When Even Satan Needs AI to Make Bob Thiel Sound Reasonable

Bless your perpetually persecuted heart, you magnificent tinfoil prophet of the improperly named "continuing" Church of "god". You’ve done it again. You’ve taken your trademark “everyone is out to get me” energy and cranked it straight into the stratosphere, this time with the help of that big bad Artificial Intelligence that’s clearly been sent by Satan himself just to own you personally.

Now, and I have warned about this before…

Of course you have, Crackpot Bob. You warn about everything. The sky, the moon, the calendar, the Germans, the Catholics, the Protestants, and now—checks notes—the large language models of AI. Truly, no stone shall be left unturned in the Great Persecution of Crackpot Bob Thiel.

You see, dear readers, Crackpot Bob isn’t just worried that some rando might disagree with him online. No, no. Crackpot Bob has reached the final boss level of Armstrongist victimhood: soon AI will be deepfaking him so convincingly that it will make him say things he never said. Which, let’s be honest, is a brilliant plan by the Devil because who wouldn’t want to hear a robot version of Crackpot Bob droning on about how everything is a conspiracy against his tiny splinter group? The AI will probably even get the smug, self-important tone exactly right.

Imagine it: Deepfake Crackpot Bob will go on record declaring that British Israelism was a mistake, that he’s not an apostle, and that maybe—just maybe—Herbert W. Armstrong wasn’t the final Elijah. The horror! The humanity! Crackpot Bob’s fragile ego would fracture like a broken matzo. And you just know he’s lying awake at night refreshing his own YouTube comments, muttering, “They’re already doing it… the wolves… the AI wolves…”

He even tries to prop it up with Acts 20, because of course he does. Paul warned about savage wolves, and Crackpot Bob has graciously volunteered to play the role of the trembling sheep who somehow also claims to be the one true shepherd. The humility is stunning.

And yes, Crackpot Bob, we all remember those devastating incidents where “fraudsters online pretended to be you.” Truly the greatest trial since the martyrdom of the apostles. The horror of someone making a fake Facebook account in your name must keep you up at night right next to the coming Great Tribulation.

But don’t worry, folks! Even as the AI Satanic cabal plots to puppet his digital corpse into saying the wrong thing about church history or protein bars or whatever he’s obsessed with this week, Crackpot Bob has bravely scheduled a podcast interview. Quick everyone, form a prayer chain! We need the Holy Spirit to help him open his mouth boldly so he can once again explain how he alone understands prophecy while the rest of humanity (and all those other Armstrongist groups) are doomed.

Truly, Crackpot Bob is the most persecuted man in Armstrongism since… well, since the last time he posted something. Maybe even more than Gerald Flurry, and that’s saying something. At least Flurry has a fancy rock, a dance troupe and a college. Crackpot Bob just has a little store front and shelves full of snake oil herbs and a persecution complex so massive it has its own zip code and a YouTube channel.

Armstrongist deepfake paranoia is a niche but perfectly on-brand manifestation of the movement’s signature persecution complex, turbocharged by modern tech anxiety. In the splintered world of Herbert W. Armstrong’s ideological descendants—tiny churches claiming to be the one true continuation of the “Philadelphia era”—leaders like Crackpot Bob have elevated fears of AI manipulation from “possible concern” to “Satanic end-time assault on me personally.” 

This is peak self-absorption: a man with a congregation that’s mostly African and notoriously fluid in its loyalties fears that the devil himself will use AI to make robot-Bob say something heretical, causing his followers to jump ship to a better seed-and-computer supplier. The mockery writes itself: “Deepfaking an already fake prophet? Why bother?” 

This fits Thiel’s broader pattern. He positions himself as the doubly-blessed successor to Armstrong, constantly under attack by Satan, other COG splinters, bitter ex-members, and now large language models. His warnings blend legitimate general concerns about misinformation with an intensely personal “they’re coming for my utterances” angle.

