The MYCOG APP!!!

When the Laodicieans realized they

 should have downloaded the MY COG App!

• Turn off all text notifications from Sunset Friday to Sunset Saturday night! Restricts calls from "Worldly people" from sunset to sunset. Finish your calls early, because the phone WILL cut your conversation cold! 
  
  
• Autopay tithes directly to the COG! Simply add in your bank routing number or DirectPay, and the App will automatically deduct 10% of your income into the Church Headquarters - and another 10% Directly into the Festival Fund account for your second tithe! Now, you don't have to  worry about the Tithe of the Tithe - the app will take care of that for you! Third tithe years are automatically calculated for your convenience, and deducted every third year from your date of Baptism! Tithing could never be easier! PLUS, you can select your offering amount! Simply press $50, $75, or $100 choices from the App for Auto-Offering! It just can't be easier!

• Dating has never been easier with the My Date feature! Eligible singles will appear directly on your App! Simply press "I Want to Date Her" and the App will forward the request directly to the Local Pastor. You should get a notice if your date was approved or rejected within one week! The App also features Dating Reports, progress reports, and surveys that monitor your morality with your special person. 
  
  
• Register directly for the Feast of Tabernacles! Simply input all of your Feast of Tabernacles registration information and at exactly the right date and at the right time, the App will submit your information directly to the Festival Office! You will then get the detailed itinerary including your Motel, Rate, Festival Location, Site, and events! No more work for you! You will also have the number of your Festival Coordinator right at your fingertips! 
  
  
• Sick? Simply push “I'm Sick” and an Elder will send you a “Virtual Anointing Cloth”! Just Pray and Touch! No more need to call your Elder when the App will call your Elder for you! You can have faith you have been prayed for! 
  
  
• Get a full list of all unclean and clean foods right on your phone! Are you unsure? The App has the name and photo of every unclean and clean meat you can think of! No more excuses! 
  
  
• Get recipes for Unleavened Bread right on your phone! The Church Unleavened Bread Recipe Cookbook has it all! You can randomize, or search for whatever recipe you wish. There's even a Church Potluck Recipe Feature so you can make something different than Vegetarian Baked Beans! 
  
  
• Unsure if something unleavened is OK? Take a picture of it, send it to the App, and the App will determine if it is ok or not! 
  
  
• Having problems with unconverted people trying to talk to you? COGBlock will block their numbers with one push! Simply press "Ignore Heathen" and no more contact with a Heathen! 
  
  
• Ready to get baptized? Press “I'm Ready” and a minister will contact you to discuss your options! Be Warned though! The "Baptism" feature will not be enabled unless your minister believes you are ready first. If he believes you are, the "I'm Ready" icon will be lit. 
  
  
• Volunteering for Sabbath Duties has never been easier! Simply enter your service role, to avoid one being assigned for you! You can choose from Duties that are adjusted for your specific Rank - attendee, member, Pillar, Deacon, Member. Any open positions will show immediately and be ready for you to fill!
  
  
• Single? The Singles Feature will give you a list of all singles activities in your area! Make sure you meet your monthly quota of Singles Activities!
  
  
• Club member? Enter the Club Portal to access the Virtual Handbook, and the App Timer for your speeches!Practice Tongue Twisters, like Theophilus Thistle or Suzy Sells Sea Shells! 
  
  
• Is it Atonement? Our app will detect how close you are to the fridge, and blast a WARNING if you get too close or open the door!Be careful, it will send the results to your minister, so stay away from the fridge!
  
  
• Is it Trumpets? Our App will sound trumpet blasts at Sunset, fulfilling the sounding of the Trumpets! You can choose from 5 types of Trumpet Blasts - and even a Shofar! 
  
  
• Is it the Sabbath? Our App will let you choose between YA music, Orchestra Classics, or Strauss Arrangements for your listening pleasure! From Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah to the Hallelujah Chorus, All the Sabbath Music is there for you! 
  
  
• Can't make it to Church? Simply take a picture of the problem, and our Ministers will determine if your excuse is valid! 
  
  
• Child won't listen to you? MYCOG will video-conference in your minister to tell your child to listen to YOU!If your minister is unavailable, a DEACON will fill in - and your child never wants to be yelled at by a DEACON! 
  
  
• Shut in? Our video library of sermons is for you! (Sermon will auto-destruct after you hear it, and will not play in public areas outside of your home!)
  
  
• Can't Sleep? Choose from light Piano, to Droning Sermons, to The WaterHouse effect! Sleep is guaranteed!

• NOTES! Take notes directly on MYCOG! Automatically input scriptures with the tap of a button. Then, review them weekly!Be zealous! 
  
  
• BIBLE INSTRUCTION! MYCOG combines the AC CORRESPONDENCE COURSE with the BIBLE! Now, you get the WHOLE TRUTH in one convenient application!King James Version and the Original 57 Course together! 
  
