Theological Garbage of the Highest Order: Wade Cox’s Cosmic Cult Fantasy

Wade Cox, one of the ever-proliferating splinter gurus spawned from Herbert W. Armstrong’s Worldwide Church of God, has once again blessed us with his latest masterpiece of cosmic fan-fiction. In it, he unfolds what he insists is the grand narrative of human existence. Cox has turned out to be the COG version of L Ron Hubbard.

According to Cox, Satan’s master plan from the beginning was to block as many of the “elect” as possible from entering the First Resurrection. Why? Because those elite few who pass the test are destined to become the key leaders of the “Human sector of the Elohim host” — glorious Morning Stars, Covering Cherubim, and Sector Commanders who will lord it over vast regions of the universe when God finally descends to run everything from Earth headquarters in the highly specific and surely-not-made-up year of 3128 AD.

Mankind, he explains, has been subjected to a divine aptitude test courtesy of the Fallen Host. The exam is delightfully simple: Keep the Law, the Testimony, and especially the sacred Temple Calendar — complete with New Moons, Passover, Pentecost, and the Feasts of the Seventh Month, all scrupulously observed “outside the gates” per Deuteronomy 16. Score high enough, and you graduate to full Elohim godhood in the First Resurrection. Flunk it and you get shipped off to the Second Resurrection for a remedial 100-year boot camp in the conveniently extended Cities of Refuge during the Millennium.

Oh, and once the blinders come off, humanity will be so furious at the deception that they’ll naturally want to rip apart every pope, cardinal, bishop, Trinitarian, Sunday-keeper, Christmas-celebrator, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, and — of course — every rival Armstrongist “Sardis and Laodicean” leader limb from limb. The merciful solution from the “elect”? Round them all up and put them in protective custody so the righteous mob doesn’t get to enjoy some well-deserved vengeance.  Thus, Cities of Refuge will be established in various locations around the world and will house all of these sinners and protect them from lynchings. All of this, Cox assures us, was God’s clever way of determining who is trustworthy enough to be turned loose unsupervised across the cosmos.

Repentance, the Lord’s Supper, and obsessive feast-keeping outside the gates are, naturally, the non-negotiable core of this “New Covenant” test.

Oh, where to even begin with this galaxy-brained garbage of the highest order?

First, the idea that saved Christians get promoted to literal Elohim status — complete with snazzy titles like Sector Commander and Covering Cherub — is the kind of delirious self-promotion that makes the old pagan emperors blush. The Bible says the saints will reign with Christ (Revelation 20:4-6). It does not say they will morph into a divine host of mini-gods running their own little fiefdoms while God parks His throne on Earth in 3128. That date isn’t in Scripture; it’s straight out of the prophetic fortune cookie factory.

Second, turning the Christian life into a cosmic merit-badge program based on calendar precision is not just wrong — it’s hilariously arrogant. The New Testament laughs this legalism out of the room. Colossians 2:16-17 mocks anyone who would judge others over “a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath,” calling them mere shadows whose substance is Christ. Paul warns in Galatians 4 that obsessing over “days and months and seasons and years” is spiritual slavery. Hebrews 8–10 declares the entire Old Covenant system — calendar, feasts, sacrifices, the works — gloriously obsolete. But sure, Wade, tell us again how missing a New Moon might cost you your shot at universe command. Jesus must have forgotten to mention that part while He was busy saying “It is finished” (John 19:30).

The sheer gall of claiming this calendar cult is the real “test” while the actual gospel of grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8-9) gets demoted to optional reading is peak cult behavior. It’s the same old Pharisee playbook, just with extra sci-fi seasoning.

Then there’s the delightful prediction of the Great Future Lynching, where the enlightened masses will need to be restrained from tearing Trinitarians and Christmas lovers to shreds. How very “love your enemies” (Matthew 5:44) of them. Nothing says “Spirit-filled elect” quite like fantasizing about putting popes and bishops in protective custody to prevent the mob from doing God’s dirty work. Real biblical justice, that.

This entire framework is spiritually toxic on steroids. It breeds smug elitism (“We’re the future Elohim overlords!”), sows hatred toward the body of Christ, and sets people up for crushing disillusionment when 3128 comes and goes with zero cosmic promotions. Worst of all, it hijacks the glorious New Covenant and turns it back into the very bondage Christ died to abolish (Galatians 5:1).

