Ah, yes, those were the glory days, weren't they? Back when we'd eagerly await those legendary letters from HWA himself, hammered out on his trusty typewriter—whether in his office or mid-flight on the plane like some airborne prophet. Sure, most of us only ever saw the polished, crisp white-paper versions, neatly blaming the brethren for every church mishap or urgently demanding more cash to keep the Work afloat. And oh, how the Envoy or Worldwide News loved splashing photos of Herb's typed missives across the pages, just to prove how tirelessly he was slaving away for us all. Those letters were pure gold—effective as ever at opening wallets by the ton.
Fast-forward to 2026, and behold the new era of apostolic excellence: Samuel Kitchen, self-proclaimed leader of the one true Worldwide Church of God (Iowa branch, naturally), now channeling his inner HWA by furiously typing—or perhaps letting AI do the heavy lifting—grand histories of the church. Complete with that authentic vintage flair: random jumps between upper and lower case, CAPS IN BOLD RED for dramatic emphasis, and even those charming strike-throughs to simulate "oops, I made a mistake but I'm too frugal for White-Out" authenticity. Truly, the spirit of thrift lives on.
His latest masterpiece? A riveting 10-page epic titled "1986 to 2026: A SUMMARY OF THE HISTORY OF THE WCG". It's the usual delightful cocktail of whack-a-doodle theology, conspiracy-level rants, and—surprise, surprise—a hefty portion dedicated to blaming Victor Kubik for every imaginable ill that's ever befallen the church. Because nothing says "continuing the legacy" like turning a historical recap into a personal vendetta hit piece. Classic.
Who needs actual apostles when you've got this level of retro authenticity? Pass the offering basket —history is clearly repeating itself, typos and all.
You can read all 10 pages here: Recapturing Tomorrow. There is obviously more to come since none of this mentions the dramatic role that Aaron Dean still needs to play.
22 comments:
I only read Christian literature in Times New Roman.....
nck
I only read Christian literature in Times New Roman.....
Papist?
Roman as in PAGAN?!?! Sad!
Does anyone know where Herbs original typewriter is?
Quite possibly worth millions. Perhaps it’s at the Smithsonian? Would make a wonderful exhibit at the Flurry HQ. Imagine the pilgrimages to said ‘piece’ icon. Former president Barrack Obama has said there are aliens. Perhaps these aliens communicated with Herb and he was moved to hit the keys. And the rest is history. Samuels writings will only have credibility if produced on the very same typewriter that Herb used. That would be insuring an unbroken line from the ‘apostle’ to the present. Now I have a bridge to sell in San Francisco if anyone is interested lol.
Does the letter mention anything about Herbert's strange relationship with his daughter Dorothy?
I'm embarrassed to be an Iowan.
I only read mine if it is in Papyrus
With any luck, it is the Scholl Canyon landfill, along with the hundreds of thousands of his books and literature.
Soon the face and voice of Herbert will reappear in AI form. And people will be able to make him say anything they want him to have said. And the video hosting sites will not care as long as the videos bring in advertising revenue. This is already happening with other famous people.
The often used key being the CAPS and exclamation mark. All they need do is dig out any old typewriter and say that it looked like Herb;s - it would still be worthy to be enshrined in their museum?
REPENT you sinner! Blow the dust off of your BIBLE!!! Turn to God and give me MONEY!!! Lots of it! Put your treasure in heaven!!! Where no thief can steal it, because I will have it ALL! Ha ha ha!
I can't decide if this is funny or if I should be afraid. Sam seriously needs help.
Sam has been wondering about raising money for an office. If he keeps up at his current pace, the local authorities may provide him with an office with tastefully padded walls for safety, and bars on the windows to prevent escape. Maybe if God favors him he could score Cell 111 or get an inmate number full of numerological significance?
I can't decide if 8:19's comment is a call for new co-workers.....
nck
Can't super-duper boy Sammy help take a guess on something significant today?
Such as : wondering if the disgusting Khamenei regime is about to be rightly blasted off it's high horse by Trump's armada led by USS Gerald R. Ford?
Today, tomorrow, or this week, will the Iranians soon be as free as we are...they might need a blog like this one but under the name of : "Banned by Khamenei!"
Iran should be something that Kitchen could focus on.
Remember a BBC journalist saying many years ago after he had visited Iran that he thought the Iranian regime was only temporary. And that the revolution was not over as freedom was not achieved. I hope he is right. I believe that there will be a move westward by a new Iranian government once the mullahs are overthrown. And I hope they are removed. The population is young and yearn for freedom and prosperity. Watch this space as they say. Either way the Armstrong movement has been blindsided by much of what has happened over the decades since Herb passed from the scene. Divided, discredited, dysfunctional and dying highlight them today.
Kitchen needs to seriously reevaluate his life rather than having this obsession with a proven false preacher named Herbert Armstrong. Even volunteering to help the disadvantaged would be a far more better use of his time on this earth.
The value of any commodity is indicated by the quality of the people who seek to acquire it. The mantle of Armstrong has finally become so devalued that a window washer believes it is his for the taking. And it's not as if a couple of vitamin salesmen have been able to do anything with it, is it now?
Iran is a sad lesson of which all Americans should be cognizant, considering our own current political climate of today. Iran was a modern, prosperous nation up until the fundamentalist Islamic revolution led by Ayatollah Khomeini. I'd encourage all readers to google pictures, particularly of women and college students, from the 1960s and '70s. All of that was gone, almost overnight, as they were yanked back into the lifestyles of the 11th century.. There are forces working towards a similar fundamentalist Christian revolution in our own United States, enforced by authoritarian government, just as it happened in Iran. Every day, we read of things scarcely imaginable as short a time as ten years ago. So sad to watch.
I am not against Christianity or religion. Far from it. But, didn't we already experience what can happen when one religion teaches the eventual enforcement of its beliefs upon every living human? Paradoxically, didn't we simultaneously see our own persecution coming from those who would enforce a Sunday sabbath upon us?
Does anyone know where the watch that King Leopold gave HWA is? I bet Flurry would love to get ahold of that.
is Bob one of the window washers
what if Mark A. has it, what if one of Dorothy's kin has it...what if Ramona had it...
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