  
• PROPHECY! Get World News and Prophecy in one convenient place! We'll tell you what's going on, and just how close we are now to The Great Return! It may look like its repeatiing, but beleive us when we tell you it is not! 
  
  
• GAMES! Play Straighten the Chairs, Move the Podium, or Making Unleavened Goodies right on your phone! Build a Millennial City and Manage Your Planet! Play THE TALENT GAME with other COG members around the world online!Arrange flowers around the Podium! Take your hand at flapping your arms, you song leader-wanna be! How many chicken wings can you flap without tiring? Can you keep from taking off through the Gymnasium roof? 
  
  
• Youth Educational Lessons! Right on your phone! From Samson to Methuselah to Rebekah and Leah - it's all there! 
  
  
• PRAYER REQUESTS right on your App! Simply type in your request, and your minister will approve it, and badabing! It's on! 

• IN A MARITAL DISPUTE? Click “DISPUTE” on your phone to invite your minister to conference in right then and there! 
  
  
• COG RINGTONES! Have Dwight be your ringtone, choose from 128 different selections! Choose from MIDI format, Grand Piano, or Kazoo and Fluteaphone! 
  
  
• ARE YOU A SONG LEADER? Send your Pastor and Pianist your song choices directly from the App! 
  
  
• ARE YOU A SPEAKER? Our built in teleprompter will help you speak right from the App right on the Podium! Complete with Timer! Couldn't be easier! 
  
  
• ARE YOU A PRAYER GIVER? Our scripted prayers will help you give the perfect opening and closing prayers! The Proximity Sensor will flash yellow if you are TOO CLOSE TO THE MICROPHONE! IT WILL BEEP LOUD SO STAY AWAY FROM THE MICROPHONE!
  
  
• ARE YOU A DEACON? ELDER? PASTOR? Then upgrade to MYCOGELITE! With special top-secret functions for the Minister in You to help you micro-manage your MEMBERS! 
  
  
• HAVE TEENS? Put MYCOG on their phones to SHUT THEM OFF during services! The MYCOG App will also listen to detect if they are engaging in forbidden things, and will sound a DWIGHT ARMSTRONG SONG LOUDLY if it hears matching sound algorithms!
  
  
• ARE YOU DRESSED OK FOR CHURCH? The MYCOG App will tell you! Simply snap a selfie of yourself, it will tell you if you are dressed appropriately or not! 
  
  
• ARE YOU FOUL MOUTHED? The MYCOG App will listen for foul language, and warn you if you slip up! Beware, any foul words will be sent to your minister! 
  
  
• UNMARRIED PEOPLE! TEMPTED TO FIDDLE WITH YOUR FADDLE? THE MYCOG APP WILL DETECT FIDDLING AND SOUND AN ALARM AND CALL YOUR MINISTER TO TELL YOU TO STOP FIDDLING WITH YOUR FADDLE! THIS WILL STOP YOU FOR SURE! 

AND SO MUCH MORE!!!! GET YOUR MYCOG APP TODAY!!!!!!!

COG's released from all liability. By using this app you waive any legal recourse and blah blah blah. Trust us, you'll be okay. Have we ever wronged you?

by SHT

"You Cannot Adapt to Change"

Many years ago, at one of my assignments, I was called in for a promotion evaluation with whom I was working for at the time. Surprisingly, at least to me, I was rejected - even though on paper, it appeared to me I was qualified. The answer that I received in regards to the reasoning behind the Operation Manager's decision was one that blindsided me, because I had never considered this before in my life. I was told "You cannot adapt to change. We need people who can adapt to any situation."

Yes, I was blindsided. But only briefly, because after considerable time spent thinking upon this revelation to me, I realized that this individual was absolutely right. I was stubbornly, adamantly, and thoroughly opposed to any sort of change in my life - whether it is home, work, or - of course - with the Church. There are many reasons for this that are personal I will not get into here, but this was the truth. I could not handle change. 

Of course, one of the reasons was the traumatic experience with "The Changes" back in 1995. At least, this is what I blamed it on. But when I thought about it, my avoidance of change went clear back to my earliest of years. One thing that the Church taught and enforced was the rigid adherence to unchanging ritual, structure, liturgy, and methodology. Many details of my life from birth forward through the Church were exactly the same, day in and day out, over and over again, from services to songs to scriptures to people - even conversations with some were the exact same week after week. This pattern of repetition was a set up to create a well-energized fear of the unknown, and a stout denial that anything can change and be good. 