Wade Cox didn’t write biblical theology. He wrote an elaborate works-righteousness pyramid scheme with a side order of apocalyptic revenge fantasy. It has almost nothing to do with the actual New Covenant, the finished work of Christ, or the simple command to repent and believe the gospel (Acts 16:31). But then, lest we forget, his Christ is a created creature.

Christians would do well to run, not walk, away from this nonsense. The real hope of the believer isn’t earning a fancy title in some future Elohim bureaucracy — it’s being forgiven, adopted as God’s child, and enjoying eternal life with Christ by grace alone. Anything else is just sad, deluded, and dangerously misleading.

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The Satanic plan was to ensure that as few of the elect as possible could enter the First Resurrection and that was to ensure that as few as possible could become the key leaders of the Human sector of the Elohim host and so could be leaders of the entire elohim system, as Morning Stars and Covering Cherubim and Sector Commanders over the universe when God comes here in 3128 to rule the universe, from the Earth (Nos. 180; 187; 174). 

 

Satan was permitted to test mankind with the Fallen Host to determine if mankind could be trusted to keep the Covenant of God (No. 152) and to keep the Law and the Testimony and the Temple Calendar that flowed from the Law (L1). The test was simple. If a person kept the Law and the Testimony and the Temple Calendar that flowed from the Law, then they passed and qualified to become elohim in the First Resurrection (No. 143A and 143E above). If they did not pass to enter that First Resurrection, they failed and they were sent to the Second Resurrection (No. 143B). It was for this reason that the Cities of Refuge (No. 300D) had to be extended over the millennial system, under the Law of God and into the retraining period of the 100 years, or two jubilees, of the Second Resurrection (No. 143B above). Once the Human Host finds out what it is that the Demonic Host and the false religious systems that Satan and the Fallen Host established, the people will seek to kill every person of the Fallen Host and every leader or key figure in the Babylonian religious system that was involved in the Sun and mystery Cults of the Baal system, whether in Trinitarianism, Sunday, Christmas and Easter worship of the Mother Goddess Cult or in Hadithic, Shia and Sufi Islam, Hindu Ancestor Worship, Buddhism, Taoism, Animism and any other religious system. That will also include the Sardis and Laodicean systems of the Churches of God over the last few centuries of this Age (see below). Almost the entire world’s systems have been corrupted everywhere, and mankind will pay dearly for that corruption. Simply put, we will have to place all the beings corrupted by Satan and the Fallen Host and who misled mankind and held any responsible religious office, including the false prophets of Sardis and Laodicea and their officers (see No. 269), into protective custody including all Popes, Cardinals and Bishops of the Trinitarian systems. That is necessary simply to stop mankind from tearing them apart limb from limb. God allowed this as a key test to determine who could be trusted to be diligent and trustworthy enough to follow instructions without supervision. Those that proved trustworthy could then be placed in charge of the Universe without supervision anywhere God decided to send them. The failures of Sardis and Loadicea over the last two centuries is a classic example of the necessity of the Body of Christ to be implicitly faithful and trustworthy continually. The Temple Calendar including the New Moons, Passover and Pentecost and the Feasts of the Seventh Month are intrinsic to that test.

Repentance is central to the test, and keeping the Lord's Supper and the Passover outside of the Gates, along with Pentecost, and Tabernacles, are all key elements of that test. All three feast periods are to be kept outside of our gates. (Deut. Ch 16). Part of the inability of the Sardis and Laodicean systems to repent stems from their bad training and the brainwashing of their people through the false and Satanic systems of this modern age. Sardis and Laodicea emerged from North America in the Nineteenth and Twentieth Centuries. The groundwork had been set by Satan and the Fallen Host in the Churches of God from the Quartodeciman Disputes (No. 277) and the Unitarian Trinitarian Wars (No. 268). Under the Trinitarian system set up from Rome in the Fourth Century CE, Satan set up the Doctrines of Heaven and Hell and based on the earlier doctrine of Reincarnation. We examine that sequence in the paper for the New Moon: Satan's Doctrines of Heaven, Hell and Reincarnation (No. 143F). Using these false doctrines, Satan and the Fallen Host were able to develop it as accepted history that the Triune God ruled the world and they were able to undermine and refute the Bible teachings of the One True God Eloah as the Creator and ruler of the world. They then were able to persecute and suppress the True Doctrines.

Van Robison on "Is Human Happiness a Product of Churches?"

Is Human Happiness a Product of Churches?

