alive. 

 

But the Chuch persisted, according to Matthew 16:18. 

 

And if we gave up because of the killing of my family, there were people primed to take it. 

 

Now, more brethren are standing up around the world! Proving sufficient evidence of an unincorporated association. 

 

That is why my declaration in 2022, is so important. I announced the Worldwide Church of God was assembling in Jerusalem to keep the Feasts of the Lord! We did keep the feasts but in PETRA! 

 

We didn’t realize we had gathered ourselves to flee out from Jerusalem.

Jeremiah 6:1 

 

“O ye children of Benjamin, gather yourselves to flee out of the midst of Jerusalem”

And so the next year 2023, I went to Philadelphia PA, for the feast and the new website was developed to showcase this unincorporated spiritual organism! 

 

In 2024, I went back to Petra! And brethren was coming together around the world. 

 

In 2025, We assembled in Jerusalem again. Staying an entire month there. 

 

And so my point is, many are disgracing the Worldwide Church of God, by defamation, slander and libel. 

 

This act of calling the Worldwide Church of God a corporate entity, when it is not, is bearing false witness. Telling a lie. 

 

God’s Church does not lie. But by standing up and being the Worldwide Church of God, we are standing up as a witness. 

 

We are the same Worldwide Church of God. And now we are looking to gain the Ambassador Auditorium, and according to some other houses and buildings next to it. We are looking to restore this Church, and to restore the ministry, and give God’s name GLORY! 

 

Be not one of those who want to disgrace the Worldwide Church of God! 

 

You are lying, defaming, slandering the Church of the Living God! 

 

Repent. And believe God!"