This culture of the negativity of change came directly from the religious culture of the Worldwide Church of God in many levels. What is it that we believed was impossible to change? I don't even know where to begin! Paganism - that can't ever change. The Law of Moses - nope, no changes there. Evolution - absolutely not - God does not change what He created. I'm pretty certain you could come up with hundreds of examples of things that we taught were either absolutely impossible to change, or could not turn from evil to good, or was satanic to think it could be changed, using the scripture "God is the same yesterday, today, and forever", citing that "He changeth not" to prove nothing can ever change. Everything is set in solid rock, and in black and white, and you cannot deviate to the left or the right from an established, unchanging line, or open a box to even consider that change might not only be a good thing, but could even be a God Thing. 

Is it difficult to consider the fact that even though God Himself does not change (He is love, and His Royal Law is love), that his methodology and interactions can, and do change, based on a change of conditions around Him? 

Here's a thought that will probably be considered totally heretical, but let's go there for a minute. Consider evolution. The Armstrong Position has always been that it started as one thing and cannot change. Are we then saying that God does not have the power to cause adaptations so his life forms may acclimate due to a change in an exterior environment? (I.E. - global warming, cooling, ozone, solar radiation, heat, drought, tropical rain). Are we to suppose that God is not able to supernaturally - by pure Spirit and intellect - cause a life form to adapt to survive? Why is this not considered a possibility? Is it because we cannot admit that a God of Order does not cause things to become disorderly? Is it because we cannot admit that God might do things in ways we do not know nor can we understand? Is it because if it is not specifically spelled out in black and white in Scripture than it is impossible for this to happen? God specifically said "With men this is impossible, but with God, ALL THINGS are possible".Why rule out all possibilities when God himself said all things are possible? Are we so dull and dense? 

Here's another thought that will probably be considered equally heretical - man-made observance days not rooted in scripture. It is true that once, long ago in time, people rooted in pagan culture and polytheism of many thousands of gods and idolatry used days as an idolatrous replacement of the one true God they did not know - after all, Paul himself referred to God as "the Unknown God" when walking around ancient temples (I think it was the one dedicated to Apollo, correct me if I am wrong). After the days of Jesus, Christians were successful in converting the culture from days rooted in antiquity and paganism to days of worship to Jesus. Pretty much, it's the same reasoning the Churches of God have for their Winter Family Weekends. The days off are established, so, why not replace the days with something we can agree with? Except when it comes to voluntary observances of man to God - no, they can't do that because of how it was in the past at a time long ago and far away. Failure to adapt to change is what this is - failure to realize that things can and do change and can turn from bad to good. 

And then there's the COG situation itself - the entire liturgical construct set up over 70 years ago that for some Churches of God has not changed one iota - a construct frozen in time from the 1950s to the 1970s, even sometimes down to the same suits, same briefcases, same hymnals, same sermons, same predictions, same everything, a mundane, unchanging methodology that is stuck on Groundhog Day over and over again. Except instead of "I Got You Babe", the song is "O God, Forsake Me Not". 

The Churches of God - and Armstrongism in general - have been stuck in an anti-change mode which has lasted throughout the entire lifecycle of the Church from its conception, to rapid growth, to maturity, to collapse, and now in it's death rattles - change has always been, in theology, and in practice, a dirty word. Those who have the highest avoidance to change have been the most active to attempt to revive what time has changed to their chagrin and objection. This is why we have the likes of That Wadsworth Guy who is attempting at all cost to rebuild what once was. Same with That Edmond Guy who also is attempting to rebuild what once was. Change is evil, it seems that they think. They are unwilling in many cases to pursue new formats, new ways, new advancements, new technologies (many still stuck in radio and TV!!) - they are literally in a time capsule they have locked shut and cannot get out of. The world is moving on around them and they are retreating into their own little black hole of time and space. It seems they cannot adapt to change. 

Is it too much to admit that they could be wrong? Is it too much for them to admit that things may not have been (Note: They weren't) exactly as they imagined they would be? Is it too much to see that in the reality of things in this realm that we habitate that things always change? And that those who are stuck in predetermined prepositions nearly always end up and turn out to be one hundred percent wrong? Is it too much to realize that the way we thought it was so just possibly could be a different so? After all, hasn't time proven the absolute fact that most of the way that we as the Church of God of Herbert Armstrong and Hirelings thought things were be did not prove out to come even close to that way? Or if on realizing that fact, will it be like that Star Trek computer on the Original Series that short circuited because it realized it was incorrectly programmed? 

God does not change. He has always been love and rooted in love. This is, after all, His Law. When Jesus Christ however came - like it or not, Jesus changed EVERYTHING. Herbert may have taught nothing really changed except for a few until some later time still in the future (that should definitely have happened by now!!), but he himself could not accept any sort of change! (Remember STP?) It is only when one understands that Jesus Changed Everything that one can accept Changes from the Old Covenant to the New, from Death to Life, from life apart from God to life with God, and from the separation to the inclusion of Jews and Gentiles - even to the differences of worship and observances between the two. 

