Did you know there is only ONE Church of God that Jesus is going to return to?

A few years ago, the god that inspires nightmares in certain COG men, decided he needed a new spokesman here on the earth, in this day and age.  Ever since he had appointed Gerald Flurry, Dave Pack, and Rod Meredith to be the one true COG leaders, his plan has been thwarted by one idiotic prediction or event after another.  

Jesus has been getting so antsy to return that he has given up on strolling around the Wadsworth campus of Dave Pack. In a deep conversation with God, the two of them determined to raise up a new man.   A man totally unqualified and rejected by his peers.  They devised a plan to inculcate a few nightmares in the mind of this man and a couple other disturbed individuals around the world.  Pretty soon, after a couple restless nights of wild and delusional dreams, the future ONE TRUE COG leader woke up from his dream and proclaimed to his wife, "I AM THE CHOSEN ONE!"  

Ever since that moment, more and more crazy things flow forth from his mouth as he makes proclamation after proclamation.  Now, the Chosen One, the REAL Elijah, the REAL Amos, the REAL Habakkuk, the REAL Second Witness, and the only one who has EVER been doubly blessed by and equally deceived man, has declared that when his created creature he calls "jesus" returns, it will come FIRST to the only church that keeps these specific points:

Baptism of Christians was by immersion and did not include infants.

The complete Bible with the proper Old Testament and New Testament was relied on by the true Church in Asia Minor.

A Binitarian or Semi-Arian view, that acknowledged the Holy Spirit, was held by the apostolic and post-apostolic true Christian leaders.

Birthdays were not celebrated by early Christians.

Born-Again meant being born at the resurrection, not at the time of conversion, which is when a spiritual begettal occurs.

Celibacy for Bishops/Presbyters/Elders was not a requirement. 

Church Governance was properly hierarchical.

Christmas was not observed by any professing Christ prior to the third century, or ever by those holding to early teachings; December 25th did not come from the Bible.

Circumcision, though not required, was long practiced by original Nazarene Christians.

Confession of sins were not made to priests and did not require penance.

Deification of Christians (which begins after the first resurrection) was taught by the early leaders of the Church.

Duties of Elders/Pastors were pastoral and theological, not predominantly sacramental–nor did they dress as many now do. Easterper se was not observed by the apostolic church.

The Fall (and Spring) Holy Days were observed by true early Christians.

The Father was considered to be God by all early professing Christians.

The True Gospel included the kingdom of God and obedience to the law of God and was so understood by the faithful.

Heaven was not taught to be the reward of Christians.

Holy Spirit was not referred to as God or as a person by any early true Christians.

Hymns were mainly psalms, not praises to Christ.

Idols were taught against, including adoration of the cross.

Immortality of the soul or humans was not taught. Jesus was considered to be God by the true Christians.

The Kingdom of God was preached.

Leavened Bread was removed from the homes of early Christians when the Jews did the same.

Lent was not observed by the primitive church.

Limbo was not taught by the original church.

Mary was the mother of Jesus, was blessed (Luke 1:28) and called blessed (Luke 1:48), but was not prayed to, etc. by true early Christians.

Military Service was not allowed for true early Christians.

Millenarianism (a literal thousand year reign of Christ on Earth, often called the millennium) was taught by the early Christians.

Monasticism was unheard of in the early Christian church.

Passover was kept annually on the 14th of Nisan by apostolic and second century Christians in Asia Minor.

Pentecost was kept on Sunday by certain Jews and was observed then by professing Christians.

Purgatory was not taught by the original apostolic church.

The Resurrection of the dead was taught by all early Christians

The Sabbath was observed on Saturday by the apostolic and post-apostolic Church.

Salvation was believed to be offered to the chosen now by the early Church, with others being called later, though not all that taught that (or other doctrines) practiced “the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints” (Jude 3). God’s

Six Thousand Year Plan for humankind to rule itself was believed by early professors of Christ.

Sunday was not observed by the apostolic and original post-apostolic Christians.

The Ten Commandments were observed by the apostolic and true post-apostolic Christians–and in the order that the Church of God claims they are in.

Tithes and Offerings were given to support the ministry, the churches, the needy, and evangelical travels and proclamation.

Tradition had some impact on the second century Christians, but was never supposed to supercede the Bible.

The Trinity was not a word used to describe the Godhead by the apostolic or second century Christians, though a certain threeness was acknowledged.

Unclean Meats were eaten by the early allegorists, but not by true Christians.

The Virgin Birth was acknowledged by all true ante-Nicene Christians.

I am exhausted reading it!  One law after another, more things to weigh people down. More things to keep people imprisoned in another vile splinter cult of the harlot mother, the Worldwide Church of God.

There were only two demands made upon the Christians of the first century: Love God with all your heart and love your neighbor.  Two small little steps that the Chosen One fails to do.

So join us in another mind-boggling video experience as The Chosen One, the Great Bwana, himself, Bob Thiel tells you which church his creature "jesus" will be returning to.  And no, it is NOT coming back to Wadsworth first!