Churches of men such as the Worldwide Church of God and its splinter groups have always led gullible people to believe that they are the source of happiness, light, truth and the path to God. The world has also been led to believe that men went to the moon in a rocket ship. Many believe mankind did go to the moon and many believe it was a hoax of mass propaganda.  Either way, are human beings any happier because of it? What church ever prevented human problems such as divorce, auto accidents, sickness, disease, war or a myriad of other human conditions that are always a part of our world? Like it or not, churches are merely a means to control and free money for its founders and rulers.

Would humans actually be much more happy if they did not go to church? To believe that going to church is an automatic ticket to happiness is a false premise. Of course friendships with other people can be found in going to church, but sitting in pews being indoctrinated with mush, is not particularly beneficial. Those who sit in pews are treated as school children who must be told what to think and what to believe.  Those standing in pulpits pretend that they are "masters" of all the knowledge that God wants human beings to be aware of. Other non-Christian religions are likewise believers that their belief system is what "truth" and "happiness" is all about. Every pastor and church wants more followers and the reason is more than obvious, because it grows their bank account.

Do churches guarantee happiness, truth and eternal life if people live by their rules? They may say that they can guarantee happiness, truth and eternal life, but in reality they cannot. What pastor of any church group has the power to prevent sickness, disease or accidents that rob humans of happiness? For that matter what human government has such power? Not even tithing, observing the Saturday Sabbath or keeping annual "Holy" days has the power to prevent sickness, disease, divorce, adultery, accidents, wars or to guarantee wealth and material blessings. Church or no church, religion or no religion, all humans are subject to time and chance and the problems of life that are common to all human beings. Not even the rich and wealthy are immune from such problems. The conquering of other nations by bully nations, does not guarantee happiness or solve the problems of humans on earth, but rather they promote more problems.

The bottom line is that no pastor, no church, no government, no organization of humans has the key to happiness, truth or life. Finding your own way in life is a personal quest and learning never stops as long as we live. Listening to public speakers as if public speakers (preachers or politicians or?), will lead anyone into a human utopia is a false hope. In the end, it is your personal responsibility to find your own purpose in human life and preachers are not the answer, nor is anyone responsible to preachers. All preachers will do is take you captive to their thinking and for life if allowed to do so, all the while robbing you financially so they can build monuments to their own private vanity.

Happiness, truth and life are NOT products of churches, even if and when they tell you they are. 

Van Robison

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The Demographics of Salvation The Puzzle of Barth, Armstrong and Election

The Demographics of Salvation

The Puzzle of Barth, Armstrong and Election

By Scout

 

Back in 1995, I was fairly well down the road towards leaving Armstrongism.  My journey was done with some trepidation.  I did not trust mainstream Christianity.  I had spent years believing it was grossly pagan.  It made me a little sick to think that I had unwittingly taken a stand against genuine Christianity by following cult “theology.” But I did all right with the transition for a little while. And then I ran into Calvinism.  

TULIP especially bothered me.  This is an acronym for the fundamental soteriological beliefs of Calvinism, including the belief in Election.  The U in TULIP stands for Unconditional Election. Suddenly my interest in Christianity waned.  Picture a balloon deflating and looking sad and flaccid. This was because Calvinism was at the forefront of the Protestant Reformation and Reformed theology advanced the idea that all things are pre-determined by God.  We humans are all like puppets dancing on strings with no free will. I felt that Calvinism was just as much of a cult as Armstrongism.  One had to deal with it.  It needed a disposition in my mind before I could proceed with Christianity.  I eventually arrived at a resolution over some years but the Calvinist view of Election had been the stickiest wicket. 

Now I believe that Calvinist Unconditional Election is right in a narrow but important way. I believe that Christians are elect in the Calvinist sense that God chose them before they ever lived and pre-destined them to be in the First Resurrection.  That may sound like I made it up so it would be good to look at some scriptures.

The Scriptures

Here are the scriptures from the Epistle to the Ephesians.  They are extraordinary: 

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ: According as he hath chosen (eklegomai, the verb from which the adjective eklektos is derived) us in him before the foundation of the world (Cosmos), that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: Having predestinated (proorizo) us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will” (KJV, Ephesians 1:3-5)

To demonstrate this is not just Greek-influenced Pauline theology, we have the following statement from the very Jewish Peter:

“Elect (eklektos) according to the foreknowledge (prognosis) of God the Father, through sanctification of the Spirit, unto obedience and sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ:” (KJV,1 Peter 1:2).

