THIS IS A MONUMENTAL POINT IN HISTORY! Will You Help Samuel Kitchen Buy The Ambassador Auditorium?

 

Brethren, dust off those checkbooks and prepare to open wide those wallets of righteousness! The time has finally come to rescue and truly restore the Worldwide Church of God's crowning jewel—that magnificent monument to Herbert W. Armstrong himself: the Ambassador Auditorium, otherwise known (in hushed, reverent tones) as The House of God!

Apparently, the Almighty has grown weary of those wild-eyed Pentecostals flopping around like fish out of water, getting "slain in the Spirit" all over the sacred carpet. No, no—He now demands the return of the building through Samuel (or whoever's available) to re-consecrate this holy edifice, originally blessed by none other than Herbert Armstrong in his role as Christ's personal stand-in on Earth. What an honor!

Let's be honest: the whole place was Herbert's grand vanity project, a glittering stage to make him look far grander in the world's eyes than his actual radio-preacher-turned-cult-leader status warranted. Hundreds of thousands of wide-eyed concertgoers filed through over the decades, while tens of millions in precious tithe dollars vanished into its upkeep—all to prop up the illusion of a legitimate "ministry." Funny thing, though: Jesus Himself was never once name-dropped during those high-society recitals. Attendees would wander in, spot the gold lettering proclaiming dedication "to God," and snicker—then some cheeky soul, like Pat Boone, would sidle up and scratch at it to check if it was solid gold or just fancy plating. Spoiler: it wasn't solid anything for long.

Those very letters? Long gone now, lovingly transplanted to adorn the walls of Gerald Flurry's pint-sized knockoff auditorium in Edmond, Oklahoma—flanked by those exquisite Baccarat candelabras originally commissioned for the Shah of Iran's 2,500-year Persian Empire bash. More tithe-funded treasures sold off for pennies on the dollar to yet another splinter group. Recycling at its most spiritually economical!

And oh, the other activities that unfolded behind those hallowed doors—far beyond mere concerts and services. The roof, the fourth-floor machinery rooms, lighting booths, dressing rooms, prop storage, even the trench encircling the building: prime real estate for all sorts of extracurricular delights involving performers, students, and staff. Those shadowy corners probably saw more action than a Nevada brothel on the road to Vegas. Classy!

Then came the fireworks: raging ministers and the indomitable Stan Rader throwing tantrums onstage during the receivership crisis, as rebellion erupted between those screaming for accountability and the faithful insisting the church answered to no one but God (and, conveniently, Herbert).

The grand finale? Joe Tkach's Christmas Eve sermon that dropped the bomb: tithing wasn't a New Covenant requirement after all. Cue the mass exodus, dried-up tithes, and the sad realization that the gravy train had derailed. The place had to go.

Buyers circled—Church of Scientology, USC School of Music—but none took the plunge until a plucky local Pasadena minister and his Pentecostal posse stepped up with a "bold leap of faith" and snatched it in 2004. Where once COG faithful sang hymns about dashing babies against rocks (blessed be!), the halls now echoed with pogoing, holy laughter, gold dust spewing from mouths, and glossolalia in full alien-tongue stereo. From Armstrong-era prophecy to full-on charismatic circus—what a glorious glow-up!

But wait—there's still hope for the purists! Now, dear brethren, you can help reclaim this sacred ground! Redeem it! Rededicate it to the one true God as the very spot where Jesus will touchdown on His white horse, sword gleaming, ready to smite every last unbeliever in a blaze of apocalyptic glory!

What an unparalleled opportunity to etch your name in eternity! Give like you've never given before—God's work (and this real estate rescue) hangs in the balance! Don't delay; the end times are expensive, and the checkbooks won't write themselves!

Samuel writes (unedited):

Help support the Work of God

I am excited to announce I will now be accepting tithes and offerings, and other donations, to raise funds for a special building fund.

Ambassador Auditorium is for sale. 

now this building was built by the generous donations of the membership of the Worldwide Church of God. I would like to bring it back to us.

It was consecrated to God for HOLY USE, and to have those with the Holy Spirit assembling there.

