First we had UCG expecting to be martyrs and now the Great Bwana Bob Mzungu offers true Christians something that only he can grant - tribulation protection. What a great time to be alive in the Church of God!!!!!!!
Remember boys and girls there is NO Church of God out there today that knows WHEN it will be time to flee to Petra or some other hell hole to be trained for 3 1/2 years by the Great Bwana to Africa and the 100 Occasional Caucasians. Unless of course, he is one of the two witless witnesses and will be in Jerusalem witnessing alongside Ronnie Weinerdude Weinland as they give the world its final awning.
Only the improperly named "'continuing" Church of "god'" knows that date. So if you want to take advantage of tribulation protection under the auspices of the Great Bwana Bob Mzungu, let him know and include a huge check.
Why does any person with a thinking mind believe these fools?
Great Tribulation Protection
Is disaster coming? Do Christians have to have any concerns about what will happen? Does Jesus promise to physically save some or all Christians? If only some, which? As far as a disastrous time coming, did Jesus say it would be the worst time ever? Does the Bible point to something resembling nuclear destruction? What about the opening of the fifth seal of the Apocalypse. Will the USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and the United Kingdom be subject to the start of the Great Tribulation? Is fleeing to a mountainous part of the USA the answer? Does the Old Testament also warn about that? Does the Bible tell of parents and children eating each other? Why is there no pre-tribulation rapture? Is there any connection between the proclamation of the gospel of the kingdom of God and the end? Why are the Philadelphian Christians promised protection in the Book of Revelation? What about Zephaniah’s prophecies about a decree and gathering together? What about those of Thyatira, Sardis, and Laodicea? Are Christians to pray and watch to be counted worthy to escape? Are Christians going to face deadly persecution? Where could the place in the wilderness to flee be? What about Petra or somewhere else in Jordan? Dr. Thiel addresses these issues and more.
13 comments:
Bob's questioning style is typical of The United Diluted-Truth Church of God. Gawd forbid that the truth is ever plainly stated. This might upset the spiritual dead and morally demented tithe payers.
Twenty topics AND more in one sermon?
See also Eusebius Pamphillis, Ecclesiastical History and Fox's Book of Martyrs.
Cliff's Notes: The strongest Christians were the ones who were tortured and martyred.
HWA had it all turned around so that what he called "Laodiceans" (there are no such things as church eras), the weakest "true" Christians, would be the ones unprotected and subject to captivity and torture, while the strongest would go to a place of safety with HWA and the Philadelphian era church. Note, these are extrabiblical theories, and supported only by interpretive guess work based on awkwardly cobbled together scriptures. They were HWA's "hook", the exclusive selling point he used to promote his church. HWA has passed away, and did not lead his church members to a place of safety, and neither did the first generation of students from his Ambassador College, the early evangelists. HWA's timeline, even worst case scenario, has expired and is overdue by five decades.
Here's your answers Bob. Without reading or hearing your remarks. I disclaim myself (can I do that?); some answers will of course be construed as WRONG or will turn out to be wrong or in error. This is just an exercise in futility since you won't be dissuaded.
Not worldwide; days of Noah, remember?. No. No. Moot. No-came already. Possibly. It's fifth. No, came already in 70 AD. No. Not USA. Yes. Cuz. Yes, end is here-1Cor 10:11. They were patient. For Israel in the days of Josiah. Whatever it says. Yes. Have already. In the spirit. Moot.
Tribulation insurance. What's the deductible?
It's supposed to be a hook to get the reader to click the link. But he puts so many attempted hooks in that the effect is lost.
If I were editing this, I would only use a few of those questions. A number of them are redundant and disinteresting.
"Is disaster coming?" OK, that works.
"Do Christians have to have any concerns about what will happen? Does Jesus promise to physically save some or all Christians? If only some, which?"
Only the second sentence is necessary.
"As far as a disastrous time coming, did Jesus say it would be the worst time ever?"
That one's probably unnecessary too, but I'll let it ride for the moment.
"Does the Bible point to something resembling nuclear destruction?"
A little dated now. I'd advise either replacing the previous question with this one or deleting this one altogether. Either way will work.
"What about the opening of the fifth seal of the Apocalypse."
Minus the missing question mark, this question isn't a particularly good hook. Some portion of the readership won't automatically attribute anything significant to the fifth seal.
"Will the USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and the United Kingdom be subject to the start of the Great Tribulation?"
Redundant, already covered in above questions.
"Is fleeing to a mountainous part of the USA the answer?"
Very niche and probably a pointless question, but I'll accept this one.
"Does the Old Testament also warn about that?"
Could easily be covered in answering the previous one, delete this one.
"Does the Bible tell of parents and children eating each other?"
Well, if you're going for shock value I guess this one works, but I wouldn't use it unless it came directly after one of the "disaster" prompts.
"Why is there no pre-tribulation rapture?"
If this question is going to be used, it needs to be expanded within one of the earlier prompts, not a stand-alone question.
"Is there any connection between the proclamation of the gospel of the kingdom of God and the end?"
No one's going to read that one and think "I HAVE to click that link!" Delete this question.
"Why are the Philadelphian Christians promised protection in the Book of Revelation?"
Of limited interest to non-COG-affiliated people, and those who are affiliated with WCG splinterdom already know the answer. Delete.
"What about Zephaniah’s prophecies about a decree and gathering together?"
I know this is a favorite of Bob's, but on it's own it's a vague reference. Omit.
"What about those of Thyatira, Sardis, and Laodicea?"
Of interest to COG-affiliated folks, I suppose. I would omit it for a broader readership, only including it if the Philadelphia question stays. And I'd likely move it to immediately after that question.
"Are Christians to pray and watch to be counted worthy to escape?"
I would rephrase this question. Needs to be something that can't be answered with a yes or no. Something like "What can Christians do to be counted worthy to escape?"
"Are Christians going to face deadly persecution?"
A little redundant in light of the prompts already given. If anything, I would move this one up to within the first few sentences.
"Where could the place in the wilderness to flee be?"
I realize this one is important to COGlodytes, but I would actually omit it. It's too much of a seeming answer to the question about who Jesus will save. Just address this in the sermon, don't make it an attempted hook.
"What about Petra or somewhere else in Jordan?"
Same as above.
Dr Thiel addresses these issues and more.
"And what about this and what about that and how about this and what do you think of that...."
I don't think Thiel could cram anymore topics into one sermon, but he tries. Obviously he never did well in Spokesman Club.
Deductible is 3rd tithe
& some Kenyan promissory notes
But Haitian promissory notes no longer essential
A better career or hobby for Bob would be working in a research facility analyzing feces.
Bob needs to be consistant in his usage of language. He should express all of his prophetic proclamations the same. As in "Could it be that God might protect the members of the CCOG from a possible tribulation which may occur in the next 3 to 5 years?"
there will be plenty of such for analysis when all qualified persons flee to a terribly overcrowded petra !
Yeah, not only crowded, but also dangerous! Can you imagine the cruelty of these authoritarian cretins when they are no longer retrained by the Constitution and Bill of Rights? I can honestly see them bringing back stonings, and putting members out of the camp to wander through the desert! None for me, thanks! The Germans strike me as being more reasonable and humane than ChurchofGoddian ministers!
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