But don't feel bad. The Apostles had just as much trouble - as did the Jewish Christians - of accepting change as well. And Paul faced the brunt of this with persecution, divisions, rejections - and even prison time. It's easier to go back to the way things were than to change to a new normal. But this is exactly what Jesus demanded - change. Repentance. Not going back to the way things were, but learning new ways of faith, of hope, and of love - the things of the Spirit that the way things were could not even come close to fulfilling. No wonder Jesus said he came not to bring peace, but a sword - because Jesus well knew that people would yell "WHO MOVED MY CHEESE!" when the cheese got moved. 

Until the Churches of God come to the point where they can admit that things don't always happen in the well-constructed solid concrete box the way they imagined they would, and instead look at the foundation which for over 70 years have always been shifting sand, they will continue to reject common sense and established, verifiable truth because of their inability to adapt to change. A lesson that for many Splinter Leaders will never get through their thick, stubborn, prideful, and spiritually uneducated heads.

by SHT

Dave Pack: Am I A Failure?

Defective and Never Good Enough--The Challenge of Being Yourself in the Churches of God

Passover and the Days of Unleavened Bread were always more stressful than enjoyable to me. The "examine yourself" concept could wear heavy on one depending on seriously one took it all. As we know, both minister and member was just a ball of jealousy, envy, lust and greed. A worm, so said the Bible and we all hearts deceitful above ALL THINGS and DESPERATELY WICKED!  The was a definite theme of not good enough that ran through one's church life and the struggle to be better was ever present. Ultimately, we were all to become us therefore PERFECT as our heavenly Father is Perfect, but that always escaped me and seemed a bit unreal. I know people who tried but I found them not the kind of folk I wanted to spend much time around. Mostly, it was a fake kinda perfect.

I recall heading up a class meeting where the guest minister speaking to us reminded us all we were the "Cream of the Crud."  Uh oh....that didn't set well. One friend stood up and said he was tired of hearing that crap and it wasn't true. That lead to another standing up, and another and …. well, it spread nicely through the whole campus and lots of people ended up being themselves!

I was never even comfortable with the Apostle Paul telling me that I had to follow him as he followed Christ. Why couldn't he follow me as I did? I didn't know how he followed Christ except once he said he beat himself to keep himself in subjection and that's not for me.   Why do we always strive to be better than we are and even not authentically even who we are?

"Let every man esteem others better than himself," goes the admonition of scripture. That always made me ask "Then what is everyone else supposed to do?"  Sounds like one endless chain of "No, I esteem you  better than me,"  "Oh no, I esteem YOU better than me!"

Being one's self, as you are, at any one time, with all your background, baggage, perspectives, unique qualities, insights and personality traits was never high on the list of what we were supposed to be comfortable with.  We were evidently defective as is and so becoming something else was ever the goal.  It was mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausting.

I recall being dragged through each of the Ten Commandments by the minister interviewing me for baptism when I was 19.   He asked me if I had ever worshipped other gods....NO, Taken God's name in vain...NO.  Kept the sabbath...Yes, (I went to church three times every Sunday up to that point. It was a technical foul).  Killed...NO, Lied....NO....  Committed Adultery...No (I did have a girlfriend back in NY and did lust after her so that counted as a yes I guess),  Stolen....NO   Coveted....Not really.   Well, he sent me on my way with no pass that interview.  See paragraph one for what I failed to understand.

But ultimately, I got baptized. Honestly....felt no change from on High. I went on to pretty much be the me I am , wearing a few masks along the way to protect myself from the righteous zealots and giving up on that becoming perfect as my Heavenly Father was perfect.  Even if you say it means "mature", which it doesn't, couldn't do that either.

Once Dave Pack found out the minister who replaced him ordained my brother-in-law a deacon and it evidently annoyed him enough to tell Ron, "If I had thought you should be a deacon, I would have ordained you!"  Ron, being his ever genuine self said..."Well Dave, If I didn't think you had shit for brains I'd care!"   That's being yourself!

My dad was pretty much himself no matter as well.  When Dave was chiding the Spokesman Club for not being up on their scripture cards my Dad spoke up and mentioned that the men worked all week and did not have the same time he did to keep up with it all.  Dave told my dad he's see him in the hall at the break.  My dad said..."No you won't!"  lol.  Dad was himself and a great example to me.

Finally, one of the best. After Joe Tkach gave his "Screw the Sabbath" sermon and it was played in one of my relative minister's church, where the song leader, a good ol' boy evidently got up and said, "Now wasn't that the biggest load of shit you ever heard?!  Let's all rise and sing out to the REAL God!"
That's being yourself!