In Haggai 2:19, we read “Is the seed yet in the barn?” And in Malachi 3:8-12, we who have the Holy Spirit of God are COMMANDED to bring tithes and offerings into the storehouse, so that the SPIRITUAL TEMPLE MAY HAVE SPIRITUAL MEAT!

This is not about a physical building. Groups everywhere is building physical complex properties, and you may be okay with it. But this building was consecrated and dedicated to God. We was robbed of it when those who didn’t agree with this Church left and sold it off because they didn’t value it.

We do. And so I am standing up and announcing this plan to purchase it, and I need all of you God’s Holy People to help me with God’s Tithes and Offerings! All the scriptures point to our success!

in Psalms 145:18-21 we read “The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them. The Lord preserveth all them that love him: but all the wicked will he destroy. My mouth shall speak the praise of the Lord: and let all flesh bless his holy name for ever and ever.”

No one else sees value in this auditorium. They might see it as a white elephant. But for those who love God, and love His restored truth, and seek to glorify HIS NAME, we value this consecrated building.

What I propose, is we purchase it, and use it. There is room for a library of Church materials, and room to be used for services and for Festival services.

Mr Armstrong was inspired by the Holy Spirit to design and build such a building. And since it still stands, and only those who were wicked and left Jesus Christ sold it, shall we not jump on this opportunity to bring praise and glory unto God and to declare THE WORLDWIDE CHURCH OF GOD spiritually has not been destroyed?!

This would only glorify the name of God. While others say we are desolate, read what God says in Isaiah 62. I AM ENCOURAGED BY THIS BRETHREN! I need your help. Bring your tithes and offerings and send them to me. If you have any questions please email me at “wcgpillars@gmail.com”, or write me at PO box 126 Fairfield Iowa 52556.

THIS IS A MONUMENTAL POINT IN HISTORY! Will you stand up with me and help me purchase this property, so we may move forward in the true Work of God? May God show you and inspire you brethren. We need to be excited and on fire for God! Let us not be Laodicea, lukewarm, indifferent! Believe God!

in Jesus Christ’s name,

Samuel W Kitchen

 

Samuel clearly has zero clue what he's signing up for with this grand delusion of snatching up the Ambassador Auditorium. How exactly does he plan to slap a fresh coat of paint on this aging diva when the early (read: endless) maintenance bills start rolling in like a biblical plague? We're talking a landmark that's been pampered for decades—now imagine the surprise invoices for HVAC overhauls, roof repairs, seismic retrofits, and keeping that famous reflecting pool from turning into a mosquito breeding ground.

And the association fees to Ambassador Gardens/Maranatha High School? Those won't be a polite suggestion—they'll be a monthly gut-punch. The place is nestled right in the middle of condo heaven and school grounds; good luck dodging those HOA-style charges for shared infrastructure, landscaping, security, and whatever else the neighbors demand to keep their property values from tanking.

Sure, the Pasadena Symphony rents the hall for their concerts, but let's be real: those fees are a drop in the bucket compared to the black hole of operating costs. We're talking astronomical insurance premiums (because California loves lawsuits almost as much as earthquakes), sky-high property taxes and city fees that Pasadena gleefully piles on for historic properties, and don't even get me started on payroll. California labor laws? Minimum wage hikes, overtime rules, benefits mandates—hiring even a skeleton crew of ushers, techs, and cleaners will cost more than a small country's GDP.

Oh, and if he dreams of hosting something ambitious like a Feast of Tabernacles blowout? He'll be begging Maranatha to rent out their parking structure and student center just to accommodate the crowds—because the onsite spots are laughably limited. Meanwhile, the upscale condo residents next door will be sharpening their pitchforks at the thought of eight straight days of wide-eyed "nutjobs" (his future flock, presumably) pressing their noses against windows, waxing nostalgic about the glory days of Herbert Armstrong, and generally disrupting the neighborhood vibe.

This isn't just a bad idea—it's a trainwreck of unimaginable proportions, a financial Titanic steaming full speed toward an iceberg made of red ink, lawsuits, and angry neighbors. Samuel might think he's buying a holy relic, but what he's really purchasing is a money pit disguised as a concert hall.