Ah, yes, those were the glory days, weren't they? Back when we'd eagerly await those legendary letters from HWA himself, hammered out on his trusty typewriter—whether in his office or mid-flight on the plane like some airborne prophet. Sure, most of us only ever saw the polished, crisp white-paper versions, neatly blaming the brethren for every church mishap or urgently demanding more cash to keep the Work afloat. And oh, how the Envoy or Worldwide News loved splashing photos of Herb's typed missives across the pages, just to prove how tirelessly he was slaving away for us all. Those letters were pure gold—effective as ever at opening wallets by the ton.
Fast-forward to 2026, and behold the new era of apostolic excellence: Samuel Kitchen, self-proclaimed leader of the one true Worldwide Church of God (Iowa branch, naturally), now channeling his inner HWA by furiously typing—or perhaps letting AI do the heavy lifting—grand histories of the church. Complete with that authentic vintage flair: random jumps between upper and lower case, CAPS IN BOLD RED for dramatic emphasis, and even those charming strike-throughs to simulate "oops, I made a mistake but I'm too frugal for White-Out" authenticity. Truly, the spirit of thrift lives on.
His latest masterpiece? A riveting 10-page epic titled "1986 to 2026: A SUMMARY OF THE HISTORY OF THE WCG". It's the usual delightful cocktail of whack-a-doodle theology, conspiracy-level rants, and—surprise, surprise—a hefty portion dedicated to blaming Victor Kubik for every imaginable ill that's ever befallen the church. Because nothing says "continuing the legacy" like turning a historical recap into a personal vendetta hit piece. Classic.
Who needs actual apostles when you've got this level of retro authenticity? Pass the offering basket —history is clearly repeating itself, typos and all.
You can read all 10 pages here: Recapturing Tomorrow. There is obviously more to come since none of this mentions the dramatic role that Aaron Dean still needs to play.
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