So let me just say that being who you are, in hindsight, is pretty much ok in life. How can one be anything else?  We might tweek things here an there as we go, but I have learned that most people, unless they are at the bottom of human behaviors, don't change very much and probably don't need to either.  I don't find most hearts to be desperately wicked and deceitful nor do I find everyone I know filled with jealousy, envy, lust and greed.  Those traits are reserved for the higher ups evidently.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Bernard M. Baruch 

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson 

“Don't compromise yourself - you're all you have.”
― John Grisham, The Rainmaker

“If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.”
― Frank Zappa 

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.”
― Harvey Fierstein

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

“About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all.”
― Rita Mae Brown 

“Never complain, never explain. Resist the temptation to defend yourself or make excuses.”
― Brian Tracy 

“Never dull your shine for somebody else.”
― Tyra Banks 

“The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position.”
― Leo Buscaglia 

“Let others determine your worth and you're already lost, because no one wants people worth more than themselves.”
― Peter V. Brett, The Warded Man

“What other people think and say about you is none of your business. The most destructive thing you would ever do is to believe someone else's opinion of you. You have to stop letting other people's opinions control you.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

“You were not born on earth to please anyone; you have to live life to express yourself, not to impress someone. Don't pretend to be someone you're not, and never lose yourself in search of other people's acceptance and approval.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”
― Bruce Lee

Personally, I'm now comfortable being myself. I'm not defective and neither are you and , while it might irritate some of you, being born right the first time is not a concept that we need discard.

THE SEVEN SUCCESSFUL KEYS TO A ZESTFUL NTBMO

THE SEVEN SUCCESSFUL KEYS TO A ZESTFUL NTBMO:

1. Always avoid booking restaurants with standard names. Such as: “Lester’s Steak House” or “Big Mamma’s Grille.” Avoid chain restaurants too. Pick those which have swanky names. Like; “The Lamb & The Lion” or “Scandal’s at Riverpoint.” Although, your steak maybe the size of a postage stamp and the price is 4 or 5 times higher, it’s all about splurging your 2nd tithe that night.

2. Be the first to put the Rye Crisp on the table. This act shows you’re deeply converted and your mind is on the feast.

3. Point out problems with food, even if you have to make them up. Such as; “George, I think that’s a bacon bit under your lettuce leaf” or “Jane, that looks like a crouton in your mashed potatoes.” Don’t over do it, 2 or 3 times during the meal is fine.

4. Ordering wine; if the wine taste like 3 day old burnt coffee grounds, order it! It will be very expensive and talk about it’s wonderful flavor. This is very impressive. Also, brush up on how wine is made. When the wine is first served to the table, give a 5-10 minute lecture on the art of making wine. Super impressive!

5. Memorize several Bible verses about the FUB. When there’s a lull in the conversation, quote a Bible verse then make a toast. Don’t be a stick in the mud, always drink to another person's toast.

6. How much should you drink? The Seder has a minimum of 4 glasses of wine. Seven is the stopping point because, that’s God’s perfect number. Yes, it’s okay to switch to beer or mixed drinks after you have at least 2 glasses of wine.

7. Always leave the biggest tip on the table. It must be seen too. Example; cough real loud when you’re dropping that $100 bill on the table.

MB

When Zealotry Rears Its Ugly Head

Here is a prime example of how legalism destroys rational thinking. The sheer absurdity of paying more attention to these minuscule rules than allowing one to be set free by grace and triumph shows just how mentally sick those who claim to be such zealots of the law really are. They hate anything that has to do with Jesus, grace, justification, mercy, and compassion, that shattered the yoke of the law and instead have become professional prostitutes to the law.

Explanation of this New Year’s moon sighting

The new moon was seen by only one person and that outside Jerusalem after sunset ending 6 April, however it was calculated to be easily visible and was seen by numerous witnesses east of Jerusalem.

The moon’s illumination at Jerusalem was 1.3% at the moon’s meridian passing  13:35 on 6 Apr, later at nearly 8 pm when it was sighted the illumination was more than 2%. It was easily visible.  The term “meridian refers to the moon being directly above the observation site.

The issue in this month’s instance, is that it was well established by calculation that the moon could be very easily seen, and it was seen by multiple witnesses east of the city as well as one witness a few miles outside the city.

Scroll down to the April 6 New Moon sightings list.  Note particularly that the new moon was seen directly east of Jerusalem in Pakistan and Saudi Arabia.

The fact is that sighting by two witnesses at Jerusalem is essential when there is any ambiguity in the calculations; but when the calculations establish the new moon without question, then sightings from east of the city will confirm the calculations.

During the ancient Temple period the Sanhedrin would calculate the first visible light of the new moon at Jerusalem, and then at the appropriate time they would interview witnesses in Jerusalem to confirm their calculations.  

