Dave Pack and His Dismal Swamp

Dismal Swamp

 

David C. Pack of The Restored Church of God prides himself on creating colorful analogies and “catchy” phrases to “help” the brethren understand his latest prophetic monstrosities. He strains through repetition, hoping his audience will accept and incorporate those ideas into The Restored Church of God's biblical nomenclature.

 

As a disruptor, he pulls prophetic wire from a wall to jolt the brethren with his Golden Document super-metric, which proves the stone-cold math of the Trumpets Solar System as part of the trial and error process for cascade learning that is really just telling, not foretelling about the Mount Everest Firewall which happens to be the hill he will die on. Or you can call Jesus a liar because this is taking too long, and you do not appreciate his rushing to call it out to end the Mystery of God that nobody else ever saw.

 

With the lamest of labels, “a David-Solomon-Jedidiah moment,” “the Tough Kingdom,” and “a Tale of Four Pictures,” I wonder how many of these one-off ideas came from his two ghostwriters bleeding their lives away in the Third Floor Executive Imaginarium. Whether or not Coffee Kid and Pepper Boy came up with the idea, Dave will adopt them as his own.

 

His inner child narcissist longs to imprint the specialness of his teaching skills and dazzle the brethren with his well-thought, creative, and clever metaphors.

 

The problem is David C. Pack is not clever.

 

clever

quick to understand, learn, and devise or apply ideas; intelligent; skilled at doing or achieving something; talented; showing skill; ingenious; sensible; well-advised

 

Putting aside the other problems of being a hypocritical blaspheming liar perpetuating antichrist theology, David C. Pack has the most astonishingly piss-poor reading comprehension skills of anyone I have ever known.

 

The root cause lies in his failure to understand basic English, making him the Vizzini of the Churches of God. That is not so inconceivable.

 

“The Greatest Unending Story! (Part 495 and 496)” on March 2, 2024, and Part 497 on March 9 provided plenty of content for brethren to skip.

 

The Kingdom Plan changed from 7-100-1000 to 7-1000

April 8 at 12:03 PM ET holds

Dave still has no idea there is a total eclipse

 

Be sure to write any notes in pencil. Lightly.

 

 

After convincing the brethren that God's Plan was absolutely 7-100-1000 a week earlier, Dave opened by soft-prepping his worshippers for more exciting, better adjustments.

 

Part 495 – March 2, 2024

@ 00:33 Other huge things have remained hidden. Not just the seven years. Today, sets them up. Again, only one subject which will be cleared up, but it serves also as a set-up for the other one. First, the seven years must start and end on Abib 1 [April 8, 2024]. That goes without saying now. You already know many proofs. We have only about 36-plus days. 

 

There are always huge things that are hidden until AFTER he teaches them. Dave's god has an awful sense of timing when it comes to revealed knowledge. Those two cannot seem to coordinate getting all the information accurate before ruining everyone’s Sabbath.

 

@ 01:23 The dismal swamp is (we'll say) is clearing up. I use that now all the time and everybody just, “Boy, you’re not kidding.” It has been a dismal swamp. It’s something that Mr. Armstrong was never allowed to sort through.

 

Stop.

 

While explaining the complexities of understanding Bible prophecy, David C. Pack refers to the process as “a dismal swamp.” Those who are fluent in Packinese can measure how proud he is of his metaphor by the frequency with which he repeats it. The dismal swamp is mentioned throughout Parts 495, 496, and 497.

 

“I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Inigo Montoya

 

Someone needs to buy David C. Pack a dictionary for Christmas. His parents should have provided him with books to read while he spent all that time sitting in the bathroom, learning to doodie in the toilet and not in his pants.

 

dismal

causing a mood of gloom or depression; depressing; dreary; gloomy; pitifully or disgracefully bad

Dave is never clear on what precisely the dismal swamp is. Is the hidden nature of God’s Word a dismal swamp? Is the process of receiving divine knowledge a dismal swamp? Is understanding Bible prophecy a dismal swamp? Dunno.

 

A self-proclaimed apostle, Elijah the Prophet, who is That Prophet, the Seventh Angel of Revelation, the Righteous from the East, the Branch, and Joshua the High Priest, calls the process of understanding prophecy a dismal swamp. Just as you would want from your end-time “Christian minister.”

 

@ 25:55 Now, tell me how the sheep, who are the nations, did not inherit the kingdom of [chuckles] inherited the Kingdom of God while they remained flesh. That’s a problem. But it’s a problem you never get to if you don’t understand the seven years. God kept that swamp dismal because it was never to be understood until the Mystery of God cleared up and things were made plain. Now, that’s plain.

 

According to David C. Pack, God kept His mystery depressing, gloomy, dreary, pitiful, and disgracefully bad. You must either accept he meant it that way, or he has an embarrassingly inept English vocabulary.

 

@ 33:07 …or nondescript “they” say “Peace and safety.” Then, sudden destruction. They're destroyed. Comes on them as travail on a woman with child, and they shall not escape. But, you can think, “Well, maybe they’re coming back for the next Kingdom” because of things we’ve understood that the dismal swamp clears up. But that’s powerful.

