The Exclamation Mark Church of God!
Kieren Underwood
Multiple exclamation marks," he went on, shaking his head, "are a sure sign of a diseased mind." - Terry Pratchett
"Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose." - Elmore Leonard
For a man claiming to be inspired by God, Gerald Flurry's books sure are boring as hell. To paraphrase a quote I can't quite remember exactly, "God tells us he called the weak and base, but do they have to be banal as well?"
As a child growing up in the PCG, I always had a feeling Flurry was a bad writer. I loved reading. But not his books. I don't agree with other Christian writers like C.S. Lewis and G.K. Chesterton, but at least they're interesting.
The years I spent at Herbert W. Armstrong College were probably the tipping point. I'd be sitting in my study chair, 6:00am and still groggy, trying to fit in the compulsory hour of Bible study (also known as: "Flurry's New Booklet" study). Then, bam--"This world will go through the most horrible suffering it has ever known!!"--smack--"The Laodiceans are going to have to face God's wrath!"--boom--"Joseph Tkatch Jr. is literally Satan!"--crack--"I am the new Elisha, bitches!!" Wait... I thought this book was about Daniel?
Not only would you have to sit through book-long rants against people you'd never met and the ever-immanent threat of The Worst Suffering Ever, you'd have to see it repeated in italics, all-caps, and then the most formidable format of all: the double size all-caps italics with multiple exclamation points.
So I got to thinking the other day: just how many exclamation marks does Flurry really use?
Elmore Leonard, an author whose credibility comes from the fact that people read his books without the threat of the Lake of Fire, tells us to use no more than "two or three per 100,000 words of prose." Since most of Flurry's books are less than 50,000 words, we should be looking at one or two exclamation marks per book.
I went straight to the first eBook on theTrumpet.com--January 16: God's Miracle Day. A quick search revealed 130 exclamation marks. Oops. At a mere 9072 words, this works out, according to Leonard, as an exclamation mark ratio roughly 716 times too large. It also makes for an "exclamation mark to sentence" ratio of 0.23--every fourth sentence has one.
I couldn't help myself, so I did the other books as well. Here are the results:
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Some of the books which hit the high end of the ratio aren't ones you'd expect. John's Gospel--The Love of God tops the list with 24.7 percent of sentences ending with exclamation marks. God loves you--but he's really angry about it. The Epistle of James is second, with 23.7 percent, and taking third spot is The New Throne of David, which, of course, was unofficially ghost-written by Joel Hilliker. I wonder if he had to go through and add in extra exclamation marks just to give it an authentic Flurry vibe.
I also wondered whether Flurry has been getting angrier over the years. So I sorted the books by publication date.
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With the exception of Jordan and God's Church in Prophecy, Flurry seems to have become slightly angrier. From 1992-2000, Flurry sat at a 13.2 percent exclamation mark rate. Then, from 2001-2019, he took off, averaging 19.0 percent exclamation mark usage.
On a final note, Brian Davis's The Administration of the Spirit, and Wayne Turgeon's The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have exclamation mark rates of 10.0 percent and 12.3 percent, respectively. Armstrong started the tradition, and PCG ministers are continuing it. There you have it--real, definitive proof of Apostolic Succession. Except it's not inspiration, it's just tone of voice.
27 comments:
Nice job!!!!!!!!
Kieren seems to be starting with a faulty premise. Exclamation points indicate intensity, not necessarily anger. "Happy Birthday!" is not an angry wish (at least outside of the ACOGs).
Also, and understandably for a kid reared in Armstrongism, Kieren seems not to recognize hyperbole. He writes of Leonard's quip as if it were the formula for good writing, not the humorous statement of a broad principle. As a matter of fact, you can search online and find an article in The Atlantic magazine which documents that Leonard used exclamation points just shy of 50 times per 100,000 words, or about 1600 percent more often than his quip recommended. Plenty of great authors, including Orwell, Twain, and Dickens, to name just three of many, were not as intense as Flurry but were well off toward that direction in their prolific use of exclamation points.
Flurry's biggest problem as a writer is that he seems to think that an exclamation point can compensate for weak material. If the content weren't as palpably insane, the exclamation points wouldn't stand out so starkly. I'm glad Kieren got away from that horrible environment.
If the ACOGs had a Superbowl of Journalism amongst themselves, they would just have to call it the Hyperbole! No other name would fit.
BB
Like other methods of adding emphasis to text, exclamation marks can be effective if you know when to use them!!!
Flurry playing Pastor General would like me playing an NFL quarterback - a vague idea on what to do, limited understanding of the game, and no talent to accomplish anything - and my supporting cast would be equally clueless.
And, oh yeah.... !!!!!!!
Makes me think of the Seinfeld episode when Elaine’s reprimanded by Lippman over all her exclamation points!!! LOL!!!
To some extent, the writing style of HWA, then of course his successors, reflects the style of the late 1800's, early 1900's. It is like many of HWA's thoughts, such as masturbation causing mental and physical illness. A common belief and the reason Kellogg created the corn flake. The thought was that spicy food caused arousal, hence, bland foods were better. This is the same reason why Sylvester Graham gave us the Graham cracker, to prevent mental and physical illness by reducing the risk of masturbation. Think of that the next time you make SMORES at the campfire, "fellas and girls" (as RCM would frequently say).
I think COG literature needs more "HAPPY FACES" emojis ! ;-)
The use of "middle initials" on peoples names , especially a "leader" is overly used in COG culture too...
