Monday, January 17, 2011

Ask Your Pastor: Did Size Matter Back Then Too?



UCG, LCG, PCG and the myriad of other COG's all claim to keep the entire word of God and God's laws.  Perhaps you can ask your pastor on why he is a liar when they do not keep these laws.  COG ministers are especially good at ignoring this verse because of their own sweet daughters indiscretions:  Deut 22:20-21
I could name at lease 15 daughters of ministers, evangelists and leaders of various splinter groups that got pregnant before they were married.

From: Jesus Needs New PR

Consider the following verses…
Deuteronomy 23:1 ESV
No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.
This seems mean. And it seems to be something that Jesus wouldn’t like. Of course, I still have my testicles…
Deuteronomy 25:11-12 NASB
If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.
Wait. Is she mistreating the genitals? I mean, is she just grabbing them? Lovingly? Still, even if she was trying to hurt the genitals, should we really cut off her hand? What about youth pastors who give kids wedgies? Cut off a finger or two?
Genesis 38:8-10 NASB
Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.
Okay… so we know the story of Onan… he’s rather famous! So he spills his semen on the ground rather than putting it in the wife of his dead brother. Apparently, God gets angry at things like this… so God killed Onan…
Ezekiel 23:19-20 NET
Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
Size mattered back then, too…
Deuteronomy 22:20-21
If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the young woman’s virginity can be found, 21 she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done an outrageous thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father’s house. You must purge the evil from among you.
Interesting… we ignore the above verse, but we don’t mind using that one “anti-anal sex” verse in Deuteronomy to promote “God’s/our” views on homosexuality…
1 Samuel 18:25-27 ESV

Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.
Can you regift foreskins?
Exodus 4:24-25 NASB

Now it came about at the lodging place on the way that the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin and threw it at Moses’ feet, and she said, “You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me.”
Can you imagine being that poor kid? Wow.
Judges 3:19-25 ESVAnd Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out.
So lots of biblical things came back to balls, foreskin, and poop….
What do you think about these verses?
Are they inspired?
And if you’re a man, are you still eligible for communing in God’s assembly?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't forget, for those who are so retentive, that especially when you are at the Feast in your temporary booths made from literal palm fronds, in accordance with the Laws, Statutes, Testimonies and Judgments, you are to keep a paddle to relieve yourself!

No self-respecting, God-fearing member of a Church of God should leave home without it!!!

DennisDiehl said...

The "rules" in the OT about such things were always a mystery to me. Women could not win, that's for sure. The entire OT is devoid of much emotion or introspection. People act rather like robots and like many of the same ilk in fundamentalist religions today, seem to have a very unconscious form of consciousness.

No one reacts much to killing, sacrficing sons or daughters or what would clearly be abuse today. When "God" speaks, they just do it.

Julian Jaynes seems to have covered this lack of or different kind of human consciousness well in his book The Origin of Consciousness and the Breakdown of the Bi Cameral Mind.

Hearing the voice of God and having no personal reactions or introspection seems to be the symptom of the bi cameral mind.

It explains at least why God could order the murder of 1, 238,000 + human beings in the OT (Satan only killed 10, Job's kids, and that was with permission) and the people just said, "Ok"

Also makes you wonder just who the God of love really is

Stan said...

Mythopoeic thought is a hypothetical stage of human thought, preceding modern thought. This way of thinking supposedly explains the ancients' tendency to create mythology, which portray events as acts of gods and spirits.

Jaynes's bicameral speculative hypothesis remains controversial and has lacked discussion by mainstream academics.

Anonymous said...

This makes me think of the armstrongist crowd that screeches about no "jot or tittle" passing from the OC law, or that God is the same "yesterday, today, and forever, and in Him there is no variation"
(Except when it suits them in their picking and choosing.)

Funny thing. They happen to pick and choose EXACTLY what HWA picked and chose.
I'm sure it's merely a coincidence. JUST KIDDING!

DennisDiehl said...

Hey...how come I never got this stuff in Sunday school? :)

Anonymous said...

My question is, is it all right to touch your own genitalia if it don't go off?

NO2HWA said...

You will have to ask HWA that once since he recorded it all in his flog log....