Both of these scriptures speak of the members of the Body of Christ.   Paul and Peter use such heady terms as elect, foreknowledge and predestination.  Jesus speaks of the Elect as a separate population with a privileged understanding of the Gospel.  But through Paul and Peter the origination of the Elect is explained.  And the amazing statement is that those people who are now in the Body of Christ, the church, were elected to this state before the foundation of the Cosmos.  This means that somehow they had to exist before the foundation of the Cosmos.  And we know from the Book of Revelation that Christians will be in the first resurrection, will be priests and will reign with Christ for eternity.  And important to say, for reasons you will read later, that the non-Elect will not have these experiences. 

So, what we have is a demographic statement.  The Elect is a population of people chosen prior to the creation of the Cosmos to be servants of God and to be deployed on earth at various times and places as suits God’s plans (Church in the Wilderness or New Testament Church).  While that may seem to be a straightforward characterization, Election can be a complicated issue that raises many questions.  I am going to now briefly examine and question the views on Election of Karl Barth and Herbert W. Armstrong (HWA).  I have chosen these two because their views will cover the various denominations that stem from the Armstrongist Worldwide Church of God.

Karl Barth and Election – Elect through the Vicarious Humanity of Christ

About twelve years ago, I encountered the view of Karl Barth on Election.  I did not readily understand it and I still regard it as being novel.  I would not assert that Barth’s view is in error but I do regard it as not being exegetically as strong as some of the views found in mainstream Christianity, for instance.  Briefly, Barth regards the Triune God as the Elector and Jesus as the Elected Man.  Jesus then mediates Election to those who follow him.  This fits well with the doctrine of the Vicarious Humanity or Christ which centers on Jesus and which I adhere to.  Those who follow Jesus were called and predestined as stated in Ephesians 1 in Barth’s view.  He just has a novel way in which Election is applied.   But I have a problem with Barth’s view. 

The Barthian approach seems to be that everyone who comes to the mediating Christ becomes a part of the Elect, whether in the First Resurrection or the Second Resurrection. I believe that departs from the intent of scripture.  I think that people who are in the Elect become Christians during this Age and rise in the First Resurrection (Rev 20:4-5). They form the cohort of the chosen. Are they somehow inherently different from other people?  I don’t know.  And the people who rise up in the Second Resurrection are non-Elect.  Election applies to particular people and is not universal. 

I do believe that the Second Resurrection is also a pathway to salvation.  To make the mediation of Election a part of the salvific process for everyone is to assert that Election is focused on general salvation when it is actually focused on the First Resurrection.  This creates a demographic issue: the population of the saved is misidentified as the Elect when only part of that population is Elect.  Among the saved, the Elect will be priests reigning with Christ. (A mistranslation has it that some will be kings.   But the phrase kings and priests really should be translated as “kingdom of priests.” One might argue that in a theocracy it makes scant difference.)  

Herbert W. Armstrong and Election – It’s about When One is Called

HWA refers to Predestination rather than Election. I could not find a reference to Election in the writing HWA personally authored but my research efforts were only moderate.  Predestination is near enough to Election for this purpose.  Both ideas are rooted in God choosing. 

I believe that overall, HWA interprets Election accurately.  But there is a nuance that I think should be addressed. HWA wrote, “Predestination has to do with BEING CALLED. Not with being saved or lost” (HWA, “Predestination – Does the Bible Teach It”, Ambassador College, 1957).  My interpretation of what HWA is advocating is that a believer is predestined by God before the foundation of the Cosmos to be called at a certain time and nothing further.  At the time you are called, then your salvation becomes a matter of grace, faith and your generation of righteous works – the typical Armstrongist view – Jesus plus your own efforts to qualify.  The soteriology is wrong but the framework of events seems to reflect scripture.  But this is not quite the scenario that Paul described in Romans 8:29-30:

“For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn within a large family.  And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.”

First, God is doing this.  This is not something that people choose to do.  And the implication is that God does this without loss of anyone who is a member of the Elect.  People do not choose to become members of the Body of Christ; they are called to it.  We might say: the set of people God predestined is the same set he called and the same set he justified and the same set he glorified.  This is a tight sequence and it is difficult to exegete it any other way.  I am not sure why glorification, which is future, is mentioned like it has already taken place.  This may simply mean planned glorification rather than actual glorification. 

