God’s most exquisitely favored prophet is having an absolute meltdown over his stubbornly rebellious African followers, who keep voting with their feet and walking away from his certified premium-grade nonsense. After precisely zero souls bothered to show up at his Malawi Feast site (awkward!), he’s now been forced to send poor Evans Ochieng on a desperate reconnaissance mission to figure out why everyone suddenly has better things to do.
Naturally, in a few days we’ll all be blessed with radiant, glowing reports sent back to the Big Bwana assuring us that the Malawian brethren have never been more loyal (truly, their devotion has reached previously undreamt-of heights). And really, what else could we possibly expect when Bwana Bob’s devoted lap poodles are still furiously slobbering over-the-top superlatives about how staggeringly magnificent the Bobist Ministry supposedly is in Africa?
Shocking. Truly shocking.
Karl Kolchek reporting on the ground in Africa
Just in: this Wednesday, the Crackpot Prophet sent his head, Witchdoctor Evans Ochieng, to Malawi to prove the CCOG Malawi still exists there, as virtually no one showed up for the Feast 2025 this year.
Radson Mulowzoa was made a fool of as he only had around 50 or 60 people from Malawi-Mozambique come to his Migowi Hall. It was reported to be a disaster as the people there were not even fed properly for the few days they spent there. Living on dried cassava root, Radson left them high-n-dry.
Radson was too embarrassed to even send Dr Pastor Bob Thiel pictures, as he couldn't produce the thousands that the CCOG Thiel claims are there. Sadly, Dr Pastor Bob will believe what Evans and Radson tell him, even without proof.
It has also been reported that Sosten L., Thiel's trump card with so-called thousands, has left CCOG as he can't stand Radson's treatment and treachery. He's now working with an Australian Church of God. Oh my, what will Bobby do now? The witchdoctors aren't being paid enough to spread the spells and deception to cover Evans and Radsons' fake reports.
Fake dreams.
Fake numbers of members.
Bob, you've been conned Big Time.
Word has just arrived that Ochieng is on the ground in Malawi as we post this. Should we start a countdown clock for the soon-to-be slobberfest?
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