Today, even though people go out to search for the new moon in Israel, it is often the case that there are no people searching for the new moon in Jerusalem, or searchers are not reporting in a timely manner due to Rabbinic restrictions. 

What if in some months there is no one even looking from Jerusalem: Shall we say that there is no new month when by both calculation and observation outside the city it is obviously the new moon, just because a sighting was not reported at Jerusalem?  

We must do the very best we can in  our circumstances and if there is no doubt of the visibility by calculation and it is seen east of the city then the new moon should be declared: but if there is any doubt about the calculated potential visibility and the moon is not sighted east of the city then the new moon should NOT be declared. 

It is not always possible to have timely reports of observation directly from Jerusalem and at times it is necessary to invoke rule three of the Calendar principles article. This is a difficult issue and I welcome any input which would help, but as of now I am convinced that April 7, 2019 is the new moon day.

I look forward to the day when Christ comes and provides us clear instructions.

James

Brethren, It is YOUR fault that you cannot attend a 7 Day Feast of Unleavened Bread

2019 Spring holy day gathering with the Chief Zealot of the Church

Our resident Chief Pharisee, was sitting at his table in his kitchen this week when one of his acolytes asked about being commanded to keep a literal 7 day feast at a gathering location. Most ACOG members today have absolutely no desire to spend an additional  7 days at another feast site that ends up being 9 days total.  In addition to the extra time off in the year, it is another huge expense for people to manage. That doesn't matter though.  It is easy to sit on a cushion at your kitchen table cranking out legalistic mumbo-jumbo commanding your followers to do certain things, even though there is no new covenant command to be doing so. But that is not the worst of it. In his typical Pharisaical vomit feast of zeal, Zealot James Malm says it is all the members of the COG's fault that they do not have money to go to another 7 day festival, which  he says is a direct result of not having any zeal in their lives.

The fact is that God is not blessing us today because of our lack of zeal. We seek excuses to not obey and please God when if we were truly godly we would be continually seeking how we might better obey and please him. 

Another key element is slavery to 1975 Armstrong tradition, and of course the desire of so many to go their own way instead of cleaving to every Word of God; which has split the brethren so that there can be several different sites in the same locations and different congregations in the same cities. 

If we were zealous to turn to God and to live by every Word of God with a whole heart we would not be in our present circumstance. The Plain Truth is that so many make excuses for the present situation when the situation is our own fault for not being zealous for godliness; we are in this situation because of our own sins

The Chief Pharisee has a solution to the problem of entire families travelling to a feast site.  Send two representatives (along with their money) to worship at his feet.  All ACOG members should be sending their representatives to him.  All should attend his site where they will be bombarded for 7 days with every legalistic piece of crap he can dig up while totally ignoring Jesus and the new covenant.

In the kingdom billions will not be able to go to Jerusalem three times each year; instead the Feast will be observed in the local congregations which will sponsor and send selected representative to Jerusalem each year with the intention of everyone having an opportunity to go in their own lifetime. If we were only united and godly we could begin doing this same thing today! 

We also need to make the Feasts of God Spiritual Feasts full of the knowledge of godliness, instead of party time carnal self-indulgence with annually repetitious sermons full of error and completely lacking in what God requires.

So stop making excuses!  Get your check book out and prepare yourselves to come to his holy mountain top to listen to him preach his version of bitter legalism.  What a joyous 7 days THAT wail be!  NOT!

It is time that we STOPPED making excuses for our lack of zeal for godliness and began to seek to please God in FAITH; that he will provide a way for those who want to please him, to do so!

Passover Funk and the COG

I have always found it interesting how Jewish people, Adventists, Mormons and people of other faith groups can have fun with their beliefs and yet when it comes to Armstrongites, they have major hissy-fits  if anyone dares joke about their beliefs.

Armstrong Church of Godites take themselves far too seriously!
Can you imagine James Malm ever smiling or joking about his zealotry?  Lord have mercy!

Gerald Flurry Declares Fast To Coerce His God Into Giving PCG More Money

This weekend the dwindling faithful of the Philadelphia Church of God are fasting in order to coerce their god into opening the financial floodgates so money can pour into the church. While people are trying to blackmail their god into action, Flurry is spending  hundreds of thousands of dollars on a 144 month inspection of his plane.  One estimate I was sent states it could cost around $475,000.00!  PCG has suffered financially since buying this money pit, and now they are ripping it apart and making costly repairs and updates.

Declaring a fast for money is a time worn Armstrong Church of God tradition and yet NOWHERE in scripture is there any example of people fasting for financial gain.  It was always for personal examination.  But then this may be PCG's excuse to fast.  It is the members fault that money is not flowing into PCGs coffers.  One must always remember everything that goes wrong in a ACOG is the fault of the membership and NOT the self-appointed idiotic leaders leading the groups.