Sadly, in Armstrongism, the persecution complex as core doctrine: 

Armstrongism teaches that the “true church” is always a tiny, persecuted remnant. HWA himself railed against a vast conspiracy of counterfeit Christianity. Modern leaders inherit and amplify this: every criticism is spiritual warfare. Deepfakes provide a shiny new external enemy. 

 

By preemptively discrediting any future video or audio that contradicts the leader, they create a perfect epistemic shield. 

That clip of me admitting British Israelism is nonsense? Deepfake! It’s the religious equivalent of “fake news” on steroids.

Armstrongists love mapping current events onto prophecy. AI fits neatly as a tool of the Beast, the false prophet, or general end-time deception. Satan’s minions (or just bored trolls) will use it to draw away disciples.

Deepfake scams targeting churches do exist—scammers impersonate pastors to solicit money or “blessings.” But in Armstrongism, this general risk gets hyper-personalized to the leader’s fragile authority. Gerald Flurry and others have massive persecution narratives too—Flurry’s focus is more on physical “man of sin” figures, Trump prophecies, and the “stone of destiny”—but Crackpot Bob seems to own the AI/deepfake lane. His is the most explicit, repeated tying of emerging tech to personal satanic targeting. 

The delicious irony? Armstrongist leaders have spent decades “deepfaking” Herbert W. Armstrong himself—cherry-picking, reinterpreting, and repackaging his failed prophecies while claiming unbroken continuity. Now they fear technology doing to them what they’ve done theologically to their founder.

Crackpot Bob's warnings say more about his ego than any real threat. If an AI ever does perfectly imitate him, it will probably just output endless videos about protein bars, witchdoctors, German dominance, Baron Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg, and how everyone is persecuting the greatest prophet since HWA. The robot version might even be more watchable.

In the end, Armstrongist deepfake paranoia isn’t really about AI. It’s about maintaining ironclad control in an era when information (and mockery) flows freely. When your entire identity rests on being the sole guardian of “the truth” against a hostile world, every new technology becomes another demon at the door—especially one that could make you say the quiet part out loud. Crackpot Bob will keep warning. The blogs will keep laughing. 

Stay strong, Bob. The AI is coming for you. And when it finally does make that perfect deepfake, I have one request: make sure the robot version admits that constantly warning everyone about how persecuted you are is, in fact, extremely weird. 

Even the AI will get tired of it eventually.

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Now, and I have warned about this before, please understand that the time will come when AI and other software will make more “deep fakes” of me and likely other leaders in the Continuing Church of God. Such fakes will pretend I/we have said things we have not said as well as done things that we have not done (we have had incidents where fraudsters, online, have already pretended to be me).

Remember that the Apostle Paul warned:

29 For I know this, that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock. 30 Also from among yourselves men will rise up, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples after themselves. 31 Therefore watch, and remember that for three years I did not cease to warn everyone night and day with tears. (Acts 20:29-31)

And I am warning all who can hear that Satan and his minions will continue to take steps against us and I expect that AI will allow for more and more of that.

That said, let me add that next Monday I am scheduled for an interview for what may be a significant podcast. Please pray that I will speak wisely and “that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel” (Ephesians 6:19).

Armstrongism: 100 Years of "Soon Coming", Still No Kingdom, But Give Us Your Money Anyway

 

Armstrongist splinter groups follow highly predictable, repetitive patterns rooted in the post-1986 (and especially post-1994/95) fragmentation of the Worldwide Church of God (WCG). These groups preserve core Herbert W. Armstrong (HWA) teachings while endlessly dividing. Here's a breakdown of the recurring dynamics. 1. The Core Trigger: "They've Compromised the Truth"Every major split follows the same script:

• The parent group (WCG under Tkach, or later a big splinter) makes real or perceived changes to doctrine, governance, prophecy emphasis, or "the Work."
• Dissidents accuse leadership of Laodicean lukewarmness, abandoning "the faith once delivered," or watering down HWA's restored truths.
• The new group forms to "hold fast" or "restore" pure Armstrongism. 

