Sorry, Infallible Bob—better luck next lifetime. You’re still clutching that eternal bouquet of participation trophies, forever the tragic bridesmaid in the cosmic wedding no one invited you to officiate. Always almost chosen… never quite chosen. Heartbreaking, really. Someone pass Bob a tissue and a fresh bottle of anointing oil—he’s going to need both.
Meanwhile, the interior design team has already been dispatched with all the urgency of a five-alarm holy fire. They’re furiously sketching mood boards and color swatches so they can rush-order a breathtaking, larger-than-life portrait of Herbert W. Armstrong—probably in full technicolor majesty, complete with that signature benevolent-yet-authoritarian gaze. And naturally, no proper shrine would be complete without a custom-built kneeling bench positioned at the ideal groveling angle. Because nothing says “restored truth” quite like mandatory devotional knee-time in front of a 10-foot oil painting of a man who’s been dead for 40 years.
Truly, the end-time work has never looked so… tastefully appointed. Let the incense and the interior decorating commence!
Samuel Kitchen writes:
So I am looking at an office space to use for the “SUPPORT SERVICES OF THE WORLDWIDE CHURCH OF GOD”(Visit supportwcg.org)I found one in a town not far from me, for $450 a month with a $450 security deposit. It’s small, but it can be used for an office, and address for the Work.I do need an office, and a space to use for the Work. It needs to be separated from my apartment. It could also serve as a small meeting hall for brethren nearby.What do you brethren think?I have my own source of funding, with my cleaning business, but I also know that God’s people should be involved and I have received many requests to be involved.I also do have the entity “SUPPORT SERVICES OF THE WORLDWIDE CHURCH OF GOD” already created and being used, to raise funds for the Work.If God wants us to have an office we will. I believe I need it. I just want to ask you brethren about the idea, and get a consensus of wisdom.
16 comments:
Our consensus of wisdom is don't quit your day job.
You have to start somewhere. The first-century Church started in homes... as did PCG.
Samuel, you believe you need an office so why bother asking the brethren for wisdom and advice on this issue. Their purpose is simply to pray and pay and to do as they are told. Just do it, their opinions don’t count, they never troubled Herbie did they. An office is a great start. Soon a campus, an auditorium, a magazine, a TV programme, a corporate jet etc etc etc.
We're off to the races! I for one plan to watch and observe. Will this be the emerging super-blessed group with the witness of God behind it that everyone has been waiting for? Or, will it sputter out of gas before getting off the ground like so many others that the starters bragged to us about? We're all so sick and tired of hearing people prove their ACOG is the right one because Satan attacks it and thwarts its very existence! How about one that Satan does not attack, and that actually grows and fills that big commission? Just for a little change?
Oh, and just once, can we puleeze avoid the fake prophecy pitfall? Anybody can imitate or expand upon HWA's antiquated 1950's BI infested prophecy mold! How about a string of boss, sayin' sumthin' plausable surgical precision prophecies that actually come to pass? Or a new funding vehicle? Paul deferred to tent making and let his gentile followers skate on the tithes, and they actually prospered and were able to take up huge collections to assist the original impoverished and persecuted Jewish Christians in beautiful downtown Jerusalem, which was one of a handfull of crown jewel cities showcasing the Roman Empire. If Sam is relatively clean, he might be able to get licensed to establish a medicinal marijuana dispensary! These, if marketed properly, and their existence concealed from the membership, could function as the inexhaustable money tree which an ACOG needs in order to fuel the radical growth remembered by anyone who knows anything about the early Radio Church of God!
Sam will also need to pick up on strengths which have actually proven themselves to work recently. For one thing, he needs to out Flurry the Flurrys! Assemble a team of trained actors and media consultants. Yes. But, relying soley on past Spokesmans Club participation ain't gonna cut it! Study method acting, become super polished, but then don't just squander the talent on some dancing trend that passed its international heyday two or three decades ago or self-sabotage with crooked book cases and bad curtains. Use the talent and polish to effectively preach the gospel using contemporary media techniques known to newly graduated leaders in that field.
The big question is, can Armstrongism become viable once again? It is, after all, a minimalist, ascetic lifestyle enforced by authoritarian leadership. Bleah! However, we must also remember that the disciplines it teaches might actually assist people in adapting to contemporary economic and political conditions with so many unexpectedly finding themselves on the lower diagonal of the K-shaped economy and without a voice. The current attitudes towards medications, science, history, culture, and people who are different are very similar to those taught in classic Armstrongism. Another element of Armstrongism is conspiracy theories, and much has been made of them, but hasn't it turned out that Q was correct about the cabal of untouchable, teflon pedophiles lurking amongst those in control? Who would have known that it would turn out to center on Epstein and his influential friends? Q was right. He just accused the wrong clique!
Truly, there is cause for hope! We must just watch and see how this latest revival attempt plays out!
Have you considered an outhouse Sammy? You probably have enough HWA literature for TP
Anonymous on Monday, February 9, 2026 at 10:42:50 PM PST said...“Have you considered an outhouse Sammy?”
Good point. The splinter groups are all so full of it that each one of them should prioritize building their own outhouse.
Love that balloon! If you enlarge the photo, you can see everyone in the basket waving back at you.
Stellar. Better get some lackey to polish the hinges. There’s an image to preserve.
For one thing, he needs to out Flurry the Flurrys!
Instead of Irish dancing, Samuel will need to come up with a fresh angle to grab secular publicity. Maybe competitive eating, like at the annual Nathan's Hot Dogs competition? That would be just about as gospel-centric as Irish dancing, and it's probably something Samuel would be good at without a lot of money wasted on expensive coaches and consultants. But he ought to be careful in his choice of a Headquarters building. From what he wrote, his current option sounds even less impressive than Bob Thiel's place.
Well Sam, I'm not sure that you have to spend thousands of dollars per year of money not your own on an office separate from your apartment. In my case I have limited space but I do a lot with it. For just one example here, one wall in my bedroom is essentially three desks lined up with shelf space and purposed drawers. I've built a hutch and am equipping it with a folding table all for maximizing the use of vertical space, and I'm putting in industrial wire shelving from Uline to further stack specialized printers and office equipment and use it as is. Precise, crisp, streamlined. Works well for everyday life, for small to medium business needs etc. I doubt that you have, nor will you ever have, thousands of booklets being printed off and mailed throughout the hapless world, so no need for space for all that heavyduty stuff.
He could use 'print on demand' companies that print as required and mail out themselves. No longer need huge warehouses with pre-printed booklets gathering dust on shelves.
Or really for 2026 booklets should be online and sent out immediately.
get a PO box
Top Knot Balloon COME DOWN!!!
Are they in a strip mall next to a vape shop & a massage parlor?
Make sure it's Box 111, too. I mean, for Sam, thar's got to be a preservable part of the legend, right?
As his church is staffed by about 1 person, surely working from home would be better? And who cares about the address, he could get a PO box. And most of the mail he is likely to receive will be emails.
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