THE COSTS TO OWN AND OPERATE A GULFSTREAM G450

You can quickly see why PCG is in such financial trouble when you see the basic costs to operate a Gulfstream G450.

COGWA: The Young Persons Guide In Tracking Down Jesus...Oops!...Leavening

It is business as usual in the Church of God a Worldwide Association at this time of year.  The focus is still upon the physical with an emphasis upon the law.  So in that vein, COGWA has an article up for young people on how to track down leavening this time of year.

The article is geared towards 'young people" in COGWA and is written by Karen Meeker.

Have you ever wondered exactly what is wrong with leavening? Why can we eat it all year long but not during the Days of Unleavened Bread?

Here’s the reason: Sometimes God uses normal, everyday things to remind us of things that are important to Him. If you read 1 Corinthians 5:6-8 you will see that leavening is used to picture negative characteristics like wickedness (doing bad things) and malice (wanting to hurt someone). During these seven days in the spring, leaven pictures breaking God’s laws—or sin. When we hunt for leavening and throw it out before the Days of Unleavened Bread, we picture our willingness and desire to search out and remove sin from our lives. 

Tracking down leavening

To put sin out, we first have to know what it is and how to look for it. The same is true of leavening. This calls for expert detective work, and labels hold the key.

The main words to look for are: 

• Baking soda or sodium bicarbonate.

• Baking powder.

• Yeast.

These ingredients can be sneaky, hiding in things like biscuits, bread, cake, cookies, cereals, candy bars, ice cream cones, cornbread, crackers, breading on chicken nuggets, donuts, muffins, pretzels, some tortillas, pancakes and waffles. The more labels you check, the more leavening you will discover. It seems to be everywhere—just like sin. 

Even more elusive to COGWA members and the ACOG as whole, is Jesus. He is just sooooo inconvenient at times!

Round it up, eat it up or throw it out

Before the Days of Unleavened Bread begin, your family will probably try to eat up all the food containing leavening. But don’t be surprised if you’re sent out on a last-minute search party to look in spots around the house for leavening.

A good leavening tracker is always on the lookout.

The youth and adults of COGWA are spending its time looking for leavening in their lives and totally missing the One they should be following.  It is much more shocking to find a cookie in a pocket or under a car seat during Unleavened Bread time than it is to be at rest, with the assurance of forgiven sins, in the very One the church claims to follow.    

A good Christian is already safe and sound in the assurance of Jesus, not in the practice of removing leavening.

COGWA on Leavening: Brethren, We Know You Are Too Stupid To Understand Things, So Let Us Mansplain It For You Once Again

The Armstrong version of the Churches of God has been going on close to 85 years since Herbert Armstrong started his splinter group of the Church of God 7th Day. For 85 years now the ministry of the church has been lecturing the members on all kinds of topics. For 85 years those topics have  never wavered into new territory leading members to think for themselves. For 85 years now AOCG ministers still believe they need to tell members how to do things.

That continues on today with Church of God a Worldwide Association, in their latest article by Cecil Maranville telling members what is leavened and what is not. COGWA members are NOT to rely upon Jewish understandings or of those of other COG groups or members.  Only the COGWA way is the right way.

In preparing for the Days of Unleavened Bread, people often ask what constitutes the “leaven” that they need to remove from their property. God commands, “You shall remove leaven from your houses” (Exodus 12:15), but Scripture does not define “leaven.”

Rather than produce a list of items that “must go” or “can stay,” the Church has taught the scriptural instruction along with the principles contained therein, so that individuals would be able to exercise good judgment. We advise people to be cautious about accepting the wide variety of opinions, whether from Jewish traditions or even from within the Church of God community.

He continues on, telling members they don't need to throw out their toothpaste, bottled water, pet food and litter, medicines, etc.  Whew!  Good to know.

We look to history to learn what leaven was used in the past, and we look at modern baking practices for guidance. According to Smith’s Bible Dictionary, “Various substances were known to have fermenting qualities; but the ordinary leaven consisted of a lump of old dough in a high state of fermentation, which was mixed into the mass of dough prepared for baking.” Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary defines leaven as follows: “1a: a substance (as yeast) used to produce fermentation in dough or a liquid; especially: SOURDOUGH b: a material (as baking powder) used to produce a gas that lightens dough or batter.”

However, some of these chemicals can have other uses besides leavening. Sodium bicarbonate (baking soda), for instance, can be used to control pH balance and for other medical issues. In such items as medicines, salt and antacids, it is commonly used as a binder, not as an agent to “puff up,” as is the case when it’s used for making bread or other baked products. Bottled water may have sodium bicarbonate added to enhance the taste and add minerals. When used in these ways, sodium bicarbonate and other such chemicals are clearly not acting as leavening agents. When chemicals that could be leavening agents—if they were used in conjunction with food—are used in other ways, they are not what God intended His people to put out to remember their affliction in Egypt.