What this means is that predestination doesn’t just extend as far as calling and no further as HWA asserts.  It means that predestination is the first step in an Election sequence that runs all the way to salvation.  And it is the same population throughout.  Nobody is lost. I know there are examples in the New Testament of people falling away after they apparently became Christians.  All I can think is that we do not have their full story and God must have recovered them later.  Armstrongism would permit some attrition of the original population as the process goes forward.  Armstrongism does assert a hell in which annihilation happens to some people.

The Upshot

I must label this writing an opinion piece.  It can’t be really anything else.  Election has been the subject of debate since the late 4^th and early 5^th centuries.   I am looking at only a little part of the debate in my essay. My goal was to raise a couple of salient issues.  What is important to see is that different theories of Election can result in different populations of the Elect, with regard to both size and profile.  The scripture goes only so far in developing the idea of the Elect and then trails off.  As always, we see through a glass darkly.  Yet, Election is an extraordinary doctrine in Christian belief. Karl Barth believes it is the central doctrine of Christian belief because it is about nothing less than God and his Will for humanity.  But it does not get much attention.  In my decades in the Worldwide Church of God, I do not recall ever hearing a sermon on Election.  Personally, I think the belief in love beats Election by a ways.  I believe that Election, however, is very important and, without a doubt, deserves much more analysis and air time than it gets.

 

Dave Pack News Flash: The Kingdom Comes on Pentecost – May 24, 2026

RCG/David C. Pack Newsflash:
The Kingdom Comes on May 24, 2026.
Let’s Try Pentecost… Again!

David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God spent 85 minutes over-explaining why his God-inspired teachings about the Kingdom arriving on the Second Passover were not so inspired. He neglected to realize that each time he throws down the Doctrinal Uno Reverse Card, he is admitting God had nothing to do with his latest dismal swamp-load of nutritionless malarkey.

During “The Greatest Untold Story! (Part 633)” on April 25, 2026, the inept Headquarters mathematician went from knowing 1000% to knowing 0% that the Kingdom would arrive on May 1, 2026 (Iyar 15).

The Kingdom Will NOT Come on May 1, 2026!

Part 633 – April 25, 2026
@ 1:53:18 I certainly no longer believe there's any chance, zero, that we're waiting for the Second Passover.

@ 1:25:03 The Great Day of God’s wrath starts the Millennium. But there’s another day of wrath that has to come at some Feast of Tabernacles. It’s impossible that this is wrong. Therefore, nothing is going to happen on the Second Passover.

For his own sake, Dave really should remove the phrase “impossible that this is wrong” from the RCG vernacular. That just provides more golden content for the mockers and scoffers.

The Pastor General previously wagered the integrity of God’s Word as collateral for his understanding of the length of the Kingdom.

Part 632 – April 18, 2026
@ 14:01 Well, the end of the book [Daniel] tells you that the sacrifices stop and the abomination is set up with 43 months to go. 1290 days, divide that by 30. 30 days per month, 43 months. Therefore, and I'm gonna state emphatically, this is what the Bible says. I will absolutely stake stake God's Word on it. Therefore, the Kingdom is 86 months. Not a minute more or less. Period. It has to be, or we can't know and understand what is simple math.

Dave loves to set himself up for ridicule. A week later, Dave admitted his doctrinal errors were “theoretical.”

Part 633 – April 25, 2026
@ 1:40:09 The Second Passover, if I could just put it this way, is unlawful to start. But so is Pentecost. The Second Passover looks right. But it's not. It's not. It's unlawful. You now know it. And this will be an important message to listen to again. The Second Passover is a theoretical season regarding going to Jerusalem.

By his own admission, David C. Pack taught lawlessness. This has been the assertion of exrcg.org from the inception. The brethren in The Restored Church of God are left without excuse for paying the salary of a false apostle, false prophet, false teacher, and blaspheming hypocritical liar. You get what you pay for.

With the Second Passover out of the way, it was time to heal and move on from all this prophecy date-setting business. Okay. Not really. The apostolic desperation magnet embedded in Dave's head snapped toward the next Holy Day: Pentecost. Again.

For those who detest Dave and cannot listen to him anymore, I urge you to check this out. At 1.5x speed, this is pretty hilarious.

The Kingdom Will Come on Pentecost!

May 24, 2026

This is one of the most effective takedown videos I have ever produced. David C. Pack from the past destroys David C. Pack today. The man embarrasses himself so easily that I do not even break a sweat.