Ronald L. Dart
Roderick C. Meredith
Herbert W. Armstrong
David C. Pack
Gerald R. Flurry
... just to name a few.
Regarding the false prophets that Jesus warned would come and deceive many:
It is bad enough to fall for a self-appointed false prophet like Bob Thiel or Ronald Weinland.
It is a real disaster to fall for a Satan-sent, Satan-directed, false prophet like David Pack or Gerald Flurry.
Regarding the false prophets that Jesus warned would come and deceive many:
The Real Demoniacs:
Gerald Flurry: Deceived many by misusing HWA's name and photograph to attract them, but well over half of them have now escaped from him, though often with wrecked families.
David Pack: Deceived fewer people than “That Runt” by misusing HWA's name, but really chewed them up badly before spitting them out at the side of the road destitute.
The Clowns:
Ronald Weinald: Deceived some silly people, but it was all like a big joke, or fiction-fest.
Bob Thiel: Reversed things. Got deceived by many people from Africa.
You forgot one:
To N. To
Tonto wrote:
I think COG literature needs more "HAPPY FACES" emojis ! ;-)
If we care about truth in advertising, their literature needs more POOP emojis!!!
I think it's pretty clear the article is not entirely serious. Also, I have never read a book with so many exclamation marks from any other author. Even if it wasn't insane nonsense, I think people would still notice.
I've been "MARKED" by PCG!!!!
5:25 It seems many people back then were obsessed with masturbation as if it caused disease that’s why Talmudic circumcision was promoted ie as a preventative and it’s so widespread in the USA. smh
3:13pm - lucky you! Now what are you going to do? Are you going to keep obeying God as Abraham did or are you going to allow men to turn you against God and the bible?
I was marked by WCG in 1992, it's no big deal. Freedom in Christ.
km
Flurry even uses exclamation marks in his co worker letters. In this new one he's looking for people to makes pledges to the aircraft fund again. Seems likes income is down.
Anonymous at 12:47 PM said...“Flurry even uses exclamation marks in his co worker letters. In this new one he's looking for people to makes pledges to the aircraft fund again. Seems likes income is down.”
Gerald Flurry trying to elevate himself above everyone else by purchasing a jet airplane was very costly to his supporters. This was actually quite appropriate. Those who support a wicked false prophet like little Gerald should have to really pay for their sin, including with cash. A lot of those dirty old men and filthy old women in the PCG who never stop lying and slandering need to dig deep in their wallets and purses and financially support their predator's paradise.
4:37
So we have corn flakes and circumcision in the USA because all Irish lasses died in the Great potatoe famine?!
I like Kieren's use of Big Data!!!
When I first received my MalMessage back in the days I remember being abhorred by the writing style.
I hear the "message" is edited many times now.
Big Data could also follow the aircraft fly path and compare that with the big man's travel. I think a meager 32K on business class tickets could have covered it all.
Nck
Instead of co-worker letters, they should be called “Give Me More Money” letters, or GMMM.
I was trying to be funny. I have been "MARKED" by the PCG for about 18 years. Very thankful to be gone from there. Still have acquaintances who have been with PCG for nearly 30 years.
I have rejected about 50% of what HWA and WCG taught. It was a mixture of truth, error, and speculation. We can turn away from men and their wrong teachings, but not God and The Bible.
EX-PCG at 3:30 AM said...“Still have acquaintances who have been with PCG for nearly 30 years.”
Some people joined the PCG thinking that they would have to put up with it for only a little while because Gerald Flurry had said that the PCG was going to do a “short work.”
Short can turn out to be rather long.
Does anyone remember the PCG minister Frank Garcia and his son Bobby? They left the fold a few years ago and started their own cult. Now Frank proclaims that God speaks only to him. He posts on Facebook constantly and everything he writes is in all CAPS! It is so frustrating!
It seems every person that is in a cult has to scream at you, belittle you or write in all CAPS!
I remember them both well. Frank is in his 80's...if he believes God is only speaking through him...look out!
It amazes me how many former "ministers" and members of PCG leave PCG, and not really move on.
They stay in an attack-mode mind set. Many former PCGers never join another organization (they may form their own). Perhaps, it's because Flurry was one of the 1st ones to make a lot of noise when he was disfellowshipped from PCG. They may think that Flurry and PCG were the "BEST" and there is no where else to go.
EX-PCG at 12:09 AM said....“They may think that Flurry and PCG were the 'BEST' and there is no where else to go.”
Gerald Flurry used the confusion caused by the Tkaches' Great Apostasy of 1995 to attract former WCG members, but then slipped in his own monstrous doctrinal changes while falsely claiming to be holding fast to everything that HWA had taught.
Gerald Flurry attracted former WCG members by using HWA's name and photograph, but then edited and changed HWA's writings so they would not expose Gerald's own doctrinal changes.
Gerald Flurry started off by praising HWA and pretending to be faithfully standing up for him, but after attracting some WCG people, it soon became all about Gerald Flurry praising his own self all the time and talking about how great he himself was.
Gerald Flurry soon claimed that he, rather than Jesus, was “That Prophet” that everyone had to listen to or else God would call them to account.
Gerald Flurry forbade his PCG members to know anything about any of the other splinter groups, or to have anything to do with anyone in them.
When people left the PCG or got kicked out of it, Gerald Flurry turned their “friends” and family members in the PCG totally against them so that nobody would even talk to them.
People will need to escape from false prophets like Gerald Flurry sooner or later. When they do, they will need to be careful not to fall for some other vicious false prophet out there, such as David Pack.
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