This basic principle answers the host of questions about products that are not human food or bread/bread products: toothpaste, pet food, medicines, cat litter, salt, water, laundry detergents, antacids and fire extinguishers! None of these have to be put out. 

I remember years ago in Pasadena when some little self-righteous turd got all pissy over the fact that we had close to a 500 pounds of baking soda stored at the gym to use in the large swimming pool. He went screeching to the ministry to force us to throw it out. We had laughed at him when he originally approached us and that set him off on his one man crusade against baking soda. The big boys basically told him where he could stick it and he was NOT happy. We would park our electric service cart with a 50 lb bag of baking soda next to his car just to rub it in.

But, even now in 2019, members are still asking about beer, kefir, egg whites and brewers yeast. And, once again the ministry has to tell members what is ok and what is not. Common sense never prevails. Can you ever imagine a ACOG prohibiting beer during this time of year?  Alcohol and the ACOG go hand in hand!

Live yeast is used in making beer. Therefore, it is sometimes called “brewer’s yeast.” However, the “brewer’s yeast” that appears on a food or health product label is “dead” (inactive, unable to leaven dough). This type of brewer’s yeast offers various health benefits, and it is often used as a dietary supplement. It is sometimes added to soups and other foods as a flavoring agent. Either it was harvested from the brewing process (from which it got its name, “brewer’s yeast”) and deactivated by heat or it was cultivated as inactive yeast for commercial use. The brewer’s yeast that is a food additive or a health supplement is not leaven.

Kefir is a fermented milk drink, but it is not leavened. The whey from kefir could be used as a leavening agent—just as the active leaven in unpasteurized beer could be used to make bread. Obviously, a believer should not use either to make bread during the Days of Unleavened Bread. However, the Church has not taught believers to avoid drinking these beverages during the Days of Unleavened Bread or to put them out before the festival merely because they could be used to leaven dough. Kefir and beer are beverages, not bread.

Some people question whether using egg whites to fluff up or lighten a baking batter “breaks the spirit of the law” and whether it is a type of leaven. There are other ways of mechanically adding air to dough. Historically, the Church of God has counseled that this is not leavening. We should remember that one characteristic of yeast and other leavening agents is that they spread their puffing-up quality until they change the nature of the entire batch of dough. That is not true of air added to dough by whipping. Active leaven makes an excellent symbol for sin, which spreads through human thoughts. Paul compared active leaven to sin with the phrase “a little leaven leavens the whole lump” (1 Corinthians 5:6).

No brethren!  You do NOT have to throw out your toasters!

About toasters or toaster ovens, the Church does not teach members to throw these away every year but to do the best they can to clean them. Some members clean such appliances by carefully spraying them with water—after unplugging them, of course! They find that by the time the festival is over, the toaster has dried thoroughly and is safe to plug in again. Another method of cleaning is simply to use the hand tools many vacuum cleaners have.

They conclude the article with this, and it is sure to piss off the likes of uber-Pharisee James Malm and our self-appointed Elijah, Bwana Thiel, who demand that brethren adhere to strict forms of legalism,  How dare different people have different views on what they consider leaven and unleavend!

We should also consider the matter of personal conscience. Different believers can have different personal convictions about what constitutes leaven. We respect those convictions, even on matters about which the Church teaches differently; we do not tell people to act against their conscience. The Bible tells us that whatever we do that is not of faith is sin (Romans 14:23).

In conclusion, a Christian should look to the simplicity of Scripture: Put out leaven; do not eat leaven. As described, leaven means active yeast and chemical leavening agents, as well as human food products that were made with leaven. Keep it simple—and keep the Feast.

The sad part is that COGWA is still adhering to old covenant days while ignoring the new covenant and everything Jesus exemplified.  It is more import to kill Jesus once again in some gymnasium or Masonic Lodge, where they will leave him bruised and battered till next year when they begrudgingly have to drag him out and mention his name again. 

Sermons So Incredible That They Must Be Destroyed In A Microwave!

I remember decades ago when the church got all antsy about members recording sermons.  They were afraid that those tapes would fall into the wrong hands.  Fast forward to today and that idiocy is still prevalent.  COG groups are STILL totally embarrassed by what they teach, so much so that they command members to destroy sermons from HQ. Forget about speaking the truth, lets instead hide it!  Jesus was never afraid to speak truth, but COG leaders sure are.

This is the Philadelphia Church of God:

We drove over an hour to attend a small house group to listen to recorded garbage a few times. They had CDs for sermons which they put in the microwave after it was played. I asked why and they told me that it was to destroy them so they wouldn’t fall into the “wrong” hands. 

Dave Pack: God Told Paul To Change Scripture

Dave says Paul did it so that he can change things to fit his interpretations.