This happened with:

• Philadelphia Church of God (PCG) — Gerald Flurry (1989) — "Philadelphia era" remnant.
• United Church of God (UCG) — 1995 mass exodus, council governance.
• Living Church of God (LCG) — Roderick Meredith.
• Restored Church of God (RCG) — David Pack (claims Elijah role).
• Continuing Church of God (CCOG) — Bob Thiel 
• Church of God Assembly (COGA) —  Sheldon Monson 
• Church of God Preaching the Kingdom (COGPK) — Ron Weinland
• and dozens more micro-groups.

Second-generation splits are common: UCG → COGWA (2010), LCG → CCOG, etc.2. Leadership Patterns: The "New Apostle/Elijah/Mantle" Figure

• Strongman founder (often ex-WCG minister or insider): Claims special insight, divine mantle, or prophetic role that the old group rejected.
• Humble beginnings narrative followed by authoritarian control.
• Personal grievances fuel the exit: "They wouldn't correct errors I pointed out" (classic Thiel move).
• Many leaders position themselves as HWA's true spiritual successor. Flurry, Pack, Thiel, and others all play this game. 

The result? Hierarchical, top-down governance with heavy emphasis on loyalty to the leader and "the government of God."3. Doctrinal and Rhetorical ConsistencyAll groups share the HWA package:

• British Israelism (Anglo-Saxons as lost tribes).
• Mandatory Holy Days, clean/unclean meats, Sabbath.
• Rejection (or heavy qualification) of the Trinity.
• Two-class salvation (church + physical Israel in Millennium).
• Strong prophetic focus on current events as end-time signs.

Variations create division:

• How rigid on "the Work" (media, prophecy preaching)?
• Governance: One-man rule vs. council of elders?
• Exact prophetic timeline/place of safety/Great Tribulation sequence?
• How much HWA himself can be critiqued? 

Each group insists it alone is the true "Philadelphia" remnant while labeling others (and the world) as compromised.4. Growth and Sustainability Patterns

• Initial surge from dissatisfied members, then stagnation or decline.
• Heavy reliance on literature, websites, and (failing) media outreach.
• Some groups now have significant African membership for numbers.
• Repeated failed or vague prophecies erode credibility over time.
• High turnover: Burnout from legalism, failed predictions, and authoritarianism drives ex-members out entirely. 

5. The Endless Schism CycleThis is the most defining pattern. Why do they keep splitting?

• Proof-texting + "love of the truth" absolutism: Any disagreement becomes a salvation issue.
• No central authority after HWA → every strong personality becomes a potential new headquarters.
• Ego + doctrinal nitpicking: "They ignored my corrections on page 47 of the booklet!"
• Restorationist mindset: Each new group believes it's restoring pure truth against compromise. 

The movement has produced hundreds of groups and micro-groups since the 1990s. Unity talks fail because each claims exclusive legitimacy.6. Psychological and Sociological hallmarks

• Persecution complex: The world (and other COGs) hates us because we're right.
• Us vs. Them: "True Church" vs. "so-called Christians," other splinters, and Laodiceans.
• Inherited trauma patterns in members: Authoritarianism, fear-based obedience, family divisions. 
• Cognitive dissonance management: When prophecies fail, it's "God is giving more time" or "the timing was slightly off."

Bottom LineArmstrongist splinters operate like a fractal of division: the same HWA-derived DNA keeps replicating smaller, more zealous (or eccentric) versions of itself. Each claims to be the faithful remnant preserving truth against compromise — yet the pattern itself (endless fragmentation, leader personality cults, unfulfilled prophecy) is one of the strongest empirical arguments against the whole system being "the one true church."
It's not random chaos. It's a highly consistent sociological and theological loop: charismatic founder → institutionalization → perceived compromise → righteous split → repeat. Bob Thiel's silly grievances fit the template perfectly — he's just the latest verse in a very old song that remains out of tune.
Silent Pilgrim