 

His choice of "dismal" was intentional and should concern the brethren of The Restored Church of God.

 

 

After the Sabbath meal, Dave had time to reflect on his word choice and adjust accordingly.

 

Part 496 – March 2, 2024

@ 33:15 The Bible is the story of this giant kingdom followed by an eternal Kingdom of God. Increase of no end. But nobody saw the one that kicks off all the others. And that’s why Christ said, “If you don’t get this kingdom, how are you gonna understand anything?” to the disciples. And we didn’t. It was a dismal swamp. Not anymore. But it was.

 

According to the mouth of David C. Pack, what Jesus Christ said to the disciples about the Kingdom of God was part of the gloomy and depressing quality of God’s understanding.

 

Due to the Campus-sparing budget cuts, none of the weak enablers at Headquarters can afford a thesaurus to leave on Dave’s table at the back of the Main Hall. Strategically placing a Post-it note on the page “dismal” is found would ensure an “unemployed” status before the end of the hour.

 

Shiny Yes-Man Edward Winkfield must keep a strip of thick leather in his briefcase to bite down on whenever Dave uses that word while he pretends it does not stab him in the gut. Even this former critical thinker knows what the word dismal means. But he dares not to utter a peep to Dave.

 

@ 33:46 They never saw the Kingdom to Israel. This because God wasn’t ready to reveal the solution in Mr. Armstrong’s time to the dismal swamp. I love the name.

 

I gladly fill the gap left vacant by the cowardly hirelings at Headquarters by providing alternatives for Dave to continue to love his “dismal swamp” theology.

 

“dismal” synonyms provided by powerthesaurus.org

cheerless, sad, melancholy, dark, miserable, disconsolate, mournful, bleak, doleful, grim, unhappy, lugubrious, sorrowful, desolate, somber, dejected, murky, and dispirited

 

There are dozens more. Does anything still cling to the idea that David C. Pack is clever or even literate?

 

David C. Pack LOVES referring to Bible prophecy, God’s Word, the nature of the truth, the Mystery of God, understanding of the Kingdom of God, and by association, the Gospel as a cheerless, sad, melancholy, dark, miserable, disconsolate, mournful, bleak, doleful, grim, unhappy, lugubrious, sorrowful, desolate, somber, dejected, murky, and dispirited swamp.

 

“I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Inigo Montoya

 

 

One week later, he continued milking the dismal swamp analogy, screaming to all the brethren of The Restored Church of God how ignorant and uninformed he really is. David C. Pack misuses basic English words and is still unaware that there will be a total solar eclipse in Wadsworth on the new moon of April 8, while it is Abib 1 in Jerusalem.

 

Part 497 – March 9, 2024

@ 16:11 And God help all of us to see it, and God help me to teach it to you correctly in a clear and concise way so that all the mystery of Daniel and Revelation, which ties all the theologians and all the prophets and prophecy experts in knots and [chuckles] and they [laughs] it helps them make the dismal swamp a lot more dismal and a lot bigger swamp. So, we’re gonna clear all of it out.

 

David C. Pack’s job is to clear up his god’s miserable, dark, and depressing doctrines. The All-Believing Zealots must be in awe of such revelations.

 

@ 54:00 My job is to make the seven years plain. The Day of the Lord follows it. It was a dismal swamp. But I think we'd all agree it's clearing up. Whether you call it seven years, seven times, 84 months split into 42 and 42, or whether you call it 1,260 days and 1,260 days, or you call it 2,520 days, it’s the same… And it’s impossible to argue with it now. It’s impossible.

 

@ 1:03:09 I’m trying to repeat it as many times. You get this in your head. We’ve got this right. Nobody doubts this [Table Glass 1000]. It’s the dismal swamp that we hafta clear up.

 

“I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Inigo Montoya

 

 

God has a sense of humor and is a fan of irony.

 

David C. Pack preaches dismal swamp doctrines from a whited sepulcher dismal swamp in Wadsworth, Ohio. The Greatest Unending Series is a depressing and futile eight-year exercise of bleak confusion and doleful ideas taught by a dark man surrounded by dejected people.

 

The Pastor General loves the name "dismal swamp," and rightly so. Exposing his mental genitals of ignorance, David C. Pack credits God with keeping the dismal swamp secrets locked away until it was time for him to reveal them for the brethren.

 

Nothing has been unlocked. David C. Pack is a false teacher, false apostle, and false prophet. He cannot and will not ever get prophetic timing correct. If you cannot trust him to understand the definition of a simple English word, how can anyone expect him to be a trusted steward with the truths of God?

 

dismal

causing a mood of gloom or depression; depressing; dreary; gloomy; pitifully or disgracefully bad; cheerless, sad, melancholy, dark, miserable, disconsolate, mournful, bleak, doleful, grim, unhappy, lugubrious, sorrowful, desolate, somber, dejected, murky, and dispirited

 

The mind of David C. Pack is a dismal swamp.

 

The Restored Church of Another god operates in a dismal swamp.

 

The brethren are supporting the dismal swamp.

 

Dismal is a perfect description. But I do not love that.

Marc Cebrian

See: Dismal Swamp