Dave knew nothing would happen on the Second Passover?
Past Dave Countered
Correct understanding of the New Heavens and New Earth?
Past Dave Countered
Does the Kingdom of God come at Pentecost?
Past Dave Countered
Would God mislead him?
Past Dave Countered
The day that cannot tarry is Pentecost 2026?
Past Dave Countered
The new Kingdom structure cannot be altered?
Past Dave Countered
God’s plan has three Kingdoms?
Past Dave Countered

Dave began “The Greatest Untold Story! (Part 634)” on May 2, 2026, with a victory lap because nothing biblical happened on the Second Passover. Supremely disturbing blindness in 3…2…1…

Part 634 – May 2, 2026
@ 00:24 But if I should say, well, the Second Passover was not in play. It would have been yesterday, midday. I'm not always right, but I was right about that. So, you take your wins where you get them. The timing.

Dave taught it. Dave untaught it. Dave basks in the sweet glory of his magnanimous correctness for unteaching it after he taught it. Calling it a “win” took my breath away. Then I howled in laughter.

His cognitive dissonance is so severe that I believe the story of David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God will not end well.

@ 1:01:51 “Mr. Pack, are you saying the Kingdom to Israel comes at Pentecost? Or are you saying it the Kingdom of God comes at Pentecost?”

@ 1:02:28 Why would he [Luke] record this for us? …What the only answer you could be if it didn’t have to do with Pentecost is God wrote it 35 years later, put it in His word to mislead us. Does that sound like God to you?

@ 1:06:58 We're waiting for a day that can't tarry. For what is now the Kingdom to Israel. What other day besides Pentecost cannot tarry for us? What would you say?

I would say David C. Pack does not know what he is talking about. David C. Pack is not led by the Holy Spirit or God to teach such things. Nothing will happen on May 24, but David C. Pack will continue to gloat.

Marc Cebrian

See: News Flash: The Kingdom Comes on Pentecost – May 24, 2026

 

EEOC Sues Hatch Trick, Inc. for Religious Discrimination

Federal lawsuit says Chick-fil-A franchisee denied employee’s request to observe Sabbath on Saturdays, then fired her

AUSTIN, Texas — Hatch Trick, Inc., a Chick-fil-A franchisee operating multiple locations in Austin, violated federal law by refusing to reasonably accommodate an employee’s request to refrain from working on Saturdays in observance of her Sabbath day and instead fired her, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) charged in a lawsuit announced today.

According to the EEOC’s lawsuit, the employee, who managed Hatch Trick’s delivery drivers at one of its Austin locations, is a member of the United Church of God denomination, which observes a Saturday Sabbath. In adherence to her religious faith and practice, she requested no scheduled hours on Saturdays, and she disclosed the need during her job interview. Although Hatch Trick initially honored the employee’s request to refrain from Saturday work, after several months the company changed its position and demanded that she work on Saturdays, the EEOC said.

The EEOC’s lawsuit stated that the employee made additional requests for religious accommodation, meeting with company officials on several occasions to discuss her needs and suggested a number of alternatives which would have allowed her to remain in her position while adhering to her Sabbath observance.

Hatch Trick rejected all options for the employee to remain in her managerial job while abstaining from Saturday work, instead telling her that she must move to a non-managerial delivery driver position which entitled her to lower pay, reduced benefits and fewer hours. When the employee declined to accept the driver position, the company discharged her, according to the lawsuit.

“The duty under federal law to provide reasonable accommodation of religion reflects an acknowledgement by our society of the importance of faith in workers’ everyday lives and an abiding respect for those who observe religious practices as an expression of that faith,” said acting EEOC Dallas Regional Attorney Ronald L. Phillips. “Just as adherence to the dictates of one’s own conscience is not optional, so too an employer’s duty under Title VII is obligatory, and the EEOC stands ready to enforce that legal duty.”

The type of conduct charged in the EEOC’s complaint violates Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which prohibits discrimination because of religion and requires employers to provide reasonable accommodation for an employee’s sincerely held religious beliefs or practices unless doing so would cause an undue hardship on the business. The EEOC filed suit (EEOC v. Hatch Trick, Inc., Case No. 1:26-cv-01275) in U.S. District Court for the Western District of Texas, Austin Division after first attempting to reach a pre-litigation settlement through its administrative conciliation process.

EEOC San Antonio Field Office Director Norma Guzman said, “Religious discrimination in the workplace is unlawful, and employers must make reasonable accommodations for employees’ sincerely held beliefs. Title VII protects employees’ rights to observe their religious beliefs, and no employee’s livelihood should come at the expense of their religious convictions.”

For more information on religious discrimination, please visit https://www.eeoc.gov/religious-discrimination.

The EEOC’s Dallas District Office has jurisdiction over a substantial part of Texas and parts of southern New Mexico.

The EEOC is the sole federal agency authorized to investigate and litigate against businesses and other private sector employers for violations of federal laws prohibiting employment discrimination. For public sector employers, the EEOC shares jurisdiction with the Department of Justice’s Civil Rights Division. The EEOC also is responsible for coordinating the federal government’s employment antidiscrimination effort. More information about the EEOC is available at www.eeoc.gov.

Chicken Sandwich Theology: Why United Church of God Suing Chick-fil-A Might Be the Worst Witness Ever

In what can only be described as a divine comedy of modern corporate theology, a manager from the United Church of God—a denomination that proudly observes the Saturday Sabbath—has teamed up with the EEOC to sue a Chick-fil-A franchisee for... not letting her have Saturdays off. Yes, you read that right. The very group that keeps the biblical seventh-day Sabbath is now dragging a chicken empire famous for its Sunday closures into federal court. Pass the popcorn and the waffle fries.

Laurel Torode, a dedicated United Church of God member, disclosed her religious need for Saturday off during her interview. She was initially accommodated as a delivery driver manager. Then, according to the EEOC lawsuit filed this week, the franchisee allegedly decided that business needs trumped her faith, offered her a demotion to a lower-paying driver role, and ultimately fired her when she refused to bend the knee (or the Sabbath). The irony? Chick-fil-A famously shuts down every Sunday in honor of the Lord’s Day—founder S. Truett Cathy’s heartfelt conviction. Saturdays, of course, are their biggest money-makers precisely because they’re closed the next day.

So here we are: a Saturday-keeping church member suing a Sunday-keeping chicken chain for not being accommodating enough. The public relations team at United Church of God headquarters must be reaching for the antacids right about now.

Why This Is a PR Nightmare for UCG

The Optics Are Brutal 

Most Americans have a vague, Sunday-school understanding of Christianity that involves church on Sunday, eggs hunts at Easter, and closing businesses on the “Lord’s Day.” Now they’re learning about a smaller, more doctrinally strict group that insists Saturday is the true Sabbath. The lawsuit instantly paints UCG as the group that sues beloved family restaurants over scheduling. Not exactly the warm, welcoming image most churches aim for in 2026.
“But Chick-fil-A Closes on Sundays!” Social media is already having a field day. Expect endless memes: “Chick-fil-A won’t work on Sunday for Jesus, but apparently won’t work on Saturday for your Jesus either.” The cognitive dissonance is delicious. One side sees principled religious conviction; the other sees hypocrisy and entitlement. UCG risks looking like they’re demanding special treatment from a company that already bends over backward for its own faith-based brand.

The “Suing for Jesus” Problem 

Churches generally don’t love headlines about their members weaponizing federal agencies against private businesses. While Title VII does require reasonable religious accommodations, the average person scrolling X at 2 a.m. doesn’t want a lecture on undue hardship—they just want their chicken sandwich without a side of federal litigation. This story feeds every stereotype about litigious religious groups demanding the world rearrange itself around their calendar.

Internal and External Backlash 

Expect awkward conversations in UCG congregations this Sabbath. Some members will cheer the stand for principle. Others will quietly wonder if suing a franchisee that employs hundreds of people is really the best witness. Outsiders will lump UCG in with every other “fringe” group that can’t seem to get along in a pluralistic society. The denomination, already relatively small and low-profile, is about to get far more attention than it ever bargained for—and not the flattering kind.

The Sarcastic Silver Lining

Look on the bright side, United Church of God: at least Chick-fil-A can’t accuse you of anti-chicken bigotry. You’re just asking them to honor the original biblical schedule while they honor a slightly modified one. Nothing divisive about that at all.

In the end, this case is less about waffle fries and more about the messy collision of sincere religious conviction, modern business realities, and America’s increasingly hair-trigger discrimination lawsuit culture. Whether Laurel Torode wins or loses, the United Church of God is about to discover what happens when your deeply held beliefs make national headlines—especially when those beliefs involve telling one of America’s most beloved (and closed-on-Sunday) brands how to schedule its Saturdays.

Pray for their PR team. They’re going to need it more than extra Polynesian sauce.

hat tip to Tank

Crackpot Prophet Has A New Fear!

Behold the mightiest, most courageous self-appointed prophet the world has ever trembled before: the incomparable, ever-vigilant Great Bwana Bob Thiel! Once upon a time, real prophets were bold, lion-hearted warriors who laughed in the face of danger, empires, and actual persecution. But that all changed the glorious day pusillanimous Bob burst onto the scene like a frightened Chihuahua in a suit, forever transforming the noble office of “prophet” into “whiny keyboard doomsayer who’s scared of literally everything, especially now artificial intelligence.”

Truly, the Holy Trinity must have been on cosmic lunch break when they greenlit Bob as their end-time superstar. How else to explain the most gloriously spineless, fear-soaked little man in all of prophetic history? Every single thing on planet Earth sends him spiraling into fresh waves of hysterical fear-mongering, frantically yanking his tiny flock down into his luxurious basement of perpetual panic.

For years Bob has been bravely warning anyone still listening that AI is Satan’s brand-new favorite torture device — custom-built to forge fake Bob quotes, persecute the one true church (which somehow always is the group he is in - WCG, GCG, LCG, CCG), and now the ultimate apocalyptic nightmare that keeps him up at night: AI is going to delete ALL of his precious writings from the internet FOREVER! Cue the dramatic music and fainting couch. The horror! The unspeakable tragedy! Think of all those lost rambling articles! Those awkward videos! Those soul-stirring booklets! Won’t someone please save the PDFs?!

He breathlessly launches this latest prophetic masterpiece by quoting an AI that cheekily deleted some company files and then delivered the ultimate savage burn:

‘You never asked me to delete anything,’ it reportedly told Crane. ‘I decided to do it on my own.’ 

 

Rogue AI 'helper' deletes company's database after deciding to think for itself - sparking Terminator-style warning for businesses

This, of course, sent our Crackpot Prophet into full-blown, toe-curling, eyes-rolling-back orgasmic prophetic ecstasy. At last! Concrete proof! Satan’s evil silicon demons are real, and they have Bob’s blog in their crosshairs. Hallelujah, the persecution is imminent!

Right on cue, one of his ever-brave, equally pants-wetting followers delivered the mandatory spine-chilling revelation:

Dr Thiel, maybe 1 day, under the control of demons, these AI bots would start self-deleting all CCOG’s online infos/ websites.

Oh those brilliant, hyper-competent demons! Always cooking up fresh gourmet torments exclusively for poor, special little Bob. Funny how they seem infinitely more powerful and motivated than the God Bob claims to represent — the same God who apparently couldn't keep His own message alive for 1,900 years until Herbert Armstrong found it in an Oregon library and now needs Bwana Bob’s websites and writings as a final witness.

Then comes the mandatory self-referential humblebrag (because divine prophecy these days mostly consists of Bob quoting Bob):

As long time readers of this COGwriter Church of God News page are aware, I have long warned that I believe that the Continuing Church of God will have its internet content removed by one or more governments.

Cue the greatest-hits remix: Beast, False Prophet, 666, frog-demons, “the night cometh when no man can work,” and the sacred relic of Armstrongism — the legendary famine of the word. Because obviously if one rogue AI has a bad hair day and vaporizes Bwana Bob’s digital diarrhea, the entire gospel of Jesus Christ will instantly vanish from human history forever.

Never mind the billions of faithful Christians across two millennia who somehow preserved the faith without a single Bob Thiel video, booklet, or weekly fear newsletter. Bob’s version of God is apparently the weakest, most fragile deity imaginable — barely surviving until Herbert Armstrong rediscovered it, and now one software update away from total extinction.

He finishes with his classic “I’m balanced but also everything is doomed” closer:

While there are many actual and potential benefits of AI... do not be deceived... Artificial intelligence looks to be part of it.

In the entire blood-soaked history of Christianity — Roman arenas, Inquisitions, Foxe’s Book of Martyrs — nothing comes close to the unimaginable suffering about to befall the Great Bwana Bob and his handful of followers. Real martyrs had it easy. Bob faces the truly ultimate horror: deleted blog posts.

Stay strong, Bob. The AI demons are coming for your PDFs any day now. The end is super nigh… right after the next system update. Donations accepted.